do you care much for manners/etiquette?

Robsweezie

Is it something you watch out for, and measure someone on?

I wouldn't care for the finer details like what way you hold your cutlery at the dinner table, but stuff like cleaning up after yourself, paying back what you owe, apologizing when you've done wrong, those things help me make an overall judgement on a person.

tuisginideach

All of the above, including the cutlery!

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Can't disagree with any of that. Basic manners cost nothing and are a mark of a person's worth in many ways.

Will I Am Not

Cutlery etiquette is a load of pretentious bollox. As long as you get the food to your mouth I don't care what spoon or fork you're using, or what hand it's in.

All courtesy and manners matter to me. I judge rude or unmannerly people negatively because it's extremely easy to be considerate and well mannered, and it's completely free.

osarusan

It all depends on your own definition of what is good, appropriate behaviour and what is overly/needlessly fastidious.

Elbows on the table, for example, is something I couldn't care less about.

tayto lover

Please, thank you and a smile go a long way.

OldMrBrennan83

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NeverTheLess

Who wouldn't?????? Lousy excuse for a thread.

Oh, and I'll have it be said that I don't mind a lack of manners from anonymous strangers across the internet.

Biggest lickspittle on boardz

I was at a play for the first time a few weeks ago. At the start, there was an announcement for everyone to put their phone on silent. About half way through, someone's phone rang. That was bad enough. A few minutes later, to everyone's annoyance, it rang again.


I'm not ashamed to admit that I indulged in some Reservoir Dogs style ear cutting fantasies for a few minutes after.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Of course, it's a vital component of being a gentleman or lady.

You tell a lot from a person by the way they hold themselves.

ncmc

Absolutely. And not just manners, having consideration and awareness of people around you is important too. Drives me mad when people in shops etc don't look behind them when going through a door to see if there's someone coming behind them so that the door slams in your face. Or people who stop in the middle of a pavement oblivious to people walking behind them. Or the example earlier with the phone, people talking loudly in public/enclosed places like lifts is another everyday rudeness one encounters. Manners cost nothing and you can make the world a nicer, kinder place for everyone.

Yawns

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Of course, it's a vital component of being a gentleman or lady.

You tell a lot from a person by the way they hold themselves.

How do you hold yours?

I'm guessing with a deft left hand.

Richard Hillman

Yes.

Now I shall be off to the drawing room for Brandy and Cigars by the fire. Good night ladies.

andekwarhola

Couldn't care less about some the meaningless side of etiquette (although basic stuff like hygiene or not eating like a pig should be basic staples) but I despise unprovoked, genuinely bad manners.

That said, if somebody is rude to you for no reason, I've no problem with reciprocation.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Yawns wrote: »

How do you hold yours?

I'm guessing with a deft left hand.

No man I'm right handed, I pull my chain with that.

The username is a Pete Doherty song.

DontThankMe

Yes manners are important it doesn't kill someone to say please and thank you. At the end of the day it's nice to be nice.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

DontThankMe wrote: »

Yes manners are important it doesn't kill someone to say please and thank you. At the end of the day it's nice to be nice.

But, in accordance with your wishes, I shall refrain from thanking you, much as it goes against my better instincts.

annascott

Table manners say a lot about a person. People who put their knife into their mouth, hold cutlery as if they were woodwork tools or talk with their mouths full show that they were not brought up very well and appear lower class no matter how much money they may make or what make of car they drive.
It is important to be polite to restaurant staff too.

Peregrine

annascott wrote: »

Table manners say a lot about a person. People who put their knife into their mouth, hold cutlery as if they were woodwork tools or talk with their mouths full show that they were not brought up very well and appear lower class no matter how much money they may make or what make of car they drive.

That post says more about you to be honest.

MuffinTop86

I always notice cutlery because I was always pulled on it growing up til I got it right.
My biggest pet peeve is people walking in a line that don't move. If I'n walking towards one other person I'll move, but never for people who seem to be afraid they'll lose each other if they have to stop holding hands for a second.

Ted_YNWA

DontThankMe wrote:

Yes manners are important it doesn't kill someone to say please and thank you. At the end of the day it's nice to be nice.

It's nice to be important, but its more important to be nice.

FanadMan

Patww79 wrote: »

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But...but...but....if a man holds the door open for a woman he's a sexist pig!

I was brought up to say please and thank you. Smile. Speak when spoken to. If you're first at the door, hold it open for whoever is next irrespective of what gender they are.....or which direction they are going. Chew with mouth closed...etc etc.

In other words, I was raised to be polite and respect others. Shame that it is no longer acceptable

Macmillan150

Have you ever really been called a sexist pig for holding a door open?

Toots

Hold your knife and fork in the correct hand and for the love of God, don't chew with your mouth open and we should get along just fine.

FanadMan

sandraiwhite@ya wrote: »

Have you ever really been called a sexist pig for holding a door open?

Obviously you were asking me. And yes, I was. And I still hold the door open if I am there first.

Mena Mitty

Toots wrote: »

Hold your knife and fork in the correct hand and for the love of God, don't chew with your mouth open and we should get along just fine.

That might be a varient of don't speak with your mouth full.

johnnyskeleton

Patww79 wrote: »

Manners yes, etiquette no.

It's nice if someone holds a door or says thanks, but I don't give a rats arse what fork they eat their fish with.


_

Ettiquette, as opposed to manners, isnt about using the right cutlery. Its about doing things in a respectful and socially pleasant way. So if someone invites you to dinner in their house, its good manners to be on time but its the ettiquette that you bring a bottle of wine.

Manners is the basic courtesy, ettiqute is what makes someone congenial. As I understand it.

johnnyskeleton

MuffinTop86 wrote: »

I always notice cutlery because I was always pulled on it growing up til I got it right.
My biggest pet peeve is people walking in a line that don't move. If I'n walking towards one other person I'll move, but never for people who seem to be afraid they'll lose each other if they have to stop holding hands for a second.

I dont mind couples holding hands along a narrow footpath as they could be on a first date or after getting some news. Id usually step around to let them pass.

Irritating though when a group of people take up the whole footpath 3 or 4 abreast when if they walked side by side other people could pass!

big b

Peregrine wrote: »

That post says more about you to be honest.

Try sitting opposite someone who eats in a manner more suitable to a trough than a plate, and shows you what they are eating while they're eating it.

What you do while you're eating alone is your own business, how you eat in company has some basic expectations.

Peregrine

big b wrote: »

Try sitting opposite someone who eats in a manner more suitable to a trough than a plate, and shows you what they are eating while they're eating it.

What you do while you're eating alone is your own business, how you eat in company has some basic expectations.

I never disputed that sentiment. As for comments about class and money, that's just pure snobbery.

OldMrBrennan83

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Irish Guitarist

When I see someone in a shop paying for something while talking on their phone and not acknowledging the shop assistant my immediate thought is that they're a wanker.

freshpopcorn

big b wrote: »

Try sitting opposite someone who eats in a manner more suitable to a trough than a plate, and shows you what they are eating while they're eating it.

What you do while you're eating alone is your own business, how you eat in company has some basic expectations.

Do yourself a favor then. Stop, staring at people while they eat!

Brendan Bendar

The Fake Sheikh wrote: »

Cutlery etiquette is a load of pretentious bollox. As long as you get the food to your mouth I don't care what spoon or fork you're using, or what hand it's in.

Couldn't agree with that Sheik, diners who hold their cutlery like pens do my head in to be honest.

Calling 'common sense' "pretentious bollox" kind of defines the man.

You see, there are reasons for these things, like there are reasons for the etiquette we have for say queuing,driving, personal interaction, parking and hundreds of others.

It's to do things in a fashion which least impinges on others and show respect for others.

Unfortunately there certainly is a diminution in the respect for these tried and trusted mores, as some people adopt a selfish and boorish attitude to manners as evidenced the numerous 'chip shop rows' and serious assaults over small things.

All respect and concern for others starts from a small base.

Calling 'cutlery etiquette' " pretentious bollox" for me is not a good start.

Sue Pa Key Pa

Manners are a reflection of the respect that you have for those around you. I can't tolerate someone who cannot bring themselves to say please and thank you.

Will I Am Not

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Couldn't agree with that Sheik, diners who hold their cutlery like pens do my head in to be honest.

Calling 'common sense' "pretentious bollox" kind of defines the man.

You see, there are reasons for these things, like there are reasons for the etiquette we have for say queuing,driving, personal interaction, parking and hundreds of others.

It's to do things in a fashion which least impinges on others and show respect for others.

Unfortunately there certainly is a diminution in the respect for these tried and trusted mores, as some people adopt a selfish and boorish attitude to manners as evidenced the numerous 'chip shop rows' and serious assaults over small things.

All respect and concern for others starts from a small base.

Calling 'cutlery etiquette' " pretentious bollox" for me is not a good start.

That says more about you than the person holding the cutlery in a way that you think to be wrong.

In what possible way could someone sitting across from you holding a fork like a pen affect you?

The examples of queing, driving, parking etc I don't oppose. They directly affect others. Holding a fork like a pen does not unless you subscribe to pretentious bollox IMO.

Permabear

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Samaris

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

I've always done that. I know it's "incorrect" and my parents tried to train me out of it, but it's just the easiest way for me and it doesn't affect others.

Regarding general manners/etiquette, the concept is that there's a basic set of guidelines that "everyone" in a group knows and follows to ensure that no-one is made to feel awkward. Using those guidelines to make someone feel awkward is the height of rudeness in itself and it doesn't matter which fork you use to do it, it's a lot ruder than merely using the wrong fork!

I'm pro-manners. Etiquette is less important to me as it's less important to everyone getting along in society now. Which fork is which interests me not, although I'll make a general effort to use the right one in the odd case where it's relevant.* Etiquette mostly seems to get used (rudely) to smack down others (I can think of a couple of etiquette sites that really need it beating in to them that Manners Are Not A Weapon). But I'm pro-courtesy, pro-respect and pro-politeness.

*I wouldn't know a fish fork if it bit me.

Shenshen

Patww79 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

I decided to consult a dictionary, just to allow people a common definition:

Etiquette is a code of polite conduct. If you practice proper etiquette, you are less likely to offend or annoy people — and you may even charm them.
Many people think etiquette is about table manners in fancy restaurants, but quite simply, it is expected behavior that shows respect, meant to make everyone feel comfortable. For example, an etiquette book will tell you to bring a little gift when you are a dinner guest in someone's home, especially if it is your first visit — you know what is expected of you, and your gift shows respect and gratitude.

https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/etiquette

I think the term etiquette itself has become a little old-fashioned, and people associate old-fashioned behaviours and ideas with it.
But essentially, not leaving your house in the nude is an aspect of etiquette. It's just a term for the rules that govern our social interactions with strangers or people we don't know well yet.

LordSutch

I really hate those noisy eaters who loudly smack their lips as they eat with their mouths open. Not that you come across many these days, but once in a blue moon you see a person devoid of any table eating etiquette, a person who never learnt, or was never taught how to eat properly!

Fork in the left hand, knife in the right, spoon in the right, elbows in, close your mouth, tuck in, and you're off . . . . .

Re cutlery, obviously I'm talking about a table setting here, not fast food or the like.

AudreyHepburn

To me a person's manners are a measure of them and how they view the people around them.

Having good manners cost nothing in terms of either time or money and if some-one just can't bring themselves to have even the most basic etiquette it speaks to me, in a not very complimentary way, of how they view themselves compared to others.

whoopsadoodles

We had etiquette classes in 4th year. I went to a kip of a school so it's kind of amusing now thinking back on it, but it was helpful with some things. Other aspects of etiquette I've learned along the way.

Like it is actually helpful to know that you use the cutlery from outside to inside, because it means you don't end up eating a bigger meal with smaller cutlery.

Things like breaking your breadroll open with your hands rather than cutting it open with a knife seem very trivial and pointless but I do it anyway. (I learned that one on home and away many many moons ago!).

There are definitely some outdated aspects of "etiquette" but manners are something which are free to carry on you all the time and there's no excuse for not using them.

Brendan Bendar

The Fake Sheikh wrote: »

That says more about you than the person holding the cutlery in a way that you think to be wrong.

In what possible way could someone sitting across from you holding a fork like a pen affect you?

The examples of queing, driving, parking etc I don't oppose. They directly affect others. Holding a fork like a pen does not unless you subscribe to pretentious bollox IMO.

Have to disagree again Sheik,it does affect me.

All these little things have a reason,like using a fish fork for, say, some grilled hake or salmon, one can use the fork to 'cut' and feed given the tunes are closer together and one side is fashioned for a blunt cutting action,suitable for the consistency of a fish dish.

Holding your knife and fork like a pen reminds me of a hen picking thru nettles for scraps and is very unsuitable for steak dishes and the like.

Maybe it's a bit of a foible but that's how I see it.

Sorry

Stonedpilot

Robsweezie wrote: »

Is it something you watch out for, and measure someone on?

I wouldn't care for the finer details like what way you hold your cutlery at the dinner table, but stuff like cleaning up after yourself, paying back what you owe, apologizing when you've done wrong, those things help me make an overall judgement on a person.

Personally sick to death of wealthy business types in the middle of conversation sticking their hands down the back of their pants only to pull their hand back up triumphantly and right in front of you raise their hand up and take a sniff going gooey eyed like they are pulling from a huge bong. Sick of seeing that.

Shenshen

The Fake Sheikh wrote: »

That says more about you than the person holding the cutlery in a way that you think to be wrong.

In what possible way could someone sitting across from you holding a fork like a pen affect you?

The examples of queing, driving, parking etc I don't oppose. They directly affect others. Holding a fork like a pen does not unless you subscribe to pretentious bollox IMO.

My father once told me while we were eating out in a restaurant that the way I was using the cutlery was an insult to the chef who had prepared out meal. By using a knife to cut through some of my food I was sending the message that it was too hard to break open with my fork, and therefore hadn't been prepared properly.

I've taken that onboard and am very considerate about what cutlery I use now, and how I use it.

I don't really mind how people hold their cutlery - there are far too many regional variations to that, people here hold it very different from people in Germany, for example - but someone taking a steak knife to a bit of fish is sending out the message that the food they've been given is cooked wrong.
While someone trying to cut a steak with a fish knife might find himself unconsciously performing a bit of slapstick.

Tazium

I hold the door for anyone within reasonable distance, considering it polite to do so.  Totally ruins it when I get blanked by those availing of the courtesy.  In fact, I'm likely to mutter some insult thereafter about the door and one's arse in future.

Tazium

Duplicate post, excuse me. :)

MilesMorales1

Well, define manners. Manners like how to hold a knife and fork or stupid stuff like that, not at all. Being polite, kind, courteous, very important to me personallty. It's not even a case of chivalry or being old fashioned, its just being a proper human being.

Brendan Bendar

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

Well, define manners. Manners like how to hold a knife and fork or stupid stuff like that, not at all. Being polite, kind, courteous, very important to me personallty. It's not even a case of chivalry or being old fashioned, its just being a proper human being.

So Miles can we take it that dining out with someone who holds their knife and fork like 'a dagger' and attacks their meal in stabbing actions would not register with you at all ?.

I wouldn't like to be sitting beside a diner like that, a visit to the dry cleaners or maybe the hospital could be the outcome.

You see, if we profess to not being bothered about how people hold a knife and fork then we must admit that it's free for all and there are no 'rules' or etiquette considerations at all to be considered.

MilesMorales1

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

So Miles can we take it that dining out with someone who holds their knife and fork like 'a dagger' and attacks their meal in stabbing actions would not register with you at all ?.

I wouldn't like to be sitting beside a diner like that, a visit to the dry cleaners or maybe the hospital could be the outcome.

You see, if we profess to not being bothered about how people hold a knife and fork then we must admit that it's free for all and there are no 'rules' or etiquette considerations at all to be considered.

I wouldn't be watching anyone eat to notice such a thing, since staring at people eating is extremely rude.