Is my boyfriend cheating with his work colleague?

Miss_super_sue

I've been with my boyfriend 2 and a half years. 1 year into our relationship a girl forwarded on sexting conversations between him and her to me via social media. She claimed to have been sleeping with him the whole time we were together. This girl works with my boyfriend. She also claimed he was sleeping with someone else from their work place for 6 months. She claimed that because they were all working shift work, it is why she didnt know he was in a relationship with me because she worked most weekend nights and that she called around to his in the morning when she came off shift. My boyfriend told me she was talking nonsense and said she was making it up. I believed him. That was one year ago. Then recently I found a profile of him on tinder and bumble. Again he denied it all. I love him very much and I don't want to ruin our relationship if it's true that this girl is making the story up. Although I am now having doubts. He shows alot of love towards me and I cannot imagine him being the type of person to cheat. I don't know where the girl got the emails from but my boyfriend says they are all fake. The emails have a lot of sexual content and I know my boyfriend never speaks like that to me. Do you think the girl made it up? Do you think it's all fake and my boyfriend is telling the truth?

Dial Hard

Miss_super_sue wrote: »

Do you think the girl made it up? Do you think it's all fake and my boyfriend is telling the truth?

Nobody here can answer that question but I think in your heart of hearts you can.

Miss_super_sue

Dial Hard wrote: »

Nobody here can answer that question but I think in your heart of hearts you can.

I suppose based on other people's experience has anyone been in a similar situation? How did they find out the truth? Do they just believe their partner? Or have they been found out to be wrong?

skallywag

What's her motivation in telling you all of this would you think? Did she just pop up out of the blue with this info, or did you have a relationship with her beforehand?

Mars Bar

Mod

Hi Miss_super_sue,

I've moved your post from The Ladies Lounge to Relationship Issues as it's more appropriate. Please read the R.I charter before continuing to post.

Mars Bar

Tigger99

Just because he doesn't talk in a sexual way to you, it doesn't mean he doesn't do it with others.

If it was me and I had this much evidence and doubt I'd arrange to meet her and not tell him. If it's true it takes a lot of balls to send that to you when she found out and I'd imagine she might be open to meeting you. I wouldn't be at all angry or blame her though if it's true, sounds like she was horrified he had a girlfriend.

Airyfairy12

I only discovered my ex cheating when I found messages on his phone, Id had a few suspicions but he denied everything and swore he wasnt the type to cheat, even when he was caught he lied to my face, he was adamant he didnt cheat even though he did, there was no denying it. From experience cheaters will tell you anything, they dont care, lying is their second nature.

You've found his dating profiles and youve been told he's cheating on you. Why would she say it if it wasnt true? and given the detail she went into about his work hours ect its not looking good. Fair play to her, I wish someone had let me know what was going on behind my back. Shes done you a favour.

milli milli

Then recently I found a profile of him on tinder and bumble. Again he denied it all.

How could he deny he had profiles if you saw them? Or did he make up a story that he made a profile just to see what all the fuss was about?
I can understand why attached people would be curious about these apps, but if that was the case, he could have just had a blank profile.

It's very fishy to be honest. You really need to have a talk with him. Even if it is all innocent, he's being disrespectful to you by having these profiles. He's in a committed relationship, he should act like it.

allym

I'd be leaving him for the dating profiles alone. Totally unacceptable. He's in a relationship with you, he shouldn't be shopping around for something else!

Honestly, you have so many red flags there I'd say it's surprising if he's not cheating on you. Whether with this girl or someone else. Put yourself first here and run for the hills.

clairewithani

Did this woman inform you of dating profiles or did you find them yourself. Highly unlikely i know but any chance this woman created profiles?

Miss_super_sue

skallywag wrote: »

What's her motivation in telling you all of this would you think? Did she just pop up out of the blue with this info, or did you have a relationship with her beforehand?

I never met her and I've no connection to her. So yes she popped out of the blue. She contacted me after there was a photo of me on facebook with him. Neither myself or my boyfriend use facebook much. Previous to that we didn't have any photos of us together until maybe after 12 months of dating each other. She forwarded what looked like screenshots of their phone and facebook conversations but my boyfriend says they are all fake and that she is just jealous.

Miss_super_sue

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

I only discovered my ex cheating when I found messages on his phone, Id had a few suspicions but he denied everything and swore he wasnt the type to cheat, even when he was caught he lied to my face, he was adamant he didnt cheat even though he did, there was no denying it. From experience cheaters will tell you anything, they dont care, lying is their second nature.

You've found his dating profiles and youve been told he's cheating on you. Why would she say it if it wasnt true? and given the detail she went into about his work hours ect its not looking good. Fair play to her, I wish someone had let me know what was going on behind my back. Shes done you a favour.

The fact my boyfriend says she is just a jealous girl. But then I think what is she gaining from this? I don't know her and I've no idea why a stranger would do this to me.

My single friend saw his profiles and told me and that's how I found out he was on the dating sites. But again he is blaming this girl as being a troublemaker. I don't know who to trust now

Airyfairy12

Miss_super_sue wrote: »

The fact my boyfriend says she is just a jealous girl. But then I think what is she gaining from this? I don't know her and I've no idea why a stranger would do this to me.

My single friend saw his profiles and told me and that's how I found out he was on the dating sites. But again he is blaming this girl as being a troublemaker. I don't know who to trust now

Two women have told you what hes doing, what more do you need? He's never going to admit to it.

If I was you id meet up with the girl and talk to her. Didnt you ask your friend to show you the dating profiles? Maybe you could ask her to screenshot them.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

If the girl had made those profiles, would she not have sent you links to them?

It doesn't look good, it's understandable that you don't want to believe this, but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

Pretty unethical but you could catfish him, I.e. pose as another woman, approach him on the dating sites and see how he reacts. His guard is up so he might not bite but it seems like short of catching him en flagrante you're going to doubt if it's real.

I'm sorry, I know this is a horrible situation.

Big Bag of Chips

Poor chap, how unlucky is he that two separate women, who don't know each other or have nothing to do with each other have both accused him of cheating... And him totally innocent?!

Come on, OP, once might be someone with a grudge, twice is a pattern.

LegacyUser

How is it possible that the screenshots are fake? I'm genuinely confused about that. Is he trying to say they are photoshopped?

I don't think I'd have believed him at that point tbh. And now the dating profiles is just waaay too suspect for me.

Hannibal_Smith

Miss_super_sue wrote: »

The fact my boyfriend says she is just a jealous girl. But then I think what is she gaining from this? I don't know her and I've no idea why a stranger would do this to me.

My single friend saw his profiles and told me and that's how I found out he was on the dating sites. But again he is blaming this girl as being a troublemaker. I don't know who to trust now

He's got some ego on him, that's for sure! What's your one in work jealous of exactly? Why would anyone be so obsessed with him that they'd message you out of the blue with a fairly detailed story?

Have you seen the dating profiles for yourself?

Maggiemay13

OP you absolutely have to look into your heart of hearts on this and ask yourself, how likely is it that a girl you have never met before or do not know from Adam, would make up a story like this about your boyfriend. Not to mind going to the trouble of actually constructing fake emails to back up her story. To me, it seems very unlikely. As in, highly unlikely. I know it is extremely hurtful to imagine that your boyfriend could be lying outright to you, but unfortunately he would not be the first and will not be the last to deny his wrong doings, even when the evidence is there, as plain as day. You are wanting and willing to believe that he is telling you the truth. Because we always want to see the good in people. To trust that they are doing right by us. Unfortunately, it's not always the case. Trust your gut. We have intuition for a very good reason and it will rarely see you wrong.
I'm so sorry that he has hurt you in this way. He does not deserve you. I would feel very confident in saying that I believe he is definitely not telling you the truth. All the signs and red flags point me to this conclusion. Take care of yourself.

Big Bag of Chips

As Judge Judy always says "If it doesn't make sense, it's not true"

ManOfMystery

Miss_super_sue wrote: »

He shows alot of love towards me and I cannot imagine him being the type of person to cheat. 

In fairness, there's not a lot of people who would say "my partner is a deceitful so and so, and I fully expect him to cheat!". If that was the case, they wouldn't be in the relationship. In most cases, any infidelity will come as a shock. Most people don't expect their partner to cheat .............. until it happens. In this particular scenario, there seems to be a lot of things which suggest that he is cheating, despite his (predictable) denials. 

If it looks like a duck .....

timmy880

I wouldn't see the fact that "he doesn't talk to me that way" as a sign of innocence. Usually people are far more sexually explicit with somebody they are cheating with than they are with their partner. It adds to the whole act of it really.

Anyway, besides that, having profiles on dating sites? Has he actually explained why?

He's a liar, probably a prolific one. So I wouldn't believe any illogical explanations right now.

miamee

What did he say when you asked him about the dating profiles? I know you said he denied it but did he also say that your friend was jealous, making it up, talking nonsense. There is a trend of labelling the other party in this kind of scenario as "mad", "crazy", "jealous", etc. How strange if he's saying that about both of them. Did he ever confront the girl in work and tell you about it? Because if someone I worked with contact my boyfriend behind my back to claim they were having an affair with me, I'd be livid. You can bet I'd be bringing it up with them and telling my boyfriend all about it. I bet he just had to convince you it was all lies and that was the last you heard of it?

It sounds like you need to ask a LOT more questions of your boyfriend and stop believing everything he says quite so easily. There's a chance he is innocent in all this but it seems unlikely.

Katgurl

I am sorry OP but there is too much evidence mounted against your boyfriend here to just take his word for it.

If you are not ready to label him a cheat then perhaps contact the girl and ask her to meet for a coffee?

I can't think of any plausible reason for the dating profiles. There is hardly a conspiracy going on with your friend and this 'jealous' girl.

I am so sorry. I can understand how hard it would be to accept.

Lini1981

Miss_super_sue wrote: »

I've been with my boyfriend 2 and a half years. 1 year into our relationship a girl forwarded on sexting conversations between him and her to me via social media. She claimed to have been sleeping with him the whole time we were together. This girl works with my boyfriend. She also claimed he was sleeping with someone else from their work place for 6 months. She claimed that because they were all working shift work, it is why she didnt know he was in a relationship with me because she worked most weekend nights and that she called around to his in the morning when she came off shift. My boyfriend told me she was talking nonsense and said she was making it up. I believed him. That was one year ago. Then recently I found a profile of him on tinder and bumble. Again he denied it all. I love him very much and I don't want to ruin our relationship if it's true that this girl is making the story up. Although I am now having doubts. He shows alot of love towards me and I cannot imagine him being the type of person to cheat. I don't know where the girl got the emails from but my boyfriend says they are all fake. The emails have a lot of sexual content and I know my boyfriend never speaks like that to me. Do you think the girl made it up? Do you think it's all fake and my boyfriend is telling the truth?

I am speaking from my own experience - co worker of my ex told me years ago he was seeing her as well as me, gave me a very detailed message explaining how she thought we were broken up etc etc - I confronted him and he denied it saying she was lying... I believed him and I wasted more time on him - it later came out months down the road as he cracked and confessed. I dumped him and haven't spoken to him in nearly 8 years!! now I know everybody is different but you need to get to bottom of this or else it will eat at you if you stay with him!! I personally have a feeling he is lying to you, people don't make up those stories for no reason.

Your options are: look at his phone for evidence - people who are cheating are protective of their phones however.

Ask her for solid evidence

Once evidence gathered corner him again

Think the dating profile proves he is not respecting you..

Miss_super_sue

Lini1981 wrote: »

I am speaking from my own experience - co worker of my ex told me years ago he was seeing her as well as me, gave me a very detailed message explaining how she thought we were broken up etc etc - I confronted him and he denied it saying she was lying... I believed him and I wasted more time on him - it later came out months down the road as he cracked and confessed. I dumped him and haven't spoken to him in nearly 8 years!! now I know everybody is different but you need to get to bottom of this or else it will eat at you if you stay with him!! I personally have a feeling he is lying to you, people don't make up those stories for no reason.

Your options are: look at his phone for evidence - people who are cheating are protective of their phones however.

Ask her for solid evidence

Once evidence gathered corner him again

Think the dating profile proves he is not respecting you..

I would feel weird about contacting her. I would be scared if she is crazy? It's not something i have obviously ever done before. I'm also nervous as he still works in the same group as these two women who have claimed he was seeing.

What kind of evidence do you think she would be able to give? He said the screenshots of the phone and facebook messages were fake and the photos of the two of them together out for dinner were old photos.

I cannot log onto my boyfriend's phone as he has a fingerprint lock on it.

BetsyEllen

Ah OP, come one.

I'm sorry but I cringed a little when reading your post...you seriously believe him?

You are being made to look an absolute fool and you're letting yourself be treated like a doormat.

Of course he has been cheating on you - the evidence is all there but he has talked his way out of it. You're too blinded by love and you're believing what you want to be true.

You must have very low self esteem to have not walked away before now.

Why on earth would this girl set up a fake email address, sent up fake profiles on dating websites etc...just why??

You surely know all of this in your heart anyway but for some reason you're clinging onto him.
If you've let it go this far and have swallowed his lies up until now, I doubt that anything said by us on this thread will sink in anyway and you'll choose to believe his poison yet again.

I hope you don't though. I hope you can toughen up and tell him to get lost, because you'll never be happy with all those doubts in the back of your head.
And as he's been getting away with it for so long (and laughing at you in the process) he will do it again and again and again.

I hope you get through this OK and know you deserve better.

Maggiemay13

Miss_super_sue wrote: »

I would feel weird about contacting her. I would be scared if she is crazy? It's not something i have obviously ever done before. I'm also nervous as he still works in the same group as these two women who have claimed he was seeing.

What kind of evidence do you think she would be able to give? He said the screenshots of the phone and facebook messages were fake and the photos of the two of them together out for dinner were old photos.

I cannot log onto my boyfriend's phone as he has a fingerprint lock on it.

OP, let's just assume for one moment that your boyfriend is telling the truth. I don't believe it for a second, but let's just discuss it. He should/would be going out of his way to prove to you that it is a lie. If it was me, I wouldn't rest easy until my name was cleared. I would be livid. I would be so worried that my other half would feel hurt and betrayed over a lie. After the emails and the dating site situations, did he give you an explanation and then sweep the whole thing under the carpet as it were, or was he appalled? Did he promise you he would prove to you that it was a lie? People have approached the guardaí for less. If this girl is dragging his name through the mud, maybe he should report it? Did he suggest any of these things to you? What was his reaction? Why are you accepting his lame excuses? It beggars belief, I'm sorry. I'm trying to help you see the woods from the trees. You are better than this. Did you discuss this with any close friends or family?

BetsyEllen

Maggiemay13 wrote: »

OP, let's just assume for one moment that your boyfriend is telling the truth. I don't believe it for a second, but let's just discuss it. He should/would be going out of his way to prove to you that it is a lie. If it was me, I wouldn't rest easy until my name was cleared. I would be livid. I would be so worried that my other half would feel hurt and betrayed over a lie. After the emails and the dating site situations, did he give you an explanation and then sweep the whole thing under the carpet as it were, or was he appalled? Did he promise you he would prove to you that it was a lie? People have approached the guardaí for less. If this girl is dragging his name through the mud, maybe he should report it? Did he suggest any of these things to you? What was his reaction? Why are you accepting his lame excuses? It beggars belief, I'm sorry. I'm trying to help you see the woods from the trees. You are better than this. Did you discuss this with any close friends or family?

This is an excellent point.
If someone accused me of cheating, set up fake accounts etc I would go feck!n crazy.

I would confront them with my OH by their side, demand proof of their accusations, I would make their life a living hell until then caved and confessed their lies and apologised to both me and my partner.

Lini1981

Miss_super_sue wrote: »

I would feel weird about contacting her. I would be scared if she is crazy? It's not something i have obviously ever done before. I'm also nervous as he still works in the same group as these two women who have claimed he was seeing.

What kind of evidence do you think she would be able to give? He said the screenshots of the phone and facebook messages were fake and the photos of the two of them together out for dinner were old photos.

I cannot log onto my boyfriend's phone as he has a fingerprint lock on it.

Yeah it's not a nice situation to be in, I personally think there's too many signs, firstly the girls who said it and tinder, if you don't want to contact the girl and if you did confront him he may deny it again, cheaters are good liars sadly :-( I see someone mentioned already you setting up a fake profile on tender and seeing what happens? No one would know you are doing this. I personally don't believe him, they are so many nice guys out there who would treat you so much better.

mapaca

In a nutshell: he is making a fool of you.

Miss_super_sue

Maggiemay13 wrote: »

OP, let's just assume for one moment that your boyfriend is telling the truth. I don't believe it for a second, but let's just discuss it. He should/would be going out of his way to prove to you that it is a lie. If it was me, I wouldn't rest easy until my name was cleared. I would be livid. I would be so worried that my other half would feel hurt and betrayed over a lie. After the emails and the dating site situations, did he give you an explanation and then sweep the whole thing under the carpet as it were, or was he appalled? Did he promise you he would prove to you that it was a lie? People have approached the guardaí for less. If this girl is dragging his name through the mud, maybe he should report it? Did he suggest any of these things to you? What was his reaction? Why are you accepting his lame excuses? It beggars belief, I'm sorry. I'm trying to help you see the woods from the trees. You are better than this. Did you discuss this with any close friends or family?

She hasn't made any treats to me and she doesn't live with him, so I don't see how the Gardai could help? It sounds like I'd be wasting their time and if she is telling the truth, I would be more mortified for wasting the Gardai time and for putting an innocent victim through that who could be just trying to do me a favour and see the wood from the trees. I also think a normal relationship shouldn't need to resort to that. If that's the lengths I've to go this early in a relationship to get the truth from my boyfriend then I would seriously question why I am still with him.

He obviously has denied all of this and professed his innocence but I'm starting to have my doubts.

Dial Hard

Miss_super_sue wrote:

What kind of evidence do you think she would be able to give? He said the screenshots of the phone and facebook messages were fake and the photos of the two of them together out for dinner were old photos.

Honestly, OP, I think you're so desparate to hang on to your boyfriend that she could produce video evidence of them in flagrante delicto and you'd still be on here asking us if it was fake because that's what your boyfriend told you.

I'm going to be very blunt here: it is as plain as the nose on your face that he's up to no good. Drop the blinkers and drop this dickhead. He's making a complete and utter fool of you.

Maggiemay13

Miss_super_sue wrote: »

She hasn't made any treats to me and she doesn't live with him, so I don't see how the Gardai could help? It sounds like I'd be wasting their time and if she is telling the truth, I would be more mortified for wasting the Gardai time and for putting an innocent victim through that who could be just trying to do me a favour and see the wood from the trees. I also think a normal relationship shouldn't need to resort to that. If that's the lengths I've to go this early in a relationship to get the truth from my boyfriend then I would seriously question why I am still with him.

He obviously has denied all of this and professed his innocence but I'm starting to have my doubts.

You might be slightly missing the point of my comment. What I'm trying to say is, his reaction to both the emails and the online dating accounts would have been very telling. If it were me and someone was making up lies about me, lies that could potentially have detrimental consequences for my relationship, I would go to every length possible to prove that it was a lie. I would not rest easy until I had done so. If it included involving the gardaí, I would do it. I would. Because I love my parter and would want to prove to him that it wasn't true.
But you are right, a normal relationship shouldn't resort to that.
Is he even bothered that you are very hurt by this whole situation? Have you discussed this with close friends? And if not, why not? You don't need to protect him, you need to get your thoughts straight and talk to your nearest and dearest.

Alf Veedersane

Of course he's professed his innocence:

"Deny, deny, deny".

If it was just the contact from the girl it would be suss.

But profiles on two dating sites? The only reason you believe him is because the alternative seems worse. You know the answer here, deep down.

NinetyTwoTeam

He absolutely was, and why you believed his denials is beyond me. Lot of men get caught this way.

Miss_super_sue

Maggiemay13 wrote: »

You might be slightly missing the point of my comment. What I'm trying to say is, his reaction to both the emails and the online dating accounts would have been very telling. If it were me and someone was making up lies about me, lies that could potentially have detrimental consequences for my relationship, I would go to every length possible to prove that it was a lie. I would not rest easy until I had done so. If it included involving the gardaí, I would do it. I would. Because I love my parter and would want to prove to him that it wasn't true.
But you are right, a normal relationship shouldn't resort to that.
Is he even bothered that you are very hurt by this whole situation?

Of course he said it's lies but I suppose the phone records and text messages would either match or not match the screenshots if I was to go down that route. So I would find out which one is telling the truth.

Toots

Are they texts or WhatsApp? If it's WhatsApp there won't be a paper trail. Same with I message AFAIK.

Maggiemay13

What do you think he would say, and how do you think he would react, if you told him that you are going to go and talk to this girl? Not to do it behind his back, but actually tell him that you are doing it? That it's something that you just cannot shake off, and you will not rest easy until you look this girl in the eye and talk to her yourself. He has made her sound like a loose cannon. He is basically making out that nothing this girl says is credible. That is very dark territory If it turns out to be him that is lying. And if he says not to go, that he strongly advises against it, tell him that that's fine, that you take his suggestion on board but that you are going to do it anyway.
His reaction to such a conversation would be very interesting.

Miss_super_sue

Toots wrote: »

Are they texts or WhatsApp? If it's WhatsApp there won't be a paper trail. Same with I message AFAIK.

There were a few screenshots which showed direct phone calls, text messages and photos exchanged between his number and both girls.

Colser

You're in the enviable position of having proof OP and many people have ended relationships with only part of the evidence that you have or known something wasn't right but couldn't prove it.

Why don't you tell him that unless he can prove that this girl is making it all up that you're finished with him and see how he reacts.There's no point discussing it with him as hell deny it,call you crazy or psycho and end up wrecking your head.

Can you talk about this with a close friend ,show them the evidence that you have and get their opinion?

Big Bag of Chips

So, how do you think she fabricated all this? Has she some great software package that can perfectly recreate an app screen and then edit it to change numbers? Was she texting some other fella/friend and decided (for whatever reason) to change the number, seemlessly with no hint of "cut and paste" and enter your bf's phone number instead, just for the craic and then send it to you?

It's a hell of a lot of effort to go through "for the craic".

And what about the dating sites? Did your friend Photoshop those too, or did she set them up herself just to get him in trouble.

Again, it seems like a lot of effort to go to.

And it seems really crazy that two separate women would go to such lengths to stitch him up.

He cheated. He wasn't clever about it and he got caught. Now, he's obviously still not too clever and he hopes that by telling you really flimsy stories that you'll believe him. He doesn't respect you if he thinks you will be so easily satisfied with so little. As others have said, if someone (two people) claimed to my husband that I was cheating on him, I would be straight round, with him in the car to ask them what they thought they were playing at. I'd be shocked that someone would say that and my first reaction would be "WHAAAT?" Not "they're jealous". If I was having trouble with someone who I thought could potentially pose a problem to my relationship through their "jealously" and maybe I felt the had feelings for me that weren't reciprocated, I would discuss it with my partner, long before it got to the stage where they were contacting him with doctored screenshots of made up conversations.

He's cheating on you, OP. Blatantly and publicly. What you chose to do now is up to you. But no relationship can survive so long as there's dishonesty and no trust. You're only putting yourself in for months/years of heartache and doubt by clinging on to it because you don't want to lose the potentially great relationship. You're holding on to a potentially disastrous relationship.

You've been warned. Unanimously.

_Whimsical_

Miss_super_sue wrote: »

She hasn't made any treats to me and she doesn't live with him, so I don't see how the Gardai could help? It sounds like I'd be wasting their time and if she is telling the truth, I would be more mortified for wasting the Gardai time and for putting an innocent victim through that who could be just trying to do me a favour and see the wood from the trees. I also think a normal relationship shouldn't need to resort to that. If that's the lengths I've to go this early in a relationship to get the truth from my boyfriend then I would seriously question why I am still with him.

He obviously has denied all of this and professed his innocence but I'm starting to have my doubts.

If it's not true he should be going to the Gardai, she would be a completely crazy person running a sustained campaign of lies slandering his good name, good reputation and destroying one of the most important things in his life. It would be unnerving and intimidating, he'd be wondering what on earth she'll do next, what bizarre lie she'll now concoct and contact someone in his life about. He'd be reporting it to HR if they work together demanding they intervene.
What remotely normal man would allow some random nutjob to destroy his relationship and his good name as an honest broker if he was innocent?

I don't think you're thinking this through and we all understand why not, no one would want to believe someone they love would do this and no one wants to leave what they thought was a good relationship. Sometimes though you really have to take a breath and see the wood for the trees. It doesn't sound like there's anything here for you but heartache in the long run. You deserve better.

Are the accounts still on tinder etc or are they taken down since you confronted him?

Maggiemay13

OP can I just clarify something and apologies if you've already covered this in previous posts. The online dating sites that your boyfriend insists are also fake, is he saying the same girl is responsible for those aswell, or who is he blaming for them?

messy tessy

Miss_super_sue wrote: »

I would feel weird about contacting her. I would be scared if she is crazy?

How is she coming across as crazy? Quite frankly I think she is doing you a favour here.

njs030

It's very easily cleared up if there's phone calls he can show you his phone bill for that time period to clear his name. If she's lying then there won't be any calls on it... Very easy.

Maggiemay13

notjustsweet wrote: »

It's very easily cleared up if there's phone calls he can show you his phone bill for that time period to clear his name. If she's lying then there won't be any calls on it... Very easy.

I don't want to sound patronising, but I'm not convinced that the OP is ready to confront the truth just yet.

njs030

Maggiemay13 wrote: »

I don't want to sound patronising, but I'm not convinced that the OP is ready to confront the truth just yet.

I agree. I think she's still in the stage of wanting to find proof that he's not cheating rather than finding out the truth.

Big Bag of Chips

Your original question is "Is my boyfriend cheating with his colleague?". I would say the answer is - not anymore. At least not with that particular work colleague, anyway. Once she found out she wasn't the only one she got out of there. And she told the others, thinking she was doing them a favour.

I reread your post and see that the messages from the girl came a year ago, and then recently you found out he had profiles on dating apps. And you're worried about ending the relationship incase the girl was lying. The girl has nothing to do with the dating apps. He was cheating on you both for a full year. Seeing both of you at the same time. He was then cheating on both of you with someone else for 6 months. He fobbed you off with some half arsed story so he decided you were a soft touch and he could do it all again, because you'd believe whatever BS he'd spin you. The other girl didn't believe whatever line he spun her. I'm guessing the same "the photo is from ages ago, she's crazy, she's stalking me, won't accept our relationship is over"?? This happened a year ago. So for half of your relationship with him you've been wondering and worrying, and still you think it has the chance of being a great relationship?

The girl he works with isn't a problem to you anymore. She wants nothing to do with him. And she's probably told people what a dick he is. Rather than being some "crazy woman" who's after your bf she probably feels sorry for you that you continue to put up with bad treatment.

He has the best of both worlds. He has the loyal girlfriend waiting for him at home, and he's off riding whoever will have him. And he knows the loyal gf is never going to stand up for herself.

I feel really sorry for you, because, this relationship won't end until he ends. He will meet someone he wants to be with more than you, or he will simply grow tired of you and end it without a second thought for you and how loyal you have been. He will leave you heartbroken and humiliated, and wondering why you accepted such a relationship for so many years.

ennis81

OP I will tell you a quick story, I used to have a male friend who was a serial cheat, it didn't seem so bad when we were teens but as I got older I had a massive issue with how he treated his "partners". Anyway he started to see a lovely girl (too good for him!) and at my birthday celebrations I decided while I met her in the toilets that I would warn her I said " ________ isn't what he seems and to watch herself" she then went straight back and told him, He told her I had always been "madly in love with him" and was JEALOUS (I only found this out later) Anyway I kinda cut contact with him then, about 6 months later she contacted me on FB and sent me pics of a woman asking if I knew he was cheating on her with this one, I said No I didn't but I did try and warn you before and you didn't believe ME!
I've seen and heard all this before, this guy of yours is bad news, do yourself a favour and get out before he steals any more of your life

stargazer 68

ennis81 wrote: »

OP Anyway he started to see a lovely girl (too good for him!) and at my birthday celebrations I decided while I met her in the toilets that I would warn her I said " ________ isn't what he seems and to watch herself" she then went straight back and told him, He told her I had always been "madly in love with him" and was JEALOUS (I only found this out later)
I've seen and heard all this before, this guy of yours is bad news, do yourself a favour and get out before he steals any more of your life

Yep similar story - mate of mine and a philandering BF. We told her but we were 'jealous'. Went on to marry him and now divorced - still says to this day she wished she had listened to us. Seriously OP the writing is on the wall but its up to you how you wish to go forward.

Rikand

Miss_super_sue wrote: »

I also think a normal relationship shouldn't need to resort to that. If that's the lengths I've to go this early in a relationship to get the truth from my boyfriend then I would seriously question why I am still with him.

Miss_super_sue wrote: »

I've been with my boyfriend 2 and a half years.

2 and a half years is NOT early.