relationship okay now but bad talked boyfriend

LegacyUser

Hi All,

Just seeking some advice. As the title states...me and my boyfriend had a horrible argument last weekend. We were out with friends he got very drunk and was acting like a pain. The next day I called him things I shouldn't have and told him I wanted a break / take time apart, we were both very angry he removed me from Facebook and all this. It was heated.

Anyway....the first the thing I did was confide in my sister and basically gave her a run down of all the stupid immature childish things he has ever done...I really didn't make him look good. She was telling me to end it that I deserved someone better etc. I mean at the time I knew I was giving a one sided perspective.

Me and my boyfriend have since made up, discussed our problems like adults and it is all good again, but this venting to my sister is hanging over me...I don't know how to repair this. One I feel bad for bad mouthing my boyfriend the way he did, although he acted badly he really didn't deserve what I said..it was exaggerated due to my anger at the time. More importantly I'm terrified my ssister has the worst impression of him now and will never like him.

I feel like there is no way back from repairing this ...I don't know what to do. I wish I had kept my mouth shut. If my relationship lasts I fear she Will now never accept him / think he is a loser.

Any advice or has anyone experienced something similar?
Thank you

osarusan

Next time you see your sister tell her that you were really unfair to him that day, you were angry and what you said wasn't a fair reflection of who he is.

Tell her that the two of you are getting back together and that you need her to approach him with an open mind, not thinking about all the exaggerated, one-sided stuff you had said before.

Has she ever met him? Maybe she didn't believe everything you said then anyway, but just said what she did to console and support you.

SusieBlue

A rule of thumb is to not involve family in squabbles with your partner unless you are certain the relationship is over.

You can forgive him because you love him, but she loves you, and he is nothing to her, so she won't be as forgiving as you are. All she sees is her sister being badly treated.

Explain you overreacted and don't involve your family next time you have a fight. Let her know how important it is to you that she treats him as she did before and not let this colour her view of him. Hopefully she'll be able to get past it.

Bambi985

Yeah she'll forever more think that you are in an abusive/terrible relationship and are "blinded by love" now because you did this. It's a harsh lesson to learn but it's doubtful she will ever like him or trust him again. A cardinal rule really - don't drag your family or close friends into petty squabbles because they, being your family or close friends, will ALWAYS take your side!

I'd take the advice above, tell your sister you were unfair to him and unfair to her when you vented about your relationship problems. That you were in the wrong as much as he was but obviously didn't give her the full picture. Tell her you're sorry for involving her because it's important that your boyfriend gets on with all the family and that you won't be doing it again!

leggo

I had an ex who would always start drama over nothing, then tell crazy exaggerated stories to friends and family in a fit of rage, then get upset if things got difficult down the line. It's not advisable. Eventually what happened in that case was that her family ended up...notsomuch taking my side, but realising she was obviously making stuff up and just not listening. But I was lucky they were that reasonable to do so, she must've had form.

Have your friends you can vent to when needed, friends who get that relationships have highs and lows and can take a balanced, long term view, but keep family out of it. And maybe look into your anger if an argument can cause you to lose the run of yourself and burn a bridge between two people close to you. No matter how bad things have gotten with exes I'd still have lied or concealed thugs to family to protect any future relationship they'd need to have, unless the relationship was truly dead. The fact you couldn't see this either suggests you're young and making a rookie mistake or can't control anger to see the big picture.

I wouldn't even go to your sister and try explain unless it comes up, she'll just think you're a lovestruck fool, but let time bare out the facts. If he's still around in a year or two and has had positive interactions with her, she'll either see it for how it is or think he's 'changed' and things will get better, though depending on what you said she'll likely always look at him with suspicion.

professore

What kind of stuff did he do when drunk? People might act the eejit when drunk but if they are genuinely mean or throwing themselves at whatever sex they find attractive that's not good.