Fear of meeting old work colleagues

emigrating

Hi everyone,

I feel like an idiot. I am searching for a job and found one that would suit me quite well in terms of skills usage.
Problem being that it might involve liaising with old work colleagues. This is a real fear of mine. I don't do well with these things.
I left my old workplace in quite an emotional way - my colleagues all did so much for me, gave me a huge gift, there were lots of hugs and tears, a big dinner and night out where lots was said under the influence of booze.
It was the kind of farewell you would give someone you don't ever expect to see again.
And that's why i feel embarrassed, because if I met them would I hug again or handshake, these are professional circles... would it lessen the memory of my work there etc... I don't know I just feel a bit silly.
It is stopping me from applying for the job.

Wondering if anyone can relate?

zoobizoo

You responded to an emotional send off in a human way.

I have left places and have noticed that people are often honest with you, especially if you're going travelling.

Those who fancied you might make a pass, the boss might have said that you did a great job.

There was alcohol involved when you left so everyone was in a different environment - relaxed, personal and human.

Appreciate the fact that you were well thought of and that they'd be delighted to see you again.

never_mind

emigrating wrote: »

Hi everyone,

I feel like an idiot. I am searching for a job and found one that would suit me quite well in terms of skills usage.
Problem being that it might involve liaising with old work colleagues. This is a real fear of mine. I don't do well with these things.
I left my old workplace in quite an emotional way - my colleagues all did so much for me, gave me a huge gift, there were lots of hugs and tears, a big dinner and night out where lots was said under the influence of booze.
It was the kind of farewell you would give someone you don't ever expect to see again.
And that's why i feel embarrassed, because if I met them would I hug again or handshake, these are professional circles... would it lessen the memory of my work there etc... I don't know I just feel a bit silly.
It is stopping me from applying for the job.

Wondering if anyone can relate?

Oh I can 100% relate. I moved from old position to current one expecting to rarely/occasionally see former colleagues. Wasn't it a love surprise to be called during Week 1 of new role to a meeting where my old boss was pitching an idea to the new company. Some general thoughts about this and how I dealt with it.

- If drink was on board it's possible that everyone was slightly under the influence. We all wake up the next day cringing. The others might have done worse/said worse and still faced the office the following Monday. Things are always blurry the night after - half memories and such. Wouldn't stress about this.
- You left your old role to move on and possible advance in your career path. Your old boss knows this and understands that people move on even if they promise you more money etc. Your boss did the same and didn't get to where they were by sitting in the same position their entire lives - you have to risk things in life sometimes to create meaningful change.
- Looking at the evidence you provided, your team really liked you and made a major effort to see you off. It makes complete sense that they would be delighted knowing that they will be cooperating with you and know your manner etc.
- This could actually look favorably on you in the new role. You know the other team and have an 'in' and know how the other operates. Your new job might have even employed you because of this connection for future business potential.
- Life is too short. People move on. People quit dramatically. People involve HR. People end up in court. F' it all, OP, you left in a mature and polite way. You are only human and became emotional during what was an emotional moment. If you were crying at your desk every day and had to move jobs because of a major breakdown then yes, I get it... but this seems like you had a good connection to old place so go with it!

Best of luck in the new role! Use your connections wisely and keep on networking. This could be the start of something worthwhile for you and your new company.

emigrating

Zoobizoo that is funny because one of my bosses made a massive, unrelenting, embarrassing pass at me at my leaving do. I actually felt a bit let down because he had been a boss and friend during my stay, and he got really drunk and made all sorts of propositions to me despite my urging him to think of his long-term partner waiting at home... nevertheless I know it was just drunken stuff but AWKWARD!!
Never_mind, I guess that's a really good point - the position is a better one and maybe they will understand..
What is making me feel this way! I can't seem to describe it.

emigrating

I've decided not to continue.. realised that part of the role would be actually going to my old workplace to speak about stuff, probably once or twice a year but still I can't face it.. I'm totally chickening out and passing up a great opportunity... go figure.

Ursus Horribilis

I hope you don't regret that ridiculous decision you've just made. For crying out loud, I doubt anybody in your old workplace is really that interested in you or what you did one night with drink in you.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Ursus Horribilis

I meant to add...
I'd bet you anything that once Christmas party season starts, there will be threads in here from people who had too much to drink at their work do and did something they regretted. The advice given to them will most likely be along the lines of "Be professional, keep your head down, don't give Johnny from accounts any ideas" And also, more importantly "In a few weeks time this will be old news and people will have forgotten all about it".

If you colleagues gave you the send-off they did, it shows they thought a lot of you. If they're nice people (and it sounds like they were), they'll not think any less of you for having got emotional. Hell, if there was drink flowing they probably remember feck all about it either. Time has passed and water has gone under the bridge since you left. I doubt they're going to be all that interested at this stage in how you behaved at your leaving do. If you've worked in a few places you'll know how quickly departed colleagues get forgotten about.

My above comment still stands. I think you are being ridiculous and self-obsessed over this.

emigrating

Squirm... I submitted an application and am now sh1tting it... But I guess I have a problem in general with bumping into people from the past. I really hate the way friendships fade and familiarity fades and then when you bump into someone it's just so awkward like what do you say!! I'm really no good at that kind of thing..
But hey-ho maybe I'll be called for interview...!

Rubberchikken

You've applied for the job so great. First step taken.
If you're successful then Take it as a sign that you're meant to get it and do your best. If you run into former colleagues just be yourself.
I don't know how long since you left that job but people rarely remember leaving parties in any great detail especially with drink involved��
Don't let future conversations or meetings affect what you want to do in the present.

Best of luck

zoobizoo

emigrating wrote: »

But I guess I have a problem in general with bumping into people from the past. I really hate the way friendships fade and familiarity fades and then when you bump into someone it's just so awkward like what do you say!! I'm really no good at that kind of thing..
!

Just be breezy. It can be very awkward.

I bumped into an old pal of mine from college and we worked together after that for a few years.

He had three kids and was with his son who'd just been confirmed - we were in town wedding shopping.... as in "I don't know your kids and we haven't told you that we're getting married" but asides from initial 30 seconds of awkwardness, it was nice catching up.

If we had more in common, we'd still be pals.

That's life.

Don't let (or try not to let) your fear of awkwardness dictate your life.


How about this for awkward: my wife dropping a stool sample into the hospital and my ex was the person at the hospital desk who took it ...... they know each other to see....

Bambi985

Glad you decided to apply OP. I think you're mad to be looking on this as a disadvantage - in business terms, it's one of the biggest advantages you could have I would say. You've got a foot in the door and the trust of potential future business associates - I can't think of any employer that would think of that negatively.

I'm in a pretty similar situation in that I work in client management and a few of my former employers are on my current client list. So about twice a year I get to hit up my old boss with a "how's it going? Shall I pop in for a coffee and see how you're fixed with X product?" And then I waltz in and pull a few "I'm back!" / "bet you thought you'd seen the last of me har her" gags and have a bit of banter with everyone and get the job done. They're my favourite meetings tbh. I get to catch up on all the goss, I have everyone's undivided attention because it becomes a "Bambi's here for training!" event and it firmly establishes our business relationship so I have a good feedback call with my big bosses in NY.

I had the big emotional send-off too a few years ago, got sh1tfaced, told people I loved them, cried my eyes out, hooked up with a member of staff (and was with him for 2 years!) blah blah blah. TBH it was just one send-off in a sea of send-offs and it ultimately meant I could take advantage of that good relationship I had with people in order to gain traction in my next position.

It's a wonderful thing, you just have to change your perspective on it and decide to approach it in a positive mindset. Best of luck with the job application!

Redser87

OP, everybody is the centre of their own universe. Your former colleagues will be too busy thinking about work/ their own awkwardness/ the amount they drank at your going away party to be standing in judgement over you. As others have said , they will most likely be glad to see you . Just ask them about themselves and their work and you'll be comfortable after the first couple of minutes.