Leaving a 10yr old home alone?

nikkibikki

Just looking for advice on where I might find out for definite if this is ok?

It's my nephew that I drop home from school. His parents leave out a key for him and tell me to leave him in on his own. One of them might be home up to an hour later sometimes I get the impression it's later than that. It's 100% none of my business if they leave him home alone on their watch but I feel this is my watch and I don't want anything to happen him number one and would I be legally (or morally) responsible if he fell and broke his hand for instance?

They've been telling me to do this for a while but last school year I just used to say no that I couldn't have it on my conscience and brought him home with me. I've gone along with it the last few weeks. But I'm not sure if I should? I worry about him. My oldest child is 9 and he would freak at the thoughts of being left home alone.

Ruby31

I have an 11 year old daughter and wouldn't leave her at home on her own. I couldn't fully trust her, but aside from that, what would happen if someone broke into the house? There's been a few burgleries in my estate recently and with no cars outside, it would appear that there was no-one home.

catrionanic

I used to be allowed home alone after school for an hour or so at that age. However, this was 20 years ago and times have most definitely changed. I wouldn't be comfortable leaving him home alone, either.

Why are his parents so lax about it?

Ah come on in fairness the country isn't that bad. Statistically your Child has more of a chance getting struck by lightning.

I bet a lot of Parents wouldn't hesitate letting their 10 year old have full access to the internet on their laptop / tablet though which I'd be far more concerned about and consider far more of an issue. The again how many Children have smart phones which I think is equally irresponsible.

Teyla Emmagan

I don't have kids OP but I wouldn't leave a child that age home to an empty house. I don't think that's fair at all (on the child) and I don't think his parents should be asking you to do this. I would be telling them that you'll keep your nephew at your house and they can pick them up when they get back. That's far too young IMO.

An hour or two at the age of 10 wouldn't be bad in my opinion.

jlm29

I wouldn't do leave a 10 yr old at home alone. I'm sure they'd be fine if everything went to plan, but I don't think they'd know how to react if something went wrong.
I don't know what my cutoff is though! When does it become acceptable?
I went into a friends house last year, to drop off something, or collect something, and her 3 kids were there by themselves. They, at the time, were 8yrs 4months, 6 and a half, and three yrs 9 months. I gathered she had been gone an hour.
Their dad is a farmer, and was outside working, so was close by, but not in the house.
The grandparents may have been next door in a granny flat, but they're in their 80s.
I was horrified- mainly at the 3 year old being there, but I tend to have very different views on child safety to this family!

At the end of the day only you know what's best for your Child and you do what you got to do, as long as the Child is fairly savvy then I see no issue short term.

Children develop differently and one Ten year old might not be as savvy as the next, only you know your Child.

As always it boils down to common sense, if you think there might be an issue or the Child is a bit wild and liable to do mischief or will answer the door to anyone then you know yourself, it's not rocket science, common sense.

nikkibikki

Ruby31 wrote:

I have an 11 year old daughter and wouldn't leave her at home on her own. I couldn't fully trust her, but aside from that, what would happen if someone broke into the house? There's been a few burgleries in my estate recently and with no cars outside, it would appear that there was no-one home.

I'd be the same regarding my 9 yr old. And there would be plenty of valuable machinery outside their house that could entice robbery.

catrionanic wrote:

Why are his parents so lax about it?

I don't know tbh. They have an older child so they've been around the block with 10yr olds already. Maybe I am being too over protective.

Deleted User wrote:

I bet a lot of Parents wouldn't hesitate letting their 10 year old have full access to the internet on their laptop / tablet though which I'd be far more concerned about and consider far more of an issue. The again how many Children have smart phones which I think is equally irresponsible.

He doesn't have a smartphone or a tablet.

Teyla Emmagan wrote:

I don't have kids OP but I wouldn't leave a child that age home to an empty house. I don't think that's fair at all (on the child) and I don't think his parents should be asking you to do this. I would be telling them that you'll keep your nephew at your house and they can pick them up when they get back. That's far too young IMO.

I do think it's too young too but I don't want to be telling them what to do and come across all holier than thou.

jlm29 wrote:

I wouldn't do leave a 10 yr old at home alone. I'm sure they'd be fine if everything went to plan, but I don't think they'd know how to react if something went wrong. I don't know what my cutoff is though! When does it become acceptable? I went into a friends house last year, to drop off something, or collect something, and her 3 kids were there by themselves. They, at the time, were 8yrs 4months, 6 and a half, and three yrs 9 months. I gathered she had been gone an hour. Their dad is a farmer, and was outside working, so was close by, but not in the house. The grandparents may have been next door in a granny flat, but they're in their 80s. I was horrified- mainly at the 3 year old being there, but I tend to have very different views on child safety to this family!

Exactly. I don't know what my cut off is either. And jeez whatever about leaving an 8 yr old home alone, it is categorically not fair to expect him to be responsible for 2 younger kids! I wouldn't even expect my 9yr old to do that when I need a shower! Everything would be 100% fine for the 10mins I'd be in there but if one his siblings hurt themselves, he'd never forgive himself and that's not fair on him, it's not his responsibility.

Deleted User wrote:

At the end of the day only you know what's best for your Child and you do what you got to do, as long as the Child is fairly savvy then I see no issue short term.

That's it, I am only his aunt and they are his parents. As well as I know him, they obviously know him better.

AnneFrank

Personally I wouldn't leave a child that age alone, just have a word and tell them you're uncomfortable, change the routine or your help is gone

painauchocolat

nikkibikki wrote: »

whatever about leaving an 8 yr old home alone, it is categorically not fair to expect him to be responsible for 2 younger kids! I wouldn't even expect my 9yr old to do that when I need a shower! Everything would be 100% fine for the 10mins I'd be in there but if one his siblings hurt themselves, he'd never forgive himself and that's not fair on him, it's not his responsibility.

I think you can apply this thinking to yourself - things would almost certainly always be fine, but the one time he got scared or hurt, would you feel in part responsible? As you said - it's not fair to put someone in this position.

Homer

What's the legal standing on leaving them alone like that?

I would assume that being his Aunt that you have a pretty good idea whether he's capable of being left alone or not and if not then I'd have a word with the Parents. But other than that I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

Some Children are quiet clever and others are wired to the Moon.

I wasn't referring to your Nephew having a tablet or access to the internet but some that might make a big deal out of this might be ones who allow their Children to have unsupervised access to the internet which is dangerous and a lot of Parents just haven't a clue about it or worse again , even care.

Homer

Homer wrote: »

What's the legal standing on leaving them alone like that?

A Parent should be the ones who make the decision rather than a Nanny state who more and more tells us what we can do and not do should do and should not do.

bajer101

Depends on the child. But most 10 year olds should be fine on their own for a couple of hours. We allow them out to play unsupervised for longer than that. I don't think there's a safety issue, but there's a different question here though about allocation of responsibility at too young an age and perhaps the loss of some elements of childhood.

myshirt

To think, I was 7 years old when I was given my own key and walked the 20 minute walk home from school, made my dinner, lit the fire, and didn't think anything of it

No way would I allow my child in to do this in this day and age, times have undoubtedly changed.

I realise it is difficult for parents, but you have to make it work and it usually involves putting your hand in your pocket. The kid needs to be a minimum of 14 in my view before you would permit them to be there by themselves for a bit.

Ah now in fairness if you can't leave your Child home for 1 hr or two at the age of 10 there's some other issue. I'm not talking slave labour or anything but surely they can be trusted to do some chores ?

We were left alone sometimes because our Parents had the common sense to know if they could actually leave us home or not.

evolving_doors

Is it legal?.... I think the answer is... yes as long as nothing bad happens. If it does then you can be done for neglect.. going by the below article.

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/education/too-young-to-be-home-alone-1.250513?mode=amp
" There is no law telling parents when it is okay to leave children by themselves, but parents do have a legal responsibility to "act reasonably in relation to their children". And parents can be and have been prosecuted for neglect, a sobering thought when you're considering all this. "

If the parents are entrusting the child to the OP then the OP becomes the defacto parent (loco parentis!) . So I think the OP carries the can if serious neglect happens.

Water John

Fourteen??? They'll have a boy/girlfriend at that age. Are you going to be to supervise, all the time.
If the option of the child staying with you is available, it's my and I suspect your preferred option. The parents should accept the offer, especially knowing you are uncomfortable with what your being asked to do.

boardsuser1

I was 12 babysitting a 7 year old.

That was in the late 90's though.

Never had an issue.

clareMooney

i would only leave it for a very short time of period-if you want to go to the shop grab something etc
but not for a long...

evolving_doors

evolving_doors wrote: »

Is it legal?.... I think the answer is... yes as long as nothing bad happens. If it does then you can be done for neglect.. going by the below article.

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/education/too-young-to-be-home-alone-1.250513?mode=amp
" There is no law telling parents when it is okay to leave children by themselves, but parents do have a legal responsibility to "act reasonably in relation to their children". And parents can be and have been prosecuted for neglect, a sobering thought when you're considering all this. "

Probably one of the last remaining common sense laws left lol.

I'd say neglect would be never being home, not providing proper meals, dirty clothes etc etc.

clareMooney

so well said only parents know their kids the best...

clareMooney

i would only leave a 10 years old for an hour or two
again-depends on circumstances, some 10 years old could be afraid to stay alone even for an hour.so depends...

neonsofa

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Ah now in fairness if you can't leave your Child home for 1 hr or two at the age of 10 there's some other issue. I'm not talking slave labour or anything but surely they can be trusted to do some chores ?

We were left alone sometimes because our Parents had the common sense to know if they could actually leave us home or not.

When my little one was 10 I would have happily left her to her own devices for a couple hours doing jobs or playing or whatever else and not gone near her apart from to get her snacks etc., but if I had left her alone in the house while I went out I'd have felt off about it. Not because she wasn't able to be alone per se, but because if anything did go wrong she would have panicked if I wasn't there.

It's not that I'd expect anything to happen but more so that if it was the one time something did happen I wouldn't be there, and at 10 she would have needed me in the majority of "things going wrong" scenarios. Those scenarios could range from something as simple as the alarm going off unexpectedly or a power cut or her breaking something and freaking out about me being annoyed, to her hurting herself. Something small could easily seem like a bigger deal to a child once they're alone. Maybe that is me being over sensitive or mollycoddling, but kids are only kids for a certain amount of time. Imo there are plenty of things that can teach them responsibility etc without actually leaving them alone.

Purple Mountain

Too mean to pay a childminder for after school care?

Lia_lia

When I was ten I used to go home and mind my seven year old brother until my Mother came home from work a few hours later. At 14 I was babysitting a one year old for the whole day... I don’t have children so cannnot advise but that’s what it was like for me as a child 18 years ago. Times are different now thought apparently! Thinking back on it 10 seems ridiculously young to be left along. But at the time it seemed grand.

neonsofa

neonsofa wrote: »

When my little one was 10 I would have happily left her to her own devices for a couple hours doing jobs or playing or whatever else and not gone near her apart from to get her snacks etc., but if I had left her alone in the house while I went out I'd have felt off about it. Not because she wasn't able to be alone per se, but because if anything did go wrong she would have panicked if I wasn't there.

It's not that I'd expect anything to happen but more so that if it was the one time something did happen I wouldn't be there, and at 10 she would have needed me in the majority of "things going wrong" scenarios. Those scenarios could range from something as simple as the alarm going off unexpectedly or a power cut or her breaking something and freaking out about me being annoyed, to her hurting herself. Something small could easily seem like a bigger deal to a child once they're alone. Maybe that is me being over sensitive or mollycoddling, but kids are only kids for a certain amount of time. Imo there are plenty of things that can teach them responsibility etc without actually leaving them alone.

Yes you know your Child and so you do whatever you think is best and that's the beauty of it, you decide not the state.

Perhaps teaching her to be a little more independent and detach from the Apron strings a little wouldn't go astray lol.

AndrewJRenko

I wouldn't mind a 10-year-old on their own occasionally, but I wouldn't be doing it routinely at regular times. I'd be worried about who else would get to know that the child is going to be on their own.

Water John

Case here has nothing to do with the State. Its the OP not being comfortable with their role in leaving a 10 year old on their own.
If they are concerned, the parents must respect that. Make a jointly acceptable arrangement is the preferred solution.

Paranoia, if that were an issue really you wouldn't let your child out the door in case someone knew they were on their way to School !

neonsofa

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Yes you know your Child and so you do whatever you think is best and that's the beauty of it, you decide not the state.

Perhaps teaching her to be a little more independent and detach from the Apron strings a little wouldn't go astray lol.

Independence isn't just built by being left alone in a house though. Its not a case that being left alone equals independence, and not leaving them alone means they're wrapped in cotton wool, there is a balance and it's up to the individual parents to strike that balance.

Nothing to do with the state yes which I made a point is a great thing in a society where the state dictates so much or what we do or don't do can and can't do.

neonsofa

neonsofa wrote: »

Independence isn't just built by being left alone in a house though. Its not a case that being left alone equals independence, and not leaving them alone means they're wrapped in cotton wool, there is a balance and it's up to the individual parents to strike that balance.

"Perhaps teaching her to be a little more independent and detach from the Apron strings a little wouldn't go astray lol."

Sausage dog

How does your nephew feel about going into an empty house? Is he apprehensive or is he fine with it? Does he know who to call for help if he needs it? Is he safety aware? Would he answer the door to a stranger while alone in the house? These are more important questions than any legislation. Some children are able for the responsibility at that age while others are not. Can he talk to you or to his parents if he is anxious about it?

neonsofa

[Deleted User] wrote: »

"Perhaps teaching her to be a little more independent and detach from the Apron strings a little wouldn't go astray lol."

Right....

seamus

For an hour or two, don't see the issue tbh. At that age I walked to and from school on my own, would have gone to training and extracurricular activities without a chaperone. There would be plenty of time in the day where I was left to my own devices for an hour at a time and trusted to get where I was going with no oversight.

An hour or two at home, the kid will watch TV and maybe make himself a bowl of cereal. No biggie.

When on of mine was 11 she walked home from school and was by her self for an hour or two some afternoons I was always uneasy about. It was mostly because of the walking home to an empty house not because of a safety issues in the house she was well able to look after herself in that sense.

A ten year old should be able to be by themselves for an hour they are being droped to the door.

I would think it was odd if an 11 year old could not cook a simple meal be able to organise themselves or could not be trusted to stay in the house by themselves for a while.

andekwarhola

Depends on the kid really. If they're mature enough, I don't think it's an issue.

My eldest son is 9 and has always been pretty sensible for his age. These days, if I occasionally need to pop out to the shop (usually 10-20 minutes max), I'd leave him in the house alone if he doesn't want to come.

My parents often left us in the house at that age when going to the shops or whatever.

He really wants to be allowed to walk to the local shops (about 15 minutes walk each way) by himself and I'll probably let him when he's 10 although I was doing stuff like that from 8 or 9.

I'm as bad as anybody for being more or a worrier than my parents were, but I've tried to force myself not to mollycoddle my kids because of These Days fears. Are abductions, burglaries and household disasters really so relatively off the scale since we were kids?

nikkibikki

Deleted User wrote:

I would assume that being his Aunt that you have a pretty good idea whether he's capable of being left alone or not and if not then I'd have a word with the Parents. But other than that I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

He's a sensible enough boy.

evolving_doors wrote:

Is it legal?.... I think the answer is... yes as long as nothing bad happens. If it does then you can be done for neglect.. going by the below article.

evolving_doors wrote:

If the parents are entrusting the child to the OP then the OP becomes the defacto parent (loco parentis!) . So I think the OP carries the can if serious neglect happens.

This is a worry for me, secondary obviously to the well being of my nephew.

Cork Truck Driver wrote:

I was 12 babysitting a 7 year old.

I was babysitting up to 7 younger kids at that age too. I had no choice and I didn't like it but my parents didn't care. They got to go out.

neonsofa wrote:

When my little one was 10 I would have happily left her to her own devices for a couple hours doing jobs or playing or whatever else and not gone near her apart from to get her snacks etc., but if I had left her alone in the house while I went out I'd have felt off about it. Not because she wasn't able to be alone per se, but because if anything did go wrong she would have panicked if I wasn't there.

Same as that, I might not see my 9 yr old for 2 hours but I can hear him pottering around and he knows I am there.

Purple Mountain wrote:

Too mean to pay a childminder for after school care?

They don't need to, I'll happily bring him to my house. I've said this loads of times.

AndrewJRenko wrote:

I wouldn't mind a 10-year-old on their own occasionally, but I wouldn't be doing it routinely at regular times. I'd be worried about who else would get to know that the child is going to be on their own.

It's the same days and times every week. Sometimes one of them will b home half an hour later.

Sausage dog wrote:

How does your nephew feel about going into an empty house? Is he apprehensive or is he fine with it? Does he know who to call for help if he needs it? Is he safety aware? Would he answer the door to a stranger while alone in the house? These are more important questions than any legislation. Some children are able for the responsibility at that age while others are not. Can he talk to you or to his parents if he is anxious about it?

Apparently he loves it. He can call me. I'd be there in 2 mins. He wouldn't even answer the door to his Dad one day, don't know if that was laziness tho!

mariaalice wrote:

A ten year old should be able to be by themselves for an hour they are being droped to the door.

I drop him to the door but can't really leave my own younger kids alone in the car checking their house.

Kayshee123

Personally I think 10 is a little bit young to be left on his own. If he was with someone else perhaps an older sibling or cousin it would be ok but on his own I wouldn't be comfortable with.

Neyite

Maybe I'm too soft but I wouldn't have liked coming home to an empty cold house every day. Once in a while is grand (and sometimes to be relished for the rare peace and quiet!), but it's nice to come home to your family members and chat about your day. I'd feel it for a 10yo coming home on his own every day.

It depends on the kid and the circumstances though in terms of safety and competence. I think I might think it's ok do it once in a while in extreme circumstances, but not every day until he was a bit older.

andekwarhola

myshirt wrote: »

To think, I was 7 years old when I was given my own key and walked the 20 minute walk home from school, made my dinner, lit the fire, and didn't think anything of it

No way would I allow my child in to do this in this day and age, times have undoubtedly changed.

I realise it is difficult for parents, but you have to make it work and it usually involves putting your hand in your pocket. The kid needs to be a minimum of 14 in my view before you would permit them to be there by themselves for a bit.

People say times have changed, but have they?

Have the chances of something happening to children significantly changed or has our perception of something happening changed?

I'm not singling anybody out, just wondering is there proof of the former.

Call me Al

I'd have been in the "10 year olds should be old enough" camp until the house two doors up had a break in at 3.30pm. (One of a series of break-ins in recent months). The thieves thought the house was empty as the family car had just left. But it wasn't and one of the inhabitants got the fright of their lives when 3 men in balaclavas tried to come in the kitchen window.
So no I don't think my 10 year old would ever sleep soundly in the house again if that ever happened him. Whilst he's a very smart clued-in young lad I don't think it's fair on him to give him this responsibility. In fact I don't think it's fair on any 10/11 year old.

andekwarhola

Call me Al wrote: »

I'd have been in the "10 year olds should be old enough" camp until the house two doors up had a break in at 3.30pm. (One of a series of break-ins in recent months). The thieves thought the house was empty as the family car had just left. But it wasn't and one of the inhabitants got the fright of their lives when 3 men in balaclavas tried to come in the kitchen window.
So no I don't think my 10 year old would ever sleep soundly in the house again if that ever happened him. Whilst he's a very smart clued-in young lad I don't think it's fair on him to give him this responsibility. In fact I don't think it's fair on any 10/11 year old.

While that's a horrible thing to happen, you'd imagine it's pretty rare.

Plus it'd be pretty traumatic for an older kid too or indeed somebody of any age.

Basically, at what stage, do we put off letting our kids assume responsibility and do pretty safe stuff because of the statistically nominal possibility of something happening?

Hush now, baby, baby, don't you cry
Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true
Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you
Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing
She won't let you fly but she might let you sing
Mama's gonna keep baby cozy and warm.

The above is the lyrics from a pink floyad song it always stayed with me when I here parents going on about danger all the time to their children.

Aged 13 I babysat a very small baby no one though anything of it, would I think its a good idea today not at all things do change on the other had their has to be a balance.

Romantic Rose

Reminds me that my father walked home from school on his own from Junior Infants onwards. I know he probably had older siblings and neighbours to walk with but my Granny definitely didn't go and collect him. She was too busy with other babies and children.

I do admire the independence and maturity of some children from an early age. I saw a 6th class boy who cycled all over the city to get himself to school and clubs. He was something like the 8th child in the family though.

I think 10 is old enough to do it but given they have the tools in case something goes wrong like emergency numbers and what would they do if a stranger came to the door etc.

I was left alone for the first time when I was 12. I was grand.

LegacyUser

Ruby31 wrote: »

what would happen if someone broke into the house? There's been a few burglaries in my estate recently and with no cars outside, it would appear that there was no-one home.

If you're that concerned about people breaking in you might want better security. You could equally ask what would happen if people broke in at night when the family's asleep? If you're going to fear one thing, it would make sense to fear the other. Being an adult doesn't do much good when you're in your pajamas facing armed assailants. It's happened to families in Ireland, though you could (very truthfully) say that it's very uncommon.

Realistically there's not much wrong with a 10 year old being alone for a few hours. Why would it, unless they have some significant learning difficulty?

Bandana boy

It was around my 11th birthday that I started being left on my own to mind my two years younger brother for 1-2 hours after school each day.
I would walk him home from school and we would get our homework done and do a few chores like clean the fireplace walk the dog etc.
Now we lived in a nice neighborhood with very friendly neighbors who I could knock into if anything came up.
I also used to help in my Parents shop from about 7 years of age , so was very comfortable talking to adults .
Interesting though when my brother was the same age and commitments to sport meant I could not be there to mind him after school my parents did not leave him alone until he was nearly 13.
So I think it depends on the kid and how well they can deal with a problem .

B0jangles

nikkibikki wrote: »

Apparently he loves it. He can call me. I'd be there in 2 mins. He wouldn't even answer the door to his Dad one day, don't know if that was laziness tho!
.

This would make a big difference in how I'd see the situation - if it's literally true that he can call you for help and you can be there in two minutes then I'd be a lot less worried. It'd be the same if I knew they could just knock on the neighbour's door if there was a problem - realistically is that hugely different from the neighbour babysitting if they are watching tv downstairs while the kid's in their room upstairs with the door closed?

It does still put a burden of responsibility of you though, which is unfair given that it sounds like you'd be happier just to mind him in your home rather than worry about him from a distance.

AidanadiA

Well, I grew up in the 80's-90's and we always had either family members, neighbors, babysitters or our au pair minding us. We did have a key which we let ourselves in with but within minutes of getting home, someone would arrive.

I think this had more to do with the fact that my dad worked as a truck driver so was away for weeks at a time and my mam worked until late. So we couldn't be left alone all day long.

I think my sister was 16 when she was given the responsibility of being the one in charge I was about 12-13 at the time, this was when we had an au pair who did evening classes in Dublin. She'd get home about an hour after we got home from school.

My daughter now 17, was only left home alone from 16 for any length of time. But even now she finishes school early on Wednesdays and Fridays so she heads in to meet me in town rather than wait around until 6 pm alone. She doesn't like being at home by herself