Would guys date a 28 year old woman living at home?

Freya33

Hi, just looking for the opinion of guys here please, would you consider dating a 28 year old woman living at home or is it a complete turn off?

I just feel like when I tell and il tell him pretty much straight away like on 1st date or if it comes up in conversation before going on a date , I just feel like once they hear that their opinion of me completely changes or they mock me over it like make sly digs. I don't feel great about it either but at da moment I'm not able to move out. I suppose what I'm also trying to figure out is if a guy was attracted to you, liked your personality but then realised you were living at home would that then turn them off you?

vicwatson

Can't see that as an issue at all

Avatar MIA

Freya33 wrote: »

Hi, just looking for the opinion of guys here please, would you consider dating a 28 year old woman living at home or is it a complete turn off?

I just feel like when I tell and il tell him pretty much straight away like on 1st date or if it comes up in conversation before going on a date , I just feel like once they hear that their opinion of me completely changes or they mock me over it like make sly digs. I don't feel great about it either but at da moment I'm not able to move out. I suppose what I'm also trying to figure out is if a guy was attracted to you, liked your personality but then realised you were living at home would that then turn them off you?

If this is an issue for some, then you've just dodged a bullet.

It shouldn't be an issue.

DrumSteve

Also can't see it being an issue.

PANDDDKP

Tell him your parents are living with you.



But honestly, shouldn't be an issue.

Avatar MIA

DrumSteve wrote: »

Also can't see it being an issue.

Yeah, I'm struggling with what would be the thought process?

Lovely eyes, super personality, great sense of humour, nice bu..., 'sorry, what's that love, you still live at home you say. Sorry, that's not what I'm looking for right now.'

Eric Cartman

I have to say it would worry me, and some other lads I know. Would depend on the reason why. But heres some possibilities. (these obviously could apply to a lad also, but in this case I'm using the word girl)

1) The girl is dependent on her family / can't look after herself - very worrying, wouldn't bode well for the future, I'm not there to clean up after someone

2) The girl is one of these people who was born in her local village, grew up there and never wants to leave / be far from her parents - wouldn't worry me so much if that village was close to dublin and had great facilities but theres no point in me getting involved with someone only for it to end over me not being able to / wanting to move to a rural town in cavan to live inches from her aul pair.

3) The girl is a cheapskate , doesn't believe in renting / believes the man should provide a home for them - this just isn't compatible with me at all. Financially you're either bringing 50% of all shared costs to the table or I'm out.

4) Fear of change or a lack of drive, just 'not arsed' moving out, or afraid to move out - wouldn't bode well at all with me.

I consider living in a house share as a pretty good life experience that I think people shouldn't look down on, it really helps with personal development and dealing with other people and different personality types. I'd like a future partner to have this experience as it would make living together easier.

this is all obviously just from my perspective but if you go over to PI on this forum you'll see loads of posts by users telling women to leave their boyfriends for flaws like smoking weed, drinking too much and funnily enough living at home past the age of 25, I think it swings both ways.

Jack the Stripper

Leave it out Eric Cartman what a load of waffle.

DoozerT6

I imagine the main 'issue' for guys might be a lack of privacy if you guys wanted to spend some 'quality time' together at your place.

I'm female, but I'd also imagine a guy might be wondering WHY you're still living at home - is it a case of saving up for your own place, convenience to your workplace, or (and forgive me for saying this) is it because you just don't want to? I have to say, I'd wonder myself why someone in their late twenties CHOOSES to still live at home for reasons other than finances or practicality.

However, if you have valid reasons, like the reasons above, or one or both of your parents is ill or something, then it's not something to be concerned about imo.

DoozerT6

Jack the Stripper wrote: »

Leave it out Eric Cartman what a load of waffle.

No it's not actually. He makes some very good points.

Mister Vain

I don't get the whole stigma surrounding people at living at home and the negative connontations that come with it, like not being able to look after yourself, being tight etc. This is something that has been discussed a lot in AH. If I really like someone then their living arrangement doesn't make a blind bit of difference.

Fart

PM me pics and some details and I'll see what the craic is.

Eric Cartman

Mister Vain wrote: »

I don't get the whole stigma surrounding people at living at home and the negative connontations that come with it, like not being able to look after yourself, being tight etc. This is something that has been discussed a lot in AH. If I really like someone then their living arrangement doesn't make a blind bit of difference.

I don't think theres negative connotations if the reason is valid (ill parents, saving for deposit, simply can't afford to leave)

But when you have somebody in their late 20s who could easily afford to move out and even afford to move closer to work and friends but chooses not to, it certainly puts up some red flags for me.

SGSM

Wouldn't bother me.

Professor Moriarty

Fart wrote: »

PM me pics and some details and I'll see what the craic is.

Your username might mitigate against women PMing you. Just a thought.

Freya33

Freya33 wrote: »

Hi, just looking for the opinion of guys here please, would you consider dating a 28 year old woman living at home or is it a complete turn off?

I just feel like when I tell and il tell him pretty much straight away like on 1st date or if it comes up in conversation before going on a date , I just feel like once they hear that their opinion of me completely changes or they mock me over it like make sly digs. I don't feel great about it either but at da moment I'm not able to move out. I suppose what I'm also trying to figure out is if a guy was attracted to you, liked your personality but then realised you were living at home would that then turn them off you?

You might be projecting your own issues on to the dates.

Steve

Not at all.

Seems you were not part of the dead tiger generation that spent money just because it was there.

However,

Freya33 wrote: »

but at da moment

Dat would hamper da chances imo.

newacc2015

Eric Cartman wrote: »

I have to say it would worry me, and some other lads I know. Would depend on the reason why. But heres some possibilities. (these obviously could apply to a lad also, but in this case I'm using the word girl)

3) The girl is a cheapskate , doesn't believe in renting / believes the man should provide a home for them - this just isn't compatible with me at all. Financially you're either bringing 50% of all shared costs to the table or I'm out.

So even if the girl is saving for a deposit for an apartment or a house instead of renting in a house she is a cheapskate? Would it not cross your mind that she is being financial responsible?

I would rather date someone who at 28 living at home and is saving for a deposit for a house than someone who perpetually living paycheque to paycheque in a rented apartment with not a cent to their name at 35.

The whole point of saving is to have a better quality of life in the future. Maybe it is just me who has been hardwired to save as much as young person to have a decent pension and a decent deposit for a house so I dont realise at 55 that I am financially ****ed like a lot of people in this country.

I would rather date someone living at home with their finances together than someone on good money being comfortable with not being able to save

TimeToShine

newacc2015 wrote: »

So even if the girl is saving for a deposit for an apartment or a house instead of renting in a house she is a cheapskate? Would it not cross your mind that she is being financial responsible?

I would rather date someone who at 28 living at home and is saving for a deposit for a house than someone who perpetually living paycheque to paycheque in a rented apartment with not a cent to their name at 35.

The whole point of saving is to have a better quality of life in the future. Maybe it is just me who has been hardwired to save as much as young person to have a decent pension and a decent deposit for a house so I dont realise at 55 that I am financially ****ed like a lot of people in this country.

I would rather date someone living at home with their finances together than someone on good money being comfortable with not being able to save

Lol don't worry - you'll be working until 70 anyway so you won't be financially screwed in the sense you imagine.

Don't put too much stock in pensions and property ownership, make a good go of it while you're young, fit and healthy. You never know what's coming down the road.

As for the OP it really depends, if you (or your parents should I say) live in Dublin then it's fine. If you're out in the rural middle of nowhere and have chosen your job purely to facilitate living at home at age 28 then I would maybe think twice.

Eric Cartman

newacc2015 wrote: »

So even if the girl is saving for a deposit for an apartment or a house instead of renting in a house she is a cheapskate? Would it not cross your mind that she is being financial responsible?

I would rather date someone who at 28 living at home and is saving for a deposit for a house than someone who perpetually living paycheque to paycheque in a rented apartment with not a cent to their name at 35.

The whole point of saving is to have a better quality of life in the future. Maybe it is just me who has been hardwired to save as much as young person to have a decent pension and a decent deposit for a house so I dont realise at 55 that I am financially ****ed like a lot of people in this country.

I would rather date someone living at home with their finances together than someone on good money being comfortable with not being able to save

In a later post I clarified that would be a valid reason, and pretty easily explained, there'd be no shame in asking 'why do you live at home'
However somebody putting their entire 20s on hold financially to save for a pile of bricks would put me off. You only get one shot at life and I don't think you can make the most of your 20s living at home. It is possible in cases to both save for a deposit and rent. Also rental payments help with a mortgage as a proof of ability to make consistent monthly payments.

Since I'm a 28 year old guy living with my parents it would be hypocritical if I had an issue with it. :pac: It would be a pain neither of us having our own place though. Reasons/circumstances are important though, I moved back home and couldn't afford to move out straightaway and then there was word that I may be transferring in work this year so a year's lease doesn't really work for me right now.

PropJoe10

Shouldn't be a problem at all. Certainly wouldnt put me off someone!

Starscream25

My almost 28 year old girlfriend still lives at home, I've no problems with it OP, thankfully she has a decent and welcoming family so I don't mind it when I have to pop around to her place at all. She has lots of positives to me so that's all that matters.

Eric Cartman

OSI wrote: »

Depends, have they ever left home? The only women I know still living at home in their late 20s having never moved out, are all very open about waiting for the right man before building a house on Daddies land.

The scariest thing about that one is you would never ever feel like it was your house until the parents had passed on, privacy would be probably non existent and usually 'daddies land' is close to a village that has a reputation for not welcoming outsiders.

Tigger

Eric Cartman wrote: »

3) The girl is a cheapskate , doesn't believe in renting / believes the man should provide a home for them - this just isn't compatible with me at all. Financially you're either bringing 50% of all shared costs to the table or I'm out.

Eric Cartman wrote: »

I don't think theres negative connotations if the reason is valid (ill parents, saving for deposit, simply can't afford to leave)

But when you have somebody in their late 20s who could easily afford to move out and even afford to move closer to work and friends but chooses not to, it certainly puts up some red flags for me.

i always thought you were a high earner. setting the var a bit high, i suppose it depends what you are looking for but the best wifr/mother is not necessarily earning as much as i am.

Eric Cartman

Tigger wrote: »

i always thought you were a high earner. setting the var a bit high, i suppose it depends what you are looking for but the best wifr/mother is not necessarily earning as much as i am.

doesn't have to be equal earning. but shared expenses would want to be 50/50 , now obviously thats cutting cloth to measure , I can't expect somebody on 25/30k to go halves on a palace (not that i can afford that either) , but ambitious and career driven are positives in a partner for me, I would expect them to have the capacity to pay 50% of the expenses in keeping a home mortgaged, maintained and running. Beyond that I wouldn't really mind even if I was earning 3,4,5+ times what they were on, aslong as we could both comfortably cover the basics.

Tigger

Eric Cartman wrote: »

doesn't have to be equal earning. but shared expenses would want to be 50/50 , now obviously thats cutting cloth to measure , I can't expect somebody on 25/30k to go halves on a palace (not that i can afford that either) , but ambitious and career driven are positives in a partner for me, I would expect them to have the capacity to pay 50% of the expenses in keeping a home mortgaged, maintained and running. Beyond that I wouldn't really mind even if I was earning 3,4,5+ times what they were on, aslong as we could both comfortably cover the basics.

i used to think like that but i suppose i got tired "cutting the cloth", it probably depends if you want kids etc and whether you want them raised at home or by others.

enzo roco

Rent is madness for a single person to be able to afford to move out.

What a ridiculous thread!

bucketybuck

newacc2015 wrote: »

So even if the girl is saving for a deposit for an apartment or a house instead of renting in a house she is a cheapskate? Would it not cross your mind that she is being financial responsible?

Would it not cross your mind that he was simply listing some of the various possible reasons that somebody might be in that situation?

Tigger

enzo roco wrote: »

Rent is madness for a single person to be able to afford to move out.

What a ridiculous thread!

men especially need to move out as soon as possaible
Independence is massively important, i could never respect a man who was finished education and who was living with hios parents through need (as opposed to minding them)

Bambi985

Well im female but i'd imagine the reasons i'd have for being concerned if a lad i was dating lived at home would apply to men too.

Mainly i'd be worried if they were at home without a very good reason EG saving for a deposit, helping a sick parent, between jobs etc. If they'd never moved out by 28 I'd probably go running to be honest. because someone who has never lived independently is probably not going to have much in common with me, who moved out when i was 18 and had to figure out the budgeting rigmarole from that age too.

How do you move forward with someone like that if you have goals of home ownership or raising a family or setting some serious financial goals etc? those would be my concerns. i'd be looking for someone who'd be an equal in the relationship, not someone i'd have to babysit or pick up after or take charge of their finances etc.

Freya33

Thanks for all your replies, I have lived out of home before in house shares and then with my ex boyfriend, I had to beg him could we please get a place together because the last house share I was living in was an absolute nightmare, one of the guys living there was an acholohic, several times I don't know how the house wasn't burnt down, I moved home then when I broke up with him cause I couldn't face going into another house share. In some ways moving home was good as I learned how to drive and was able to get a car. I just don't think house sharing is an option for me because of my last experience and renting an apartment is by myself is so expensive so I've been saving towards a mortgage which I know is going to take a hell of a long time, also I don't have a permanent job, it's a full time job but temporary contract. So the last couple of jobs I have had have all been on contracts, I am applying for permanent roles but I'm very far down the list on one competition to be called.Maybe I've just been meeting the wrong guys but they are actually horrible about it and make me feel like sh1t when I tell them.

enzo roco

Tigger wrote: »

men especially need to move out as soon as possaible
Independence is massively important, i could never respect a man who was finished education and who was living with hios parents through need (as opposed to minding them)

And where do these young men move to???
Times have changed, it is not easy just to start working after education and be in a position to afford to live alone. Thats the way it is.

Cut people a bit of slack. Im sure the majority of men and women 22+ dont want to live at home. Its not a choice...
Have a look at the property websites and tell me where single people can live on a modest salary.

Tigger

enzo roco wrote: »

And where do these young men move to???
Times have changed, it is not easy just to start working after education and be in a position to afford to live alone. Thats the way it is.

Cut people a bit of slack. Im sure the majority of men and women 22+ dont want to live at home. Its not a choice...
Have a look at the property websites and tell me where single people can live on a modest salary.

anywhere but at home, i'm talking about educated men, at 22 youd have a degree or better so make like a tree and dont be lin=ving wit your pqarents

Tigger

enzo roco wrote: »

And where do these young men move to???
Times have changed, it is not easy just to start working after education and be in a position to afford to live alone. Thats the way it is.

Cut people a bit of slack. Im sure the majority of men and women 22+ dont want to live at home. Its not a choice...
Have a look at the property websites and tell me where single people can live on a modest salary.

just to clarify im a 42 year old married man, domt be worried about what i think if you want to live with your aul ones i dont care but don't expect my respect

enzo roco

Bambi985 wrote: »

How do you move forward with someone like that if you have goals of home ownership or raising a family or setting some serious financial goals etc? those would be my concerns. i'd be looking for someone who'd be an equal in the relationship, not someone i'd have to babysit or pick up after or take charge of their finances etc.

How about communicating with people, isnt that what dating is all about???
Im just saying you cant label young people for not moving out.
They may have goals of home ownership/family etc, but not in a position to do so.
Just because someone lives at home doesnt mean they need to be babysat. Youre judging a book by the cover.

Sounds like a relationship is just someone to share a mortgage with.

PTH2009

I would not be too bothered

I'm 27 and still live at home

Eric Cartman

enzo roco wrote: »

And where do these young men move to???
Times have changed, it is not easy just to start working after education and be in a position to afford to live alone. Thats the way it is.

Cut people a bit of slack. Im sure the majority of men and women 22+ dont want to live at home. Its not a choice...
Have a look at the property websites and tell me where single people can live on a modest salary.

a lot of rooms in house shares still listed in the 300-500 range in dublin which is modest and less than 25% of take-home pay for most professionals.

enzo roco

Tigger wrote: »

anywhere but at home, i'm talking about educated men, at 22 youd have a degree or better so make like a tree and dont be lin=ving wit your pqarents

So you have no decent answer to my question.

Tigger wrote: »

just to clarify im a 42 year old married man, domt be worried about what i think if you want to live with your aul ones i dont care but don't expect my respect

Ha, good one. Get down off your high horse.

You'd swear anyone living at home is a criminal... Again, not many people want to live at home.

batistuta9

Tigger wrote: »

just to clarify im a 42 year old married man, domt be worried about what i think if you want to live with your aul ones i dont care but don't expect my respect

Who would want your respect?

shamrock55

Wouldnt make the slightest bit of difference to me anyway,why would it?

Tigger

enzo roco wrote: »

So you have no decent answer to my question.



Ha, good one. Get down off your high horse.

You'd swear anyone living at home is a criminal... Again, not many people want to live at home.

Eric Cartman wrote: »

a lot of rooms in house shares still listed in the 300-500 range in dublin which is modest and less than 25% of take-home pay for most professionals.

this, stop thinking you earn 2k a month so you can spend 2k a month
seen lads do this ; suddenly they are 30 and their parents are downsizing,

i asked a lad at work recently (hes 19 earns 25k net and is on a path) how much he kick up at home
nothing
he gives them nothing, no wonder he live at home

Tigger

batistuta9 wrote: »

Who would want your respect?

exactly

enzo roco

Eric Cartman wrote: »

a lot of rooms in house shares still listed in the 300-500 range in dublin which is modest and less than 25% of take-home pay for most professionals.

In dublin, anything less than €500 is sharing a room or bed with a stranger.

Im on daft.ie right now.

Actually, I found a house share with a mother and daughter for 500, bed and desk in the room. But females only...

Tigger

enzo roco wrote: »

In dublin, anything less than €500 is sharing a room or bed with a stranger.

Im on daft.ie right now.

Actually, I found a house share with a mother and daughter for 500, bed and desk in the room. But females only...

the can't assume your gender

enzo roco

Tigger wrote: »

this, stop thinking you earn 2k a month so you can spend 2k a month
seen lads do this ; suddenly they are 30 and their parents are downsizing,

i asked a lad at work recently (hes 19 earns 25k net and is on a path) how much he kick up at home
nothing
he gives them nothing, no wonder he live at home

Well thats his parent's fault/problem...

You live in west of ireland. Have a look at places to rent or buy and see what you can manage.

TimeToShine

Tigger wrote: »

the can't assume your gender

I don't know where you've been the last 5 years but they most certainly can and do ask for females only very regularly.

Eric Cartman

enzo roco wrote: »

In dublin, anything less than €500 is sharing a room or bed with a stranger.

Im on daft.ie right now.

Actually, I found a house share with a mother and daughter for 500, bed and desk in the room. But females only...

I keyed in share, price limit 500 , all of dublin, selected double room specifically, 142 results, ranelagh, foxrock, tallaght, walkinstown, whitehall, clonsilla, tyrrelstown, malahide - all in the list. pretty convenient for transport.

Somebody not working or in college I can understand, but a working professional in their late twenties has plenty of opportunity to move out, and Im only working on dublin figures, if you work in a more rural part of ireland, house shares get cheaper. sure get 4 mates together to rent a house and thats a 2000 euro a month rental budget you have right there, that'll get you a house in most parts of the country. Have great fun, have parties, have girls over, have a poker night, whatever you want and no complaints from the parents.

Tigger

enzo roco wrote: »

Well thats his parent's fault/problem...

You live in west of ireland. Have a look at places to rent or buy and see what you can manage.

i'm from dundrum ; i understand that things are dear. i live in the west for the clean air empty roads and low crime

Tigger

TimeToShine wrote: »

I don't know where you've been the last 5 years but they most certainly can and do ask for females only very regularly.

woosh

Bambi985

enzo roco wrote: »

Sounds like a relationship is just someone to share a mortgage with.

Not at all. But at 28 a lot of guys/women will be looking at relationships differently from when they were 22. I.E more about long-term compatibility instead of just having the craic together and coasting along with someone until it all blows up over these fundamental differences down the line.

Anyways OP you're obviously at home with good reason and have an eye on your future. You've lived independently and are saving money and actively seeking better employment. Those things would ease my mind if I was dating someone who lived at home. It'd just be annoying that we'd have to hang out at my place all the time, but that's a small change thing more than anything.