Low self esteem

Pollly7937

Hi all just wondering if anybody elese out there feels like a looser compared to others they went to school with I'm now 38 but have carried around the feeling of why can't I be like them attitude even as small children I could tell who was going to be successful in life and those of us who wouldn't be and I was correct everyone I thought would do well did so while the few loosers of us went on to get pregnant early no jobs lived on welfare it's like I was destined to fail from day one and I feel so down daily 20 odd years later about why they were given the chances in life that only a few of us didn't get

thomas anderson.

Don't stress

Everyone is faking it. You don't know what happens behind closed doors

J C

Pollly7937 wrote: »

Hi all just wondering if anybody elese out there feels like a looser compared to others they went to school with I'm now 38 but have carried around the feeling of why can't I be like them attitude even as small children I could tell who was going to be successful in life and those of us who wouldn't be and I was correct everyone I thought would do well did so while the few loosers of us went on to get pregnant early no jobs lived on welfare it's like I was destined to fail from day one and I feel so down daily 20 odd years later about why they were given the chances in life that only a few of us didn't get

Think positive loving thoughts (about yourself and others) ... and if you have to, you should fake it until you make it!!!
You weren't 'destined' to fail ... but your attitudes/beliefs did increase the likelihood of problems in your life.

We are very much what we think we are. You have said that you 'could tell' who was going to succeed and who was going to find things difficult, by their attitudes ... and there is considerable truth in your observation.

Of course, 'success' has many names and many definitions. The great thing about Christianity is that nobody is irredeemably a failure ... we all get multiple chances to be eternally Saved ... and to achieve happiness and success in this life.
I would define success in this life firstly by being happily married to a wonderful fellow Christian person ... and this is not beyond possible for you.
Secondly, i would define success in this life as having a wonderful family of loving and respectful children and grandchildren ... and this is not beyond possible for you too.
Finally, I would define success and peace of mind in the words of Jesus Christ :-

Matthew 6:25-34New International Version (NIV)
Do Not Worry
25 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

28 And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you. ”you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ˜What shall we eat?" or ˜What shall we drink?" or ˜What shall we wear?" 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek ye first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

hinault

J C wrote: »

Think positive loving thoughts (about yourself and others) ... and if you have to, you should fake it until you make it!!!
You weren't 'destined' to fail ... but your attitudes/beliefs did increase the likelihood of problems in your life.

We are very much what we think we are. You have said that you 'could tell' who was going to succeed and who was going to find things difficult, by their attitudes ... and there is considerable truth in your observation.

Of course, 'success' has many names and many definitions. The great thing about Christianity is that nobody is irredeemably a failure ... we all get multiple chances to be eternally Saved ... and to achieve happiness and success in this life.
I would define success in this life firstly by being happily married to a wonderful fellow Christian person ... and this is not beyond possible for you.
Secondly, i would define success in this life as having a wonderful family of loving and respectful children and grandchildren ... and this is not beyond possible for you too.
Finally, I would define success and peace of mind in the words of Jesus Christ :-

Matthew 6:25-34New International Version (NIV)
Do Not Worry
25 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

28 And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you. ?you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ?What shall we eat?" or ?What shall we drink?" or ?What shall we wear?" 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek ye first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Good post.

"Success has many parents, whereas "failure" is an orphan"
This means that people desire to claim responsibility for "success" but are far more reluctant to claim responsibility for "failure"

To the OP, self esteem and a feeling of self worth is valuable. I could point to the science which proves that Pollly7937 is someone who has never been created before and who will never be created again, as a measure of unique value. The attributes that you possess, no one else has ever had or will ever have.

Scripture tells us that God knitted each one of us before we were even in our mothers womb. If you can set aside some time try to meditate upon that idea. Even when we are all alone, perhaps abandoned, the One who made us is there with us.

These concepts are mind blowing when you really contemplate them. That the Creator of everything, molded and built you, and me and everyone else as unique once off, never to be repeated, creations.

The same uniqueness applies to the child who you brought in to this world. That child, your child, is wholly and utterly unique too. That makes you and your child valuable. You are valuable in the sight of God firstly and most importantly.

Try to contemplate these concepts and hopefully they will sustain you and give you the confidence to build upon and retain your self esteem.

Merowig

Success is often a result of a mix of hard work, education, blood and sweat. If people strive to get a good education / higher education, chances are higher to get a well paid job.
As others mentioned here already - some fake it. Others were lucky - many had to work and study hard to get what they have achieved.
Also people define success differently.

Success is like an Iceberg http://blogs.brandeis.edu/lifeatbrandeisibs/files/2015/03/Iceberg.jpg
You see only the top of it but not what is in the background.

People are where they are because of decisions they have done, bad past decisions can't be changed but with long hard work to redo them.

My suggestions would be start doing a sport (e.g. running), adopt a healthier lifestyle, upgrade your skillsets / education.
Write some goals down on a piece of paper, then the action items needed to achieve them - together with a time line.
Plan it - a goal without a plan is a wish.
E.g. one goal could be getting a better job.
Action items then could be to see what skills/ education is neceassary, getting that education via completing courses, online courses.
Improving your CV, getting interview training etc.
Possible starting points could be then the City of Dublin Education and Training Board (assuming you are Dublin based), Aontas, Seetac, etc.

Another goal could be increasing health: e.g. stopping smoking, improving eating habits (e.g. fasting Wednesdays and Fridays), using the stairs, going for walks and then starting jogs.
Sports can also increase self esteem.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/smart-moves/201408/do-sports-and-other-physical-activities-build-self-esteem

Also it can be helpful if you surround yourself with people who are supportive and not with people who drag you down.

antiskeptic

Pollly7937 wrote: »

Hi all just wondering if anybody elese out there feels like a looser compared to others they went to school with I'm now 38 but have carried around the feeling of why can't I be like them attitude even as small children I could tell who was going to be successful in life and those of us who wouldn't be and I was correct everyone I thought would do well did so while the few loosers of us went on to get pregnant early no jobs lived on welfare it's like I was destined to fail from day one and I feel so down daily 20 odd years later about why they were given the chances in life that only a few of us didn't get

You posted this on a Christian forum so presumably you're open to a Christian viewpoint?

One of the very central things that ought direct our focus is that this life "on earth" is but a staging post of sorts. I know today/tomorrow/the next day seems like the most important and relevant thing, most of the time I view it that way myself. But the facts are as the facts are: this life, so significant though it is, is but a dress rehearsal for the main event: the eternal / forever realm.

(At least) One of the purposes of this precursor period (a.k.a. our life here) is for God to discover and for us to decide upon, our attitude to the things of God. Are we attracted to his character what he represents (love, selflessness, joy, peace, courage), etc. And does that attraction mean we are we willing to struggle for what he represents. Are we willing to suffer and even die for what his character is and represents? We don't, in my view, have to believe in God/ believe in the 'right' God, in order to be faced with and answer this question he sets all of mankind. All are faced with the question and all shall answer it one way or the other in the course of their lives

Do we embrace that which is contra-God or do we struggle against it: both in our encountering it in the world around us and within ourselves. Especially when it comes to ourselves, do we mourn over our weaknesses, our selfishness, our ugly aspects. Or do we excuse them and even follow further down the paths these things lead to.

The way in which that stage play plays out is to present us a life that can involve routes away from God and his character and ways towards God and his character. The former often (but not always) come dressed up attractively: wealth, beauty, popularity, success, talent, a sunny disposition. For these things can lead to our corruption: selfishness in the pursuit and retention of wealth, vanity, pride, sloth (that old fashioned word). The latter often (but not always) come dressed with pain: physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual suffering.

Each and every person has their own race to run in the eyes of God. A persons race is not so much to be compared to anothers, rather, the race (struggle) is to be compared to someone like Jesus. He was given (and lived) as an example. Struggle, pain, joy, peace, agony, hope, laughter, disappointment..

Your struggle is your struggle. It's part of the particular race you've to run. Others might be / might appear to be having a better time of it than you. But that might not be the best thing for them, if the focus isn't on the here and now world. As C.S. Lewis said (paraphrased): the path to Hell is a gentle slope down, smoothly paved, no sudden turns, no warning sideposts, no obstacles. The easy life is a dangerous thing . Ironic that the goal of us all is to obtain for ourselves an easy life.

There could well be a way to leave behind your current woe - that potential is there when you walk with God. God has and does bring people through things into pastures completely new. There can be, in walking with God, a way to transcend your current woes - the don't leave you but their power over your life is much diminished.

I know that the shackles which drove me to the point of despair are, in many ways, the same as they were before I found God (better said: he found me). They are much diminished, now that I know they are but hurdles to surmount, in the race I've to run.

Paul, writing from a dank jail cell in Rome wrote: I have learned the secrete of contentment in every situation. When I walk with God.

That potential, the potential to transcend the woes of the world, is available to every single person ever born.