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Yes another sex thread!

  • 11-02-2017 8:29pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    So ive been seeing this great girl for a while now. Its a long term relationship.
    She is lovely, funny, educated, great job etc.
    BUT she isnt that great in the bedroom department! Partly because she is not that experienced and also because her sex drive is alot lower than mine, but specifically, she will not par take in oral sex! And i am really really struggling with it.
    I thought originally that she might get into it but that hasnt happened. She has said that she is not sure going forward what she can do. Like she hasnt ruled it out completley but my gut feeling tells me that its not really ever going to happen! We have had so many arguments about sex its not funny. Biggest argument in relationships, sex and money eh?

    We are at a critical phase now, where its get engaged or break up! This may seem absoloutley ludicrous that i might end a realationshp because of this but this is where im at.
    So just looking for advice/opinions. Am i crazy to end a realationship with a great girl because i might go the rest of my life without getting a blowjob!? It even seems silly to be asking this! There is more important things in life right!

    thanks


Comments

  • #2
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,229 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    hardtopickaname wrote:
    Am i crazy to end a realationship with a great girl because i might go the rest of my life without getting a blowjob!? It even seems silly to be asking this!

    No you're not. You're crazy to have stayed for so long in a relationship in which both of you are very clearly sexually incompatible.

    OP, this forum is *littered* with threads by people who were in your exact situation and ignored all the warning signs and got married anyway in the hope that it would somehow, miraculously, fix things.

    You know full well that things are not going to improve with your girlfriend. She has more or less told you as much. Even more damningly, it seems that this has been the situation from the get-go; it's not like you guys had an amazing sex life to begin with and have just lost the spark somewhere along the way.

    It's blindingly obvious that you guys just aren't sexually compatible.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP - the truth is what you can live with and without tbh

    How long have you been together? You say its either engaged or break up so I take it its been a few years?? If its a problem now, it'll be a problem in the future, have you both had an open conversation about it and why she's doesn't like/enjoy the act? Is it where she won't do the deed but happy for you to??

    Give her a chance OP and try work on a solution, maybe she's had a bad experience and needs to be guided, and you could guide her?? If it fails, and you can't talk about this, i think you have your answer.


  • #4
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,857 ✭✭✭professore


    This very rarely gets better and in most cases gets much much worse after marriage. You have made your feelings clear and she either doesn't care or is unable to do anything about it. Either way I think you should break up now.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP, Hate to bust your bubble but some women absolutely hate giving blow jobs.
    It can be a variety of factors:
    – the smell (unwashed, there is nothing more off-putting)
    – the taste (both during and after, try it out, lets see how you like the taste, yup... it can be unpleasant)
    – a bad gag reflex (just to point out, there is ways around it).
    – it can feel wholly degrading (due in part to the popularity of p0rn cos all women like it and are just dying to do it? *eye roll*). Having your head pushed into someones privates can be very unpleasant, it can feel forceful, you have to be respectful of that.
    – She may have a bad experience in the past and now feels pressurised to 'perform'
    – She may just absolutely hate it (as per the points above) and her being polite she doesnt want to say no outright. Some women they enjoy it, for others they would rather lick the bin.

    How are things otherwise in the bedroom department? Do you reciprocate? Does she enjoy that? Have you talked about the issue openly without getting argumentative? Have you asked any of the above? Have you respect for her wants and needs not just your own? Also you mentioned she's inexperienced... ummm... we are all inexperienced at some point OP. When in a relationship its about getting the fun of getting the experience. However from your post you seem quite selfish that she should just perform.

    If you cant openly discuss it like adults what you both want from the relationship then perhaps a future together is unlikely. Also OP - think marriage 15/20/30 years down the road if/when you are partner is going their menopause and has the sex drive of a twig, she wont want sex or give BJs, how will you cope with that?

    You may have to realise it will never happen with your current partner.
    It could be that you are compatible in all ways but the bedroom department.
    Good luck.


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