Confused about sexuality

LegacyUser

Hi. I am a male in my late 20s. I have always assumed I was gay since I didn't really feel attracted to girls. I was with a few girls when I was younger and I just found myself very stressed about being intimate, even holding hands never mind the sex. I like fitness and just assumed I'm gay. I like the male physique.

I have met 4 different guys over the past 2 years- just to try it out. All those guys have been well built and good looking. However, for me - I don't feel anything. It was just so cringey having someone touch me etc, that I just want to either burst out laughing and walk out of there. I didn't find any of the experiences any bit erotic, even though I like to look at male fitness physiques. And it's not about being with strangers etc, I chatted to some of them for a long time before over different periods of time.

So I'm left with- don't really have any sexual desires to have sex with anyone, male or female. I like male fitness physiques. But I don't like anything to do with sex. I feel like there's something wrong with my brain. Is there anyone else who despises any physical contact?

I know I sound autistic and seemingly everyone is on the spectrum, but I don't have many other difficulties in life. Should I go back to trying with women again? I dunno what to do.

baby and crumble

Have you ever read anything about Asexuality, OP? You sound like you might be somewhere along that sexuality line.

There's an Irish Asexual group, they have a Facebook page.

Have a google, and see what you think. There's nothing wrong with you, you are attracted to who you're attracted to, and not who you're not. It's that simple.

Banbha32

Hey i would agree with baby and crumble above. You seem to identify more with being gay and thats great but are still confused because of how your experiences felt and unsure if trying again with girls is worth a shot. I would suggest delving a little deeper yourself and figuring out if it is purely a physical awkwardness or shyness and lack of experience etc or an actual lack of any arousal with either sex? Other areas like masturbation or pornography for example would help you realise where your sexual arousal lies and if there is arousal then you have a better understanding of which sex you are sexually attracted to and in this case its just the act of doing it is just freaking you out maybe? This might change over time as you start to understand and accept who you are and let yourself be a little more free. If there is genuinely never an arousal then maybe you are asexual. Could an attractiveness for the male physique be something you are wanting in yourself like a perfect body etc rather than wanting to be with guys. How about romantically aswell, do you ever fantasise about kissing or cuddling or holding hands and would you like this to be with guys or girls and maybe you have an idea but just have a low sex drive?

Either way there is absolutely nothing wrong with your brain dont worry, we are who we are and we are all on a spectrum and life is a journey of self discovery. I also admire that you have experimented with both sexes and didnt rush into it either with any guy, its great you have let yourself explore and not holding yourself back in finding yourself. I hope we can help you get there too

368100

Being normal is being different...everybody can't fit into the narrow definitions that society has for sexuality.....I firmly believe that theres any number of combinations for what drives or doesn't drive people sexually.

For example, I'm sure there's somebody else out there that likes the female physique but doesnt like actual sex with a woman.

I know it's hard with family expectations etc but really if you're not into sex, don't force it as you'll just be unhappy. Try and learn that this is just who you are, there's nothing wrong with it and be happy in your life.

Heebie

Just be open to feeling attracted to whom you feel attracted to. It doesn't matter if those are men or women or trans persons.. if you met people that you find sexually attractive, so be it.
If you don't meet people you find attractive, so be it.
There's no need to assume there's anything wrong with you, not that you have to do anything.

Perhaps you appreciate the male form in a very artistic way, rather than a sexual one?

koumi

Op I'm much the same, not sexually attracted to either (I've tried both just to make sure!) but I'm pretty happy with myself and that's really ok. I do get romantic feelings from time to time for people but nothing that would ever lead me to want to be in a relationship and generally I just prefer having decent friendships. (I can love someone a lot, sometimes it's an emotional overwhelm to be around someone I have deep feelings for and cause all sorts of problems)
Fwiw I was also given an aspergers diagnosis and these things did come up during the assessment. I'm sure you will have a better idea of what I'm talking about but being close to people physically is very difficult for me and sexual intimacy is part and parcel of that. I am attracted to people, but just not particularly in a sexual way although I can appreciate the aesthetics of the physical body. Hope that makes sense.

(and also, I've always been this way!)

Mickguinness9

I can identify with you... I am 62 and not interested in sex...but like men friends.. yes you obviously get the nerd who thinks your gay because your not out with girls or women... but you get over that and learn as you go along... Mick.

TazCon

You should definitely take time out to figure what you like.. Maybe you just haven't met the right person yet!