Speeches - what have you found best as an attendee?

Jude13

I am just wondering which way to structure the speeches at our wedding, all input appreciated.

andekwarhola

If you must have them, do it before the meal and have them as short as possible.

Short, personal, no jokes about previous conquests, and set time limits for each speaker.

athtrasna

Some hotels won't allow them before the meal as it messes with timings for the food. Ours didn't. But we gave everyone strict instructions, short and sweet. And they were

Jude13

Cheers all, I am sure I can keep nearly all the speeches short and sweet bar the father of the bride.

Peregrinus

The traditional order is:

- Bride's father (the nominal host) gives a speech welcoming the guests to the wedding, welcoming the groom to the family, and proposing a toast to "the happy couple".

- Groom on behalf of the couple replies to the bride's father, acknowledges his wife's superlative qualities and his own complete unworthiness even to untie the strap of her shoe, and ends with a toast to "the bridesmaids".

- The bridesmaids, being mere women, are presumed to be unable to speak in public so the best man replies on their behalf. He doesn't end with a toast, but he does read any telegrams, messages or (nowadays) e-mails that have been received from people invited to the wedding but unable to attend.

Of course, tradition is only as useful as you think it is, and you don't have to stick to any or all of this. It's not uncommon for the groom's father to be given a slot, and in these egalitarian days it's possible that any or all of the bride, the bride's mother, the groom's mother or the principal bridesmaid may wish to speak. So you can have any speakers in any order that you want.

The only rules to remember are:

- The guests haven't really come to hear speeches. Nobody remembers weddings fondly for the large number and/or extended length of the speeches. There's a limited number of things that need to be said, and a limited number of words necessary to say them.

- What is it that needs to be said? Really, only two things - everybody who needs to be publicly thanked must be publicly thanked (and the speakers should be clear among themselves who is going to thank who), and somebody has to wish the happy couple well. Everything else is optional.

- Don't be afraid to make decisions about who will speak on the basis of your judgement about who is capable of giving a good speech. Don't press anybody to speak who doesn't wish to, but don't hesitate to turn down anybody who offers to speak, but you don't feel it would add to the gaiety of the occasion.

Balmed Out

I hate when their beforehand and I'm hungry, think in between is best

XsApollo

Hate when they before the food.
Long enough day and hungry, then going through the speeches is painful.
Much better in between

PhoenixParker

I think it depends on your own timings a lot.

If you're having mass at 12, then a big gap with only a few nibble bits, your guests have missed lunch and will be hungry by the time dinner starts. Get at least one course into them before speeches.

On the other hand if your ceremony is at 3, there's nibble bits and dinner is at 5, chances are your guests have had time for a big late breakfast or early lunch so they're not as hungry and you can get away with speeches before the meal.

As others have said, short and sweet is best.

Atomic Pineapple

The most important aspect of speeches is that they are nice and short. The last wedding I was at had them before hand and while the groom gave a great speech they took 50 minutes and so despite the great speech the only thing people remembered was how long they took.

Jude13

Peregrinus wrote: »

The traditional order is:

- Bride's father (the nominal host) gives a speech welcoming the guests to the wedding, welcoming the groom to the family, and proposing a toast to "the happy couple".

-

Would the above bit be because historically the brides father paid for the wedding? I've bank rolled this whole thing with allot of tough times from the in laws trying to get a wedding they wanted. Would like to avoid the first perception.

mcgiggles

Definitely not before the meal IMO, at least let people get their starters into them, they'll be half the day waiting for food.. We're having them between the starters and the soup, our coordinator said that was easiest cos soup will be kept warm and can be thrown into the bowls, if we were to have it between soup and main it would be complicated for the kitchen timing-wise.. Been to 10+ weddings the last 3 years and nearly certain they were all between the starter and soup or starter and main..

Bacchus

Don't split them up whatever you do. For a lot of guests it'd be "what, speeches again?" if you split them. Also, it kinda ruins the flow of the speeches that you can get when they run from one to the next... sorta like you've just got the crowd into it and you decide to stop.

Whether you have them before or after depends on how hungry you think your guests will be.... Early sit down? Have the speeches first. You had canapes at the reception? Your guests had something to tide them over, have the speeches first.... actually, I personally prefer them first all the time - everyone's had a few drinks, they're settling at their tables, food is coming soon, etc.

The only time it is a pain to do them first is when they drag on for ages and delay the meal. I was a guest at a wedding once where I lost track of how long the speeches were going for. It was so bad, you could hear the murmur of conversation at every table in the room, no-one was listening to the speeches by the end. I went up to the room (the other end of the hotel) after about half an hour to get my wife panadol and when I came back they were still going. The meal as a result, you could tell had been sitting a while too. So yeah, don't do that. Make sure to gently suggest to the speakers to keep things short and sweet. As was said above, the guests don't really care about the speeches. The only ones that are remembered are the terrible drawn out ones and possibly some of the "nailed it, standup comedy" speeches that just come naturally to some speakers.

Actually, mcgiggles suggestion is good. Let them have a starter to tide them over if you are concerned about hunger. Soup is a good buffer then for the hotel so they can make sure the main course is timed right.

Jude13

Cheers all for the replies its really appreciated.

We are serving canapes and welcome drinks. A quick non religious service in the room next to the canapes and drinks.

baby and crumble

After our ceremony (which is at 4pm) we are having a drinks reception in the room beside the ceremony room (which will be being turned over for the dinner) so we plan to have some toasts/ short speeches then. Folks won't start showing up for the ceremony until 3.30 anyway so they should all have had loads of time for a massive breakfast/ lunch beforehand.

Another reason to do them then is none of this nonsense of buying people a "toast drink".

LirW

I attended a wedding where the speeches happened just before the meal but there were platters of bread, rolls, cheese, cured meat etc served. People could start eating and enjoy the speeches (they were really nice and emotional). Best solution imo.
The food was just about in a size that it wouldn't leave you stuffed for the meal itself.

fg1406

Before the meal if they have to happen! Just
Make sure that all who are speaking know that no one really cares outside the very immediate family members involved. I was at a wedding last year where we got a breakdown of the brides junior cert, leaving cert and college results. Not kidding.

I personally opted not to have speeches at my wedding. We as a couple said our thanks and that was it. We did it before the meal and it took all of about 2 minutes.

neonsofa

I feel like I'm the only person who loves speeches at weddings- the longer the better imo. And I love the cheesy best man jokes, even if I've heard them a million times! I just love speeches, even when I don't know the person and I'm starving, it really gives an insight into the whole relationship and their family etc and I just get all emotional about the love everybody has for the newlyweds I'm a sap at weddings though!

Sam Kade

I was at a wedding reception a few years ago where there were no speeches, not a single word uttered seemed really strange. Nothing more annoying with speeches dragged out you have to say some few words to remind people why they are there.

GingerLily

Sam Kade wrote: »

I was at a wedding reception a few years ago where there were no speeches, not a single word uttered seemed really strange. Nothing more annoying with speeches dragged out you have to say some few words to remind people why they are there.

I really like a good speech, the ceremony is usually so repetitive and impersonal, it's the only actual time everyone gets to hear from or about the couple!
Plus having it before the meal gives guests a talking point for dinner, which can be very useful if guests seated together don't know each other!

SarahMollie

I think pre dinner is best, but they really need to be kept short and sweet.

Obviously it really depends on the timing of the individual weddings but two that I was at last year did this. One was a single venue humanist wedding where the speeches were done just after the drinks reception. As there was no church, the whole thing started later in the day (4pm) so everyone had eaten a good lunch before arriving.

The second one was a church wedding with the reception about 1hours drive away. Timings weren't too tight so I'm pretty sure everyone stopped on their way for a quick snack so no one was starved. Again speeches were at the end of the drinks reception.

In both cases the speeches totaled less than 30 minutes - just enough but not too much.

woodchuck

Above all else, the speeches should be short! Guests don't care about speeches at all (or maybe it's just me?).

Ideally the speeches should be before the meal. I always feel terrible for the ones giving speeches as they can't really enjoy their meal as they have it hanging over their heads. But again... needs to be short!! Nobody wants to be waiting an extra hour to be served their food.

Also the speeches should not be full of in-jokes that only a tiny fraction of the room are going to get.

Koptain Liverpool

Has to be before the meal. And I'm saying that for the benefit of the speakers themselves. Screw the guests!

I was a best man not so long ago and we'd the speeches planned for before the food.
The hotel wedding organizer was trying to get us to change it to after but no chance!
Everyone who has to speak is a bit nervous.
So by getting it all done then everyone can relax and enjoy their meal properly.

Vojera

One of the lads in work gave a best man speech last week and he said neither himself nor the groom were fit to eat with the nerves as they were waiting till after for the speeches. So in that respect I can see why some people like to have them beforehand.

At the same time, I've been at weddings that were a very long day (ceremony at 12 or 1, only a couple of biscuits while waiting) and then an hour of speeches before getting a bowl of soup and honestly, I barely listened to the speeches at those, mostly just was thinking "I'm so hungry I'm so hungry" the whole time. So I think the advice about suiting the timing to your own schedule and set-up is good.

Either way, I think that people universally dislike when there are a tonne of cards read out from "the cousins in Australia who couldn't be here". You can read cards on your own time, it would want to be exceptional to be reading all those, imo.

Spanish Eyes

One wedding I was at last year.

The Bride just stood up and said thanks to everyone for sharing their day, how lovely to have everyone with them. Thanks to everyone who helped out, thanks for the lovely gifts, now go and enjoy yerselves!

Best feckin speech ever. IMV.

OH I forgot to mention that her Dad had passed, and her husband said NO WAY for speeches, each to their own. There should be no rules.

That one minute speech from the Bride was amazing.

Jude13

baby and crumble wrote: »

After our ceremony (which is at 4pm) we are having a drinks reception in the room beside the ceremony room (which will be being turned over for the dinner) so we plan to have some toasts/ short speeches then. Folks won't start showing up for the ceremony until 3.30 anyway so they should all have had loads of time for a massive breakfast/ lunch beforehand.

Another reason to do them then is none of this nonsense of buying people a "toast drink".

We are also having a drinks reception in the room beside the ceremony room (which will be being turned over for the dinner).....

We are also having it the day of two biggish rugby matches so trying to get it on the tv in the private bar attached to the rooms

mcgiggles

^^ My kind of wedding  Cater to the masses! You're dead right, last thing you want is people sitting at dinner with their phones out streaming them lol

Before the meal is far better, people will drink away and don't mind once they aren't too long and you have the meal to look forward to. They always feel to drag more after the meal as you might want to get up for a bit of air, go to the bar etc. There is usually a stop off for a few pints and sandwiches in the local pub near the church and finger food at arrival in the hotel at the weddings in my circle of friends so while you are hungry I'd never be starved come dinner time.

Another very good reason is for the people speaking themselves. I've spoken to a few grooms and best men etc who have said they couldn't enjoy the dinner thinking of the speeches after so for you own sake its better before.

Sunny Dayz

I've been to weddings where they have done speeches either before or after the meal. Never been where they have split it up and I do think it would confuse people.


The wedding where the speeches were before the meal, I knew this in advance of the wedding day. I would imagine if you were seated, looking forward to your meal and then found out the speeches were before the meal, you would be a bit annoyed understandably. I think if you are having speeches before the meal, provide a substantial canapés on arrival to the hotel. Or put the word out in advance of the wedding day so people can ensure that they aren't too hungry.


I find with speeches after the meal, either during dessert or just after it, people are sitting down relaxing and will give the speeches more attention. I find that it gives me a bit of time to allow my food to settle and gives a nice finish to the meal part of the wedding day.


But whether the speeches are before or after the meal keep them short, light hearted and to the point. Only thank those who you need to, and once, there's no need for the groom, the best man and someone else to all thank the hotel etc.

razorblunt

The best ones I've found are spread out during each course, this allows someone to run on a little longer if needs be.
I'm not against any of the proposals for before/during/after really, I always found that with decent food beforehand, you're not really starving to the point of distraction.

Worst incident I can remember was a wedding with the speeches on before the dinner. Every speech bar 1 dragged on and you could see the kitchen staff and serving staff getting angtsy.

Atomic Pineapple

razorblunt wrote: »

The best ones I've found are spread out during each course, this allows someone to run on a little longer if needs be.

Personally I find this to be the worst solution, there should only be 1 speech that is of any consequential length and when they've been between courses I've found people went on and on as if they had to fill a certain amount of time when in reality it could have all been done in one either at the start or the end.

lazygal

We had them during the drinks reception, served loads of finger food and drinks and had them in the room. The worst for me are when groomsman number three comes out with endless stories I can't relate or one of the fathers droned on and on and on, all before we get any food but are itching to dig into the rolls at the table.
If I was doing it again I'd cut them out completely.

Jude13

I am thinking at the drinks reception, pretty much after the ceremony. Loads of finger food, relaxed atmosphere and keeping it brief.

GingerLily

Jude13 wrote: »

I am thinking at the drinks reception, pretty much after the ceremony. Loads of finger food, relaxed atmosphere and keeping it brief.

If people are standing they would want to be VERY brief!

crisco10

Reading through this, it really feels like everybody is different!

Jude13

Before the meal is romping home in the poll

Bowlardo

Speech
Starter
Speech
Main course
Speech
Desert
Speech

Well lorried and not bloat so dancing kicked off immediately when it was all finished

Thoie

My personal preference as a guest, which isn't an option in the poll:

Speeches between main course and dessert.
No-one's starving wishing they'd be over.
Gives people time to digest their dinner before starting on dessert.
If you want to serve wedding cake with/as dessert, you can flow nicely from speeches into cake cutting.

optogirl

Was at one where Father of the Groom started with the day he was born, went on to talk about what a great Leaving Cert he got (jaysus) and what a great job he got for himself. Should have just sent us a link to his LinkedIn profile :rolleyes:

Was at another where Father of the Bride started with the day she was born and ended in floods of tears about how much they'd miss her (she'd been moved out about 15 years at this stage). Where is she going?

Another where Best Man went on about how Groom was famous for his many conquests & lack of quality control. Felt so bad for parents of the bride & bride. Horrible stuff.

Vojera

optogirl wrote: »

Was at another where Father of the Bride started with the day she was born and ended in floods of tears about how much they'd miss her (she'd been moved out about 15 years at this stage). Where is she going?

I think we may have been at the same wedding Heard about the first day of school and everything.

Jrop

My Husband is a shy man and hates public speaking so we didn't have any speeches, The best man stood up and gave a toast and told everyone we weren't having speeches.

Jude13

I am not bothered about them but both fathers want to say a few words....a few, I bloody hope so. So it basically falling back into the traditional BS>

solerina

We had no speeches....you can choose to do whatever you want OP, so decide for yourself, but keep them short if you do them !!

Mollyb60

I am biased but my own wedding was the best for speeches I've ever been to.
We had everyone told beforehand that there would be little to no speeches. My dad insisted on saying a few words but his speech was funny and took about 2 minutes. My husband and I had flipped a coin for which of us would do the thanks. He lost so he got up, thanked everyone for coming, everyone who was involved, the hotel for the great day and me for being awesome. Boom. Done. Total time taken: 5 minutes.

Speeches are best before the meal as long as they're short. If you're gonna have a load of big sermons then I'd do what others have suggested and have a soup course first.

autumnbelle

Do guests mind if there are no speeches or just groom says a few words? very strongly considering no speeches at my wedding as I know one or two or the bridal party would be extremely nervous about them and Id be nervous about they would say with drink on them

Addle

Glad to see and hear more female members of bridal parties giving speeches nowadays.

Short, sweet and early on in the proceeding is best I think.

Romantic Rose

My friend(bride) got up and read a poem she wrote herself, it was beautiful. At least you can prepare it in advance and there's a good flow to it. Short and sweet

kevohmsford

Get them all done before the meal. I know from a best man point of view it is nice to be finished so you can relax and enjoy the meal.

dw2016

After the meal all the way!guests are hungry let them eat then they can relax with the cup of tea or coffee and listen to speeches, just don't go on too long! Plus it gives the best man or groomsman a chance to make adjustments or whatever. Also the band can be setting up and ready to go when speeches are over!

harr

My opinion would be best before the meal...when I got married I was more nervous about the speech than anything else and the same for when I was best man...my wedding we had speeches before meal it was great I could relax and enjoy the grub...the wedding I was bestman at the speeches were after and I could not enjoy the grub with the nerves..
Give a time limit if possible...at my wedding father of the bride,me, bride and chief bridesmaid but they were quick all in I think they took about 20 minutes.
Like others have said it can be the father of the bride who waffles on a bit..last wedding I was at he took 25 minutes and gave a complete run down on his daughters life included ex boyfriends and the ones he liked and didn't like 😬

solerina

autumnbelle wrote: »

Do guests mind if there are no speeches or just groom says a few words? very strongly considering no speeches at my wedding as I know one or two or the bridal party would be extremely nervous about them and Id be nervous about they would say with drink on them

It's your wedding, don't worry if the guests would mind about the speeches or not...do what suits you !!! All the men involved in my wedding were phobic about speeches so we didn't have them and none said anything bad, a few sis say it was a great thing not to have to listen to speeches though !!