Was I catfished or just too paranoid?

LegacyUser

I was on grindr yesterday and got chatting to a guy. He didn't have any pictures up, but I decided to talk to him anyway, even though I normally wouldn't.

We were chatting away and I asked for a picture, which he sent. He was a good looking guy, so maybe that's why I had my suspicions (figured he had no reason to hide!). As our conversation went on, I got the feeling he recognised me because of the questions he was asking me, like "do you go to ______ gym?".

I didn't recognise him from the picture he sent me, so I asked for another. I actually said to him that I'm wary of catfish and that's why I was looking for another pic. He still didn't look familiar. This sparked something in me because by the line of questions, we went to the same gym, and I would pretty much recognise any guy around my age there, especially good looking ones!

A couple more things didn't add up in my head and I called him out and said you must be a catfish. He blocked me. I'm not sure whether I caught a catfish, or else this guy figured I was too paranoid!

Online dating is hard enough without having to deal with fakes, but how do you avoid them and also not slip into becoming completely paranoid?

LegacyUser

I'm confused
Why take the definitive action of closing down the contact without meeting?
Why not just say no when you meet if who you meet is not who they say they are
I mean if they are who they say they are you'll have ruled them out and lost out
It just doesn't make sense to me

You're always dealing with the unknown in either case
Everyone is new
The caveat of course is to be safe and make sure someone knows where you're going and agree to contact them to say all is ok

Ten of Swords

Plenty of weirdos on grindr but based on that extremely scant evidence (too good looking not to have a public pic, goes to the same gym but you don't recognise him and you know everybody) your accusation seems pretty paranoid to me.

Maybe there was more to it than just that but based on what you've posted I'm not surprised you were blocked, you sound like hard work op.

LegacyUser

Ten of Swords wrote: »

Plenty of weirdos on grindr but based on that extremely scant evidence (too good looking not to have a public pic, goes to the same gym but you don't recognise him and you know everybody) your accusation seems pretty paranoid to me.

Maybe there was more to it than just that but based on what you've posted I'm not surprised you were blocked, you sound like hard work op.

I've never been catfished before, so had no reason to be paranoid. I guess I did come across as a bit strange. I find talking on that app very awkward!

I was half joking when I called him out as a catfish because he sounded so sketchy. I guess he didn't see the funny side and thought I was wasting his valuable time!

I've nearly reached the point where I'm thinking it's best not to chat for more than five messages before meeting up for a drink. It's like the longer I spend conversing, the more likely I am to talk myself out of meeting them!

Annasopra

catfished wrote: »

I've never been catfished before, so had no reason to be paranoid. I guess I did come across as a bit strange. I find talking on that app very awkward!

I was half joking when I called him out as a catfish because he sounded so sketchy. I guess he didn't see the funny side and thought I was wasting his valuable time!

I've nearly reached the point where I'm thinking it's best not to chat for more than five messages before meeting up for a drink. It's like the longer I spend conversing, the more likely I am to talk myself out of meeting them!

Ah here. What's with the setting rules about numbers of messages?

Just chat. If it works out. It works out. If it doesn't. It doesn't.

JackTaylorFan

Well, I thought one of the basics of cat-fishing was to have an extremely attractive profile pic. Then again, I guess there are other methods to it. I've had a few scammers on the site I use. Usually pretty obvious MO though; try and get you to talk on another site/app very sharpish.

In your case though, well, there is any number of reasons they could be acting so shady, including just being ugly or shy (or having the perception of being ugly), either of those shows a real lack of confidence if nothing else, which is quite unattractive - but I digress... I would imagine being unfaithful ranks high on the reasons why people refuse to post profile pics - higher than catfishing for sure.

I have a rule on any dating site. If they don't have a public profile pic where their face is clearly visible (and yes, wearing a ski mask or recreating your favourite Where's Wally puzzle counts as not being clearly visible) - they are hiding something. Avoid.


(Actually, I like the Where's Wally thing - I'm gonna add that to my applicants who need not apply list)

Rick_

catfished wrote: »

It's like the longer I spend conversing, the more likely I am to talk myself out of meeting them!

Just say 'talk'. I'm not going to talk to you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPJaDy4MT7I

But seriously, I think you were a little too paranoid. It's good to be safe and to look out for yourself, but I think you overdid it a little bit.