Oral sex Q - for the men

LegacyUser

Hello,

I have a quick question for the men of boards.

I'm female.

I have had numerous sexual partners to date, and never once have I came across a man that does not want to give oral... until recently.

In the past month, I have had two sexual partners, and both men did not give oral, despite me giving it to them. Things ended with the first guy (for other reasons), but I decided to ask the second guy why, and he said he doesn't like giving oral to a girl unless he is seeing her. Is this unusual?

I find it more upsetting than anything, it is hard not to feel insulted by this.

I am a size 10 btw, and I am very hygienic (especially down there - clean shaven).

Do men not enjoy this?

Would appreciate people's thoughts.

Thanks.

A Battered Mars Bar

Ya it's 2 guys so probably just unlucky. If it's a 3rd probably best have a word with your GP and see if there's a medical reason I don't know I'm not a doctor but it could be something you can't smell yourself. I guess unless they went down and then came back up fairly sharpish you've nothing to worry about.

Car99

<SNIp>
The problem is you went down first.

CPTM

Were they one night stands, wherein the guys were possibly just being selfish? I've heard of that concept.. What kind of vibe did you get from the lads? That type you reckon?

If you're hygienic and shaven I doubt it's you OP. Just bad luck twice in a row.

boardsuser1

Ask for a 69er. Job done for both parties.

silverharp

STD risk would be an obvious one

indeq

silverharp wrote: »

STD risk would be an obvious one

Yea, blindingly!

Incurable Gonorrhea in the throat, mmm yummy.

FineAle

Body Size and hygiene standard is irrelevant, IMO.

Keep on trucking, though I find it unusual myself they have refrained as majority of friends keen on it!

leggo

I like giving oral, but my last ex hated getting it from men. People are into and not into different things, and you really don't have a right to demand it when you're not going out with them. By the same logic they've no right to demand you give them oral, but it doesn't sound like that was the case. You can say no and so can they.

When you're with them, they still can, but there's a bit more wiggle room for discussion there because you're building a sexual relationship.

Xterminator

Hi OP

you don't say if you used a condom for oral or not. i hope so - and especially if they were casual acquaintances. But it not as easy for men as casual partner to please without the risk.

and someone who says they would do so in a monogamous relationship but not in a casual setting is speaking a lot of sense IMO.

blue note

I know a couple of guys who just wouldn't do it unless it's a serious relationship. And it's to do with the risk of stds really.

I've done it and not done it on one night stands.

I will say, the best one night stands I've had have involved oral, so I don't know if you care but you're probably remembered as being better in bed by providing oral. I think that's more to do with a general mindset though, the girls but giving oral are often less confident and free in bed and therefore less fun.

baby and crumble

If it's because of the risk of STI's on a casual encounter, then just pick up some dental dams along with condoms for the next time. You can also improvise with clingfilm but that's not ideal.

I mean it's like licking a balloon but hey!

blue note

baby and crumble wrote:

If it's because of the risk of STI's on a casual encounter, then just pick up some dental dams along with condoms for the next time. You can also improvise with clingfilm but that's not ideal.

I've heard of them but didn't know they were easily available. If I went home with a girl and happened too have some dental dams with me I reckon she'd wonder about it. She should be glad of the safety being used while still wanting to maximise her pleasure, but I'm not sure many would see it that way.

Although if the girl had some and ported them I'd probably be impressed.

baby and crumble

blue note wrote: »

I've heard of them but didn't know they were easily available. If I went home with a girl and happened too have some dental dams with me I reckon she'd wonder about it. She should be glad of the safety being used while still wanting to maximise her pleasure, but I'm not sure many would see it that way.

Although if the girl had some and ported them I'd probably be impressed.

You can get them in most "adult stores". And dental supply stores. Since that was their original purpose. It's incredibly irritating that you can't get them with the same ease as condoms, but then sex between women/ oral (which is mostly for the pleasure of females) isn't seen as a big seller. In all fairness though there is NOTHING sexy about dental dams.

I guess as a gay woman I don't see the big deal. Dental dams are the exact same as condoms, and no-one bats an eyelid at a guy who has them with him- if anything they're seen as responsible.

Dr Crayfish

A lot of guys, and girls, will only do oral with someone they're comfortable with, relationships etc. To me anyway it somehow seems even more intimate than normal sex.

retro:electro

It's just his personal sexual preference, which he is well entitled to have. Stop taking it so personally.

LegacyUser

If it's just their preference that's fine, but it's a bit ****ty for them to expect it but not reciprocate, especially as the vast majority of women don't orgasm through intercourse alone.

Next time ask whether the guy is into oral first and if he says yes, say "okay, do me first!"

blue note

Cocoblush wrote:

If it's just their preference that's fine, but it's a bit ****ty for them to expect it but not reciprocate, especially as the vast majority of women don't orgasm through intercourse alone.

I didn't see anywhere that they expected it. Maybe the op just started and they were very happy to let her continue!

LegacyUser

blue note wrote: »

I didn't see anywhere that they expected it. Maybe the op just started and they were very happy to let her continue!

Same thing really. If they were happy to let her continue they should have emphasised that they're not into giving.

On a side note, I'm always a bit baffled that people can't be upfront in bed

A Battered Mars Bar

Could it be if a girl said she was on the pill then the lads might be thinking that she might have had a guy cum in her the night before and not washed properly since and be worried that they will be ingesting some random guys semen?

retro:electro

A Battered Mars Bar wrote: »

Could it be if a girl said she was on the pill then the lads might be thinking that she might have had a guy cum in her the night before and not washed properly since and be worried that they will be ingesting some random guys semen?

:eek:

pc7

A Battered Mars Bar wrote: »

Could it be if a girl said she was on the pill then the lads might be thinking that she might have had a guy cum in her the night before and not washed properly since and be worried that they will be ingesting some random guys semen?

Wtaf I had to read that one a few times, how on earth did that come into your head.

alberto67

pc7 wrote: »

Wtaf I had to read that one a few times, how on earth did that cum into your head.

Corrected for you :pac: :pac:

A Battered Mars Bar

pc7 wrote: »

Wtaf I had to read that one a few times, how on earth did that come into your head.

I was trying to come up with reasons why they wouldn't be going down?

Everyone was talking about std's and I thought maybe they were afraid of swallowing another man's semen.

woodchuck

A Battered Mars Bar wrote: »

I was trying to come up with reasons why they wouldn't be going down?

Everyone was talking about std's and I thought maybe they were afraid of swallowing another man's semen.

Eh... I assumed people were talking about the men being afraid of potentially catching an STD from the OP herself. Please tell me that you're aware of the potential risks of going down on a women without protection (one who doesn't have another mans cum inside her!).

panda100

What's with all this 'as long as you're clean shaven its okay' crap. Women have to go down on men with their hairy balls and no one demands that they shave it all off.

Personally, i think if you're close enough to be having sex with someone then there is no reason they shouldn't go down on you. What he said about not being in a relationship with you is akin to a prostitute not kissing clients because its too intimate.

Xterminator

What he said about not being in a relationship with you is akin to a prostitute not kissing clients because its too intimate.

OP never said her partner asked for oral. She was surprised because it wasnt reciprocated. no one thinks women have to go down on a man, that's called rape.

there are legit reasons, ie if partners do not know each others sexual history, and there is no protection available - its risky behavior.

if i twist your statement around on the gender axis, does that mean you think a woman saying no to sex without protection because they are not in a relationship is akin to prostitution too?

A Battered Mars Bar

woodchuck wrote: »

Eh... I assumed people were talking about the men being afraid of potentially catching an STD from the OP herself. Please tell me that you're aware of the potential risks of going down on a women without protection (one who doesn't have another mans cum inside her!).

What do you mean?

woodchuck

A Battered Mars Bar wrote: »

What do you mean?

Very simply put: men can get STDs by giving oral sex to women.

If the OP was just having casual sex with these men, it's understandable that they wouldn't want to take that risk. Dental dams can be used for protection, but I haven't actually heard of many people using these in practice.

neonsofa

panda100 wrote: »

What's with all this 'as long as you're clean shaven its okay' crap. Women have to go down on men with their hairy balls and no one demands that they shave it all off.

Personally, i think if you're close enough to be having sex with someone then there is no reason they shouldn't go down on you. What he said about not being in a relationship with you is akin to a prostitute not kissing clients because its too intimate.

Women don't have to go down on anybody, hair or no hair.
Women can also prefer or request (not demand) that their sexual partner trim or shave.
And equally their sexual partner can say no if they don't want to.

There are so many reasons they may not want to, and many of them have nothing to do with closeness or intimacy. Just because someone goes down on you doesn't mean it has to be reciprocated. And just because you choose to engage in one sexual act it does not mean that all others should be a given.

BetsyEllen

For me, oral sex is part of a relationship. Not really a ONS.
If I had a ONS I'd feel weird about him going down on me.

What were you doing for the evening beforehand?

It's possible that if ye were out on the town, with drinking and dancing, and it was late when you got to bed, that there would be a risk that you might not be all that fresh between the legs.

Trust me, it can be unpleasant to be confronted with that and the smell can stick in your nose until you get home to wash up. The lads may have had bad experiences previously.

arayess

anybody who doesn't perform and receives is a dickhead.
those men are no men....lazily sh1tes

judeboy101

Elvis didn't go down, maybe they are fans?

arayess

judeboy101 wrote: »

Elvis didn't go down, maybe they are fans?

ah here...stop your lies

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2834948/Elvis-sex-secrets-exposed-Priscilla-couldn-t-tempt-black-negligee-loved-virgins-watching-girls-mud-wrestle-white-panties-spying-couples-two-way-mirror-Hollywood-home.html

‘He worked his art of foreplay without penetration. In lovemaking, as in entertaining, Elvis’ outstanding talent was oral.’

Alf Veedersane

arayess wrote: »

anybody who doesn't perform and receives is a dickhead.
those men are no men....lazily sh1tes

Really?

Tbh I never expected to have the favour returned. Great if I did but never actually expected it.

arayess

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

Really?

Tbh I never expected to have the favour returned. Great if I did but never actually expected it.

yeah i think so.
admittedly in a relationship its different cos you will have other occasions to be the centre of attention etc...

but in a casual or ONS situation i think its rude . i

tbh my own preference is I do it for my partner and so I wouldnt have a relationship with a girl that didnt give blowjobs. dont care how wonderful she is.
it just wouldnt work.

neonsofa

arayess wrote: »

yeah i think so.
admittedly in a relationship its different cos you will have other occasions to be the centre of attention etc...

but in a casual or ONS situation i think its rude . i

tbh my own preference is I do it for my partner and so I wouldnt have a relationship with a girl that didnt give blowjobs. dont care how wonderful she is.
it just wouldnt work.

Is that not a bit...prescriptive? Expecting sexual acts to be returned once you've finished doing it to them? Like I'm all for being generous/enthusiastic in bed, but if you go into every ONS thinking "I'm gonna give her oral and then I expect her to go down on me" it'd get a bit boring and clinical no?

Element of surprise counts for a lot imo and no harm in switching things up and just going with the flow, not necessarily about selfishness, more to do with what feels right at the time i would think. Not necessarily applicable to ops situation though as they explicitly said they won't do it.

Alf Veedersane

arayess wrote: »

yeah i think so.
admittedly in a relationship its different cos you will have other occasions to be the centre of attention etc...

but in a casual or ONS situation i think its rude . i

tbh my own preference is I do it for my partner and so I wouldnt have a relationship with a girl that didnt give blowjobs. dont care how wonderful she is.
it just wouldnt work.

In a casual situation or ONS, if I wasn't into going down, there's no way I would be doing so just because I got a blowjob. Rude or not.

Not everyone is into doing it - so I don't think it's realistic to expect that it would always be reciprocated in a ONS/casual scenario.

arayess

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

In a casual situation or ONS, if I wasn't into going down, there's no way I would be doing so just because I got a blowjob. Rude or not.

Not everyone is into doing it - so I don't think it's realistic to expect that it would always be reciprocated in a ONS/casual scenario.

a principal that has served me well.so far

lets agree to disagree...

Heckler

Sure its great to receive but I go down on a woman at the drop of a hat. Turns me on majorly if they are enjoying it. Love it down there.

Katgurl

My first thought would be that this guy is not into giving oral sex and wouldn't take it personally.

My second thought would be that he's too boring in bed for me and i wouldn't be interested in sleeping with him again.

1hnr79jr65

Heckler wrote: »

Sure its great to receive but I go down on a woman at the drop of a hat. Turns me on majorly if they are enjoying it. Love it down there.

Same as yourself, i enjoy going down on my fiance, i get turned on alot more when she is enjoying herself.

For her she does not enjoy going down on me, not that im put off by that as there are other "options" for fun

I have encountered numerous women who considered oral sex to be something more intimate than regular sex and, thus, something only done with a partner. It's something I've never personally understood, but never considered them "boring in bed", just that they had a preference. That's totally OK - people are allowed to be comfortable or uncomfortable with whatever they want.

So it's a little unfair to suggest he's "boring in bed" because of that. Nothing in the OP has suggested this.

homerjay2005

curious_georgina wrote: »

I have had numerous sexual partners to date, and never once have I came across a man that does not want to give oral... until recently.

In the past month, I have had two sexual partners, and both men did not give oral, despite me giving it to them. Things ended with the first guy (for other reasons), but I decided to ask the second guy why, and he said he doesn't like giving oral to a girl unless he is seeing her. Is this unusual?

i think it may say more about their previous experiences than you especially if they are new men in your life.

i wouldnt get upset over it at all!

Witchie

By any chance were either of these guys Indian? In my experience, Indian guys in general, don't do that. They don't get it at all as a concept. Believe me I have tried.

Then there is my Turkish friend who struggles to breathe in normal situations so refuses to do it as he doesn't want to smother!

Some guys like it, some don't. Just like some women like to give and others don't.