Uninvited dogs

Wall1257

My SIL has always brought her small dog with her when visiting our home. She has never asked permission, however my husband refused to say anything to her. This dog poos and pees regularly on our rugs......... they are destroyed. The latest problem is that four months ago we got our own small dog and my SIL's dog sometimes bites our dog. I don't want her dog coming to our house (and never have) but I know my husband won't say anything to her. If we don't let her dog come, I'm almost certain she will take it as a personal insult and she won't come either. I really don't want that. Also my husband will take his sister's side and I'll be the baddy with everyone. So how do I go about this? How do I make this happen without being the evil one?

Samuel T. Cogley

No nookie for hubbie until he does what he's told. I thought this was page on in the fecking handbook tbh.

Ted111

"I'm sick and tired of fcuking dog sh1t fcking everywhere"

Ozzie Osbourne

Wall1257

Ha ha 😂

Her dog has separation anxiety because she treats it like a baby instead of a dog and it can't be left alone for a second. As far as I'm concerned she can treat her dog any way she wants, however it shouldn't impact others. Her dog has come to various family member's birthday parties and meals. I even had an incident during a meal at our home where her dog was under the table while we were eating and it started licking my friend's toes. I had to ask my SIL to bring the dog out onto the balcony...... and she stayed out there with it and wouldn't come back in!!!!!

casscass4444

Would you not just chill out and let the dogs be dogs.its good for your dog to meet the other dog and be socialised.
Bring them out the garden and throw a ball for them somewhere safe and let them sh1t out there.
No much need for the drama.can you not just clean the rugs and let everyone get on with their lives.thats what I'd do anyway.once the dogs aren't fighting bad and taking lumps out of each other it's good for them.pecking order in nature and all that

DMcL1971

Tell you husband to man up. It shouldn't be left to you to look like the baddie. Unless he wants to do all of the cleaning, to your satisfaction, or buy new carpets, then he needs to tell his sister that it's not on.

El_Duderino 09

Wall1257 wrote:

Her dog has separation anxiety because she treats it like a baby instead of a dog and it can't be left alone for a second. As far as I'm concerned she can treat her dog any way she wants, however it shouldn't impact others. Her dog has come to various family member's birthday parties and meals. I even had an incident during a meal at our home where her dog was under the table while we were eating and it started licking my friend's toes. I had to ask my SIL to bring the dog out onto the balcony...... and she stayed out there with it and wouldn't come back in!!!!!

So e people really don't get that you don't care about their dog as much as they do.

I she treats the dog like a child then she'll be as insulted as if you're​referring to her child (a child that sh1ts on the floor). These people who treat animals like children are living in another world to. Egon with. I can't see how you'd tell her her child can't come without offending her. Maybe she shouldn't come at all if she can't come without bringing her sh1tting child with her.

Tough choices. Try a compromise but I'd expect to her to take maximum offence to even the slightest challenge.

El_Duderino 09

casscass4444 wrote:

can you not just clean the rugs and let everyone get on with their lives.thats what I'd do anyway.

Or when the dog wees on the rug, make a big joke out of it highlighting the fact that the dog isn't house-trained and tell her the cleaning equipment is under the sink.

stimpson

Feed it chocolate.

Jack the Stripper

The state of the sil house must be in some state. Hygiene must be non existent.

Wall1257

casscass4444 wrote: »

Would you not just chill out and let the dogs be dogs.its good for your dog to meet the other dog and be socialised.
Bring them out the garden and throw a ball for them somewhere safe and let them sh1t out there.
No much need for the drama.can you not just clean the rugs and let everyone get on with their lives.thats what I'd do anyway.once the dogs aren't fighting bad and taking lumps out of each other it's good for them.pecking order in nature and all that

Unfortunately we don't have a garden :-( and one of the rugs can't be cleaned (it's leather).

As for the socialising, our dog is great with other dogs, it's known to be a friendly breed. However SIL has always had problems with her dog attacking other dogs.

However I do get your point about leaving the two dogs to get on with it and fight it out.

On the other hand, I don't want to be paying out money to get my rugs cleaned and putting up with her dog sitting under my dining table while we're eating. Our dog is kept out of our dining room when we have dinner guests.

Wall1257

DMcL1971 wrote: »

Tell you husband to man up. It shouldn't be left to you to look like the baddie. Unless he wants to do all of the cleaning, to your satisfaction, or buy new carpets, then he needs to tell his sister that it's not on.

I wish!!!! After years of experience I 100% know that he will NEVER man-up and will always take her side. Sad.... I know. But that's a whole other story.

Wall1257

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Wall1257 wrote:

Her dog has separation anxiety because she treats it like a baby instead of a dog and it can't be left alone for a second. As far as I'm concerned she can treat her dog any way she wants, however it shouldn't impact others. Her dog has come to various family member's birthday parties and meals. I even had an incident during a meal at our home where her dog was under the table while we were eating and it started licking my friend's toes. I had to ask my SIL to bring the dog out onto the balcony...... and she stayed out there with it and wouldn't come back in!!!!!

So e people really don't get that you don't care about their dog as much as they do.

I she treats the dog like a child then she'll be as insulted as if you're​referring to her child (a child that sh1ts on the floor). These people who treat animals like children are living in another world to. Egon with. I can't see how you'd tell her her child can't come without offending her. Maybe she shouldn't come at all if she can't come without bringing her sh1tting child with her.

Tough choices. Try a compromise but I'd expect to her to take maximum offence to even the slightest challenge.

You completely understand!!! I don't know how.... but you totally 'get it' :-)

She will get bent out of shape if I say anything and then I'll be enemy #1 with the in-laws.

Wall1257

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

casscass4444 wrote:

can you not just clean the rugs and let everyone get on with their lives.thats what I'd do anyway.

Or when the dog wees on the rug, make a big joke out of it highlighting the fact that the dog isn't house-trained and tell her the cleaning equipment is under the sink.

She usually does try to clean it up (unsuccessfully..... ) but that diesn't stop her bringing the dog the next time to do it again.

casscass4444

Wall1257 wrote: »

Unfortunately we don't have a garden :-( and one of the rugs can't be cleaned (it's leather).

As for the socialising, our dog is great with other dogs, it's known to be a friendly breed. However SIL has always had problems with her dog attacking other dogs.

However I do get your point about leaving the two dogs to get on with it and fight it out.

On the other hand, I don't want to be paying out money to get my rugs cleaned and putting up with her dog sitting under my dining table while we're eating. Our dog is kept out of our dining room when we have dinner guests.

If her dog dirtys your rug again highlight it in a friendly kind of way.something like "tommy is a divil for p1ssin on the rugs isn't he".
She should take the hint and clean it up.
To be honest I'd prefer to see a person like your sister in law who brings their dogs places and exercises them and socialises them then people who throw them out the back garden and leave them there bored out of their tree.in turn they take to destroying property and barking non stop annoying neighbors.just she needs to treat it more like a dog and respect that not everyone wants to have a dog all over them at dinner.also get her to clean up after it.if it comes to an argument it will go south fast I'd say

Cantona's Collars

Wall1257 wrote: »

She usually does try to clean it up (unsuccessfully..... ) but that diesn't stop her bringing the dog the next time to do it again.

An in-law tried to do the same,I said "bring the dog but it either stays outside or in your car". It's my house and no way would I tolerate somebody's dog p1ssing or sh1tting all over it. They brought the dog,it stayed in the car.They never brought it again.

MyStubbleItches

Develop an allergy.

Wall1257

stimpson wrote: »

Feed it chocolate.

The only drawback is that instead if poo on my rug, it'll be diahorrea!!!!!

However you could be on to something here. What could I do l, without physically or emotionally, causing any distress to the dog that might deter my SIL from bringing the dog?????

Wall1257

casscass4444 wrote: »

Wall1257 wrote: »

Unfortunately we don't have a garden :-( and one of the rugs can't be cleaned (it's leather).

As for the socialising, our dog is great with other dogs, it's known to be a friendly breed. However SIL has always had problems with her dog attacking other dogs.

However I do get your point about leaving the two dogs to get on with it and fight it out.

On the other hand, I don't want to be paying out money to get my rugs cleaned and putting up with her dog sitting under my dining table while we're eating. Our dog is kept out of our dining room when we have dinner guests.

If her dog dirtys your rug again highlight it in a friendly kind of way.something like "tommy is a divil for p1ssin on the rugs isn't he".
She should take the hint and clean it up.
To be honest I'd prefer to see a person like your sister in law who brings their dogs places and exercises them and socialises them then people who throw them out the back garden and leave them there bored out of their tree.in turn they take to destroying property and barking non stop annoying neighbors.just she needs to treat it more like a dog and respect that not everyone wants to have a dog all over them at dinner.also get her to clean up after it.if it comes to an argument it will go south fast I'd say

You are right.... an arguement would be a disaster scenario.

Wall1257

MyStubbleItches wrote: »

Develop an allergy.

That would be great...... except I have a dog myself.

MyStubbleItches

Wall1257 wrote: »

That would be great...... except I have a dog myself.

Just as no two humans are alike, no two dogs are alike. Her dog might cause a reaction in you that yours doesn't.

Senna

I'd normally advise something like, give the dog a kick now and again, but that's not fair on the dog, so just give your SIL I good kick everytime you walk by her, and your husband too, he sounds like a spineless git.

wotzgoingon

I have three dogs. But tbf I would never bring them with me if I'm going to stay in someones house. For one the male will bite people and children and attack any animals including cows and horses. But back to the point in OP, I would never bring them with me to someones house. Pure rude, unless you asked and they accepted.

stimpson

Wall1257 wrote: »

The only drawback is that instead if poo on my rug, it'll be diahorrea!!!!!

However you could be on to something here. What could I do l, without physically or emotionally, causing any distress to the dog that might deter my SIL from bringing the dog?????

I meant your sister in law, not the dog.

Noveight

Start a smear campaign against her dag.

Wall1257

Senna wrote: »

I'd normally advise something like, give the dog a kick now and again, but that's not fair on the dog, so just give your SIL I good kick everytime you walk by her, and your husband too, he sounds like a spineless git.

-
:-))) ha ha It brings me great joy just thinking about doing that!! Ha ha

Wall1257

MyStubbleItches wrote: »

Wall1257 wrote: »

That would be great...... except I have a dog myself.

Just as no two humans are alike, no two dogs are alike. Her dog might cause a reaction in you that yours doesn't.

I'll look into that!! I'm not sure my acting would be good enough to pull it off though..........

Wall1257

stimpson wrote: »

Wall1257 wrote: »

The only drawback is that instead if poo on my rug, it'll be diahorrea!!!!!

However you could be on to something here. What could I do l, without physically or emotionally, causing any distress to the dog that might deter my SIL from bringing the dog?????

I meant your sister in law, not the dog.

Ha ha 😆😆

tempnam

Kill the dog

Ted111

tempnam wrote: »

Kill the dog

Flee the scene.

Glenster

Go hard.

Get up in her grill, Just tell that b*tch to train her dog.

If she tries to talk back, spread your arms put wide and say "WHAT NOW?" over and over again.

Mrs OBumble

Get a new husband. Current one sounds pretty useless.

learn_more

I think you should leave the husband and marry into a normal family.

topmanamillion

casscass4444 wrote: »

Would you not just chill out and let the dogs be dogs.its good for your dog to meet the other dog and be socialised.
Bring them out the garden and throw a ball for them somewhere safe and let them sh1t out there.
No much need for the drama.can you not just clean the rugs and let everyone get on with their lives.thats what I'd do anyway.once the dogs aren't fighting bad and taking lumps out of each other it's good for them.pecking order in nature and all that

Ridiculous post.
Why should the OP be cleaning up p1ss and sh1t from someone else's dog?
I`ve no idea how the SIL isn't mortified her dog is defecating in her brother and his wife`s house on a regular basis and she really has some cheek to continue to bring the dog over when its at this.

Also, what part of the dog biting the OP`s dog is socialisation? Unless, its play fighting which I don't get the impression it is as the OP seems to be worried about her dogs physical wellbeing, then its not socialisation its aggression.

Lay down the law OP. Its a ridiculous situation. You`re not going to be popular but you`re choice is allow the current situation to continue or do something about it.

casscass4444

topmanamillion wrote: »

Ridiculous post.
Why should the OP be cleaning up p1ss and sh1t from someone else's dog?
I`ve no idea how the SIL isn't mortified her dog is defecating in her brother and his wife`s house on a regular basis and she really has some cheek to continue to bring the dog over when its at this.

Also, what part of the dog biting the OP`s dog is socialisation? Unless, its play fighting which I don't get the impression it is as the OP seems to be worried about her dogs physical wellbeing, then its not socialisation its aggression.

Lay down the law OP. Its a ridiculous situation. You`re not going to be popular but you`re choice is allow the current situation to continue or do something about it.

Have a read of the thread again like a good lad.

Wall1257

Glenster wrote: »

Go hard.

Get up in her grill, Just tell that b*tch to train her dog.

If she tries to talk back, spread your arms put wide and say "WHAT NOW?" over and over again.

Ha ha ha I sooooooooo want to do that... :-)))))))

Wall1257

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Get a new husband. Current one sounds pretty useless.

I don't even want to go there.... that would be the longest post ever written. Anyway most of that is kept in my 'emotions lock-box' and I can't risk opening it!! ;-)

Wall1257

topmanamillion wrote: »

casscass4444 wrote: »

Would you not just chill out and let the dogs be dogs.its good for your dog to meet the other dog and be socialised.
Bring them out the garden and throw a ball for them somewhere safe and let them sh1t out there.
No much need for the drama.can you not just clean the rugs and let everyone get on with their lives.thats what I'd do anyway.once the dogs aren't fighting bad and taking lumps out of each other it's good for them.pecking order in nature and all that

Ridiculous post.
Why should the OP be cleaning up p1ss and sh1t from someone else's dog?
I`ve no idea how the SIL isn't mortified her dog is defecating in her brother and his wife`s house on a regular basis and she really has some cheek to continue to bring the dog over when its at this.

Also, what part of the dog biting the OP`s dog is socialisation? Unless, its play fighting which I don't get the impression it is as the OP seems to be worried about her dogs physical wellbeing, then its not socialisation its aggression.

Lay down the law OP. Its a ridiculous situation. You`re not going to be popular but you`re choice is allow the current situation to continue or do something about it.

Thanks Topmanamillion!

My dog is fine with regards to socialisation. SIL's devil dog bites as a 'warning', our dog yelps but I don't think the devil dog would draw blood or anything.

I just really don't want a pee'ing, pooing, biting dog in my house.

Paddy Cow

Wall1257 wrote: »

The only drawback is that instead if poo on my rug, it'll be diahorrea!!!!!

However you could be on to something here. What could I do l, without physically or emotionally, causing any distress to the dog that might deter my SIL from bringing the dog?????

Get a cat.

Wall1257

Paddy Cow wrote: »

Wall1257 wrote: »

The only drawback is that instead if poo on my rug, it'll be diahorrea!!!!!

However you could be on to something here. What could I do l, without physically or emotionally, causing any distress to the dog that might deter my SIL from bringing the dog?????

Get a cat.

........ you might be on to something there :-)))))) All suggestions will be seriously considered!!!!

Wall1257

We wanted to take my Mother-in-law out for lunch yesterday but she couldn't go out because she was taking care of 'devil dog'. She usually takes care of the dog when my SIL has to go out for a while.

So instead we visited her in the evening but, because she still had the dog, we didn't bring ours. She asked why and I told her because 'devil dog' bites ours. She was in disbelief and didn't seem too pleased at having SIL's dog 'insulted'.

El_Duderino 09

Wall1257 wrote:

My dog is fine with regards to socialisation. SIL's devil dog bites as a 'warning', our dog yelps but I don't think the devil dog would draw blood or anything.

In all seriousness, how does she react when her dog bites your dog? You could try speaking her language by acting like her dog-child just bit your dog-child. Act like you couldn't possibly have her dog come around again and bite your ickle baby (puke).

Wall1257 wrote:

I just really don't want a pee'ing, pooing, biting dog in my house.

As for serious solutions, i can think of 2 practical things.
One is to clean the carpet with the proper stuff from the pet shop. The one with the enzymes that completely get rid of the smell from the dog not just from humans. Otherwise the dog will smell it and return to the scene of the crime.

The second is to give the dog an acceptable alternative to use as a toilet. If it's an apartment, then the dog can't just go outside to the garden like it probably does at home. You could use a training mat for the offending dog. I think you can get a spray on the mat to encourage the dog to use the mat. As with any training, it would need engagement from the owner and lots of praise if it actually uses the mat. That might be a bit far fetched if the dog is usually treated like a feral child.

Wall1257

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Wall1257 wrote:

My dog is fine with regards to socialisation. SIL's devil dog bites as a 'warning', our dog yelps but I don't think the devil dog would draw blood or anything.

In all seriousness, how does she react when her dog bites your dog? You could try speaking her language by acting like her dog-child just bit your dog-child. Act like you couldn't possibly have her dog come around again and bite your ickle baby (puke).

Wall1257 wrote:

I just really don't want a pee'ing, pooing, biting dog in my house.

As for serious solutions, i can think of 2 practical things.
One is to clean the carpet with the proper stuff from the pet shop. The one with the enzymes that completely get rid of the smell from the dog not just from humans. Otherwise the dog will smell it and return to the scene of the crime.

The second is to give the dog an acceptable alternative to use as a toilet. If it's an apartment, then the dog can't just go outside to the garden like it probably does at home. You could use a training mat for the offending dog. I think you can get a spray on the mat to encourage the dog to use the mat. As with any training, it would need engagement from the owner and lots of praise if it actually uses the mat. That might be a bit far fetched if the dog is usually treated like a feral child.

When her dog bites ours, she does take her dog away. However when I took our dog into my arms to prevent any more hassle she belittled me by saying I was too nervous. This is coming from a woman who won't leave her dog alone for five minutes.
She hates to be faced with the prospect that her pooch might not be perfect.

El_Duderino 09

Wall1257 wrote:

When her dog bites ours, she does take her dog away. However when I took our dog into my arms to prevent any more hassle she belittled me by saying I was too nervous. This is coming from a woman who won't leave her dog alone for five minutes. She hates to be faced with the prospect that her pooch might not be perfect.

She sounds like a pain in the whole! And, not importantly she sounds like she has the whole thing information sorted out. She treats the dog unnaturally creating an anxious dog, dog bites your dog because she has ruined her dog and it can't socialise then berates you for trying to defend your dog. Then dog sh1ts and p1sses on your rug. And her brother won't speak up to her....

She must be mighty craic the rest of the time because I don't think I'd be too worried if she stopped calling around.

Pee in a bottle before you visit her house (often for a few weeks) and pour it in various places when she's not looking.. She'll take house training the dog more seriously when there's pee everywhere in her own.

I'm half serious and half joking. That might actually work.

silverharp

it all sounds very odd, I dont think I have ever had anyone bring their pets when coming to the house, if someone did it would be put out in the garden. her dog seems like its a substitute for children? Get your carpets professionally cleaned but then draw a line under the visits with the dog

beertons

Get a second dog. Big one, that could eat her dog in one go.

What's so wrong with coming straight out and saying "your dog can't come here any more". If they decide that this means they can't visit, so be it, their overreaction, no more simmering resentment, no more ruined rugs, no more bites.

El_Duderino 09

It's hard to tell whether the OP is looking for ways to prevent the problem or manage it. In this case, the mother and brother sound needlessly indulgent of the sister's dog-child nonsense. So i do the see how you could address the situation without upsetting the in-laws and becoming a public enemies. This situation with the dog needs to be weighted against relationship with the in​laws.

The other side is thinking about how to manage the behaviour.

First of all take up the leather rug when she's coming around. And do anythingelse necessary to manage he damage. Provide plenty of disposable sponges and towels fir SIL to clran the carpet. When SIL thinks she's finished cleaning, get her a fresh basin of water so she can give it a good clean and keep talking as if it's a fait accompli that she'll give t another wash. Just because she can't train her dog, doesn't mean you can't train your SIL.

But you still need to address her dog attacking your dog. Ask her what she normally does to extinguish an unwanted behaviour in her dog and do that.

razorblunt

As a dog owner with a pretty well behaved dog, I wouldn't dream about bringing her along to someone's house unless it was stated to bring her. At the same time I wouldn't begrudge someone bringing their dog to mine but if it shíts and pisses indoors then it's not welcome back. The owner can take or leave that as they want.

El_Duderino 09

razorblunt wrote:

As a dog owner with a pretty well behaved dog, I wouldn't dream about bringing her along to someone's house unless it was stated to bring her. At the same time I wouldn't begrudge someone bringing their dog to mine but if it shíts and pisses indoors then it's not welcome back. The owner can take or leave that as they want.

Deleted User wrote:

What's so wrong with coming straight out and saying "your dog can't come here any more". If they decide that this means they can't visit, so be it, their overreaction, no more simmering resentment, no more ruined rugs, no more bites.

That's all well and good but in-laws are a different situation. The way the brother behaves towards the sister and wife, and the way the MAIL reacted to criticism of the dog suggests that OP is not dealing with the ideal in-laws. There's a real consideration for the relationship with in-laws. It's not great but it's probably necessary.