Hate my personality

emilymemily

I just needed to get this off my chest, I feel really alone and like no one relates to my problem.
I dont have the best personality and I dont know how to change, I never click with anyone and often it feels like people really dislike me or dont find me interesting enough to befriend. If im in a group like when starting college or a course everyone seems to fall into groups and make friends quickly, im left by myself despite efforts to get involved im always left out and ignored. I was bullied all through school, didnt have supportive parents and even felt like they resented me at times. Im in counselling to try and increase my self esteem, id love to put myself out there and breakaway from the isolation that ive found myself in but I feel like its my personality thats the problem, people dont gel with me.

Sorry for this silly post, if anyone has advice or has felt this way id love to read your experiences.

Thanks for reading.

368100

It's not a silly post at all.

Most of what you said applies or has previously applied to me, especially being bullied with non supportive parents. Every time I spoke up I was told I was saying something wrong and that affected me through my 20s.

Im also shy some might say weird with meeting new people but generally when they get to know me and I relax a bit I get on with most. I don't see that as a bad thing as it means something to not just fall into friendships easily means there's substance to it.

I've only got one real friend, fair few casual peeps that I get on with but I've learned you can't rely on people like that.

I've learned to accept that it takes a while to get to know me and I'll openly say that to people now, it seems to make people understand what I'm about and not some sort of social weirdo.

If I'm drunk I would talk to the wall so I know it's not that I've nothing to say, just takes me time to open up.

Also through my 20s I hadn't any hobbies, didn't play sport etc....life consisted of work, drinking and sleeping. I've taken up a few hobbies now and cycle a fair bit so it gives me things to talk about. Keeping up to date with news helps too.

Chin up, youre not about alone and it doesnt mean theres anything wrong with you, some people will see it as a positive.

<snip>

MightyMandarin

Honestly, I find that if I can't have a good impression of myself (which I didn't for years) people won't have a good impression of me. It's not that they'd dislike me, but they wouldn't get to know the person I am.

People are lucky to meet you, and to get to know you, and I say it to myself all the time because I firmly believe that I'm a genuinely interesting person.

I'd start with hobbies or things you enjoy. In my opinion they reflect our personalities, but also, I find that the majority of young people don't do a whole lot outside of studying/working, watching TV+Films, and socialising.

I find it refreshing when I meet someone who plays a sport or has an interest in the arts. I think if you pursue your hobbies, you'll have something to "back you up" when you start questioning your self-worth in your own head, as that's definitely helped me.

whiskeyman

I can relate to your post OP.
I really hope you can love your personality because it's you.
With regard not clicking with others, perhaps you need to open up to more and different people.
But don't expect to gel or get on with everyone. Social media would make out that everyone these days has hundreds of friends. In reality, you'll be lucky to have 1 or 2 close friends in life. Many of the rest come and go.
What's important is that you're happy with yourself.
It may take effort to 'throw yourself out there' to join clubs, groups or even start one up to meet new people, but it'll be so worth it.
It's easier said than done, but you'll gain from it.
Being bullied and having a tough start in life can knock your self esteem, but you seem to understand that and are working to change it. I think you're fantastic for acknowledging that and for wanting to 'change', but I hope that change only involves how you think and not how you are, as you are sure to make many peoples lives so rich with what you have to give.
Best of luck OP x

sporina

could you perhaps do a personal development course or something like that?

i think you would benefit from such greatly - help you get to know yourself better and see how you interact with others.. and see if there are things you need to change - if any... or ways of thinking that may be unhealthy for you..

great to gaining self worth/esteem etc if well facilitated

Skibunny77

Op, being bullied can leave someone feel insecure, worthless and constantly doubting themselves with others. You have basically fallen for whatever it was those bullies told you - that you don't fit in, that you're not good enough. I'd hazard a guess that those kind of thoughts dominate your mind when you are with other people and that limits your ability to truly connect with them, or be present with them or allow them get to know you. You should be immensely proud of yourself for going to counselling. This all starts with you developing a loving relationship with yourself first. Don't let setbacks knock you back. Perhaps confide in someone that you have been bullied and find it hard to relax when you meet new people. Most of all, don't allow those bullies to still have a voice in your mind. I wish you the very best of luck, you sound like a lovely person.

Tokyo

Mod:

While I appreciate the sentiment, please don't request PM exchanges with the OP, as per the forum charter.

sporina

Skibunny77 wrote: »

Op, being bullied can leave someone feel insecure, worthless and constantly doubting themselves with others. You have basically fallen for whatever it was those bullies told you - that you don't fit in, that you're not good enough. I'd hazard a guess that those kind of thoughts dominate your mind when you are with other people and that limits your ability to truly connect with them, or be present with them or allow them get to know you. You should be immensely proud of yourself for going to counselling. This all starts with you developing a loving relationship with yourself first. Don't let setbacks knock you back. Perhaps confide in someone that you have been bullied and find it hard to relax when you meet new people. Most of all, don't allow those bullies to still have a voice in your mind. I wish you the very best of luck, you sound like a lovely person.

this is true - we can project aspects of personality that we don't like onto others when confidence is low without event realising it..

but don't be too hard on yourself; not everyone else is perfect and there are some people that just don't click..
but essentially it comes down to your own feeling of self worth - and this can be established - even later in life - with help and guidance

xzanti

Have you ever taken the Jung/Briggs Myers personality test? There are lots of links online to take it.

You may just have a very rare personality type which is the reason you find it hard to make connections. Once you find out more about your personality type, I think you'll become more aware of yourself as a person, and that will help you to figure out the type of people who would bring the best out of you.

Speaking from experience myself

Best of luck.

jsms88

I can relate to this. I find it really hard to click with other people. It takes me ages to even have the confidence to speak up in front of people I don't know really well.

I have lots of acquaintances but not many friends at all to be honest 😕

Deusexmachina

emilymemily wrote: »

I just needed to get this off my chest, I feel really alone and like no one relates to my problem.
I dont have the best personality and I dont know how to change, I never click with anyone and often it feels like people really dislike me or dont find me interesting enough to befriend. If im in a group like when starting college or a course everyone seems to fall into groups and make friends quickly, im left by myself despite efforts to get involved im always left out and ignored. I was bullied all through school, didnt have supportive parents and even felt like they resented me at times. Im in counselling to try and increase my self esteem, id love to put myself out there and breakaway from the isolation that ive found myself in but I feel like its my personality thats the problem, people dont gel with me.

Sorry for this silly post, if anyone has advice or has felt this way id love to read your experiences.

Thanks for reading.

Emily, I loved your post. Such honestly. You are obviously an intelligent, unique, sensitive person. We are all the same here underneath it all. You are feeling alone and isolated. What you don't realise yet is that everyone feels the same way as you - they just hide it to others and to themselves.
Stop beating yourself up. You are a perfect human being - perfect.
Relax - friends will come, a special person will arrive into your life, everything will work out. Just relax and let it happen.
You are beautiful.

Hannibal_Smith

I'd be like that. I wouldn't fall into groups easily. But not everyone does. Sometimes groups can be cliquey. Now I'm so old :P I actually accept that the reason I don't fall into groups is because I don't actually want to be a part of them. I have an independent mind and don't like going with the crowd. This has led to me having a few groups I am on the periphery of. Which suits me best. That way i dont get drawn into anything.

I accept you say you actually WANT to develop a group of friendships, in that case the next time you're in a group watch and learn from them and try to blend in?

miss nesbit

Fair play for summoning the courage to share how you feel.

I can agree with everything previous posts have stated but I also think you could start watching videos and researching the power of positive thinking.

You can start changing your thinking and force yourself to think positive thoughts about yourself more frequently and it will have a positive effect on your mental health and your self-worth. It sounds basic but it does work. I have felt similar to you in the past and I started by forcing myself to think more positively or telling myself 'you are ok, you can do this' if I was in a stressful situation I felt I couldnt handle.

I am sure you are a lovely person and there are plenty of people who enjoy your company and value you.

Once you make steps with socialising you will reap the rewards I am sure of it.

Best of luck and don't worry the hardest part is taking the plunge.