Hen party dilemma

LegacyUser

Just looking for some advice I'm pregnant and due my baby at the end of January, one of my best friends is having her hen party at the end of February and looking for people opinions on going out so soon after a baby is it doable or if I don't go will I be a bad friend

Airyfairy12

Its 6 months away. Only you will know if you feel up to it. If you dont your friend will probably understand.

jon1981

Are we talking a weekend or 1 night out? If it's a weekend , is it within Ireland?

TBH, you probably won't know until the baby is born. Perhaps let your friend know you really to go but you won't know until the baby is born, to be fair 4 weeks is not long really and the baby most likely won't be sleeping through the night be then. However if the Hen is nearby perhaps you could attend part of it? the dinner?

baby and crumble

Why wouldn't it be? If you're breastfeeding it might cause issues going away for a weekend (ie you'll need to have stores built up and frozen/ in the fridge for that weekend for whoever is taking over childcare duties while you're away) and you'll need to pump and dump if you're having a drink. But if it's just a night out, I can't see why it would be an issue? You can't be a shut-in, surely?

(I freely admit I have no children so I have no idea of the intricacies of breastfeeding and leaving babies for a few hours/ days, I'm just going by info from my friends who have done it...)

freshpopcorn

It's months away yet. You've no idea how you will feel.(You might even be delighted with a break). It's your choice. You might also decide to go for part of the evening.

toadfly

You won't know til nearer the time I imagine. You could go two weeks over so baby might only be 2 weeks old at that stage. If its in your town you should be able to go to part of it even if not the whole thing. If its the other side of the country I would say I wouldn't go.

Mr. Incognito

If you intend breastfeeding you wont be drinking alcohol and a no alcohol hen is a waste of time

I think you wont be going and should prepare as such

baby and crumble

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

If you intend breastfeeding you wont be drinking alcohol and a no alcohol hen is a waste of time

That's a bit of a leap. There were folks not drinking at my hen (and I didn't drink much) and people had great fun. It is perfectly possible to enjoy yourself without alcohol, you know.

team_actimel

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

If you intend breastfeeding you wont be drinking alcohol and a no alcohol hen is a waste of time

I think you wont be going and should prepare as such

Breastfeeding doesn't mean no alcohol.

eviltwin

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

If you intend breastfeeding you wont be drinking alcohol and a no alcohol hen is a waste of time

I think you wont be going and should prepare as such

I don't drink and its never stopped me attending and enjoying hens. And it is possible to have a few drinks if you breastfeed.

Dial Hard

baby and crumble wrote: »

Why wouldn't it be? If you're breastfeeding it might cause issues going away for a weekend (ie you'll need to have stores built up and frozen/ in the fridge for that weekend for whoever is taking over childcare duties while you're away) and you'll need to pump and dump if you're having a drink.

No need to pump and dump if she has sufficient milk already prepped; alcohol leaves breastmilk naturally in the same way as it does the bloodstream.

baby and crumble

Dial Hard wrote: »

No need to pump and dump if she has sufficient milk already prepped; alcohol leaves breastmilk naturally in the same way as it does the bloodstream.

Cool, I know nothing about it myself like I said, just what friends have told me.

Tenigate

If your friend needs numbers for the hen, just say they can pencil you in and you'll do your best to go.

Some organisers can get stressed out with transport/accommodation costs. If that's the concern, just say you'll make your own way there & book your own accommodation. Chances are, when the time comes you can either chip in for the bus or crash with one of the other women, but at least it takes the pressure off committing to something right now. Worst case, you end up paying for your own room when the rest split the costs (it might be a nice break actually)

When the time comes you can decide whether you're going or not.

Yoghurt87

baby and crumble wrote: »

Why wouldn't it be? If you're breastfeeding it might cause issues going away for a weekend (ie you'll need to have stores built up and frozen/ in the fridge for that weekend for whoever is taking over childcare duties while you're away) and you'll need to pump and dump if you're having a drink. But if it's just a night out, I can't see why it would be an issue? You can't be a shut-in, surely?

(I freely admit I have no children so I have no idea of the intricacies of breastfeeding and leaving babies for a few hours/ days, I'm just going by info from my friends who have done it...)

There's a good chance the OP could still be recovering physically from the birth, and exhausted with everything that comes with looking after a new baby whether she plans to breastfeed or not - nothing to do with being a 'shut-in'! And if breastfeeding, it could be tricky to build up enough of a supply to pump and store for a night at that early stage.

OP I wouldn't be making any guarantees to your friend this far in advance, you'll only know if you're up for it at the time and if you're not, it certainly doesn't make you a bad friend.

retro:electro

Is it a trip away that you have to book for now? I'd hold off and tell her you'll have to see how you're feeling closer to the time.

meeeeh

Mama2b87 wrote: »

Just looking for some advice I'm pregnant and due my baby at the end of January, one of my best friends is having her hen party at the end of February and looking for people opinions on going out so soon after a baby is it doable or if I don't go will I be a bad friend

You definitely won't be a bad friend. It's not impossible but I wouldn't overly commit. I was complete zombie with the first one for about 6 weeks. The second one was easier but honestly if you are breastfeeding overnighters in first few months can be a pain because you have to express quite a bit of milk just to feel relatively comfortable. Not to mention that breastfed babies sometimes aren't overly enthusiastic to feed from bottle. Even if you are not breastfeeding you can be fairly exhausted and sometimes still a bit sore.

Flippyfloppy

You won't know till closer to the time. As another poster said you could still be recovering physically from the birth, and you might still be shedding blood.

If you're breastfeeding it will be a challenge to build up a supply to freeze, and even if you do, it can be near enough impossible to get a breastfed baby to drink from the bottle. However you won't need to pump and dump while drinking alcohol, but you could find pumping while without baby a good way to release pressure from built up milk.

The other thing is, if you go over, baby could only be a couple of weeks old. But you could go a bit earlier too. It's just one of this things, you just won't know until baby arrives.

In my experience the first 6 weeks is always a bit of a haze!

LegacyUser

Op here thanks for all the advice, for those asking it's a one day/night party about 2 Hours away from home.

Sunny Dayz

As other posters have said, it's really hard to know. You may go overdue, you could have a section, it might take a while for yourself and/or baby to recover after the birth.
Or you could be completely fine. I returned to college 3 or 4 weeks after having my fella and had gone overdue.
For most hen parties now, they need to be booked well in advance, to confirm numbers, organise accommodation and activities and often there is a minimum number and deposits to pay.
To be honest if it's a full weekend away with activities miles away I personally wouldn't go. However if it was nearer and you could get away with meal and few drinks after then personally I would consider it. As another poster said, tell the bride/organiser you'd love to go but not to count you in, keep you informed of the plans and if you find you can go, you'll make you own arrangements.

Dee01

I'm in the same situation at the minute except the hen is about 6 weeks after my due date. I've told the organisers that I will be there if I can, but I can't commit either way ubtil after baba is here as I have no clue how I'll be.

shesty

Up to you.
My personal choice would be no.Breastfeeding, leaky breasts, but actually bigger than that....exhaustion, healing stitches, physically not really able to stand around for long and sleep deprived tiredness.You can recover quickly enough but both of mine were natural births and it was three weeks before I was comfortable sitting for longish car journeys, never mind the total exhaustion of newborns.As for clothing....I won't go there!You'll likely still be bleeding though to be fair, that's not such a big deal.And quite simply....you may not want to leave your baby.
I would commit to very little right now.You really don't know how you feel, but your priorities change when a baby arrives.And it doesn't make you a bad friend, it just makes you a mother.

dubstarr

I would get them to pencil you in and see how you feel.Baby could be early or late.And if you are breastfeeding they advise not to pump for 6 weeks otherwise they can get nipple confusion.

Plus you can have a drink while breastfeeding,you wouldnt get plastered but a few glasses of wine or a beer wont do you any harm.

Skibunny77

Op, women put so much pressure on themselves to bounce back after the arrival of a baby. I'd take the pressure off, tell your mate that you are unlikely to be there, send a bottle of champagne in your absence and if you suddenly feel up to it, you can go ahead and join in closer to the time. Labour, feeding, sleep regimes, everything changes and you might like a night with your partner or just to yourself in those first few weeks.

Cakerbaker

Again, it'll all depend on how you feel and you won't know that until after you've had the baby but If you do feel up to it you could book your own accommodation and bring your baby and oh. You
could go to whatever parts of the hen you wanted to and then head back to baby when you want to.

Big Bag of Chips

There's always room to squeeze an extra one in, or people often drop out too. I'd tell the organiser to not count you in, but you will see closer to the day. One extra person joining in isn't going to cause any hassle.

You could still be quite sore and recovering at the time the hen comes around. And not to make you feel bad, but, your presence is unlikely to be missed! There will be so much going on that if you don't go, at most you'll get a passing mention. If even!

If you can't go it won't make you a bad friend. Just don't agree to everything if you know there's a good chance you won't make it, and then drop out at the last minute. That would make you a bad friend!

Sunny Dayz

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

There's always room to squeeze an extra one in, or people often drop out too. I'd tell the organiser to not count you in, but you will see closer to the day. One extra person joining in isn't going to cause any hassle.

You could still be quite sore and recovering at the time the hen comes around. And not to make you feel bad, but, your presence is unlikely to be missed! There will be so much going on that if you don't go, at most you'll get a passing mention. If even!

If you can't go it won't make you a bad friend. Just don't agree to everything if you know there's a good chance you won't make it, and then drop out at the last minute. That would make you a bad friend!

This is true. Most hen parties I've been to there's been at least one person unable to make it - people can't get off work, can't find childcare, have other commitments, have a run of hens & weddings and can't attend them all.
A few people couldn't make my hen due to college, work and babies. It didn't make them any less of friends to me.

GingerLily

I would tell ask them to keep in the loop, but don't count you in for numbers and if you can make it and of there's a drop out then you'll go!

miamee

Yep as others have said, don't put yourself under any pressure to commit 100% - wait and see when baby arrives and how you feel.

Despite my sisters hen being organised to the hilt (stress!) we still had one lady decide last minute to come along. She came down for the second night, bunked in with two of the girls who happened to have been given a triple room and there was no issue whatsoever, everyone was delighted to see her.

Neyite

Mama2be87 wrote: »

Op here thanks for all the advice, for those asking it's a one day/night party about 2 Hours away from home.

Hedge your bets, there are too many variables for you to decide for definite. I'd reply that you are tentatively going but mention that your due date is a month before so that might scupper your plans. Babies tend to do that! I had a section and recovery from that was textbook, but had a colicky velcro baby so I wouldn't have gone to something a month after. Other's have dream babies who happily take a bottle of expressed milk or formula from anyone.

I missed my sisters hen because I was unable to fly due to being too far along. So we had another girly lunch & spa treat with the mammy who also felt a hen was not her thing. And it was a lovely day that we all really enjoyed. While I wasn't part of the wedding party, I still was involved a lot with the preparations.