Where to go?

Doctor Nick

Have always been happiest when left to my own devices. I have few good friends. 2 would be the number of truly close friends that I have.

I had loads of mates when I was a child. But, as with everybody (I presume) we grew up, apart and moved on. There are all now married with children so I would really consider these people to be old acquaintences at this stage.

I used to be friendly and outgoing but this no longer seems to be the case. I can't help but feel jealous when I see how far ahead my friends are

I'm just wondering, are there any sites or places for people to meet? I never bothered with the apps as they seem to be "hook up for one off stage then move on to the next). I'd really like to meet somebody, make a connection and hopefully hopefully the connection lasts long term. Hook up apps for the quick shag is not what I am interested in.

Thanks for reading. Apologies I hit post prematurely.

baby and crumble

Have you used the website meetup.com? there's lots of groups there that meet up in real life that aren't hook-up based. They're around hobbies and interests.

imme

baby and crumble wrote: »

Have you used the website meetup.com? there's lots of groups there that meet up in real life that aren't hook-up based. They're around hobbies and interests.

Yes meetup.com has loads of activity based (sports, yoga, photography, learning languages etc etc) groups,

less activity based (philosophy etc etc) groups

There's also a few gay lgbt specifically centred meetup groups

These , the ones I've come across are social groups and not for hooking up, I'm sure that does occur but they're not designed for that

It can maybe seem artificial in a sense putting lgbt etc people together and assuming they'll have something in common apart from the obvious maybe

They're a good social opportunity though

Doctor Nick

Thanks for your replies. I have checked out the meet up website but, so far, have not had the nerve to sign up to anything. To be honest I find the whoke experience daunting. I suppose I have a form of social anxiety. I get so nervous when I'm in a room full of people and try my best to disolve into my surroundings and become invisible.

With regards to the social anxiety, I've done some work in the last year and its no way near as bad as it used to be. Nonetheless, the thoughts meeting with a load of strangers stresses me out. I suppose I should just bite the bullet so to speak and just do it.

Thansk for reading.

JackTaylorFan

As others have suggested meetup.com is wprth a look. I wouldn't be surprised if half the boards roster are on there as I see it suggested so frequently on the forums.

I am a recent convert to it and it's certainly better than dating sites for meeting new people. My worries with it are the groups around my area are quite few in number - and the meets I have attended - though welcoming - after the activity was over, it was clear that long term members have already formed strong bonds that they break off into at the end. If you are looking for friendships out of this, you really need to persevere as it may not happen the first time.

Also meetups is not so great if you are in a less populated or rural area - unless you are willing to travel.

As for being socially anxious - I imagine a lot of people who use the site would describe themselves as so. Seriously you are not alone on that one. There is actually a group called ssomething along theblines of socially anxious in my area - but the organiser never schedules any meeting for some odd reason... Hmmm.. I wonder why...

Finally, I have no idea why you would be so self-conscious about signing up.. I mean, who are you worrying about seeing you? The people who have also signed up to try and connect with people? Seriously, nobody will look twice when you do.

Doctor Nick

I know, it's mad. As if somebody is going to jump up behind me shouting GOTCHA! Haha I guess you're right I've nothing to lose and a he'll ofba lot to gain. Might as well go for it. Thanks

JackTaylorFan

Doctor Nick wrote: »

As if somebody is going to jump up behind me shouting GOTCHA!

Oh, I see you found my People Who Like Late Night Walks Alone Down Dark Laneways meetup. Yeah, I usually hold meets on late Wednesday evenings... Sometimes near the canal, but occasionally I like to mix it up near the railway line as well.

Well, see ya!

baby and crumble

OP, there's a forum meetup being scheduled for May in Dublin, if that would work? At least you've chatted to a few of us now, mightn't be so daunting?

Doctor Nick

baby and crumble wrote: »

OP, there's a forum meetup being scheduled for May in Dublin, if that would work? At least you've chatted to a few of us now, mightn't be so daunting?

Thanks. Did see that thread. Didn't see a venue being mentioned, does that get decided on closer to the time?

baby and crumble

Doctor Nick wrote: »

Thanks. Did see that thread. Didn't see a venue being mentioned, does that get decided on closer to the time?

Usually, yes. I think in the past they start out at a straight venue for those who are a little nervous. At least that's my understand- I've only been to one and we started in Messers.

Banbha32

Defo recommend meetup! (if i was in Dublin id totally do this group meetups too but alas im in London). I also had a mere andful of friends post uni and its so hard to meet new people at our age. If you dont do a course or start a new job thats kind of it. And im also allergic to sports clubs/the gym

I also didnt want hookups it doesnt interest me so i joined meetup months ago but never went, just kept an eye on events. Last Saturday i bit the bullet and went to one and had great fun. Went to a bar and onto a gay nightclub and danced the night away. Ill be going to the next one anyway and had already planned if i didnt enjoy that id try a different group rather than give up. There are a mix of guys that are nervous and have a degree of social anxiety including myself im quite bubbly and chatty but in large groups i feel anxious or to break into a new group. But thats what these things are for, almost all the guys were new and nervous and was a nice way to just get chatting. Almost all of them had moved here not knowing anyone and all had the same goal of getting to know other gay guys in a social setting

Doctor Nick

Banbha32 wrote: »

Defo recommend meetup! (if i was in Dublin id totally do this group meetups too but alas im in London). I also had a mere andful of friends post uni and its so hard to meet new people at our age. If you dont do a course or start a new job thats kind of it. And im also allergic to sports clubs/the gym

I also didnt want hookups it doesnt interest me so i joined meetup months ago but never went, just kept an eye on events. Last Saturday i bit the bullet and went to one and had great fun. Went to a bar and onto a gay nightclub and danced the night away. Ill be going to the next one anyway and had already planned if i didnt enjoy that id try a different group rather than give up. There are a mix of guys that are nervous and have a degree of social anxiety including myself im quite bubbly and chatty but in large groups i feel anxious or to break into a new group. But thats what these things are for, almost all the guys were new and nervous and was a nice way to just get chatting. Almost all of them had moved here not knowing anyone and all had the same goal of getting to know other gay guys in a social setting

Yep, relate to that. I'm actually fine one on one and people have commented if someone else joins in the conversation I immediately withdraw and become very quiet. Large groups terrify me! I really need to get this social anxiety resolved once and for all. At my age it's really holding me back and definitely hinders my chances of meeting somebody for a relationship. Even posting here was difficult the first time and I'm anonymous so what does that tell me?

Edit to add I'm not totally averse to hookups. I've had enough of them. Just at my stage of life I'm starting to want a bit more.

JackTaylorFan

Doctor Nick wrote: »

Yep, relate to that. I'm actually fine one on one and people have commented if someone else joins in the conversation I immediately withdraw and become very quiet. Large groups terrify me!

I used to have the "large group terrifies me" mentality when I was younger as well, until I fully understood it's not really the size of the group that bothered me so much as it was the personalities involved and the kind of places they liked to hang out. Gaining insight into my own personality helped me identify exactly what type of places and people to avoid - i.e. people who gravitate towards loud pub/club scenes are not my cup of tea (they don't understand me and vice versa) - I can't imagine a scenario where I feel more awkward to be honest. But put me at a table with a bunch of introverted writer types and I feel right at home. Kinda have to apply that thinking to the groups you join on meetup as well. Basically if you are uncomfortable meeting in loud, crowded bars you're better off looking for a more sobre meetup in a coffeehouse or something that actually incorporates a hobby into the activity.

Doctor Nick

Me again folks. I've been looking at wet and wild in meetup and it looks like my kind of craic. I'm so close to signing up yet..... I just can't. This must seem ridiculous to everyone but I am almost inducing a panic attack at the thoughts of submitting my details (not even signed up to an event). Rounders is tonight but couldn't possibly play that (can barely run for a bus) nut their is a mountain climb (sugarloaf) in a week or two and that is something I would love.

It also doesn't help that the events seem to end with drinks in pantibar. I don't drink and the pub/club environment is so not me.

Are there any other outdoorsy similar type meetup s for LGBT? If it helps I'm male and soon to be the big 4 0.

JackTaylorFan

Doctor Nick wrote: »

Me again folks. I've been looking at wet and wild in meetup and it looks like my kind of craic. I'm so close to signing up yet..... I just can't. This must seem ridiculous to everyone but I am almost inducing a panic attack at the thoughts of submitting my details (not even signed up to an event). Rounders is tonight but couldn't possibly play that (can barely run for a bus) nut their is a mountain climb (sugarloaf) in a week or two and that is something I would love.

It also doesn't help that the events seem to end with drinks in pantibar. I don't drink and the pub/club environment is so not me.

Are there any other outdoorsy similar type meetup s for LGBT? If it helps I'm male and soon to be the big 4 0.

So do the climb, give the drinking session a miss. You might have fun on the climb. And well, if the people in the meetup take offense (which I doubt they would) to you not wanting to drink they really aren't worth meeting again.

Also, I don't see why you are limiting yourself to LGBT stuff - well, I do (sort of) but I wouldn't.

As for signing up and submitting some details: Here's the thing you need to realise: nobody cares!! And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

Doctor Nick

JackTaylorFan wrote: »

So do the climb, give the drinking session a miss. You might have fun on the climb. And well, if the people in the meetup take offense (which I doubt they would) to you not wanting to drink they really aren't worth meeting again.

Also, I don't see why you are limiting yourself to LGBT stuff - well, I do (sort of) but I wouldn't.

As for signing up and submitting some details: Here's the thing you need to realise: nobody cares!! And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

Thanks. The reason I'm initially limiting myself to LGBT is because I don't have too many LGBT mates and would like to meet people without feeling I have to watch what I say. Unlikely anyone will care I know, but have good reasons for being nervous. I've signed up for it and something else this weekend. All goes well I'll look into joining other groups.

baby and crumble

The first time is always intimidating, OP, but rest assured everyone there was in the same boat at one point or another.

Have a great time!

Annasopra

Doctor Nick wrote: »

Me again folks. I've been looking at wet and wild in meetup and it looks like my kind of craic. I'm so close to signing up yet..... I just can't. This must seem ridiculous to everyone but I am almost inducing a panic attack at the thoughts of submitting my details (not even signed up to an event). Rounders is tonight but couldn't possibly play that (can barely run for a bus) nut their is a mountain climb (sugarloaf) in a week or two and that is something I would love.

It also doesn't help that the events seem to end with drinks in pantibar. I don't drink and the pub/club environment is so not me.

Are there any other outdoorsy similar type meetup s for LGBT? If it helps I'm male and soon to be the big 4 0.

You have to stop telling yourself "I can't that because...". I agree with JackTF above. Do the walk. Skip the pub. Also send the organiser a message and explain you are nervous and ask if he would mind introducing you to people there.

There are other groups on meetup

Tennis
Dining out
Out and about (hiking but serious 25 k difficult hikes)
DIGS
Dublin front runners

Honestly though you SHOULD go on the sugarloaf hike.

Doctor Nick

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

You have to stop telling yourself "I can't that because...". I agree with JackTF above. Do the walk. Skip the pub. Also send the organiser a message and explain you are nervous and ask if he would mind introducing you to people there.

There are other groups on meetup

Tennis
Dining out
Out and about (hiking but serious 25 k difficult hikes)
DIGS
Dublin front runners

Honestly though you SHOULD go on the sugarloaf hike.

Thanks for the info on other groups. I have signed up to the Sugarloaf trip, just need to get up and go now. I've also signed up to some meditation group in town this weekend so will post back how it went! Good idea about messaging organiser, that is not something I'd have thought of.