Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Moved House and Anxious

  • 23-08-2017 10:24am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all

    sorry to the mods - I have posted a few separate issues recently but just have a lot of issues at the min.

    I have been with my OH for 3 years now but known him for 7. We are both in our late 20s. My OH has his own house in the country and I lived in large town around 30 mins from his place. I loved the town as it has a lot of facilities that i use and my friends are all based there. He had tenants and we made it work through staying at each others houses - him with me in my rented apt in town or with him when his tenants were away just to have our space. We spent most of the time in my place as my housemates are close friends. We decided that after awhile we wanted to try and live together. I have never done that before with an OH but he has twice. I moved in over 6 weeks ago after his tenants moved out and I'm finding it hard.not sure why but I feel like I'm not settling.

    Although I drive I feel very cut off from my friends who are a half hour away. I have to plan and organise trips out to them in case there's alcohol involved in which case I have to get a lift off OH. OH's friends and family are from the same area as the apt and they call around a few times a week. He also watches terrible car-crash tv/football/snooker that wouldn't be my cup of tea at all. I feel like i am falling into the woman's role and i've been cooking dinners and cleaning and doing stuff like that while feeling more and more overwhelmed as time goes on.

    We don't have internet set up and he has been slow at moving that along so all we've been doing is sitting down in the evening after work and watching tv. I was big into the gym but the nearest one is in the town i just left. I work full time the other end of the county which is actually nearer to the house I am in now but is also rural. I feel a bit isolated. I want us to work out but I dont know if this is just me being anxious - it can take me a long time to settle anywehre - or if i have legitimate reasons to start talking to him about moving back into the town. I lived in South East Asia teaching English before and I felt similarly and missed friends/my town a lot. he works in the town himself so he has plenty of opportunity to see his town friends and go to the shops, pubs after work etc. while i am sitting round house alone.

    None of my friends drive so they can't just drop in and the public transport is scarce. I spent 50 euro to get a taxi home a few nights ago just to meet my friends for a quiet Sunday night drink. I am not on a lot of money and i am worried that paying half of the mortgage plus these taxi trips is going to make me broke. I love my OH and want it to work out but i feel overwhelmed that this is it that i will never be single again and that i will never live alone and independently again. i know these are probably common feelings. i want to marry my OH and we have been talking about it a lot but now I am getting concerned that i wont be able to be happy in the new rural place at all. i am very upset thinking the worst will happen when its not what i want.


Comments

  • #2
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    It looks like you've suffered the double-whammy of adjusting to living with someone and getting used to living in the countryside. As anyone from the countryside will tell you, getting into your car and driving most places is that what people do. You said your friends live 30 minutes away. You can still visit them. Surely every time you go see them, they're not going to be drinking? As for your gym, what's stopping you from going to it? Surely with some adjustment of your schedule, you can continue to go? It is only 6 weeks since you moved in with your OH. That's no time at all. As someone who seems to be quite a townie, it's going to take some time to adjust to not having everything on your doorstep. You sound lonely but you're also quite passive in all of this. Why aren't you going to visit your friends or inviting them round? Or indeed, trying to make friends with your OH's friends in the area.

    The other issues you've described sound like teething troubles from moving in together. What difference does it make if your OH watches TV shows you don't like? Unless he's watching too much of them (another matter entirely), I'd be suggesting you leave him be. Go get a second TV set so you can watch your shows or do something else when he's watching.

    I think you need to have a chat with him. Some of these things are solvable, such as getting the internet set up. (Why can't you chase this up yourself?). You could arrange for himself and yourself to go out in the evenings instead of watching TV. And maybe you need to tell him how the added costs are breaking you financially. Even though you clearly want to move back into town, how do you know he wants that too? To him, living in a town could be as torturous as countryside living is to you. You do need to talk though.


Advertisement