22 yo graduate and a virgin, and it doesnt bother me

LegacyUser

So Im a 22 year old college student soon to finish up my time in college. During thr past 4 years I have remained pretty frigid. I got my first kiss (to a stranger) in my 1st year of college and that is the furthest Ive ever gone with anyone, just kissing strangers. Since then all my friends, which is a surprisingly large amount of people, have done the do. Some particulary these last few months just "got it done and over with", they really wanted to do it and put their stipulations and rules about being in a relationship in order to go the full way to just doing it with a stranger to never be seen or heard of again just so they, as I said "could get it done and over with". This has been happening increasingly throughout my college years, escalating this spring, I guess when we were running out of time to be "college students"; I guess they didnt want to graduate virgins. However I am, a complete and utter frigid. I have to be drunk to kiss someone and never have I kissed anyone ever that I would have the chance of running into again, the last time I kissed someone was October. Ive never bought a guy back or gone over to his or participated in hand/oral sex. And it doesnt bother me, at all. I have no desire to do that. I mean I can certainly feel out of place being the only one left, and I always had the most pervase/dirtiest sense of humour out of my friends, but now it just feel weirds to make sex jokes (like for eg being used to small things etc) when everyone knows that Im actually the one person who cant relate to the jokes I make. I do get turned on, but I'd say I have a much lower sex drive than most. Is it weird/abnormal that this doesnt bother me. For some of my friends their sole mission for the past number of months was to get laid somehow and slowly and surely they relaxed on their perturbations in order to just have sex, beliefs they held so closely for so long (some of them were in long term relationships at the start of college but did not have sex as they wanted to wait atleast a year, and they held this same belief till a few months ago, until it eventually dwindled down to having sex with a stranger they never met or heard of before, everyone is entitled to change their mind of course, but it just seemed more of an action where sex became more important than their previous beliefs).

Is it completley abnormal that Im in no rush and just dont really care. I really cant see myslef having sex anytime in the near future. Surely this isnt normal for a 22 year old.

baby and crumble

OP, if you are happy with it, then it's normal for you.

I would suggest you look up asexuality, and the different formats it takes (like greysexual, aromantic, etc). There are lots of people like you in the world, who get aroused sporadically, or not at all, or who don't want sex, or who do but only within the confines of a romantic relationship.

You're right, it's not usual, but that doesn't mean it's wrong, or you are. I mean, it's not actually usual to be gay, but lots of people are and it doesn't mean we're abnormal.

woodchuck

If it doesn't bother you, then what's the problem?

Generally speaking, people get too hung up on the idea of what's "normal". So long as you're happy, don't worry about it.

racso1975

LikeAVirgin wrote: »

. And it doesnt bother me, at all. I have no desire to do that. I do get turned on, but I'd say I have a much lower sex drive than most.

As others have said if its not a problem for you grand. there is no rush to have sex with a stranger etc

However having an exceptionally low sex drive may cause problems in future relationships bar you meet somebody who is the same way inclined. There is also a chance that your low sex drive could be a hormonal imbalance but given that enters medical territory I wont comment further.

Just out of interest has there been nobody you have crossed paths with that you would say you really fancy or would like to date for a while.

Is there a chance that its not being frigid as you say but being anxious/highly self conscious about putting yourself out there?

Walter H Price

If your comfy with this OP i really don't see the issue. i slept around allot in college and secondary school absolutely loved it never had any regrets about it or that , it took my now Fiance allot longer she was a virgin all through college an until we got together after , though she had done allot of the foreplay stuff you mention. Each to their own like and if your comfy with it whats the issue.

silverharp

well lets face it college hook up culture isn't exactly the high point of western civilisation so there is nothing wrong with not finding that route appealing. But have got to know guys in a social setting over time and thought you fancied them? did you get any male attention in college or have male friends even?

uck51js9zml2yt

LikeAVirgin wrote: »

Is it completley abnormal that Im in no rush and just dont really care. I really cant see myslef having sex anytime in the near future. Surely this isnt normal for a 22 year old.

I can't see what your problem is. Its were you are at the moment and there is nothing wrong with were you are.

Xterminator

Hi OP

you say it doesnt bother you, but i suspect it does. Not least because your posting as a guest on this forum.

Look if you're comfortable with your decision, then more power to you. Certainly just becuase others are doing it doesnt sound like the right reason to shag a random hookup.

But you sound a little curious;
you sound like you are feeling the odd one out;
and you do have urges (IE you get turned on)

but you never allow it to go any further. Perhaps you can analyze why that is. If you can understand why you dont experiment further then perhaps you can make a better decision or be more comfortable with the decision you make.

I guess if upon reflection you would like to experiment sexually but fear or shyness prevents you, then perhaps that is a circumstance where i would personally encourage you to come out of your shell. But if personal morals dictate you would rather wait, or abstain forever, etc, then i'd say that fine too.

just understand your decision better, and be sure its the right one for you. and no way should peer pressure be the deciding factor.

Dr Crayfish

Maybe myself and my friends all weren't very lucky but no one I hung out with in college was hooking up and having sex with girls at the time. I didn't sleep with anyone from college, I eventually met someone outside of college that I went out with for a few years but when I hear of people sleeping around in college I either think they went to college in some Van Wilder type American uni or I was just blind to all the sex going on at the time.
Don't worry about it OP, better to not care than to be stressed and frustrated the whole time.

JackTaylorFan

Hi OP, you sound some gradient of asexual - of course, there is some level of presumption here - but you state clearly having sex doesn't bother you all that much.

It's only "abnormal" in the sense that mainstream society seems fixated with having it off. Most people who are not ace just can't understand the mindset of an asexual person, and so you often get highly condescending advice on the matter.

Stigmatizing yourself with pejoratives like "frigid" is not healthy either.

Also, unlike what some embarrassments in the "ace" community would have you believe, being asexual does not mean you do not get double entendres and it certainly does not preclude you from making them. I consider myself pretty high on the asexual spectrum (romantic gray-sexual, to be specific) - and my mind is filthy. Also, having a curiosty about what sex is all about is normal too - you may even have fantasies and get entirely turned on by those, but never wish to act on them with anyone for whatever reason. A lot of people don't get this about asexuals.