Modern day women/mothers - is there something wrong with them?

Broken Hearted Road

First of all I write this as a woman myself.

I remember when I was 17 or 18 going babysitting for a couple. I was led to believe it would be a few hours every day with a day or two off or whatever. Overtime a short period of time, I was more like a nanny. The mother of the child was completely handicapped when it came to the care of her child preferring to spend time on herself - beautifying herself. Showers 3/4 times a day. Hairdressers to get a haircut or a new could at least every month, etc.

All that was many years ago but I see even nowadays. Not going into details here but I'm very close to a situation. A woman who is a mother to children who doesn't do a tap with them and relies heavily on a childminder nearly all day every day and then goes out most weekends.

So many women deciding to be mothers and then deciding to be more like a footballers wife and not lift a finger.

I mean my own mam, she's a fantastic woman. She raised 5 of us with a husband who was a violent, cheating, drunk and hardly boiled the kettle for a cup of tea for the woman and she managed very well being a mother.

MilesMorales1

It's not a new thing. Nannies/Governess/boarding schools are as old as the hills.

kylith

Women who can afford it (and who want to) have always paid other people to raise their children. Nothing new there.

The Specialist

There is a scum element that proudly call themselves single mothers, purely for their own benefit. Everything is such a struggle for them and the free money the receive from my taxes is never enough. They should be sterilised.

Mod: Banned

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Not like any young mothers I know.

The Specialist

The Specialist wrote: »

There is a scum element that proudly call themselves single mothers, purely for their own benefit. Everything is such a struggle for them and the free money the receive from my taxes is never enough. They should be sterilised.

And presumably the single fathers with them, right?

Give over.

kylith

The Specialist wrote: »

There is a scum element that proudly call themselves single mothers, purely for their own benefit. Everything is such a struggle for them and the free money the receive from my taxes is never enough. They should be sterilised.

Completely off-topic and bashing single mothers. It's a twofer!

Broken Hearted Road

Gary Gorgeous Rocket wrote: »

Not like any young mothers I know.

I wouldn't say it's from every mother I know but there is a sizable portion who can't do a thing with their children and feel they have a need or a right to go out regularly and this wouldn't be the the local pub or restaurant to get away for a bit. This is weekend trips. From Saturday morning til Sunday evening. Why have children if they are going to be such trouble?

The Specialist

Candie wrote: »

And presumably the single fathers with them, right?

Give over.

Oddly enough I know a single father and he is nothing like 2 females I know raising kids on their own. Benefits are a priority for them, anything they can get they are scheming for. The single father meanwhile is focussed only on his kids and worries how he is going to manage.

So in answer to your question, no, i am specifically talking in terms of single "mothers " - i use that term in the loosest sense possible as they are a disgrace (the ones i know personally, not all)

MadDog76

The Specialist wrote: »

There is a scum element that proudly call themselves single mothers, purely for their own benefit. Everything is such a struggle for them and the free money the receive from my taxes is never enough. They should be sterilised.

What's any of that rant got to do with the Op/thread/topic???

MilesMorales1

The Specialist wrote: »

Oddly enough I know a single father and he is nothing like 2 females I know raising kids on their own. Benefits are a priority for them, anything they can get they are scheming for. The single father meanwhile is focussed only on his kids and worries how he is going to manage.

So in answer to your question, no, i am specifically talking in terms of single "mothers " - i use that term in the loosest sense possible as they are a disgrace (the ones i know personally, not all)

Anecdotal 'evidence' is the best kind to suggest we sterilise 'scum element single mothers'

Broken Hearted Road

The Specialist wrote: »

There is a scum element that proudly call themselves single mothers, purely for their own benefit. Everything is such a struggle for them and the free money the receive from my taxes is never enough. They should be sterilised.

There are other scum who behaves as if their children are a disease.

The Specialist

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

Anecdotal 'evidence' is the best kind to suggest we sterilise 'scum element single mothers'

Anecdotal or not, that is my experience. I am married and unfortunately we have fertility issues at present. It sickens me to see these leeches (the people i know), have kids and not give a **** about the child as long as the sw money is in order, while i have to watch my wife cry over our present circumstances.

I am not in anyway saying "all" single mothers, i am specifically talking about a subset of them that everyone knows exists, but treats like an elephant in the room.

kylith

Well, I know single mothers who scrape together every penny to give their children every opportunity they can, and go without themselves. And I know 1 more than The Specialist so my anecdotal evidence means more and I say we give single mothers a medal.

OP I think some people might not be aware if the sacrifices and selfless-ness required when they become a parent. They continue on as before. Then of course there will always be those who are very aware but are so spoilt and absorbed that they don't give a shít.

Now that is a possible explaination only. I don't know any parents who are that way, only ones who are loving and do their best for their families.

ceadaoin.

Broken Hearted Road wrote: »

I wouldn't say it's from every mother I know but there is a sizable portion who can't do a thing with their children and feel they have a need or a right to go out regularly and this wouldn't be the the local pub or restaurant to get away for a bit. This is weekend trips. From Saturday morning til Sunday evening. Why have children if they are going to be such trouble?

Weekend trips every weekend is it? Or how often is "regularly"?

Grayson

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

Anecdotal 'evidence' is the best kind to suggest we sterilise 'scum element single mothers'

This thread started with an anecdotal story about how women who do anything but be a mother 24/7 are terrible and it was guaranteed to go downhill from there.

There's going to be one stupid judgement after another and each will be based on some stupid story about "I know someone who has three kids so they can get 24 free prams a month". "I know a woman who hasn't seen her kids in 60 years because she outsourced them to a nanny in the Philippines".

SEPT 23 1989

I just want to thank my own mother gave it all up to raise us always there when we got home

No half arsed stuff

whoopsadoodles

The Specialist wrote: »

Anecdotal or not, that is my experience. I am married and unfortunately we have fertility issues at present. It sickens me to see these leeches (the people i know), have kids and not give a **** about the child as long as the sw money is in order, while i have to watch my wife cry over our present circumstances.

I am not in anyway saying "all" single mothers, i am specifically talking about a subset of them that everyone knows exists, but treats like an elephant in the room.

There's a subset of every demographic that are scum. Everyone knows all of them exist. It doesn't prove any point at all.

SEPT 23 1989

Would you live on what a single mother lives on week to week hand to mouth?

Get off the stage

One eyed Jack

Broken Hearted Road wrote: »

First of all I write this as a woman myself.

I remember when I was 17 or 18 going babysitting for a couple. I was led to believe it would be a few hours every day with a day or two off or whatever. Overtime a short period of time, I was more like a nanny. The mother of the child was completely handicapped when it came to the care of her child preferring to spend time on herself - beautifying herself. Showers 3/4 times a day. Hairdressers to get a haircut or a new could at least every month, etc.

All that was many years ago but I see even nowadays. Not going into details here but I'm very close to a situation. A woman who is a mother to children who doesn't do a tap with them and relies heavily on a childminder nearly all day every day and then goes out most weekends.

So many women deciding to be mothers and then deciding to be more like a footballers wife and not lift a finger.

I mean my own mam, she's a fantastic woman. She raised 5 of us with a husband who was a violent, cheating, drunk and hardly boiled the kettle for a cup of tea for the woman and she managed very well being a mother.

Close your curtains and you won't have to look at her.

Jesus :pac:

Grayson

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

I just want to thank my own mother gave it all up to raise us always there when we got home

No half arsed stuff

I'd like to thank my mum who raised my sister any myself. My father was unemployed and pretty useless. My mother worked three part time jobs at one stage just to keep us going. She only stopped working two years ago. She's 70 now.

Does that fact that she worked make her better or worse than your mum who stayed at home? Or does it even fecking matter at all. "Giving it up" doesn't make anyone a good person. Working doesn't make anyone a good person. It's silly to try and say that it does.

Broken Hearted Road

ceadaoin. wrote: »

Weekend trips every weekend is it? Or how often is "regularly"?

3 weekend trips in a row for starters. Not the first time.


Another time, there was a match on in Croke Park. Home county playing. Off to Dublin on Saturday afternoon. All the child saw of their parents was 20 minutes on Sunday night before bedtime.

Weddings either side of that match weekend.

Weddings are a regular thing with them.

ceadaoin.

Grayson wrote: »

I'd like to thank my mum who raised my sister any myself. My father was unemployed and pretty useless. My mother worked three part time jobs at one stage just to keep us going. She only stopped working two years ago. She's 70 now.

Does that fact that she worked make her better or worse than your mum who stayed at home? Or does it even fecking matter at all. "Giving it up" doesn't make anyone a good person. Working doesn't make anyone a good person. It's silly to try and say that it does.

Mothers who work = paying other people to raise their children, uncaring

Mothers who don't work = lazy scroungers who are either scrounging off the state (entitled single mothers) or their partners(entitled "footballers wives" wannabes). Most of them still uncaring

Moral of the story is women can never win, certain people will always find an excuse to criticise them

Mothers (and fathers) can be good, bad or indifferent whether they work or not. My own mother has always worked, she's been a great role model for me and instilled a great work ethic in her kids by example. So did my dad, but he escaped the judgement that came my mums way for being a working mother, as working fathers aren't measured by the same metrics.

I know single mothers who have been the most selfless, caring and focused parents anyone could want.

Nobody is flawless, but there's nothing to be gained or learned from holding only one kind of parent the ideal when everybody is different, all kids are different, and all families are different.

whoopsadoodles

Broken Hearted Road wrote: »

3 weekend trips in a row for starters. Not the first time.


Another time, there was a match on in Croke Park. Home county playing. Off to Dublin on Saturday afternoon. All the child saw of their parents was 20 minutes on Sunday night before bedtime.

Weddings either side of that match weekend.

Weddings are a regular thing with them.

So why is it just the mothers you're focused on if the father is doing the same thing?

ceadaoin.

Broken Hearted Road wrote: »

3 weekend trips in a row for starters. Not the first time.


Another time, there was a match on in Croke Park. Home county playing. Off to Dublin on Saturday afternoon. All the child saw of their parents was 20 minutes on Sunday night before bedtime.

Weddings either side of that match weekend.

Weddings are a regular thing with them.

And where were their husbands/partners for all this? Were they not attending the weddings / matches also? Actually, I notice you said "parents", where is the criticism for the fathers in that case?

meeeeh

Some people really are invested into other people's lives. Is their own life really so boring?

One eyed Jack

meeeeh wrote: »

Some people really are invested into other people's lives. Is their own life really so boring?

Looks like the OP spends all their time keeping tabs on her neighbours!

MilesMorales1

My dad was a horrible drunk who not only beat me senseless every chance he got cos he wouldn't confront his own demons, but was never much of a dad at all. Whereas my mum basically did both roles and was the best parent she could be, under the circumstances of our lives anyway. Strange how that goes.

It's a new and bizarre kind of judgement when regular haircuts are being used as a measure of how bad a mother is.

whoopsadoodles

Candie wrote: »

It's a new and bizarre kind of judgement when regular haircuts are being used as a measure of how bad a mother is.

And the number of showers they take.

ceadaoin.

Candie wrote: »

It's a new and bizarre kind of judgement when regular haircuts are being used as a measure of how bad a mother is.

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

And the number of showers they take.

And if they didn't those things they'd be martyrs who are "frumpy" or "letting themselves go" !

Loveinapril

Children > personal hygiene.

Grayson

Loveinapril wrote: »

Children > personal hygiene.

hahahahahaha

SEPT 23 1989

Only special occasions for the hair to get done spare money was squirled away for santee and trips to the zoo

One eyed Jack

Loveinapril wrote: »

Children > personal hygiene.

Children are more important than personal hygiene?

I couldn't agree with that at all.

One eyed Jack

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Only special occasions for the hair to get done spare money was squirled away for santee and trips to the zoo

My mother had no hair, does that mean I win?

SEPT 23 1989

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Only special occasions for the hair to get done spare money was squirled away for santee and trips to the zoo

Maybe the woman in the OP has plenty of money and doesn't have to sacrifice her hairdos for Santa or the zoo. We can't just assume she's spending on herself at the expense of the children.

SEPT 23 1989

One eyed Jack wrote: »

My mother had no hair, does that mean I win?

Her hair fell out over you carry on Jack

No

Glad we clearsd that up

wes

Candie wrote: »

And presumably the single fathers with them, right?

Give over.

Amazing how dead beat Dads are so often let off the hook for some reason.

lulu1

When my first child was born I gave up work because we had a long wait for her to come along and as my husband was working we were in a position that I could stay at home.

Although it didnt bother me I know many mums that could not be in the house all day with a child and would prefer to be at work

When you give up work to be a stay at home mother your friend's drift away slowly but shurly you miss the gossip from work and sometimes it seems that you lose contact with the outside world.

I dont really see the problem with a mother trying to look her best fair play to her or even having a night out at the weekend.

My own mother reared a large family and never worked a day in her life she was always there with the dinner ready when we would come home from work and I will never forget her.

But i am wondering would your child think any less of you for going out to work. I dont really think so.

Grayson

One eyed Jack wrote: »

My mother had no hair, does that mean I win?

There's a pun in that. There has to be.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

One eyed Jack

lulu1 wrote: »

But i am wondering would your child think any less of you for going out to work. I dont really think so.

It's impossible to know really, as everyone will process their own childhood differently. We were practically raised by our neighbour because both my parents were working and we rarely got to see them, and when I had a child myself, my wife wanted to stay at home, and I would constantly be trying to get her to go out with her friends, do some stuff for herself, etc, while I was out working. Our child is 12 now and sometimes he tells me we never spend any time together, it's kinda hard to hear it, but I know give it a few more years and he'll be doing his own thing too. I'd like to think I instilled in him at least a sense of independence and an ability to fend for himself, even if he doesn't see it now.

It's a tricky one to call and I don't think the OP does anyone, including herself, any favours by attempting to pass judgement on other people's lifestyles by her own lack of standards.

lulu1

The Specialist wrote: »

There is a scum element that proudly call themselves single mothers, purely for their own benefit. Everything is such a struggle for them and the free money the receive from my taxes is never enough. They should be sterilised.

It's not about single mothers.

Cupcake_Crisis

Jesus, god forbid a woman take some pride in her appearance after she has a baby! What is the world coming to?!

nice_guy80

there is huge pressure on mums and mums to be to compete with each other, have the latest equipment, do all the done things and bring their kids to all the latest places

DanielODonnell

Modern women can't be stomached, even my own sister can't be listened to.

When they have children all they talk about is themselves, their children and their career.

lulu1

San_Sebastian wrote: »

You've failed as an adult if this "huge pressure" dictates your life. That's the sort if thing children might reasonably succumb to, as an adult you need to cop on.

No you have not failed as an adult. But speaking from experience it's very hard to tell your child especially a 16 or 17 year old that they are not getting the same shoes costing 80euro that their friends have or that they are not going to an over age disco because all their friends are going. But I have done it