Child won't settle for hubby

Wexy86

Any tips on how to introduce my hubby to bedtime routine? He was working nights when baby was born for a few months and I done all the night feeds. As the months went on she would only settle for me at night. Hubby now in new job and home most nights but not a chance will she(11 months) go to sleep for him. He has come into the room while I'm putting her down and she sees both of us, no issues. When daddy does the routine and I'm just in the room she either loses the plot or thinks it's playtime. Even when I'm not on the house there's no hope of her going down for him. Also won't settle for him throughout the night, just gets more worked up. I can't bear to have her cry so I step in. On nights where I'm not there he has to get her asleep in the buggy and lift her onto cot. He does the same routine - pjs, up to room, book and then bottle in arms and falls asleep on bottle. When it gets to near the end of the book she starts kicking up. Any tips? While I'm here if anyone has any tips on how to get her to self settle without bottle that would be great too!

judeboy101

Wexy86 wrote: »

Any tips on how to introduce my hubby to bedtime routine? He was working nights when baby was born for a few months and I done all the night feeds. As the months went on she would only settle for me at night. Hubby now in new job and home most nights but not a chance will she(11 months) go to sleep for him. He has come into the room while I'm putting her down and she sees both of us, no issues. When daddy does the routine and I'm just in the room she either loses the plot or thinks it's playtime. Even when I'm not on the house there's no hope of her going down for him. Also won't settle for him throughout the night, just gets more worked up. I can't bear to have her cry so I step in. On nights where I'm not there he has to get her asleep in the buggy and lift her onto cot. He does the same routine - pjs, up to room, book and then bottle in arms and falls asleep on bottle. When it gets to near the end of the book she starts kicking up. Any tips? While I'm here if anyone has any tips on how to get her to self settle without bottle that would be great too!

Is it just OH or anyone but mammy?

Wexy86

judeboy101 wrote: »

Is it just OH or anyone but mammy?

It's generally anyone but me, my mother would eventually get her down but takes a long long time.

Bacchus

Wexy86 wrote: »

Any tips on how to introduce my hubby to bedtime routine? He was working nights when baby was born for a few months and I done all the night feeds. As the months went on she would only settle for me at night. Hubby now in new job and home most nights but not a chance will she(11 months) go to sleep for him. He has come into the room while I'm putting her down and she sees both of us, no issues. When daddy does the routine and I'm just in the room she either loses the plot or thinks it's playtime. Even when I'm not on the house there's no hope of her going down for him. Also won't settle for him throughout the night, just gets more worked up. I can't bear to have her cry so I step in. On nights where I'm not there he has to get her asleep in the buggy and lift her onto cot. He does the same routine - pjs, up to room, book and then bottle in arms and falls asleep on bottle. When it gets to near the end of the book she starts kicking up. Any tips? While I'm here if anyone has any tips on how to get her to self settle without bottle that would be great too!

Lucy Wolfe - The Baby Sleep Solution

... the best money you will ever spend.

It sounds like you're doing a lot of the right things. There's probably just some small thing missing that will get you across the chasm. Obviously I only have my own experience to go by but this book is the bible for baby/toddler sleep. I know several other parents who also swear by it.

ShaShaBear

Exactly 100% the same problem we had here. My husband was working full time nights and I was putting two kids to bed myself. When he got a day job and was only working part-time nights, they refused to settle for him. We discovered the issue was that it wasnt "the" bedtime routine, but rather "mammy's" bedtime routine. He invented a totally new bedtime system that only daddy does (incorporates the same, but he sings a different song, has a different choice of stories etc) and they both think daddy tucking them in is a special experience that is different to the same-old from mammy

scarepanda

We've only started daddy doing bedtime this week because Iv to have an operation in a couple of weeks. I was quite worried because up till now she's never gone down without a fight for him and he hates when she cries and she knows his breaking point.

Anyways this week, I give night time breastfeed somewhere other than her room ( where I usually feed her) and then hand her over to himself to do the bedtime routine. We've changed up the routine a bit, so rather than teeth, change, feed (and sometimes song) and bed, it's feed, teeth, change, book, song and bed. There's been a couple of nights that she's needed an extra feed, more for comfort than anything else so Iv dropped up a breaker of milk for him to give her and its solved any restlessness from her. The book and song don't take that long and adding a book to the routine is something that Iv wanted to do so I will keep it up now once I'm back doing bedtime with her. So far it's working a treat. The first couple of nights were tough with some crying, but she learned fairly quickly that she needs to go to bed for Daddy as well as Mammy.

ForestFire

I'm no expert, just the one ourselves, but something that caught my eye was when you said , when I step in.

I realise why you do this but baby will quickly learn that if I make a scene with daddy then mammy will be back.

We have had our own problems with routine but generally stick to the same person. This person has changed a few times, but when I have taken over and she wanted Mammy, our story was she was at work or the doctors at the start, to ensure she knew she was stuck with me and until she was used to the change over (obviously she a little older at this stage to understand this, but don't think they don't know what's happening when they are younger and can't communicate verbally. They know exactly what's happening and how to get what want:) )

Also I would not stay in room when daddy's turn, as it has to be his routine without you there. This is also important for the times you are really not there and also as above that she can't see you so might be less Likley to cause a scene to get you back.

pwurple

Go out and let him figure it out. Literally. Out of the house. For a walk, a yoga class, visit a friend, to the cinema. Something. For a few evenings in a row. Baby isn't going to stay awake all night just because it's daddy instead of mammy.

You being there puts pressure on him, and if you step in, even worse, it undermines him. You might think he isn't aware of you fretting in the next room, stressing out because the baby is still up, but he is aware I'd say.