Dating and too much choice

LegacyUser

Hi all. Just wondering if anyone else is having similar issues and looking for advise.
I'm a 37 year old male and have been single now for a few years, my last relationship was a train wreck, full of drama from the start but somehow I stuck with it hoping for the best.
Anyway, I'm over that a long time, and for maybe the first time in my life I'm very much at peace with who I am, and I really appreciate the life I've been given and the life I've made for myself, I'm in a great head space. Good job and my own house and all that jazz. I'm not even sure if I want a girlfriend, but I do like female company and we all have needs. I've gone on probably dozens of dates in the last couple of years, none of them really remarkable.
Anyway I've seen this girl about 5 times recently, was really glad she seemed to like me but she went away recently and I didn't miss her or anything, I don't particularly want to meet up again, but I'm also thinking maybe you need to give these things time. She seems like a lovely well balanced individual and we're from similar backgrounds etc. My last relationship was fiery lust/drama etc from the start, which looking back now was all fake and ridiculous. My ex was from a very different background to me, grew up in a very toxic environment, so she used to kick off constantly, whereas I'm from the opposite environment. I'm just hoping it hasn't eschewed by views on what relationships should be like.
Well you see on one hand I do want to meet up with her again, but the other thing is, the dating app I'm using. Currently, tonight, I am talking to 3 other girls, all of them really attractive looking, and all of them are keen to meet up. Sorry if I sound like a prick, woe is me and all, but I'm just not sure how to work it? Part of me wants to meet all of them and see what they're like, but it's so time consuming and makes it harder to focus on one person, and when does it stop? I feel like if I just focused on one, I'd regret not meeting the others, just in case!
I met all previous girlfriends in the real world, but for some reason or other, that just NEVER happens any more. Maybe it's my age or whatever.
So is anyone in similar circumstances? I guess it's two issues here - when do you know if a girl your dating is going somewhere? The crazy fiery madness has just crashed and burned in the past, so I'm not necessarily looking for that. Is there a happy peaceful medium?
And the other question is - with so much dating options nowadays, what are you supposed to do? When do you stop?
Thanks for reading, and sorry if I come across as an idiot, but this is how it is right now, for real.

Mr Starman

Despite what you think or the media leads you to think. Not everyone uses online dating. Its suited to particular types of people and therefore it is those kind of people you will meet. Computer nerds, Screen scanners & Net Addicts! They all have that blank expressionless look on their faces from staring at a screen too long.

That is why there is no excitement!

Smile111

Not everyone falls into the category of computer nerds ,screen scanners etc.
There are all different types of people on it from all circles including those.
Keep dating all the women.
When you find the girl. You will know and won't want to date anyone else.

BetsyEllen

I think that if I'd been on 5 dates with someone but wasn't too bothered about meeting again then I would likely leave it at that.
It doesn't need to be a fiery passion but some kind of longing at that stage would be a good sign.

However, if you're curious to where it could go you could see her again and still date others - you're nowhere near exclusive so why not still meet the other 3 girls?

I'm not in the same boat unfortunately (I'm quite jealous!) but I think if I was, I would want to explore all of my options.

With regards to your question: And the other question is - with so much dating options nowadays, what are you supposed to do? When do you stop?
I think you'll just know. I know that is a cliché but I do believe it's true. When you meet someone that is right for you, you'll likely just lose interest in logging on to PoF or whatever and be more interested in giving that person a call instead.

woodchuck

If you're not feeling it after 5 dates, I'd call it a day. However do make sure to do the decent thing and actually tell her. There are a lot of people who just "ghost" i.e. disappear without an explanation. That's a sh1ty move though, so please don't do that.

There's no harm going on a date with the other 3 women. Multi-dating in the early days is very common.

The only thing to be careful of is not falling into the "kid in a candy store" mentality, thinking there'll always be someone better just around the corner! But if you do meet someone you genuine click with, that shouldn't be an issue.

PickleJar

I think there is so much choice around and you hear so much about 'slow burn' attraction that it's easy to want to try everything and keep a couple of 'maybes' on the go while you hope something clicks with either them or someone who has just landed.

Personally I find the whole thing quite toxic and it puts me in a weird head space - when I first joined online dating after a long term relationship I was amazed anyone stays in relationships anymore with all the eligible candidates just waiting to meet you! It is still actually pretty difficult to meet someone you click with - I think the online meat market just adds a confusing dimension to it.

Katgurl

Mmmm i had this 'problem' myself. It is fun for a while and attached people can be envious but the truth is it becomes boring and, as you said time-consuming. Going on millions of dates becomes tedious.

All i can tell you is my story - i dated up a storm, got sick of it then only met up with someone i really felt keen to see. I would give them sole attention for a month if they were nice then be honest with myself and finish it if not lighting me up.

I am not into casual sex so maybe this was less fun for me than it would be for other people.

Then i took a break entirely as was extremely busy and happy with life.

I reactivated my tinder profile deciding i would delete if it started getting on my nerves again. One attractive looking man contacted me, his messages were funny and polite. We arranged quickly to meet up that weekend for a casual coffee. It went well, we arranged dinner and had a great time. Tinder profile deleted. Six months later we are living together and all going amazingly well so far.

I think when you find someone interesting you won't want to keep shopping online. I would finish with this girl as you're not feeling anything major. Meet the three girls if you want. Perhaps play the field for a bit? Then get fussier about who you meet and pause, give them a chance.

Passtheremote

There are plenty of good "normal" people on these sites who are just trying to do their best to meet someone.

When you meet someone you really connect with you'll likely not be arsed with the Apps.

Until then, just have fun meeting new people, don't take it too seriously - maybe if your not feeling it after 3 - 5 dates with someone, its probably not gonna come so you gently move on.

Mr Starman

Smile111 wrote: »

Not everyone falls into the category of computer nerds ,screen scanners etc.
There are all different types of people on it from all circles including those.
Keep dating all the women.
When you find the girl. You will know and won't want to date anyone else.

Well, there are different types of people on it but it takes a specific mindset (easy street, boring) to engage with online dating. Everyone on there has that mindset/trait or else they wouldn't be there. If you aren't attracted to that trait or mindset then how are you going to find the dates attractive.

Its possible the OP just isn't attracted to people who use online dating apps. Its all too beige, zero thrill or excitment of the chase. Some men like a challenge. That's my point!

woodchuck

Mr Starman wrote: »

Well, there are different types of people on it but it takes a specific mindset (easy street, boring) to engage with online dating. Everyone on there has that mindset/trait or else they wouldn't be there. If you aren't attracted to that trait or mindset then how are you going to find the dates attractive.

Its possible the OP just isn't attracted to people who use online dating apps. Its all too beige, zero thrill or excitment of the chase. Some men like a challenge. That's my point!

The issue isn't the type of people that are on it. It's more so the culture. I.e. no thrill of the chase as you've said (if you're into that).

However it's ridiculous to generalise the type of people that are on it. It has become extremely mainstream and accessible, so people from all walks of life are on it.

It's just another way to meet people. It can be difficult to meet people day to day, especially if you've outgrown the club scene and if your hobbies aren't popular with the oppose sex. So dating sites/apps are a great way to actually get some dates!

Daisy78

Mr Starman wrote: »

Well, there are different types of people on it but it takes a specific mindset (easy street, boring) to engage with online dating. Everyone on there has that mindset/trait or else they wouldn't be there. If you aren't attracted to that trait or mindset then how are you going to find the dates attractive.

Its possible the OP just isn't attracted to people who use online dating apps. Its all too beige, zero thrill or excitment of the chase. Some men like a challenge. That's my point!

I'm sorry but what a load of rubbish. Lots of different types of people use online dating apps who don't fall into any of those categories. Believe it or not dating culture (and I'm talking offline) has changed significantly in the last few years. There are so many options out there now for people, easy sex and fb situations has made it much more difficult to find lasting meaningful relationships. Online dating is just another means of finding what you want. And it's obvious it has paid some dividends for the OP given the number of opportunities he has had.

Op I think perhaps you have given it a good shot with this lady so it might be time to bring it to an end. If you think the other women is more your type then perhaps it's no harm in giving that a go? The one thing I would say is that fireworks are not always a great indicator of a good relationship. It hasnt worked for you when you were younger so I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss something which has potential based on the absence of drama.

Emme

Commander_Dater wrote: »

I'm a 37 year old male and have been single now for a few years. I'm not even sure if I want a girlfriend, but I do like female company and we all have needs.

If you want an endless supply of "female company" to satisfy your "needs" then Tinder or POF is perfect for you. The danger is you might get jaded with the endless supply of willing women and you will start to find fault with them for the slightest thing. Perhaps this happening already. Men who have been in relationships with a lot of drama are often very cynical as a result and can be very unfair to subsequent women they date.

Commander_Dater wrote: »

I've gone on probably dozens of dates in the last couple of years, none of them really remarkable. Anyway I've seen this girl about 5 times recently, was really glad she seemed to like me but she went away recently and I didn't miss her or anything, I don't particularly want to meet up again, but I'm also thinking maybe you need to give these things time.

If you didn't miss her or don't particularly want to meet up with her again don't waste any more of her time. She may want to meet somebody to settle down with and have a family and women have a limited period of time to do this.

Commander_Dater wrote: »

And the other question is - with so much dating options nowadays, what are you supposed to do? When do you stop? Thanks for reading, and sorry if I come across as an idiot, but this is how it is right now, for real.

If you are happy dating as you are and there is an endless supply of dating options and women you might as well continue that way. You can stop any time you want. You say you have a house, a good job and you have everything sorted. A man like you will always be in demand with women. There are men in their 50s and 60s enjoying the dating scene the way you are enjoying it now. Just don't waste anyone's time while you are enjoying all the dating scene has to offer.

Seriously, if you want a bit more meaning and integrity in your life you might stop dating for a while. Perhaps I am wrong but it comes across that you take women for granted. Give yourself 6 months or a year without dating at all. I would also recommend dealing with your "needs" in other ways during this period. Talk to women as people but don't date them. If you don't have platonic female friends you should make some. Listen to women and their experiences of the dating scene which will be vastly different to yours. Join a club and spend time with people instead of focusing on dating. Get away from the screen and out into the real world.

leggo

Mr Starman wrote: »

Well, there are different types of people on it but it takes a specific mindset (easy street, boring) to engage with online dating. Everyone on there has that mindset/trait or else they wouldn't be there. If you aren't attracted to that trait or mindset then how are you going to find the dates attractive.

Its possible the OP just isn't attracted to people who use online dating apps. Its all too beige, zero thrill or excitment of the chase. Some men like a challenge. That's my point!

This is laughably untrue. I remember I had this debate with a girl I know, she's a bit older so she subscribes to the 1997 version of how people saw dating sites: they're all desperate geeks who use the Internet, I've got loads of choice in the real world so don't need it (in truth, she'd even tell you now, her selections at the time of saying this were loser beefcakes who had drug issues and would use her for sex). How did she end up meeting someone decent in the end? Online! Pretty much every single person I know, from every walk of life, uses it in some form. It's where singledom has moved essentially.

As for the OP: what you're experiencing is what being single is. There's nobody around sometimes when you want something real, there's loads of people around when you're not sure what you want or don't have time, you'll meet people who really like you but you're not feeling it, and you'll also probably meet people who you like who aren't really feeling it for you. The point is you're going through exactly what most people do when being single and it's nothing abnormal to be worried about. What I'd recommend is meet up with people sooner rather than later so you can weed out the ones who you aren't interested in. If you find it time consuming or expensive, people are amenable to casual first dates like meeting for coffee or going for a walk these days (because they're going through the same thing). Kind of a try before you buy date where you just get face-to-face and see if you like them before dropping major time and money on someone you're not sure about. So your best bet is likely to do a few of these and eventually someone will likely come along who you'll really want to put time into.

If you don't have that urge with people, though, then it's usually a sign that they're not 'the one' and you can keep things going on a casual basis until 'the feels' start to come into play on their side (then let them down gently) or you can nip it in the bud if you want to spend your time instead looking for someone special.

Bambi985

I'd agree that what you're describing is pretty much just dating in this day and age. Most people you meet you're either luke warm about, or they're luke warm about you, or there's nothing on either side...or occasionally you meet someone and it all seems easy and natural and the over-thinking doesn't factor at all and suddenly you're no longer single.

I think online dating can muddy the waters a bit, as people get addicted to the 'online shopping' aspect of it, "I'll try just one more swipe" and you can get caught up into this merry-go-round of mediocre dates where no-one is quite enough to stop you from "just one more girl/guy..." - I know people who have continued for years like that and it seems awful. Never really connecting with anyone because they can't stop themselves long enough to give anyone a chance. It's what put me off tinder and its like as the guys I'd meet would either not be emotionally available and all the ghosting and bullshyt that comes with that, or be "a lovely guy, but..." because that in-person chemistry that makes the world go round simply isn't detectable from behind a computer screen.

But as you say, it's hard to meet people offline when you're passed your clubbing/pubbing years and when most people are no longer single. While I don't subscribe to the "instant fireworks" thing, I do think there needs to be enough attraction or intrigue on your end to at least get you excited about seeing the person again.

Mr Starman

leggo wrote: »

This is laughably untrue. I remember I had this debate with a girl I know, she's a bit older so she subscribes to the 1997 version of how people saw dating sites: they're all desperate geeks who use the Internet, I've got loads of choice in the real world so don't need it (in truth, she'd even tell you now, her selections at the time of saying this were loser beefcakes who had drug issues and would use her for sex). How did she end up meeting someone decent in the end? Online! Pretty much every single person I know, from every walk of life, uses it in some form. It's where singledom has moved essentially.
.

Not one of my circle or extended circle met their partner, husband or wife through online dating, a few of them dabbled in it over the years but the consensus was it was BS. Ultimately, they all met through shared interests. The pub, nightclub, parties, weddings, friends of friends, travelling the world, work/conferences, tag rugby, softball tournaments, hiking, night classes. I haven't been to one wedding where the couple admitted to meeting on Tinder or POF, would you even tell that story in front of a crowd of wedding guests?

I tried online dating a few years ago myself out of curiousity, I was sick of it after couple of weeks, it becomes just endless brainless flicking through photographs and profiles. Waste of time and energy with zero excitement. It takes a certain mindset to engage with that every evening and I ultimately just wasn't interested in meeting people like that.

And people get lazy through it socially, when they might meet a potential date in the real world within their own circle of interests they let the opportunity pass out of fear of face to face rejection. They don't go for it because they lack the social skills to know how to do that. A mindset kicks in, sure its easier over a computer, why would I bother?

Tigger99

You are very dismissive of online dating. For the sake of people reading this that may consider trying it, just because Mr. Starmans friends haven't met through it, doesn't mean it isn't successful. I've been to two weddings where they met online. And three of my friends are in long term relationships with people from Tinder or PoF.

I've been on a few dates through PoF and it's rare I'd meet someone socially awkward, as you are implying many that do it are or uncomfortable with social interaction.

LegacyUser

I think you might want to ask yourself a few questions and do some self reflection, to get to the bottom of what route you want to take.

Maybe you need to ask yourself if commitment is something you really want? Is having a meaningful relationship with a long term partner something that you're interested in, or are you more interested in living a life on your own terms? Some people aren't into marriage or long term partners and want a very independent life. If that's what you want that's okay, you just need to accept it about yourself.

Maybe you have difficulties with allowing yourself to get attached to women? Do you have high walls and tend to push people away from getting close to you or do you tend to find things wrong with them or excuses not to continue on dating someone?

Is it possible that your toxic ex has messed you up a bit and left you feeling nervous to grow attached to someone or wary of being vulnerable again? Do you feel sparks and excitement at all for anyone or is there an emptiness there?

Crazy fiery madness at the beginning of a relationship can be a red flag, or sometimes it's genuine passion. With your ex it sounds like it was a red flag, are you aware of the other ones for toxic people so that you don't end up in a relationship like that again? Knowing the red flags will let you know if the passion is a bad thing.



Love takes time and long lasting attraction can grow slowly as you get to know someone. This can happen in particular if you've been burned in the past. Remember too that no partner will be perfect, you'll never find the woman who perfectly embodies everything you could want.

But it shouldn't be a case of waiting on attraction to suddenly happen, there should always be something in someone you're dating that keeps you interested in them. You should enjoy their company and their character, feel anticipation about meeting them, feel physically attracted to them, maybe some butterflies, enjoy chatting with them. You should want to spend time with them and maybe even sleep with them. It doesn't have to be fiery, but it should feel good at the very least.

You said you do want to meet up with this girl again, and if you're feeling some of that stuff, well, why not give it a try and see how it goes? Ask yourself what's holding you back, is it just FOMO, walls you've built around yourself or are you really just not attracted to her?



The older you get, the less options you have, it's good to keep that in mind. And I don't at all mean that you should settle or cling to someone, but it's important to understand that as you grow older the pool grows smaller. If you do want a long term relationship with someone then you'll have to work on your fear of missing out and learn why it's important to value and invest in a partner.

You don't need to commit to this girl after five dates, you can keep it non exclusive and date a few others too. You stop and make things exclusive when you both feel ready to, I think it becomes kind of obvious to you both after a while.

I think online dating can give the impression that there's a lot of options out there, but realistically the chance of you you meeting, clicking, and discovering mutual attraction with all those other women is not that high. Think about how many dates you've been on in the past that haven't worked out.

If you just want short term fun with those girls it's probably no harm to keep looking around, but if you want to settle then ask yourself what's holding you back from settling?

Ask yourself what are you looking for in a partner and what are you looking for from dating? Does this girl have the stuff you need from a partner? Is it worth seeing if it will work?

woodchuck

Tigger99 wrote: »

You are very dismissive of online dating. For the sake of people reading this that may consider trying it, just because Mr. Starmans friends haven't met through it, doesn't mean it isn't successful. I've been to two weddings where they met online. And three of my friends are in long term relationships with people from Tinder or PoF.

I've been on a few dates through PoF and it's rare I'd meet someone socially awkward, as you are implying many that do it are or uncomfortable with social interaction.

I agree with this. I met my OH through online dating and I have a friend who is in a serious relationship through online dating too. I've also met various friends of friends over the years who met through online dating. And for the record, I've never once been embarrassed to admit that we met on Tinder!

It's obviously not for everyone, but it does work for a lot of people. I have a very active social life, but I just never really met anyone I was interested in through my hobbies. As said before, it's just another way to meet someone.

I think anyone who is considering it should just give it a go to judge for themselves.

leggo

Mr Starman wrote: »

Not one of my circle or extended circle met their partner, husband or wife through online dating, a few of them dabbled in it over the years but the consensus was it was BS. Ultimately, they all met through shared interests. The pub, nightclub, parties, weddings, friends of friends, travelling the world, work/conferences, tag rugby, softball tournaments, hiking, night classes. I haven't been to one wedding where the couple admitted to meeting on Tinder or POF, would you even tell that story in front of a crowd of wedding guests?

I tried online dating a few years ago myself out of curiousity, I was sick of it after couple of weeks, it becomes just endless brainless flicking through photographs and profiles. Waste of time and energy with zero excitement. It takes a certain mindset to engage with that every evening and I ultimately just wasn't interested in meeting people like that.

And people get lazy through it socially, when they might meet a potential date in the real world within their own circle of interests they let the opportunity pass out of fear of face to face rejection. They don't go for it because they lack the social skills to know how to do that. A mindset kicks in, sure its easier over a computer, why would I bother?

Most of the serious couples I know who've met over the past few years have been through online dating, and they'd admit it happily, it's the done thing now. I guess it's a case of different generations. Your views on online dating are exactly how people saw it ten years ago, but that's not how the world is anymore.

SusieBlue

I met my partner, who I am now living with, online. No shame here, it's not weird, and I will happily tell my guests at my wedding because it's a nice story and nothing to be embarrassed about. I know many other long term couples who met online.
We're two halves of a whole, he is my soulmate. We have many shared interests and balance each other out... Just like every other 'normal' couple that met in the pub.
What's shameful here is the attitude of a certain poster, implying people are weirdos just because it's something he's never done. It's so normal. I hope no one rules it out as an option because of a few ignorant comments.

LegacyUser

37 isn't old but it's not young either.
Depends on what you're after in the long-term.
Do you want to be dealing with a baby in your mid 40s?
What extra benefit is another few years of sowing your wild oats going to give you, that the last 15-20years of doing same, hasn't?

redfox123

I met my current bf online. I think it's more common nowadays than meeting people any other way. It actually makes a lot of sense in terms of looking for a life partner, because you can screen out people who would waste your time and you would not have interest in past how they look, you can say exactly what you're looking for, interests, looks wise, and bigger life goals got to do with career, marriage, kids, etc. Now obviously there are time wasters there, and people may lie, but that goes for anyone you meet down the pub. Most people are being truthful in what they say I've found! And it saves an awful lot of going out and hoping you might meet someone special which is like needle in a haystack chances.

To the OP, it sounds like you don't know what you're looking for. I think you should go on the dates and just see which you want to see again. Who strikes you as unique. I'd advise to do the online thing for a short amount of time, too much and you do get a sense of inertia, a numbing of emotions. Same with too much of anything.

Emme

dalmatianstation wrote: »

The older you get, the less options you have, it's good to keep that in mind.

This is certainly not the OP's problem at the moment and I don't think it will be a problem for him in future. He is a man with a good job and his own house. His choice of women in their 20s may decline as he moves into his 40s and 50s but he will always have plenty of women to choose from.

He has to decide if he wants to be in a committed relationship or if he wants to play the field. I have seen many guys who after years of playing the field with gusto decide that they want a committed relationship. Then boom! They find "the one" and settle down with her within a year or two. Dating is easy for men. They might have a bit of difficulty in their teens and early 20s when girls want to date older guys but once they hit 30 it's happy days for them.

Porklife

Emme wrote: »

This is certainly not the OP's problem at the moment and I don't think it will be a problem for him in future. He is a man with a good job and his own house. His choice of women in their 20s may decline as he moves into his 40s and 50s but he will always have plenty of women to choose from.

He has to decide if he wants to be in a committed relationship or if he wants to play the field. I have seen many guys who after years of playing the field with gusto decide that they want a committed relationship. Then boom! They find "the one" and settle down with her within a year or two. Dating is easy for men. They might have a bit of difficulty in their teens and early 20s when girls want to date older guys but once they hit 30 it's happy days for them.

I don't think that's necessarily true. Dating is probably easier for men but I still wouldn't say it's easy. I know plenty of successful guys with their own homes and decent jobs who are struggling to meet the right girl for them.
Women may be more interested in a man who's got his act together and is stable but he may not be interested in them. There are just so many variables when it comes to dating and attraction is such a fickle thing! I wouldn't view it as easy for anyone!

Emme

Porklife wrote: »

I don't think that's necessarily true. Dating is probably easier for men but I still wouldn't say it's easy. I know plenty of successful guys with their own homes and decent jobs who are struggling to meet the right girl for them.
Women may be more interested in a man who's got his act together and is stable but he may not be interested in them. There are just so many variables when it comes to dating and attraction is such a fickle thing! I wouldn't view it as easy for anyone!

Exactly! Men are much fussier than women when it comes to dating and reject women for the pettiest of reasons. If they didn't have it so easy on the dating scene they might appreciate women more.

woodchuck

Emme wrote: »

Exactly! Men are much fussier than women when it comes to dating and reject women for the pettiest of reasons. If they didn't have it so easy on the dating scene they might appreciate women more.

To be fair, from what I've heard men generally have it tougher than women when it comes to online dating. Often there is the expectation that men initiate contact, however I know of many men who send dozens of messages without getting a response (you really need a thick skin for online dating; part of the reason it's not for everyone!!).

Whereas as generally it's the women receiving the messages, so they have the power as to whether or not to engage in conversation with someone who is a sure thing to reply. I know from my own experience (as a woman) that when you get a lot of messages, you do come up with seemingly petty reasons not to reply to certain men. Purely because there is too much choice, you can't respond to everyone, so need some way to narrow things down.

Porklife

Emme wrote: »

Exactly! Men are much fussier than women when it comes to dating and reject women for the pettiest of reasons. If they didn't have it so easy on the dating scene they might appreciate women more.

I disagree with that. Personally, I'm extremely picky and so are all the women I know when it comes to dating. If a guy was wearing white socks for example, I'd be gone. If that's not petty, I don't know what is! :pac:
I think you're generalizing a bit. Most people are fussy when it comes to dating, particularly if you're looking for a long term partner. It's a huge decision and not one to be taken lightly. I would never ever settle. Who you chose to share your life with should garner a huge amount of deliberation and we should all be fussy in my opinion.

dev100

Emme wrote:

Exactly! Men are much fussier than women when it comes to dating and reject women for the pettiest of reasons. If they didn't have it so easy on the dating scene they might appreciate women more.

Believe me men aren't that fussy !!! What makes you think men have it easy on the dating scene ? I'd say online it favors women.

woodchuck wrote:

To be fair, from what I've heard men generally have it tougher than women when it comes to online dating. Often there is the expectation that men initiate contact, however I know of many men who send dozens of messages without getting a response (you really need a thick skin for online dating; part of the reason it's not for everyone!!).

I've tried the online thing it's nuts and yes you would want a thick skin !!! It's window shopping for women you get a man to send out 20 first contacts online and get a woman to do the same I can guarantee you a woman will be the winner !!! I knew a girl who was telling me I'm too fussy etc so as an experiment she went and set up an online account and she had fantastic success she didn't even have to search she had over 15 or 20 men who contacted her on the first day....She would say herself she's no supermodel and in her words quite ordinary. She was that overwhelmed by it all after a few days she didn't even bother reading any of the emails she just deleted the fellas she didn't like the look of and went from there.

Seemingly there are more single women in Ireland than men .

I

Neyite

Mod:

Can we get back to advising the OP rather than a general discussion? Thanks