An Open Letter to Parents of Equestrian Children

Ave Sodalis

Dear Parents of Equestrian Children,

I would like to begin this letter by saying that, on behalf of the equestrian community, I appreciate you encouraging the next generation of show-jumpers, eventers, dressage riders, endurance riders, jockeys, or whatever other discipline they may focus on in the future. Ireland is a country that continues to produce top quality riders and horses and it is through the up and coming young riders that we can continue and improve on this trend.

However, I feel there is a reoccuring issue that needs addressing. The worse candidates are (I've found) parents who they themselves don't ride or are novice riders. This issue is the pushing of children far beyond what they are capable of, regardless of what instructors and more knowledgable people recommend.

Horse riding is supposed to be fun. There is a reason pony club games were invented. There is a reason horse riding is considered an early start/late specialisation sport. Do not let your ego push your child more than what they can do. Do not force your expectations and dreams on your child before they are ready. Horse riding takes time.

Listen to the instructors. They know your child better than you do when it comes to riding. They are the ones that spend the lesson analysing and critically evaluting the child in every aspect. If the child is still jumping 80cm, there is most likely a reason. If your child hasn't started cantering yet, then there is most likely an issue with the slower paces that needs to be fixed first. Believe me, instructors would love their students jumping at the next Nations Cup, or riding Grand Prix dressage at the next Olympics. That isn't going to happen in a year or five.

Sure, you can buy your child a top pony, and they go to their heart's content before they (or you) even know how to lunge. You can make your own courses before you know how far a stride is, nevermind how to ride one. All you're doing is ruining a good pony, and severely limiting your child's learning. Or you could take another route. You could buy your child a nice green horse three year old, even if the kid has only ever rode school ponies.

Horse riding takes time. It takes a lot of time. I ask parents of equestrian children to calm down and have patience. A child riding at 12 could have been riding for 10 years, or they could have only started. There is no need to expect your child to be at the same level as everyone else their age. You child could really get stuck at mastering rising trot and watch their friend progress faster, only to pass them out as their friend gets stuck mastering jumping position. Horse riding does not mean that because your child jumped 90cm last week, they're fit to jump 1m this week. It can take months, if not years to go up levels properly.

It may only be 10cm but that may be the world of difference between a pony being able to place itself, and having to control the strides. It may be the world of difference between balanced, and unbalanced. It may be the world of difference between your child jumping something it's safe and learning at, and something it's unbalanced and at risk at.

If your child does not know what Mackey Bar training is, or cannot measure a stride, then they are not ready to be aiming towards next year's RDS. If your child does not know what contact is, then they should not be aiming towards this year's dressage National Championships. If your child has not jumped an cross country course bigger than the local riding school's one, you will not have them at Badminton within the next few years.

So I will conclude this letter by repeating that if you are a parent of an equestrian child, I ask you to take a deep breath, relax, give your child time and allow them to enjoy the sport and progress at their own pace. For if you do not, the best thing you can hope for is a ruined pony and a child stuck inside a comfort bubble, unsuccessful and unprogressing and maybe even hating the sport. The worst thing is you end up with a badly injured or even dead child as you forced them past the point where they were able to ride at.

Yours,

A concerned bystander

jcd5971

Well said.

But who's taking the horse to france

Kevhog1988

Well said. As someone who considers themselves formerly a very accomplished rider (work commitments forced me to give up) i do facilitate my son learning to ride but only once he wants to. I have him doing a weekly lesson and let the instructor teach him how to ride properly.  Growing up i saw some very pushy parents with their kids. Its horrible to watch.

Imhof Tank

Pretty condescending tbh OP.

Maybe you should rename your thread "An Open Letter to Clueless Parents of Equestrian Children" as those are the people you have in mind.

Ave Sodalis

Imhof Tank wrote:

Maybe you should rename your thread "An Open Letter to Clueless Parents of Equestrian Children" as those are the people you have in mind.

I highly doubt these people would consider themselves clueless to be fair.

I'm sorry you thought it was condescending. I thought it was be clear that I didn't mean those it doesn't apply to. Maybe not and I'll try and phrase things clearer in future.

hometruths

sup_dude wrote: »

I highly doubt these people would consider themselves clueless to be fair.

I'm sorry you thought it was condescending. I thought it was be clear that I didn't mean those it doesn't apply to. Maybe not and I'll try and phrase things clearer in future.

I sincerely hope none of my children ever take an interest in horses as my experience of the equestrian community is that there are a higher than average number of condescending people in it.

Pompous posts like the above are a good example.

Ave Sodalis

schmittel wrote:

Pompous posts like the above are a good example.

I'm confused as to how that post you quoted was pompous?

hometruths

sup_dude wrote: »

I'm confused as to how that post you quoted was pompous?

Apologies, I could have been clearer. I was referring to the Open Letter as pompous and condescending rather than the post I quoted.

hometruths

Apologies OP, on reflection I might have been a bit harsh to attack your particular post as overly condescending/pompous.

It just gets my hackles up when dyed in the wool equestrian folk are overly dismissive of others that do not have the same experience/knowledge/commitment or whatever.

And I think I initially read your post with just the sort of preconceived narrow mindedness I object to! So apologies for that!

Ave Sodalis

schmittel wrote: »

Apologies OP, on reflection I might have been a bit harsh to attack your particular post as overly condescending/pompous.

It just gets my hackles up when dyed in the wool equestrian folk are overly dismissive of others that do not have the same experience/knowledge/commitment or whatever.

And I think I initially read your post with just the sort of preconceived narrow mindedness I object to! So apologies for that!

No problem, I think it's something we're probably all guilty of at one time or another

byhookorbycrook

I don't see the post as being condescending. I think it's common across sport for some parents to try and vicariously live their own sporting dreams through their children and push the children too hard.

isaos

Sup_Dude I think that some of the parents are there.... what you wrote is very true, and not pompous... good of you!

Imhof Tank

Well as a parent of equestrian children – past and present – I find the OP condescending and superior. I see jealously there also with the talk of parents buying and ruining “top” ponies. The reference to Badminton is just a ridiculous exaggeration.

In my experience, for every dance mom type parent involved in pony club/ SJ/ showing who thinks their special snowflake is the next Cian O'Connor, there are at least an equal number of vindictive, bitter adults involved in judging, coaching and dealing in ponies. These people have their favourites and their enemies. In 98% of cases, their problems go back to some sort of financial issue.

Leaving aside those doing an hour lesson a week at a riding school (whose parents aren’t a factor), I would say that the main dividing line among equestrian children is between livery clients and those who keep ponies at home, the latter group usually having reasonably knowledgeable parents.

The vast majority (not all!) of the livery kids don’t last. And you are right, some of their parents are deluded and are the type of people you are addressing your open letter to OP, even though I don't think the ones shelling out the really big money for top ponies are going to be doing the coaching themselves as you imply.

The others continue if they are any good and this where “the next generation of show-jumpers, eventers, dressage riders, endurance riders, jockeys” come from. The parents of this group are usually not complete numpties so maybe don’t tar everybody with the same brush.

As an aside - good to see some heated debate on this forum. All too rare.

Ave Sodalis

I can assure you 100% that there was no jealousy within the post. Whether or not it came across as condescending is a matter of opinion, and as I already said, it was not at all my intention to come across that way. The reference to Badminton, ridiculous as it is, is an unfortunately quotable example, as is all of my post. Just a few points on the rest of your post:

My post was not made in bitterness, nor as a dig to all children. I would love nothing better than to see every child do very well, but also be safe and continue to enjoy the sport. Your comments on livery vs home children really have nothing to do with the topic. Also, I didn't imply any parents are doing coaching, I'm saying that those who think they know better than the coach and like to argue with the instructor about their child's progress should be teaching the child themselves. Ask any instructor or coach and they will tell you that if they are going to have a problem customer, it will most likely be the parents causing the issues and headaches, rather than the child.

Take as a recent example, Bernhard Maier. That video that has emerged seems very much a case of being over-horsed. Took shortcuts to get to the top, had it easy in a comfort bubble and now is paying the price with a 3 month ban because he couldn't ride a horse outside of his comfort bubble. There's a video of Mark Duffy jumping the same horse on a 1.30 course.

As I have also said, I had thought it was obvious I didn't mean everyone but only those the letter applies to, but I guess not.