Dad wants to bring child on holiday to Australia

Gal44

The father of my 6 year old daughter wants to take her on a holiday to Australia early next year to visit his sister who currently lives there (just moved). He hasn't directly said anything to me about it but he has been talking to my daughter about it and mentioned it to her in front of me in passing, She's six. I actually thought he was joking but my daughter tells me he has been talking to her about it. There's no way I want my daughter taken to Australia. She has double barrel surname mine and his on her passport. We are not married and have never been. She lives with me. And he has her every second weekend and on school holidays part time. Between work and that. Can he take her without my consent? I'm so paranoid since she has his surname on passport aswell as mine that he will try and argue he can. We always have had a great relationship about when and how long he usually has her and nothing went to court or anything and everything has always been very good but I'm just worried now and want to know my rights. Any advice?

tomwaits48

Why shouldn't he be able to bring his daughter on holiday? I don't understand.

Innocent123

A trip of a lifetime with a parent to visit family? Have you any reason to say no, are there trust issues?

Gal44

She's only six and I'm not comfortable with her been so far away from me for such a long time. She has never been away from me for more than a week in her life.

Paulownia

Gal44 wrote: »

The father of my 6 year old daughter wants to take her on a holiday to Australia early next year to visit his sister who currently lives there (just moved). He hasn't directly said anything to me about it but he has been talking to my daughter about it and mentioned it to her in front of me in passing, She's six. I actually thought he was joking but my daughter tells me he has been talking to her about it. There's no way I want my daughter taken to Australia. She has double barrel surname mine and his on her passport. We are not married and have never been. She lives with me. And he has her every second weekend and on school holidays part time. Between work and that. Can he take her without my consent? I'm so paranoid since she has his surname on passport aswell as mine that he will try and argue he can. We always have had a great relationship about when and how long he usually has her and everything has always been very good but I'm just worried now and want to know my rights. Any advice?

You don't say why you are concerned.
Is it that you are worried they won't come back? If you wanted to take her somewhere would he object?
It sounds like there is nothing to worry about unless you know otherwise

Innocent123

I understand that you'd miss her, but she's a very lucky girl to have both parents in her life and caring for her. Does her dad miss her when she's with you all week too? Or is he not capable of taking care of her for longer than a few days? If her welfare is not at stake then I cant see any good reason on your daughters behalf to say no. Is she excited about it?

Paleblood

Would the situation be any different if it was England or Spain?

Australia is very far away and it's a long journey, especially for a child. But I get the feeling that your problems go beyond that.

Why on earth should a father be not allowed to take his child on holiday?

Don't be so selfish and let them enjoy their lives together. You're going to have to get increasingly used to being left out of, or not invited to, important experiences in your child's life.

eurasian

Don't see a problem here. He's her father and his name on her passport and I presume birth certificate as well. She has a right to know her extended family from a father's side.
Why are you worried so much? She's not the first 6 years old travelling with her parent abroad. You said yourself things were never problematic, no courts etc.

And there's contradiction here. He's not keeping anything in secret. He was discussing this with his daughter in front of you.

Trust you partner. After all, you decided to have a child with him.

Wintergirl

He should have discussed it with you first, I wouldn't like it either but in fairness if you wanted to take her to visit your family you wouldn't like to be prevented by your OH.

Is Australia a signature to the Geneva convention or what is the situation should your OH decide to stay there, that is what would worry me.

Gal44

I was just anxious about the long distance and her still been very young at 6 to be so far away when she wouldn't be used to it. And he never discussed it directly with me at all. I wouldn't plan anything like that without discussing it with him first. But thanks for the replies.

Paulownia

What an opportunity for the child, not letting her go could spoil a lot, it sounds like life has worked out well for the three of you

CeilingFly

Its a holiday to see family. That it is in Australia or Scotland makes no difference except in your own head.

If you make a big issue of it you could ruin what seems to be a good relationship with the father. It could also affect your relationship with your daughter by not allowing her enjoy a holiday with her father.

hungry hypno toad

Gal44 wrote: »

but he has been talking to my daughter about it

My daughter? Or 'our' daughter?

Gal44

Thanks for th replies everyone. It's definitely got me thinking

EagererBeaver

Wintergirl wrote: »

Is Australia a signature to the Geneva convention

What the flying ****

Free-2-Flow

tomwaits48 wrote:

Why shouldn't he be able to bring his daughter on holiday? I don't understand.

Because only Women have rights to Children in this country, Fathers are 2nd class

Lyle Lanley

You probably could stop him. Father's in this country get a rough run. He's supposed to be happy he gets to see her every second weekend. Imagine roles were reversed and that was all the time you got to see her. Would you not want to get a holiday in every now and again?

Let them go. Be happy for her, she has two parents who want to spend time with her.

January

I doubt a judge would stop him to be honest. Not that I suggest you take him to court, I think it would be a great bonding experience for her and her father.

whoopsadoodles

He probably hasn't "planned" anything except in his head and probably has no idea that you would have an issue with it if you have a good relationship. Why would he? It's just taking his child on holidays, you wouldn't expect him to stop you doing the same would you?

He can't get a passport without your say so. However, he could take you to court and I don't see any reason he wouldn't win. But why would you want to go down that road in the first place.

Speak to him, but do so calmly and without getting annoyed and without putting him on the defensive.

Gal44

Thanks everyone it's definitely given me some thought.

Gal44

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

He probably hasn't "planned" anything except in his head and probably has no idea that you would have an issue with it if you have a good relationship. Why would he? It's just taking his child on holidays, you wouldn't expect him to stop you doing the same would you?

He can't get a passport without your say so. However, he could take you to court and I don't see any reason he wouldn't win. But why would you want to go down that road in the first place.

Speak to him, but do so calmly and without getting annoyed and without putting him on the defensive.

Thanks, will do.

Sleeper12

Gal44 wrote:

She's only six and I'm not comfortable with her been so far away from me for such a long time. She has never been away from me for more than a week in her life.

Great age to start. He's her dad and he's as entitled as you to take her on a holiday.
I understand you being concerned but unless your concerns are that they'll stay over there I don't see the problem

CeilingFly

Maybe as your concerns seem to be allayed, "encourage" the trip and even use it for yourself to have a break.

Organise skype/facetime beforehand and have daily chats - means you can be part of the holiday experience for your daughter.

Innocent123

OP, you clearly have a good relationship with him and your daughter has been both of your priority. I understand your initial anxiety, but it says a lot that you read all this feedback and didn't get defensive at all.

whoopsadoodles

Definitely can understand you being nervous. If you didn't give a damn that your daughter will be away from you that long then I'd be worried. I think perhaps you're just panicking at the moment because you're looking at it as a huge thing. Laying things out in smaller steps and looking at each one rationally, along with speaking to him about what's upsetting you will put your fears mostly to rest.

It'll be OK. And as another poster said, you'll have a break too

Big Bag of Chips

Does she have a good relationship with her dad? Does he take care of her when she's with him? Is she familiar with his sister? If your only objection is she'd be too far away from you, then that's not really a legitimate reason if she's with her dad and has no problem being with him.

She may miss you. Obviously. But then again she may not. If she does miss you, her dad is there to reassure her, and distract her with days out and whatnot.

I think your reasons for not wanting her to go are more about you than her. But that's very natural. She's only 6. But 6 isn't that small either. She's be independent enough and able to speak up if she wanted or needed something.

I hope you reconsider your objection. And I also hope if the holiday goes ahead that you only speak about it in positive terms. No mention of how you're going to miss her, or how lonely you'll be or how upset you'll be. More of how exciting it will be, and how you can't wait to hear all about it when she gets home, and how it's an amazing holiday to go on and she's so lucky to have her aunt there to show them all the best places to go.

Don't make your issue her issue.

Gal44

Absolutely, it really has made me think of things differently, I just got a shock and was anxious when I heard. Thanks for all the replies.

PREG1967

Gal44 wrote: »

The father of my 6 year old daughter wants to take her on a holiday to Australia early next year to visit his sister who currently lives there (just moved). He hasn't directly said anything to me about it but he has been talking to my daughter about it and mentioned it to her in front of me in passing, She's six. I actually thought he was joking but my daughter tells me he has been talking to her about it. There's no way I want my daughter taken to Australia. She has double barrel surname mine and his on her passport. We are not married and have never been. She lives with me. And he has her every second weekend and on school holidays part time. Between work and that. Can he take her without my consent? I'm so paranoid since she has his surname on passport aswell as mine that he will try and argue he can. We always have had a great relationship about when and how long he usually has her and nothing went to court or anything and everything has always been very good but I'm just worried now and want to know my rights. Any advice?

Shes his daughter too

Gal44

Innocent123 wrote: »

My last "tuppence worth" on this. Six year old can be quite sensitive and intuitive. You've used phrases here like "the father of my daughter" instead of "my daughters father" and "my daughter" instead of "our daughter"- probably not meant but is there a chance she could pick up on this?

No we the three of us have a fantastic relationship. I was just anxious for her to be so far away. Thanks for all the replies.

Pawwed Rig

Gal44 wrote: »

Absolutely, it really has made me think of things differently, I just got a shock and was anxious when I heard. Thanks for all the replies.

To be fair I think he should have discussed it with you before your daughter. That said I would support the trip. It will be great for both of them (and you too)

Innocent123

Gal44 wrote: »

No we the three of us have a fantastic relationship. I was just anxious for her to be so far away. Thanks for all the replies.

You sound like great parents and you're daughter is a lucky little lady

infogiver

Gal44 wrote: »

She's only six and I'm not comfortable with her been so far away from me for such a long time. She has never been away from me for more than a week in her life.

And I wouldn't like it either if I were you, and I would worry and be lonely and miss her and long for her to be home but here's the thing.
It would be a fantastic experience for your daughter to visit with her paternal family in Australia and she will be old enough to remember it forever.
You can make it clear to him that you want to speak to her every day that she is away on FaceTime for both of your reassurance.
You can't deny your child this experience because of your insecurities.
There are difficulties that have to be faced up too when you don't live with the other parent of your child and this is one of them.
Sit down with him in her absence and talk.
He shouldn't have mentioned it to her without running it by you first.

Gal44

infogiver wrote: »

And I wouldn't like it either if I were you, and I would worry and be lonely and miss her and long for her to be home but here's the thing.
It would be a fantastic experience for your daughter to visit with her paternal family in Australia and she will be old enough to remember it forever.
You can make it clear to him that you want to speak to her every day that she is away on FaceTime for both of your reassurance.
You can't deny your child this experience because of your insecurities.
There are difficulties that have to be faced up too when you don't live with the other parent of your child and this is one of them.
Sit down with him in her absence and talk.
He shouldn't have mentioned it to her without running it by you first.

Will do, thanks

Elemonator

These petty insecurities and wanting to control everything to do with your child will ultimately lead to her resenting you in later life.

Don't keep her from her father unless you have genuine concerns.

I am not looking to insult you, but I honestly think you will end up harming her personal self development if you're not careful enough!

Best of luck OP.

whoopsadoodles

Elemonator wrote: »

These petty insecurities and wanting to control everything to do with your child will ultimately lead to her resenting you in later life.

Don't keep her from her father unless you have genuine concerns.

I am not looking to insult you, but I honestly think you will end up harming her personal self development if you're not careful enough!

Best of luck OP.

She's 6 for goodness sake.

Every 6 year old is controlled by their parents and most don't end up resenting their mam and dad!

Worrying about a child travelling across the world without you is not a petty insecurity. How you deal with it of course is what matters.

The OP has been very reasonable on this thread and has taken all of the comments on board.

GarIT

Gal44 wrote: »

She's only six and I'm not comfortable with her been so far away from me for such a long time. She has never been away from me for more than a week in her life.

He is an equal parent and she is away from him for a week every single week.

stargazer 68

GarIT wrote: »

He is an equal parent and she is away from him for a week every single week.

Every 2nd weekend is different to 3-4 weeks which is what a trip to Australia would be interested would imagine.

GarIT

Dovies wrote: »

Every 2nd weekend is different to 3-4 weeks which is what a trip to Australia would be interested would imagine.

I'm sure there has been some case where he had to miss a weekend and go 3-4 weeks without seeing her, probably more than once. The guy sees his daughter for about 52 days a year and doesn't see her for 300 days a year, 30 days won't kill OP.

January

Closed at the request of the OP.