Worried about Wife's Diet

Buttercake

Hi all

My wife is 10 weeks pregnant and we are both delighted, its our first.

She has a lot of allergens; dairy, eggs, wheat, gluten and when we were in with the doctor who tested her for allergies, he said clearly that she must stick to a diet and avoid these foods while pregnant.

She has never stuck to any diet and will eat products that contain these in the past and then complain the next day when she feels unwell or breaks out in rash.

She has this psychology around junk food that she thinks home cooked food is "exactly the same" ...whenever i tell her she's wrong and junk food is junk food for a reason she gets angry and defensive, almost to quote ads from fast food outlets "their meat is flame grilled and 100% irish" and so on..she also drinks coffee like a daemon and promised to cut it out or down.

I havent said anything to her but Im getting very worried now that she is pregnant and does eat the right things, i was in her car at the weekend and it stunk of mcdonalds with brown bags on the floor, coffee cups, bottles of diet coke. When she is at home I never see her eat fruit and rarely veg, she tells me she does during the day but i dont believe it.

Im not looking for her to turn into a Gwyneth Paltrow but it is causing me concern

Milly33

Oh dear and I dont mean to sound judging but that aint good... Even the diet coke is so bad, she would be better off drinking reg coke..

Maybe you should try and sit her down, explain that you are not trying to attack here etc but show her what is in this kinda of food..There are a lot of TV shows that explain. I can look through a few for you if you like.. A great one to stick to is, if you cant understand what is written on the back of the packet dont eat it... I was very surprised to see the amount of cordial drinks that contain so much crap in them...

The coffee it is recommended two cups a day, so drinking more fine but you can be at risk and there is caffeine in diet coke too so thats more...The caffeine free coffee isnt bad at all.. Kenco is a lovely one... And if you gave it to her without her knowing i bet she would not cop it...

Good ideas, maybe a cooking class to show how easy it is to cook good healthy food that still tastes great...Try and make a rule where ye have junk food once a week, and thats it.. Make it something to look forward to and have a as a treat, rather than an every day meal..Make it all something fun ye can do together, dont make it all about her has to change, as she is going through a lot at the moment..

jimmycrackcorm

Op, the good news is that when you get round to the fourth or fifth pregnancy you won't be worrying about this stuff.

Teyla Emmagan

Serious lack of folic acid going in there by the sound of it.

ifElseThen

Why did the doctor tell her to avoid those allergen foods? In the context of impact on the baby inside?

Maybe build in one cheat day a week or something like that, so a curry or fast food on a Friday etc. Or even just a reduction in the volume of unhealthy food she eats.

Cook healthier homemade options for her?

My wife had a hankering for Fanta during one of the pregnancies, for the little sugar kick. Never harmed the baby.

The placenta will filter out a lot of the junk components anyway and take what it needs.

AFAIK, some lines of thought think that allergen exposure in the womb is good for the baby.

bee06

I'd be most worried about the caffeine intake. Excess caffeine increases the risk of miscarriage.

When you talk to your wife I would stress the impact on the baby. It sounds like she doesn't understand the impact of her eating habits on the baby.

judeboy101

If she's not smoking, shooting up or drinking shots, id leave her to it. Food is food, the baby won't suffer, evolution has made sure of that. She on the other hand will prob put on a sh1t ton of weight.

tedpan

judeboy101 wrote:

If she's not smoking, shooting up or drinking shots, id leave her to it. Food is food, the baby won't suffer, evolution has made sure of that. She on the other hand will prob put on a sh1t ton of weight.

Hmmmm, not true, of course what you eat matters.

But it's difficult to tell anyone what to eat, especially a pregnant woman.

Unfortunately it's her decision in the end, if she doesn't realise, leave her to it..

judeboy101

tedpan wrote: »

Hmmmm, not true, of course what you eat matters.

But it's difficult to tell anyone what to eat, especially a pregnant woman.

Unfortunately it's her decision in the end, if she doesn't realise, leave her to it..

No it doesn't, plenty of examples of women who have undergone starvation giving birth to healthy babies. Same hoes for morbidly obese women. The fetus gets the nutrients it needs regardless, its the woman's body that takes the hit.

Neyite

She'll bear the brunt of it more than the baby will - pregnancy is designed so that the growing fetus gets first dibs on any nutrients and the mum gets whatever is left over, if any.

Cravings and aversions are funny things. I craved beer and rashers made me retch. So in some ways she might just have to stick with whatever foods she can stomach at the moment. Besides, with a diet devoid of fruit and veg, it's only a matter of time before pregnancy constipation or piles happen so she might up her game then. It's difficult with lots of allergens though.

I'd be more concerned about what she thinks is good food for children if she insists that convenience foods are healthy. Children eat what they are given. Whatever about pregnancy /milk feeds where the nutrition gets to the baby anyway, a diet containing very little fruit and veg, or contains lots of junk food is unhealthy for your child growing up and as parents you'll both need to present and promote healthy foods in the home. Maybe you could suggest doing a nutrition or cookery course or reading up on nutrition as a way of preparing for when your baby is on solids? The HSE have a free weaning recipe book and the Anabel Karmel one is really good too and then some of the advice might rub off?

Buttercake

thanks all for comments, its hard to say anything because she gets very defensive when i mention ANYTHING relating to diet or food, in the past and even now when shes pregnant.. i didnt say anything about the mcdonalds (which she promised to give up) and crap in the car but i will softly approach it this evening..

the junk food are not cravings, it always been that way, she has a junk food sweettooth her whole life, it never bothered me much before and shes not overweight. Its hard to try and cook anything decent because she says she has allergens and it makes it very limited but then its ok to eat crap

Dial Hard

Buttercake wrote:

Its hard to try and cook anything decent because she says she has allergens and it makes it very limited but then its ok to eat crap

Who diagnosed the allergens and how was the diagnosis made? There's an *awful* lot of crap being peddled about allergens and intolerances out there by people who are not dietietians or doctors. Genuine food allergies/intolerances are relatively rare, despite what every second blogger and "influencer" would have you believe.

Milly33

Good questionabout the allergies? Were they defiantly allergies and not something else? Not questioning but i know of a few people who thought they were gluten intolerant, wheat etc and it ended up being something completly differant just took a while to confirm. Kinda same with dairy and eggs, sometimes it can be how you eat it.. Lets say big amounts of it can cause differant effects, also how it is cooked.... Fastfood has all this stuff in it so she cannot be that concerned about it..Again not being harsh but you have to look at it realistically.

And they if this is the case, then its a matter or well do you want to change or not.. If not then let her continue eating the foods she wants, and if yes then make the effort and look up recipes and shop around.. It isnt that difficult to do it but you/she/ye have to make the effort to do it.

Buttercake

Dial Hard wrote: »

Who diagnosed the allergens and how was the diagnosis made? There's an *awful* lot of crap being peddled about allergens and intolerances out there by people who are not dietietians or doctors. Genuine food allergies/intolerances are relatively rare, despite what every second blogger and "influencer" would have you believe.

Its was diagnosed by the real doctor, blood tests..about a year ago

physical signs are a rash on arms and wrist

Toots

judeboy101 wrote: »

If she's not smoking, shooting up or drinking shots, id leave her to it. Food is food, the baby won't suffer, evolution has made sure of that. She on the other hand will prob put on a sh1t ton of weight.

The only thing that would concern me about that diet is Mc Donalds and the likes is full of refined sugar and she could well be setting herself up for gestational diabetes. I worked with a girl who took pregnancy as a green light to eat anything and everything she wanted - took the whole "eating for two" thing to the extreme. She ended up with GD being diagnosed at about 26 weeks, didn't take it seriously initially and ended up hospitalised because her sugars were out of control (she was supposed to be keeping a food diary and just lied on it) She wound up on insulin and everything.

It goes without saying that she put on a whole pile of weight, which she found very difficult to lose after the baby was born.

hcass

The only person who is going to suffer is your wife. She sounds like a perfect case for gestational diabetes or pre-eclampsia. Also being overweight will make everything more difficult for her - and constipation and haemorrhoids sound like they're coming her way. Labour will be more difficult and interventions much more likely. Baby gets all the good stuff - it will literally leech every nutrient from her body and leave her with nothing and it doesn't sound like there's much to leave her with as it is! But telling her is not going to work - she obviously knows that her diet isn't good, hence going on the defensive whenever you mention it. Why not suggest you buy the shopping from now on and you cook the meals. Cut out all junk from both your diets and be in this together?

bee06

hcass wrote: »

The only person who is going to suffer is your wife. She sounds like a perfect case for gestational diabetes or pre-eclampsia.

Both preeclampsia and gestational diabetes can have serious risks for the baby as well!

CelticRambler

Agree with all the others who've predicted that your wife will pay a hefty price for this. However, from what you've said, it doesn't sound like you're the best person to deal with the problem - mainly because you're going to have to be there to help her deal with all the complications if she doesn't change her ways, and the last thing you'll need then is her imagining any hint of "I told you so".

You're probably going to have to go behind her back to a third party - either someone in her family that you can trust, or else her doctor or her midwife. And if you believe than any of these "allergies" or her junk-food addiction might have a psychological component, make sure you emphasise (to whichever third party you speak to) that your concern is for her and all the problems cited in the posts above. Don't make it about the baby, even if it is something that bothers you (but yeah, if doesn't see the difference between junk food and a balanced diet, you're going to have other problems on that front later on. Still, you've got plenty of time to deal with that side of things)

via4

I have been experimenting with the body coach joe wicks recipes over the last few months could you possibly cook dinner in the evenings? Then she would get at least one good meal in a day. I'm a lazy cook so I find his recipes great & quick & so tasty I would prefer them over junk now this could be a little starting point maybe

LirW

In my second pregnancy I barely kept anything down for 20 weeks, I lost weight and had to go to the hospital. Once I could eat, it didn't matter too much what I'd eat. Just eat something. I kept getting better and in the last few weeks I had weird cravings.
Anyway, how about talking to her about making healthy alternatives the junk foods. Get her enthusiastic about it and do it together. Make a deal of getting one takeaway a week. It's really difficult telling a pregnant woman what and what not to do because this is pretty much 75% of what they hear. Make it attractive to her instead of patronize her and also tell her she should talk to a midwife or to her consultant about it.
I attended the Ballymun midwife clinic and they are very particular about diet there because a lot of women there have very bad ones.

hollymartins

Moonbeam wrote:

6 years since we have used a creche but it was normal then,

I'm surprised that your wife is able to eat so much junk food while she has so many allergies. Surely eating bland but healthy foods, steamed veg/fish, is just as manageable? What is she allergic to? Did her doctor offer advice regarding an alternative diet?

If she reaches for junk food now what is the likelihood of her improving her diet once she's minding a newborn baby and all the demands it entails? I would echo concerns regarding her attitude to food and how it will impact weaning a baby.

Milly33

hollymartins wrote: »

I'm surprised that your wife is able to eat so much junk food while she has so many allergies. Surely eating bland but healthy foods, steamed veg/fish, is just as manageable? What is she allergic to? Did her doctor offer advice regarding an alternative diet?

Thats what I ws thinking with the food.. Another test might not be the worst idea, sometimes docotrs get it wrong....A lot of test have certain rules as such that should be followed before getting them done, which sometimes get overlooked..

AnneFrank

Buttercake wrote: »

Hi all

My wife is 10 weeks pregnant and we are both delighted, its our first.

She has a lot of allergens; dairy, eggs, wheat, gluten and when we were in with the doctor who tested her for allergies, he said clearly that she must stick to a diet and avoid these foods while pregnant.

She has never stuck to any diet and will eat products that contain these in the past and then complain the next day when she feels unwell or breaks out in rash.

She has this psychology around junk food that she thinks home cooked food is "exactly the same" ...whenever i tell her she's wrong and junk food is junk food for a reason she gets angry and defensive, almost to quote ads from fast food outlets "their meat is flame grilled and 100% irish" and so on..she also drinks coffee like a daemon and promised to cut it out or down.

I havent said anything to her but Im getting very worried now that she is pregnant and does eat the right things, i was in her car at the weekend and it stunk of mcdonalds with brown bags on the floor, coffee cups, bottles of diet coke. When she is at home I never see her eat fruit and rarely veg, she tells me she does during the day but i dont believe it.

Im not looking for her to turn into a Gwyneth Paltrow but it is causing me concern

No matter what you say, you'll be wrong, forget about having a voice or say till your child(best of luck and congrats by the way) is about 3.welcome to a dad's world. I've been there, trust me, best thing you can do is keep schtum

bee06

AnneFrank wrote: »

No matter what you say, you'll be wrong, forget about having a voice or say till your child(best of luck and congrats by the way) is about 3.welcome to a dad's world. I've been there, trust me, best thing you can do is keep schtum

That's one of the most depressing things I've ever heard. If a husband can't call his wife on her bullsh*t then what's the point.

AnneFrank

It is bs I agree, but it's true in 99% of cases I know , it's my advice, one dad to another to the op,

blacklilly

AnneFrank wrote: »

It is bs I agree, but it's true in 99% of cases I know , it's my advice, one dad to another to the op,

In other words.......choose your wife/partner very carefully

Blndbby

To the people saying that his wife will get Gestational Diabetes from eating all the junk food are wrong!
it's a hormone secreted by the placenta that causes gestational diabetes (along with other risk factors that increase the risk ie)being over 30 , obesity, ethnicity ), not eating too much sugar. So if she has any of these factors then they will be testing her for it anyways around 27 weeks. And A lot of women with GD are on insulin at some stage.. it's just to do with the placenta growing. It really bugs me when people don't fully know what they are talking about!!

In the mean time I would make sure she is taking her prenatal vitamins at least if she doesn't want to eat fresh food she is getting some type of vitamin.

Toots

Blndbby wrote: »

To the people saying that his wife will get Gestational Diabetes from eating all the junk food are wrong!
it's a hormone secreted by the placenta that causes gestational diabetes (along with other risk factors that increase the risk ie)being over 30 , obesity, ethnicity ), not eating too much sugar. So if she has any of these factors then they will be testing her for it anyways around 27 weeks. And A lot of women with GD are on insulin at some stage.. it's just to do with the placenta growing. It really bugs me when people don't fully know what they are talking about!!

In the mean time I would make sure she is taking her prenatal vitamins at least if she doesn't want to eat fresh food she is getting some type of vitamin.

The hormones secreted by the placenta work against the insulin that the mother's body naturally produces. If she's eating a diet that's really high in sugar, her body won't be able to produce enough insulin to regulate her blood sugar.

If she does end up with GD and continues to eat the way she's eating, she will increase the chances of there being complications with her pregnancy.

tedpan

judeboy101 wrote:

No it doesn't, plenty of examples of women who have undergone starvation giving birth to healthy babies. Same hoes for morbidly obese women. The fetus gets the nutrients it needs regardless, its the woman's body that takes the hit.

A fantastic way to think.. I understand that the woman's body will take the hit but why put the mother at risk with a new baby and life ahead of her.

She should think more about her food and health.

pointelle

Hi congratulations! She's just barely pregnant and I as a tea addict could not bear it shortly after that stage, maybe that generally happens? I remember the hunger too! There's some great recipes for homecooked fast food which you could try to cook for her, make an effort to make her a meal and get a little practice in with some don't spoil your dinner I'm cooking tonight type of situations. If you simply tell someone to change, it's not gonna happen, show her the way. the loving support you give now will help her a lot. Make her smoothies, I know if someone blended up a bit of banana strawberries mango and natural yogurt with oat milk and handed it to me I'd be thrilled! The hospial are bound to have some form of dietary assistance available? Feeding the baby herself is a fantastic way to shed the baby weight and helps with baby's resistance to allergens too, very best of luck it's an exciting time

Blndbby

Toots wrote: »

The hormones secreted by the placenta work against the insulin that the mother's body naturally produces. If she's eating a diet that's really high in sugar, her body won't be able to produce enough insulin to regulate her blood sugar.

If she does end up with GD and continues to eat the way she's eating, she will increase the chances of there being complications with her pregnancy.

Of course if she is diagnosed with GD and doesn't control her diet that would be dangerous towards baby. An uncontrolled diet with it wouldn't be a good idea at all and cause many complications.

pwurple

Was she taking her folic acid before the pregnancy and is she continuing those?

Do you eat meals together? Brekkie and dinner anyway, if she's out at work for lunch. You need to prepare those, preggo people can be way too nauseous to cook. I couldn't manage it, survived mainly on crackers, apples and olives. Why is she eating in the car at all? Is no-one making her food for her?

Bodily autonomy is the first thing you lose with a pregnancy and you also feel nauseous and crappy during those first 12 weeks. It's very hard to hear someone, (especially a non-pregnant man who got you into this in the first place), giving "advice" without getting very resentful. Also, you're setting up a weird dynamic here, were she is getting away with eating what she likes out of your sight, rather than a partnership.

I know I craved salty carbs in the first trimester, it felt like they were the only thing that would settle my stomach. If someone offered me a big sugary smoothie I would have retched at the thought of it. A nice toasted sandwich with some salad though, that I could manage alright (as long as I didn't have to touch it or be involved in making it).

The allergens thing sounds like a red herring, as the others have said, that tends to be gobbledegook, and with a rash, it sounds very mild anyway. Unless she is going into anaphylactic shock, forget about it. Plus, the current best practice AFAIK with pregnancy is exposure, so eating loads of them during pregnancy.

Orion

AnneFrank wrote: »

No matter what you say, you'll be wrong, forget about having a voice or say till your child(best of luck and congrats by the way) is about 3.welcome to a dad's world. I've been there, trust me, best thing you can do is keep schtum

Well that's complete crap for starters. Parenting is a partnership. I've been there - trust me.

Orion

pwurple wrote: »

The allergens thing sounds like a red herring, as the others have said, that tends to be gobbledegook, and with a rash, it sounds very mild anyway. Unless she is going into anaphylactic shock, forget about it. Plus, the current best practice AFAIK with pregnancy is exposure, so eating loads of them during pregnancy.

Even apart from contradicting the OP's doctor that is terrible advice - allergies can manifest in many ways. This borders on medical advice which goes against the rules of boards.ie. Please restrict yourself to non-medical advice comments.

Buttercake

Given up on this thread, people suffer from allergies not because of snapchat bloggers, while its a rash its also other things that happen which i wont go into but use your head what happens if you have an upset stomach, yes she still eats these food because she enjoys them.

thanks for those who gave suggestions, we had a chat last night about it and we are going to work together on a diet.

bee06

OP, I'm guessing she hasn't had her booking appointment with the hospital yet but when I went I got a booklet on healthy eating during pregnancy that will hopefully help as well. Good luck.

embee

Just to say - pregnancy will put the body into a state of immunosuppression so allergic reactions tend to be dampened down somewhat. Just follow the recommended pregnancy diet, avoid unpasteurised dairy, rare meats, don't eat liver, wash all salads well before eating. Take your folic acid but also try to eat a balanced, healthy diet with plenty of iron and green veg. Take your iron, if prescribed, with a glass on orange juice to increase iron absorption. I'd avoid junk foods as they have a high fat and sugar content. Gestational diabetes can cause major problems for mum and baby as the pregnancy advances. I'm a midwife, these are the recommendations we give to all women.

Milly33

Great news OP,,, Glad ye were able to talk about it and fingers crossed twill all work out for the better.. Thats what I was kinda getting at with the allergies that as such they might be just an intolerance to certain foods.. When you mention the belly thing I was like yep.. took me ages to figure out that certain ways food is cooked just does not suit me, cheese is one thing and cheap mince meat tummy just does not like it and it isnt worth it... Best of luck anywho

Toots

OP check if your GP has a dietician. My GP does and she was a great help with food tips on my first time around - I wad sick as a dog in the early months and the only thing that could stay down was salty food. I mentioned it to the GP and he asked the dietician to meet me and set me up with some healthy choices that wouldn't make me puke

Lumina

Not sure if helpful but I used to eat loads of rubbish in general for lunch and tea - no breakfast normally. MY OH one day just started making lunch for me to take to work full of sugar snap peas, fruit, and a reasonably healthy sandwich or microwavable shepherds pie/lasagna/chile con carne. Before I knew it I was eating a much more healthy diet. As I was fuller from snacking on fruit, I ate junk food for tea less and OH would have evening meal started on the stove before I got home so I couldn't order that sneaky pizza.

Basically, it may take work on your part but my OH started doing this for me and before I knew what was going on I was eating the right foods more often that not.

tea_and_cake

As others have said she may go off it. I eat healthily 90% of the time and I have gone off all the foods I normally eat. I also cook all my own meals and do not want to cook one single thing right now so cooking for her would be ideal. Glad ye talked, that will help

Best of luck.

Milly33

Lumina wrote: »

Not sure if helpful but I used to eat loads of rubbish in general for lunch and tea - no breakfast normally. MY OH one day just started making lunch for me to take to work full of sugar snap peas, fruit, and a reasonably healthy sandwich or microwavable shepherds pie/lasagna/chile con carne. Before I knew it I was eating a much more healthy diet. As I was fuller from snacking on fruit, I ate junk food for tea less and OH would have evening meal started on the stove before I got home so I couldn't order that sneaky pizza.

Basically, it may take work on your part but my OH started doing this for me and before I knew what was going on I was eating the right foods more often that not.

That love so it is

Hannibal_Smith

Lumina wrote: »

Not sure if helpful but I used to eat loads of rubbish in general for lunch and tea - no breakfast normally. MY OH one day just started making lunch for me to take to work full of sugar snap peas, fruit, and a reasonably healthy sandwich or microwavable shepherds pie/lasagna/chile con carne. Before I knew it I was eating a much more healthy diet. As I was fuller from snacking on fruit, I ate junk food for tea less and OH would have evening meal started on the stove before I got home so I couldn't order that sneaky pizza.

Basically, it may take work on your part but my OH started doing this for me and before I knew what was going on I was eating the right foods more often that not.

That's one of the sweetest things I've read on boards. What a lovely husband and dad!

starface

Sorry not sure if this was mentioned but ask her to take a pregnancy multi vitiam everyday.

missjuly

BlndbabyThank you for this I am so annoyed by the misinformation about gestational diabetes! I find some people's attitudes to it very offensive! Myself and my sister both suffered ( I am suffering from it). We are both a normal healthy weight and have good healthy diets. My sister in particular is a fitness and health food fanatic and it didn't stop her from getting it or having to have it medicated despite the fact she was 8 stone! Obviously there are different risk factors and increased BMI is one of them. But having a high BMI or eating sugar doesn't mean that a person will automatically become insulin insensitive. Or that it is someones fault if they have a high BMI and develop gestational diabetes, it is not black and white!

shesty

My pregnancy nausea worked in such a way anything fatty or rich made me very unwell, from about 7 weeks up to 17 weeks, and returning again from 30 weeks on.I do like my coffee, just once a day, but ugh.....I always had to stop at about 8 weeks, it left me feeling awful for hours afterwards.Maybe that might start with her too.....
Setting aside the pregnancy OP,there's a longer term issue here.She may not be visibly overweight but there's a strong chance that there is a lot of fat around her organs internally which is so dangerous.Plus...she will be responsible for starting the baby on solids and giving it a healthy food start in life.Processed foods, salt etc are out of the question for babies.Their bodies are not able to handle that food.I would recommend you buy a book called 'feed your child well' as the pregnancy goes on.Maybe buy it quietly yourself.It's written by three temple st dieticians and it outlines foods amd mamaging food for kids from pregnancy through to ten years old.It's very good, full of facts, deals with all common allergies and intolerances....and it sounds like your wife might need some help in learning about these things. When the baby is in utero things can be brushed off, but when it's sitting in front of you and you are chosing between giving it fruit or bits of pizza, it's a whole other story.
Good luck.

the14thwarrior

if she's that defensive about food and continues to eat junk food a lot, there is something else at play. she's not making good choices. there is a reason why she is doing what she is doing, and i wonder if at some point you could find out why she is very defensive and not interested in taking on board her allergies. some people will eat stuff they know is not good for them and thats that. but the deeper questions are if she is not eating them at home, in front of you citing reasons, and then eating it elsewhere. therein lies the problem. and if you call her on it, it'll esculate

i would not be unduly worried about the baby. until you get the above sorted out, she will be miserable.