Regret informing this person about death of mum

5rtytry56

I regret informing this person about my mother's death six months ago in early February; Unlike everybody else, as a personal friend of mum's he does not seem aware of my acute sense grief and sensitivity although I'm an adult. His ineptitude has added more grief to me. I'd tell him as well face to face.
Then there's another person who was a former next door neighbour. In the funeral home, he said some negative things to me that were, mildly put, impertinent, as they related to another living family member.

Thoughts?

Lucuma

First off my deepest condolences on the loss of your mother. It was only in February so it's all still very raw and fresh. I found the first year after my father died very very hard, and a little bit beyond his anniversary as well. Now I'm in Year 2 and it is easier. Things hurt but not as deep. 
That's very unfortunate that people would be so stupid and insensitive to add to your grief. I suggest you try to cut contact with your Mum's friend. Is there really any purpose in staying in contact with him? The person you had in common (your Mum) is sadly gone and he only seems to be adding to your grief and not making you feel better. 
And for anyone to say something negative about a member of your family to you in the funeral home at your mother's funeral ....well that's just beyond the Pale. It really is. I hope he has no luck for it.

Stopped Clock

Are you talking about two people here? It's a little unclear.

Telling the first man was the right thing to do. Especially if there was a chance he wouldn't have found out about her death otherwise. Put it this way - how would you feel if you only found out about a friend's death long after the event. Now that your mother has passed, why do you need to have an ongoing relationship with this man? If you had to tell him about your mother's passing I get the impression he doesn't live locally. If you can cut contact with him, do.

The former next door neighbor is another person to cut contact with. I've given up being surprised by what comes out of people's mouths even at funerals. A few years ago a relative of mine died and while we were walking through the graveyard, one of my own uncles made smart remarks in my ear about the weight I'd put on. I have never forgiven him for it and I avoid him as much as I can.

5rtytry56

2 people.

Stopped Clock

Ok. Well my advice still stands. If you have no reason to have these toxic people in your life, then don't.

5rtytry56

Thought I would add this in:

When you encounter a bereaved individual like myself, rather than tell them "everything's going to be A-OK / JUST FINE", try to empathize with them and acknowledge their pain in the most delicate way possible (not easy I know)

Stopped Clock

I hear you! Comments like that really annoy me. There is nothing worse than people saying inane crap like that or "At least you've got your health". Sorry for your loss by the way.

Lucuma

People saying to me ''at least you have the memories'' annoyed me the most I think. Especially when they were saying it in the days after my Dad's death. I was totally shell shocked and felt angry that 2 days earlier I'd been having a chat with my Dad about the upcoming irish general election and now I'm supposed to be happy with memories, seriously?