Am I being crazy or is he just blind?

LegacyUser

Going unregistered for this and looking for your thoughts please.

So I have been with a guy for the last couple of months. We met when he was in the city I'm working in for a business trip (he lives three hours away) and got on great. I didn't see the point in getting into a relationship because of the distance and I thought this is just another infatuation type scenario. He came more regularly to get me to chase me basically and he told me how happy I would make him if I was his boyfriend, etc. etc. He asked if we could see each other once a month would I go for it and I said I would so we made it official. He told me work would send him and he built up so many miles that it wouldn't cost him much. Since we made it official, he has only been here one time. I have been to see him twice and in between that he told me he was busy with work which I was cool about and the second time I went to see him because he told me he was short on money because of a rent increase.

He asked me a few times if I would go on on holidays with him and I said I would and I put off my own trips to see friends, etc so that I would have money a few months down the line. When I asked him about dates, etc he was always pretty vague "around Halloween", "around Christmas", etc.

So for October I asked what was going on as I had kept the time free to do something with him and he told me he was short on money and I was fine about it. A few weeks later he told me that he was going back to visit his family because of "issues" (which he skimmed on) who live elsewhere and I bit my lip for the sake of avoiding a row. Last week I asked what was happening at Christmas because I found a good deal and I wanted to book and he said he didn't know because his boss was going to be off and he would have to cover him. He told me to book it for myself. He also then dropped that he was going to be getting work done (which he doesn't actually need, he just wants it and it costs $3000) at the end of the week.

I booked my ticket to see him in two months and asked when he was going to be coming next and his reply to me was "when work send me". I asked what if they don't send him and he said "well you'll see me in two months". Despite him saying how much he likes me, etc. thus screams "I don't give a **** about you" to me.

I lost my **** with him a few days ago over it all and he said that this is all out of the blue from me and that I am completely overreacting and that I need to calm down and stop being so negative and that being in a LDR there is a lot of uncertainty. He said that if I wanted to see him so bad that he would come see me next month. As it ends up he is coming here (for work) for a night midweek (we both have work the next day) but I still want him to come see me properly because he is there for work and not for me. I need to make arrangements for work next month over the next few days with my job and I asked him to let me know. I'm still waiting for a response but if he give me an excuse am I crazy to just end it? He tells me he is crazy about me, cares about me, etc but I'm sick of feeling like I'm not in the know and then expected to just go with it.

Ten of Swords

Reading that was just - wow. OK you really need to take a step back and look at how you're behaving and ask yourself if you think it's 100% rational/fair.

The circumstances in which you met was due to his job sending him to your city so his work schedule will dictate much of the time you are able to spend together, you don't seem to accept this at all. Twice in your post he has mentioned money problems to you (rent increase, and again being broke in October). His family is also having "issues" and he felt he needed to go and visit them.

I'm not sure what you mean by him having €3,000 of non-essential work done, maybe you could elaborate on that, but in all honesty your post screams ME ME ME! The guy obviously likes you, he pursued you and laid out a scenario for a long distance relationship - which appears to be have been based on his work schedule from the very beginning - so no surprises for you in that regard. When you lost your temper with him for not coming to see you he offers to come up as soon as possible, but as he is coming with work and not for a dedicated visit with you that is somehow still not good enough.

If he is having money problems, family problems and work problems (covering for an absent boss) then having a long distance boyfriend who is giving out about booking holidays and point scoring about who visited who certainly can't be helping him.

If you like him then try to cut him a bit of slack, if you can't control yourself then just end it quickly for both your sakes.

GoinUnregd wrote: »

I'm still waiting for a response

Yeah - I wouldn't hold your breath.

LLMMLL

Completely disagree with the above poster. He claimed.to be chasing based.in part on the idea that he'd be around monthly. This isn't happening and according to the OP he's not being very clear on what's going on. Are you having regilar fun/interesting phone calls/video calls?

This is not what you signed up.for and personally, unless the non-face contact you have ismpretty great I'd be ending it.

lottpaul

First of all this is still a pretty new relationship -June/July? - you don't really know each other that well, so emotions and passions are still all over the house. Hormones need release, we can be full of doubt and insecurity - it's easy to take fright/flight at the smallest thing.
Secondly he may just be very private about his personal life and not want to discuss family matters yet. That's his call - you need to trust him on that and hope he would do the same if the situation was reversed.
How he spends his money is really his business and his alone. You don't get to decide after a few months whether he spends $3,000 or not -- much less whether he "needs" to. He may have committed to it before he even met you?
You need to sit down for a little while and reflect on what is really important in this relationship. In the longer scheme of things a postponed holiday or meeting need not be significant. Which is more important - keeping him in your life or putting up with uncertainties in the short time? LLMMLL has a point - how is the other part of your relationship - the chats, calls etc? Does he still make you feel special and wanted?
Add that into the mix before you decide anything. The bottom line always is to take care of yourself though, so keep that in mind too.