Wowzers

LegacyUser

I have a long ish story which I will abridge.
I'm a woman and I had a guy working for me, with whom I was and am very close to. He worked for me for over two years. In that time, I developed feelings for him, and I was forthright and told him at the time, I never expected him to reciprocate, but I'm the type who has to let things out as I feel. I would never have acted on it anyway as it would be inappropriate, but he told me that after his internship that he always wanted to be friends with me and I accepted that. But then he started to seriously ramp things up from time to time, where I would start thinking that he actually had feelings for me, but I didn't put a pass on it, because he worked for me and as far as I was aware, I was in the friendzone and didn't want to be rejected again. Anyway, he was leaving a few weeks ago, and the last thing he told me as he left was 'I love you so much' . We both were crying that he was going, and now I'm regretting that I didn't say anything to him earlier....but he had already friendzoned me months earlier. I mean, he's a man...if he had wanted me, surely he would have made a move...no?
I won't see him again for a few weeks, so I want to know is this: Once in the friendzone, do things ever change?

Dial Hard

ecnalubma wrote: »

I mean, he's a man...if he had wanted me, surely he would have made a move...no?

If he has an ounce of professionalism and career sense (and it sounds like he does), then no. Simple as.

You were his boss. You put him in an absolutely horrendous position. What on earth did you think was going to happen?

Honestly, OP, have a good long think about this and don't ever put anyone else in that situation. It was unbelievably unfair on him.

bee06

Friend zone is not a thing. Either someone has feelings for you or they don't.

But it doesn't matter. As Dial Hard said, it was horrendously inappropriate for you to tell someone who works for you that you have feelings for him.

Airyfairy12

If the tables were turned and my male boss told me he had feelings for me I would be so uncomfortable and confused as to how to handle the situation. He obviously needs to keep on your good side for the sake of the job and a future reference. You put him in a horribly awkward situation.

Big Bag of Chips

ecnalubma wrote: »

I never expected him to reciprocate, but I'm the type who has to let things out as I feel. I would never have acted on it anyway as it would be inappropriate,

So what are you asking? And if you would never have acted on it because of how inappropriate it is then why did you tell him at all?

Your post makes no sense.

What is it you want now? And if you would never act on it, why are you wondering why he hasn't asked you out? Is it an ego thing? You have put him in an awful position. I'd say his head is wrecked.

osarusan

You put him in an absolutely horrible position professionally, I wonder do you realise that.

Anyway, maybe he (wisely) kept his on feelings in check until he was leaving, or maybe he was saying what he thought you'd like to hear, not expecting to see you much/at all again.

Friend zone????????? I think you will find your were in his boss zone, as friends you could have laughed about it, cried about it, but the poor lads working environment changed the moment you told him your feelings

People don't need this at their workplace
Inappropriate to act = yes
Inappropriate to tell = yes

Having said that, you no longer work together. He has expressed a certain level of emotion back. Don't expect him to be "the man", just contact him if you want to

Colonel_McCoy

agree with the above............contact him. you no longer work with him......have no regrets.

LegacyUser

Woah, outrageously unprofessional of you to bring that up in the workplace, and on a personal level, completely unfair. Just for clarity, the definition of sexual harassment is ""any form of unwanted verbal, non-verbal or physical conduct of a sexual natureâ€. it is defined as conduct which “has the purpose or effect of violating a person’s dignity and creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for the personâ€"

For all you know, he could now claim that he had to leave where he worked because your actions made the environment at work any of the above.

Anyhow, leaving that aside as presumably he didn't see it at sexual harassment, now that he has left the business, you are both adults, if you want to ask him out, be an adult and ask him out.

Idle Passerby

Wowsers is right! It's hard to believe that someone running a business with employees under them would have such a poor grasp of how to behave in a professional manner.

Of course he rejected you! Whether or not he was personally interested he was professional enough to keep that separate from his job. You said yourself you know nothing could happen so what did you expect?

Telling you he loves you as he left is a bit OTT but let's assume the two of you have had this wild attraction that he has (very wisely) chosen not to act on. He's now finally free to admit his feelings and your free to pursue him so what's the question?