Dating inexperienced guy

LegacyUser

I'm in a not so nice position where I've started dating a guy, but I'm feeling uncertain if there's any future.

We're both 25 and we've been on a few dates, mostly to restaurants and bars. He's really sweet and we have a lot in common. There are no real awkward silences and he's very eager. But I've learned that he is only new to the dating scene as he had some personal issues which he has finally put behind him. I didn't asked him explicitly, but I get the feeling I'm the first girl he has dated!

This has brought up some noticeable problems, like awkwardness in moments alone together. We've had a couple of movie nights in his apartment where we were able to have a more intimate setting. We eventually made out, but it was a very uncomfortable experience and felt like it was forced. There was no passion, and to be honest, he was a dreadful kisser. It felt like I was getting pecked by a bird!

It feels very cruel to say all of that because he's really sweet and I do like him, and I understand that it is very new to him, but if there's no passion in these moments, how can it work? We haven't done anything more than kissing, but I'm also a bit worried about if/when it gets sexual.

What do I do in this situation? Is there any way of getting over this awkwardness and his lack of experience? Am I expecting too much?

Airyfairy12

Ive been in situations like this too with guys and if the passion and chemistry isnt there, you cant force it. Just because someones nice to you doesnt mean you have to continue dating them. That being said if you have feelings for him or youd like to see where it goes then you could just try to have a bit of patience with him but it really should be up to yourself, dont feel obligated to date someone just because theyre sweet, relationships are built on more than one characteristic.

Aspadeaspade

I've been there and frankly it doesn't matter how much you like someone.. If there is no chemistry you might as well be just good friends. You're just going to have to find a way to tell him..

leggo

Two options here:

1) If you do like him and want there to be something there, accept the fact that you get to be the alpha in this situation and, with that, there are definite benefits. You essentially get to train him and customise him to your liking, all plans really go through you, tell him what you like and don't like directly and he'll probably be delighted for the direction. With inexperienced people, you just have to get past the initial awkwardness until they feel like they can be themselves around you and, once that happens, the initial problems will be long gone and you'll get what you're looking for. I know a couple of guys who aren't very experienced and have zero game but they'd be dream boyfriends for girls who are smart enough to see that: loyal, they'd treat them like gold etc. So it can work.

2) If that's not your personality, though, accept you're not suited to this guy and cut him loose. If getting swept off your feet and having the guy take charge is a big deal to you (and you're allowed like what you like) then give him a text letting him know you just feel like it's not clicking and you'd both probably be suited to other people. Give him a chance to go out with dignity and be there for the chats for like a day if he needs it but, if he starts getting needy and begging/harassing, then block him.

leggo

Two options here:

1) If you do like him and want there to be something there, accept the fact that you get to be the alpha in this situation and, with that, there are definite benefits. You essentially get to train him and customise him to your liking, all plans really go through you, tell him what you like and don't like directly and he'll probably be delighted for the direction. With inexperienced people, you just have to get past the initial awkwardness until they feel like they can be themselves around you and, once that happens, the initial problems will be long gone and you'll get what you're looking for. I know a couple of guys who aren't very experienced and have zero game but they'd be dream boyfriends for girls who are smart enough to see that: loyal, they'd treat them like gold etc. So it can work.

2) If that's not your personality, though, accept you're not suited to this guy and cut him loose. If getting swept off your feet and having the guy take charge is a big deal to you (and you're allowed like what you like) then give him a text letting him know you just feel like it's not clicking and you'd both probably be suited to other people. Give him a chance to go out with dignity and be there for the chats for like a day if he needs it but, if he starts getting needy and begging/harassing, then block him.

LegacyUser

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Ive been in situations like this too with guys and if the passion and chemistry isnt there, you cant force it. Just because someones nice to you doesnt mean you have to continue dating them. That being said if you have feelings for him or youd like to see where it goes then you could just try to have a bit of patience with him but it really should be up to yourself, dont feel obligated to date someone just because theyre sweet, relationships are built on more than one characteristic.

I might be overthinking it. I've only been on a few dates so far so I don't think I should be expecting huge amounts of passion and chemistry. I think it's because any other guy I've dated has been experienced so there wasn't any of the uncomfortableness I'm getting now.

It think he'd be acting the same if he was dating anyone. I know alcohol is never the solution, but maybe if he relaxed a little with a few drinks he might be a bit more comfortable in a more intimate setting.

I know it sounds like I'm going back on my initial thoughts, but sometimes it helps to say things out loud to get you thinking more clearly about the situation.

leggo

To be fair, it's not unreasonable to expect chemistry after a couple dates. When it's right it tends to click within the first couple of hours, I've found.

Airyfairy12

amtrac wrote: »

I might be overthinking it. I've only been on a few dates so far so I don't think I should be expecting huge amounts of passion and chemistry. I think it's because any other guy I've dated has been experienced so there wasn't any of the uncomfortableness I'm getting now.

It think he'd be acting the same if he was dating anyone. I know alcohol is never the solution, but maybe if he relaxed a little with a few drinks he might be a bit more comfortable in a more intimate setting.

I know it sounds like I'm going back on my initial thoughts, but sometimes it helps to say things out loud to get you thinking more clearly about the situation.

Id just be patient rather than saying anything just yet as youve only been on a couple dates, I wouldnt be getting drunk with him in the hopes it will loosen him up, it'll happen when the times right, maybe get to know him better rather than ending up sleeping with him or getting physical while drunk as it could end up were either him or you will regret it happened because he's inexperienced or just likes to take him time, it could just make things awkward. If you like him and want to see where it goes then keep dating him but maybe dont try to rush him into anything that he may not be comfortable with.

Chloedancer

amtrac wrote: »

It think he'd be acting the same if he was dating anyone. I know alcohol is never the solution, but maybe if he relaxed a little with a few drinks he might be a bit more comfortable in a more intimate setting.

I don't think that's the best idea. Apart from anything could you imagine if the roles were reversed and a man made the suggestion of "loosening up" an inexperienced girl with a few drinks?

Maybe the awkwardness is because of a lack of experience, in which case you can either be patient with him and give him some guidance on what you like and what he might like, or you can cut your losses.

Although from what I can remember of being young and inexperienced when there's something there after the initial nervousness and awkwardness passes things start to happen naturally. Especially if the other person is patient.

On the other hand it might be nothing to do with his inexperience and there's just no spark. Even if you like him and he's nice and sweet, it's not really something you can force.

Mr. Incognito

Teach him ?

Seriously.

Talk to him. Get the elephant out of the way and learn from each other