Drained by other people

DauphinAi

I feel like everyone is expecting a lot from me and pulling me in all directions. I'm absolutely drained because I feel used by so many people and I've no time for myself. I don't know how to say no because I grew up looking after my mam and I guess this is the role I've assumed in life. It's happening in work, with my family, friends. I'm so tired. I don't want to have to do it anymore but it feels unnatural to say no. I don't know what to do.

fg1406

I was guilty of that over the past few years but you have to ask yourself, everytime you say yes to something/someone, you are saying no to something in your own personal life. Whether it be down time for yourself, time with a spouse/partner, your mental health etc. I still get pangs of guilt when I say no to something but I'm slowly learning that it's best for me. I can't be everything to everybody

L.Jenkins

You have to learn to say no. People will continue to take until there's nothing left for you. It might seem selfish, but if you can't look after yourself now, it will be difficult to do anything for anyone in the future.

Emme

OP people will literally take until you are burnt out, flat on your back and can do nothing. Then you will see what they are willing to do to help you! Zilch! This is what happened to me. Indeed, when I started to recover from the burnout people started looking for me to do stuff for them again because I was "better". People like this never change, they don't care about anyone else but themselves and the don't care how their demands affect other people.

Say no. Believe me others would say no if the shoe were on the other foot.

Airyfairy12

You have to protect yourself and put your feelings and needs first. I know it feels selfish and its really hard to do but you just have to do it anyway. Youre only going to keep attracting takers and you'll be totally burnt out and thats no fun at all, the worst part is the people who burnt you out in the first place will either leave or kick you when youre down as theyre only interested in getting their own needs met.
They wont appreciate what you do for them and the more you carry on like this youre going to end up closed up and bitter towards other people and relationships. You can still help people but reserve it for those who'll appreciate and value you.

Keisha07

You are perfectly entitled to say no, because you want to help you feel guilty putting yourself first, if you get ill you won't be in a position to help anyone and those burdening you now will not be stuck they will find others to help. People will take advantage as long as you let them, look after yourself op.

LegacyUser

I know how you feel as I have been in this position.

Over the space of about 15 years I was always available to sort things out for various family members. A few things happened that made me realise things had to change. I finally stood up for myself. I had a conversation with some people and they now realise that I won't be putting up with things as they had been.

I learned over the years that some people can always find you when they need you but are not as quick to return the favour.

I have another friend of mine who spend years being there for people. A few years ago she went though a very bad time and she found out then who her real freinds were. After this she said to a few people why did they not offer her any help or support when they knew what was going on in her life?

I have been a friend of this woman for a few years and over that time we realised that some people are quite happy to use us but they are never their if we need them. We both have got rid of some people out of our lives.

We no longer always say yes or are always there to sort out other peoples mess and problems. Being honest it is not being selfish but at times you need to ask yourself would a or b do the same for me?

Saying no is ok espically if you feel that you are been pulled in every direction. You need to consider your own health be it your physical or mental health. Do you think work will notice if you always work overtime - it will be accpected that Mary will always do this.
In regards to family you need to say no at times.

The advice I would give in regards to friends is that some times people change and grow apart. Ask yourself I am always the one that arranges when we meet up? How often do I hear from them? Do they only find me when they are in trouble/going though a brake up or when their job gets stressful?
If they are like the above don't feel bad in saying no to them. Spend time with friends who you know will be their for you and who make you feel good rather than users.

December2012

Next time somebody asks you to do something, ask yourself;

Did you give birth to them?

Have they done the same thing for you?

Is it part of your job description?

If not, don't do it

Practice saying no. It gets easier

Parchment

Start saying "No" to things. Its ok to do that. Be selfish.

m-a-i-

HI OP 
I understand it is hard to say no and it's easier said than done but try out with the small things. Try and say no to one thing you don't want to do in one week, then make it two etc. 
You need to look after yourself first OP, this was something I found out the hard way. It's still a struggle for me to say no but when I start to slip I try and take it one thing at a time and see if it is something I can say no to. 
on top of that do one thing for yourself every day. The feeling of self care will hopefully help you want more of it and be more able to say no 

all the best OP

Call me Al

You need to start making plans and schedule things for yourself. It doesn't have to be anything dramatic or an outside appointment. It might simply be an evening where you might give yourself a manicure/pedicure or catch up on some sleep. Things like that. Don't put yourself to the back of the queue of your priorities. Others will take advantage (eta often unknowingly) and take advantage to push in front. Why? Beacause you have let them in the past.

Then if you're asked you say no that you've something on and resist the urge (and if youre a giving kind of person it will be a very strong urge) to offer any explanations or apologies. It doesn't come naturally for many, but it's a trait that can be learned.
Others do it all the time and make no apologies for it.
It gets easier after a while.