Wife is worried child won't be tall

macmurchu

Hi lads
We just has our 32 week scan. First child. All has always been healthy and well and relaxed baby all the rest. The kid's head circumference was described in the chart of growth as normal (around the 50th percentile), their little roundy belly was above average and their femur length was below average (maybe 40th percentile to look at the chart he plotted).

Wife became anxious after this point. Now at no stage has there ever been a suggestion of anything but healthy development. Private obstetrician, plenty of scans. She says she doesn't want the child to be short or have short legs. I'm 5'9" and described as short legs long back, she's 5'7" or 5'8" and longer legged, was described as being a very long baby. Her mother and two brothers are quite tall.

Few things here
1) we don't know how to fully interpret the findings at this stage. Don't know if 32 week percentile measurement has any bearing on adult growth

2) we can't exactly return the baby and get a taller one. This aspect of her reaction pisses me off

3) I'm worried she is showing some kind of superficial tendency that her extended family does when they talk about how someone looks

She says she is just worried and doesn't want them to be bullied for being short. My response was that we're hardly short and what yardstick are you measuring them by? I got along just fine despite being called short in later teens and the kid will only care about something in their physique if you let them think there's something wrong.

She got ****ty with me and says that I don't understand what she's saying, I'm saying the child is perfectly healthy what more do you want, a short child is not a bad child and they're not exactly going to be a dwarf given our heights.

Any thoughts??
Cheers

bennyineire

macmurchu wrote: »

Hi lads
We just has our 32 week scan. First child. All has always been healthy and well and relaxed baby all the rest. The kid's head circumference was described in the chart of growth as normal (around the 50th percentile), their little roundy belly was above average and their femur length was below average (maybe 40th percentile to look at the chart he plotted).

Wife became anxious after this point. Now at no stage has there ever been a suggestion of anything but healthy development. Private obstetrician, plenty of scans. She says she doesn't want the child to be short or have short legs. I'm 5'9" and described as short legs long back, she's 5'7" or 5'8" and longer legged, was described as being a very long baby. Her mother and two brothers are quite tall.

Few things here
1) we don't know how to fully interpret the findings at this stage. Don't know if 32 week percentile measurement has any bearing on adult growth

2) we can't exactly return the baby and get a taller one. This aspect of her reaction pisses me off

3) I'm worried she is showing some kind of superficial tendency that her extended family does when they talk about how someone looks

She says she is just worried and doesn't want them to be bullied for being short. My response was that we're hardly short and what yardstick are you measuring them by? I got along just fine despite being called short in later teens and the kid will only care about something in their physique if you let them think there's something wrong.

She got ****ty with me and says that I don't understand what she's saying, I'm saying the child is perfectly healthy what more do you want, a short child is not a bad child and they're not exactly going to be a dwarf given our heights.

Any thoughts??
Cheers

Wow just wow, don't know how I can help you on this but this is just crazy talk.

But I guess this is her was of manifesting her worry and stress about the pregnancy and how the birth is going to go.

Look she us heavily pregnant at the moment so don't rock the boat with her, just play along with her as best as you can.

As soon as she as she holds the baby in her arms for the first time all this kind of worry about the height of the child will be forgotten.

One_Of_Shanks

Main thing is the kid will be healthy.

Yee can worry about his/her basketball career down the road.

missmatty

That's actually mental. Going by both your heights the baby won't be short anyway. I'm 5'0 and I can assure you it's no big deal in the great scheme of things.

nullzero

missmatty wrote: »

That's actually mental. Going by both your heights the baby won't be short anyway. I'm 5'0 and I can assure you it's no big deal in the great scheme of things.

Could you speak up? I can't hear you up here.

missmatty

Lol, luckily that doesn't matter on the interwebz!

Blazer

My young fella was only 5lbs born and in the 86percentile for his age upto 4. He's. He's now in the 50percentile for his age so all good. As people said as long as the baby is healthy that's the main thing.

the_pen_turner

i think you need to take her to the childrens hospital and show her what a problem with your child looks like

Bicycle

Growth occurs in spurts. The fact that the baby overall size is in the 50th percentile and the femur length is in the 40th percentile means at least that there is a level of harmony and lack of disproportion.

But to get things into perspective, our elder child was in the 99th percentile for height when she was 18 months old. There was a serious worry that she would be too tall. She was sent for a brain scan and hormone tests to rule out a tumour.

Nothing was found and she is now 5'6". Meanwhile her siblings, who didn't cause any overgrowth worry, are 5'9" and 6'1" (sister and brother) respectively.

And I'm 5'3".

quadrifoglio verde

I was 5 lbs when I was born.
I'm now 6 foot, half a foot taller than the father and a full foot taller than the mother.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Also so what if he isn't tall. Height doesn't make someone a better person

Wesser

The measurement is of absolutely no significance whatsoever.

Frankly your wife's attitude is extremely immature and I dread to think what worries will be raised as motherhood proceeds.

chakademus

I think it's really normal to have what seem to be superficial worries like what the baby will look like, when pregnant. As someone else said it's probably your partner channeling bigger anxieties into bitesize chunks.

My advice is just to hold her hand and say something supportive. Next week another worry will probably take its place. Its all really natural.

I'm sure when your little baby lands she'll think they're the best thing since sliced bread. Regardless of their femur length and head circumference.

volchitsa

the_pen_turner wrote: »

i think you need to take her to the childrens hospital and show her what a problem with your child looks like

No you really really don't, believe me.

Subcomandante Marcos

A make child will not be smaller than the mother unless there's a physical development disorder or impairment.

Odds are he'll be as tall as yourself or taller.

Your wife is being ridiculous though.

eurasian

Sorry OP, but your wife needs councelling or you have to file a divorce.
Her explanation to protect baby from "being bullied for being short" is both ridiculous and stupid.

The key point is thath a baby hasn't even born yet.

infogiver

Pregnancy can make you hyper anxious and over dramatic.
If the radiologist doesn't say " oh this is the finest specimen of a 32 week gestation baby I have ever seen in all my years looking at scans", then it's a total calamity.
I don't know what your going to do really.
If her family are the breed of people who judge people on physical appearance then you probably knew that before you decided to have a baby with her so in all honesty, you can't really complain about it now.

volchitsa

To the OP, look, don't worry about it, it's being pregnant that melts your brain!

I remember when I was pregnant with my first, a colleague at work coming in one morning and telling some banal story about a Down syndrome person on the bus doing or saying something a bit funny, I don't remember exactly. Everyone laughed/chuckled, me too - and then suddenly it was like somebody just punched me, and I felt this terror that my child would be disabled. For no reason at all. And he was fine. But for the rest of my pregnancy I had this sneaking fear that he was disabled in some way.

But I think maybe it's because when you're pregnant, especially with the first, you've all these nameless fears you can't really talk about, because there are so many and you know that most of them are stupid - and then your brain just picks one anyway and you can obsess over it.

So in your case, just tell her that the size in the womb is more about how well he's growing depending on the placenta, and that being small at birth isn't a good indicator of size later on, never mind adult size (which is correct) for that reason.

Also that those measures aren't very accurate, I was told my babies were all different sizes compared to what they really were - the eldest was meant to be huge, and he was just normal (but with a biggish head) and youngest was meant to be small, and he was the biggest of three. Also my second was quite small at birth, and is now really tall. They're really only very rough measurements, to pick up on major medical anomalies.

Orion

eurasian wrote: »

Sorry OP, but your wife needs councelling or you have to file a divorce.
Her explanation to protect baby from "being bullied for being short" is both ridiculous and stupid.

The key point is thath a baby hasn't even born yet.

What's ridiculous is your over-reaction. This is a very unhelpful and insulting post of a type that is unwelcome here.

twowheelsonly

The biggest problem here is the hospitals even discussing or revealing information like that.
Percentiles my ar se. That's medical reference information that no parents need to know unless it looks like there is actually some problem. In particular, feeding this nonsense to an expectant mother when she's probably already vunerable is ridiculous. It's as if they feel the need to tell people everything regardless of the parents need to know. Seems to be the cool thing to do. 'Need to know' is more than enough information for people with plenty on their plate already.
As others have said, if the baby is generally healthy then forget anything else they tell you.

Second problem is your wife listening to this BS and interpreting it as if it was gospel. I don't blame her for that though, even if she is over-reacting. I still blame the so called medical experts that think sharing a little knowledge is a good thing.

promises

As people have said before I'm sure the baby will be a fine height considering you both are. But even if they are not, it doesn't matter. I'm short but never got bullied for it..but often got hurtful things said because I was skinny, my best female mate got bullied for been too tall. Kids are cruel and will find anything they can to target others. Just pray for healthy baby who can deal with these situations.

Moonbeam

There are so many stresses involved with being a 1st time mother , different people panic about different things .
She is probably anxious and although it seems crazy we do worry about "silly" things .
I have 4 kids ,I am 5' 4' / 164cm.He is 6'4".
I have an 8 year old(since Jan) who was 56cm and 7lb 4 and is now 135cm and a 6 year old (since Jan) who is 114cm and was 48cm and 7lb 8 born .
One is above average height and the other is tiny .
Please don't tell her she is being stupid but support her and re-enforce all the positives .
Being pregnant is not always easy .

jimmycrackcorm

macmurchu wrote:

Any thoughts??

Yes, don't irritate a pregnant woman.

jlm29

The accuracy of those scans re size is questionable at best. The consultant could start the marker line thingy a couple of mm further up/down the femur the next day, and tell you you're having a long legged gazelle like creature. The last scan I had, the consultant told me the baby's head was measuring at 33 weeks (I was 29-30 wks at the time), and the rest of it at 31 weeks. I had a little panic about getting the big head out, but it's my third, and I know that realistically speaking, I will go back the next day, and she'll say something different. It's not because she's bad at her job, it's just that the measurements are tiny, and a little bit subjective. Now, I know when I go back, she won't say I'm having a dwarf, it'll still be a whopping big baby, but it will be in proportion. The next day, it might have long legs and a tiny head!

mrsmags16

We also have isolated relatively low femur length (I am a Dr so peek at the centiles when waiting to see consultant) and really it would need to be below 2nd centile to be looked into further. My husband is 6'4" and I am tallish so we ain't having a short baby. Pregnant women freak out about odd things alright.

Ginny

Does she actually understand what the scans mean, and going along with that their accuracy?

It is very common to suffer depression or anxiety during depression, has she shown any other signs? Could she talk to her dr?

If it's a case of there being definitely no depression and she is fully aware of what the scans mean then honestly I'd sit her down and tell her she's being ridiculous First off she's gotten to 32 weeks with a healthy baby, with I'm assuming no complications, she's a very lucky woman. Secondly height is going to be the least of her worries when your baby is born, there are far far far more important things to worried about for your children. Thirdly if she's so upset about possible height issues (which aren't dictated by or indicated a scan at 32 weeks) she will have burnt herself out mentally by the time the child is 2 worrying about stuff.

Dr Bolouswki

I'm not a medical Doctor btw. I'd say be cool daddio. Fears manifest themselves in different ways. I'm sure you guys will love your baby whatever way things turn out - healthy is great, and the stats don't seem to confirm anything other than a nice proportionate baby with no further investigation needed. Calm her down and give her a kiss and tell her not to worry - it's all gonna be great!

shamrock55

**** me,she obviously has nothing else to worry about

You were given waaaay too much information, information that nobody, even a specialist can interpret fully. It would have been better if you had just been told that the child was healthy and growing well, which is what all that percentile stuff is actually saying.

Victor

Pregnancy body size is only one factor in adult body size. Genetics (especially parental body size), a stable food supply and other environmental factors are also factor.

In some populations, children are on average 5cm taller than their parent's generation - over 100 years, that's 20-25cm.

volchitsa

mrsmags16 wrote: »

We also have isolated relatively low femur length (I am a Dr so peek at the centiles when waiting to see consultant) and really it would need to be below 2nd centile to be looked into further. My husband is 6'4" and I am tallish so we ain't having a short baby. Pregnant women freak out about odd things alright.

Actually now I think about it, that's exactly what I was told about my youngest, that the femurs were in a lower centile than the head, but because he was my third and they all had big heads I took it to mean that he was smaller than the other two.

In any case he was perfectly normal, slightly heavier at birth than the other two, and now as a teen he's taller than one brother and possibly the tallest of the three (they're all normal-sized, and no short legs!!)

So yeah, just reassure her that it's all perfectly normal variation, like I said above.

And whatever you do, don't terrify her with suggestions that it could be worse, like someone above said to take her to see really ill kids - not unless you want her to spend the rest of the pregnancy in a state of insomnia and panic. That really would be bad for the baby!
It'll be grand.

76544567

Your wife is stressed.
So would I be if I was pregnant.
Totally normal.
Dont worry yourself about it.
And just be there for her.
Its a happy but worrying time for a woman at 32 weeks.

mirrorwall14

Why did she get a scan at 32 weeks? Is there anything else going on? It's most likely stress and fear causing the reaction.

I had measurements under 10 and I was freaking out. Turned out I just had a small baby. He was perfectly fine and is now just an average sized boy, no issues.

However I was freaking out internally from when they started sending me for growth scans to the end and I know it made me irrational

Redser87

Everyone in my family is over 6 foot and I am 5'3. I get the best clothes in the sales as the average sizes go first, I can drive a small and inexpensive car without feeling cramped and I can curl up on any couch with a book! Tall is not necessarily the best!

positron

Stress and fears, try not to take it personally and just support your wife, she will thank you later.

Let's hope baby gets your brains OP.

January

Pregnancy anxiety can be very real and very irrational!

I also wouldn't be blaming the medics on oversharing information, I read all that stuff myself in my files, it's nothing that's not written in plain sight on scan reports.

All you can do is reassure your wife that with both of you being quite tall that it's quite certain your child will be as tall as you.

My husband and I are short (I'm 5'2", he's 5'5"), we were never teased about our height.

Millem

Op your baby is perfectly in proportion. Head measurement in 50th percentile and legs in 40th percentile!

I take those percentiles with a pinch of salt tbh. A different doctor could get a different measurement on a different day.

Anyway even if they were 100% accurate (which they are not!!) out of 100 babies your baby still has longer legs than 39 other babies

My 3 year old son is very tall for his age but it's actually his torso that is long! I would say his legs are an average length.

Beanybabog

Tell your wife (gently) not to worry, the baby is healthy, and forget about it.

Being an anxious person anyway, my worries were off the charts sometimes when I was pregnant. I spent the first and last few weeks of my pregnancy worried my baby would be a different race. Have never cheated, never mind the fact I knew the night we got pregnant, but that's what your head can do to you when youre pregnant!! I think it was more worry my perfect little world of husband baby house would come crashing down some way or another and I didn't deserve everything to be so good. I got up the courage to tell my husband and he laughed and the fear lifted :-) Apparnently it's a quite common fear !! Also a few weeks in the middle of my pregnancy I was convinced my child had a cleft palate. That went after the 3D scan. I suppose I can only say sometimes you fixate on things that are stupid, impossible etc so I'd nearly leave her worrying about the height, it's better thanworrying about the health, and her head has probably picked one thing to focus all her worries into. When the baby is born she won't actually care.

I'm 5'8/9 and my husband is an inch taller and our girl is in the 91st percentile for height. A midwife also told me she reckoned she'd be 7lb ish and she was nearly 9. Not that it really matters, but these things aren't terribly accurate before birth anyway.

BorneTobyWilde

Aren't people in Ireland very short anyway. Rarely do you see a tall person in Ireland. Most girls are 5ft , it's like Japan. What causes it, american girls are tall. A 14 year old in the states could be 5'8.
What caused the stunted growth in this generation

Beanybabog

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

Aren't people in Ireland very short anyway. Rarely do you see a tall person in Ireland. Most girls are 5ft , it's like Japan. What causes it, american girls are tall. A 14 year old in the states could be 5'8.
What caused the stunted growth in this generation

Wikipedia quotes measured studies (not self reported) representing over 50% of the population and they show Irish people are on average half an inch taller than American , both men and women.

implausible

It seems a strange thing to be fixated on, so I'd second the idea that it's a manifestation of greater fears about pregnancy that she's not expressing (or possibly unaware of.)

I've had 3 kids and haven't a notion about the percentile stuff. The only things I would have asked about at scans were baby's health, predicted weight (they were nearly always wrong, btw) and baby's position - questions that are directly relevant to how labour is going to go.

If your wife is a person who likes being in control of her life, it might feel safer for her to worry about something she can't control - height. If she normally has a preoccupation with height, it sounds very shallow, but that will all change when she gets the baby in her arms.

Thebe

First Child is going to be stressful, lots of unknowns and lots of head wrecking things going on. Reassure her without dismissing the worry she has, bring it up at your next appointment if she is still worried. A worry is a worry, dismissing it no matter how trivial or unlikely it is will always be counterproductive.

Enjoy the last few months of you both as a couple, plan lots of dates or weekends away if you can.

tiredcity

Google midparental height calculator and input your details. We used to use it in paeds all the time to estimate the likely height of a child once fully grown (~18yrs old) and barring some serious growth disorder, it was usually reasonably accurate.

As everyone else has said, scans are a just guideline not an absolute and she's probably diverting greater anxieties into this particular molehill.

BorneTobyWilde

Beanybabog wrote: »

Wikipedia quotes measured studies (not self reported) representing over 50% of the population and they show Irish people are on average half an inch taller than American , both men and women.

That makes no sense. Just look at a crowd in a busy street, all short asses .

shesty

You should probably investigate what percentiles mean and how they are calculated.
Unless the doctor is standing there telling you there is a problem with the baby, this stuff means nothing.Nothing.At my scans, nobody mentioned anything about percentile anything.And I didn't care.Once that baby was healthy, growing and looked ok that was it.All I wanted to hear.And when they were born....once they were breathing, looked ok to the doctors and everything was fine, that's it.Percentiles don't mean anything much unless the child actually has a problem that's being carefully monitored like not developing weight or something.And at 32 weeks in utero for a baby that looks good and healthy, they mean nothing at all.

I'd just agree gently with your wife for now.Once 40 weeks approaches and labour starts, this will be the last thing on her mind.

whoopsadoodles

tiredcity wrote: »

Google midparental height calculator and input your details. We used to use it in paeds all the time to estimate the likely height of a child once fully grown (~18yrs old) and barring some serious growth disorder, it was usually reasonably accurate.

As everyone else has said, scans are a just guideline not an absolute and she's probably diverting greater anxieties into this particular molehill.

Is that calculator actually any use? I tried that out and my daughter had already outgrown its estimate and has a lot of growing left to do.

Edit: and sure that would mean all sisters and all brothers would be the same height?

cbyrd

A child usually reaches half their estimated adult height by the age of two. They grow in spurts (usually when you just bought them new shoes ) .
Same in the womb, it's an estimated growth. You could have another scan next week and be told the opposite.
I was told at 37 weeks that the baby weighed about 8, 8 ... Her birth weight 4 weeks later was 8, 3 ... It's a guesstimate.
You should definitely bring it up at the next appointment just to have your mind put at ease.

sareer

My grandma says the rule of thumb is that the child's adult height is double the child's height on his/her second birthday. Apparently deemed to be spot on in Germany and my son's second birthday is coming up this year so I will be sure to measure!

catrionanic

My baby's femur length was around the 40th percentile at our 22 week anomaly scan. He's now 12 weeks old and is in the 92nd percentile for height. Both of these measurements mean very little when it comes to predicting what height he will be at 21 years old.

Neyite

I'm interested in her and her families views of short people... It looks like a bit of a projection on her part with a good dash of pregnant hormones thrown in. Was she bullied or did she bully short kids when she was young?

Having a baby embodies all our greatest dreams and worst nightmares to paraphrase Robin Williams. If we've had trauma as children, sometimes that becomes very prominent in your mind again when starting your family because it's the thing you want to protect them from. I know someone who is possibly overly vigilant about potential child abuse, because she was abused. Another couple I know focused on food and obsessing over lots of wholesome organic home-grown stuff - they both came from poor backgrounds where meals were frequently missed. So maybe this panic is a manifestation of that now you have the "having a baby" bit sorted now she's starting to panic a bit about the "rearing them right" part. All entirely normal.

What I started to do when I was pregnant was to build up a library of what I call Really Useful Books which helped me feel like I could pretend I knew what I was doing! Some are for me- like parenting ones, some are for the kid to read when they reach the right age or for when a situation might come up. Some are just because, like some favourite classics or childhood books and the Harry Potter set. These are some on the list that I've got /plan to get:

Wonder is a book about bullying.
Rabbityness is a lovely book that helps explain bereavement.

I'm also ordering the Pants Rule book and one about Tricky people. I've yet to read both of those but I've seen decent reviews.

So it might be an idea to explore her fears why. Is it that she's afraid of her baby getting bullied at school. Has this triggered unhappy memories of her own, and maybe brainstorm practical ways in which you both together could tackle any issue your child might have eg. being short and how you will support your child in a situation like that. Sure, it might just be the hormones, but even if it is just that, she will appreciate being listened to at the time with kindness and respect when she comes out the other side of it and looks back.

Best of luck, and Congrats!

Arcade_Tryer

Wesser wrote: »

The measurement is of absolutely no significance whatsoever.

Not necessarily. Taller men earn more on average than shorter men. So it may be significant if the child is a male. Also women tend to prefer taller men. But in the context of being born or having an abortion, it's fairly insignificant.

Bitches Be Trypsin

Being small isn't the worst, I'm small and quite happy about it