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Paddys Weekend

  • 28-01-2017 3:09pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41


    My girlfriend has been trying to organise a weekend in Kerry over Paddys weekend. The original idea floated was to try to rent a 8 person house, and she set up a Facebook group to gauge interest and numbers. However, some of my friends are not on Facebook so I sent a wattsap. Only 4 people (us included) showed an interest on Facebook, so she went ahead and booked a 4 person house. Her rationale was that accommodation is booking up quickly. However, she booked the house without talking to me about it, or asking if I'd heard back from my friends. I got annoyed that she didn't talk to me before making the booking. However she can't understand why I would be annoyed, and is now annoyed with me! Am I missing something?


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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,145 Katgurl
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    I can only speak from my experience but anytime ive been organising anything people seem to drag their heels forever about committing and quite often things do book out or good deals are missed. Or I do all the research, booking, collecting the money, paying deposits on my visa and then someone chimes in saying "oh ive a better suggestion..."

    It's really stress inducing to be honest. Now if I'm organising I suggest it, ask people to let me know by a certain date and I go ahead and book it. I suspect that's what your gf has done here. You might have ended up with nothing.

    If you want more people coming along perhaps organise a second house or find one house to fit everyone and after its been clarified see if she can get the deposit back.

    In short, provide her a solution instead of just giving her problems.


  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 14,910 Big Bag of Chips
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    When did you send the WhatsApp? To how many people? And how many of them want to go? I'd agree that organising something can be a nightmare with people humming and hawing about whether or not they can go. Accommodation will be booked up and getting more expensive so she probably felt the need to book quick.

    Maybe she jumped the gun a little bit. But it's unclear from your post if there is actually a problem of people wanting to go but a house already booked for less numbers or if you're just arguing a point for the sake of arguing a point.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 woodchuck
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    I agree it's a nightmare trying to organise these things. Unless you actually have friends who wanted to go but now can't because of the 4 person house, I wouldn't make an issue out of it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,584 Rekop dog
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    So you're annoyed that she's annoyed that you were originally annoyed?

    Sounds like you're very tetchy to be honest, she did a nice thing with solid reasoning for doing it early and I'm failing to see the actual problem


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 scruff22


    Katgurl wrote: »
    I can only speak from my experience but anytime ive been organising anything people seem to drag their heels forever about committing and quite often things do book out or good deals are missed. Or I do all the research, booking, collecting the money, paying deposits on my visa and then someone chimes in saying "oh ive a better suggestion..."

    It's really stress inducing to be honest. Now if I'm organising I suggest it, ask people to let me know by a certain date and I go ahead and book it. I suspect that's what your gf has done here. You might have ended up with nothing.

    If you want more people coming along perhaps organise a second house or find one house to fit everyone and after its been clarified see if she can get the deposit back.

    In short, provide her a solution instead of just giving her problems.

    Thanks for your reply. I get that it can be stressful.
    However, there wasn't any talk of a date by which we would expect firm responses. I know well that people drag their heels, so had a cut-off date been discussed I would book myself in that situation. What I don't get is that we live together so it's pretty easy to say it to me before making the decision?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 scruff22


    Rekop dog wrote: »
    So you're annoyed that she's annoyed that you were originally annoyed?

    Sounds like you're very tetchy to be honest, she did a nice thing with solid reasoning for doing it early and I'm failing to see the actual problem

    I was annoyed at the time, now she is annoyed. I don't get how she can't understand why I was annoyed.


  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 14,910 Big Bag of Chips
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    Did some of your WhatsApp friends reply that they want to go?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,514 bee06
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    It's pretty strange she didn't mention it to you before booking alright. What kind of time period had passed between you saying you'd ask your friends on WhatsApp.

    Anyway, regardless of who's "right" and "wrong" does it actually matter? What happened, happened. Now the important thing is what you do and how you deal with it. Staying mad at each other is pointless.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 scruff22


    bee06 wrote: »
    It's pretty strange she didn't mention it to you before booking alright. What kind of time period had passed between you saying you'd ask your friends on WhatsApp.

    Anyway, regardless of who's "right" and "wrong" does it actually matter? What happened, happened. Now the important thing is what you do and how you deal with it. Staying mad at each other is pointless.

    She set the FB group up on Tuesday, I wattsapped my friends Wednesday. Her friends came back to her Thursday, she booked Thursday night


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 scruff22


    scruff22 wrote: »
    She set the FB group up on Tuesday, I wattsapped my friends Wednesday. Her friends came back to her Thursday, she booked Thursday night

    And yes completely agree with your last point!


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  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 14,910 Big Bag of Chips
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    Did some of your WhatsApp friends reply that they want to go?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,480 Chancer3001
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    Youre getting lost in the details.

    Worst case scenario you and the gf have a great weekend together in kerry.

    Better situations other people come along and join in the cost of the house and the craic.

    Don't worry about the little details, who sent what when they sent what who asked who what....

    Deep breath. Enjoy paddys weekend. Start researching some fun and romantic things to do with herself.

    Thank her for doing the organising


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,505 infogiver
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    If you take it on yourself to organise anything like this then IMO you are accepting that at least one of the participants is going to be disappointed with either the arrangements or the way it was arranged. It's the law.
    In this case the disappointed person is YOU the boyfriend.
    Be honest. If she was waiting for you or any of the other 3 to come a desicion it would be Halloween instead of Paddys Day.
    Either you want to go to Kerry or you don't.
    Your girlfriend is not a travel agent who is going to be paid to book trains and accommodation.
    Thank her for going to the trouble and go down and enjoy yourself.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 scruff22


    Did some of your WhatsApp friends reply that they want to go?

    We agreed that we'd speak to them this weekend. I completely get the thing about people dragging their feet, however if I'd known she was going to book I could have made a phone call and given my friends the opportunity to make a decision and told them we were going to book before we booked.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 woodchuck
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    Total speculation here, but did she just want the weekend to be her friends and not your friends?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 scruff22


    infogiver wrote: »
    If you take it on yourself to organise anything like this then IMO you are accepting that at least one of the participants is going to be disappointed with either the arrangements or the way it was arranged. It's the law.
    In this case the disappointed person is YOU the boyfriend.
    Be honest. If she was waiting for you or any of the other 3 to come a desicion it would be Halloween instead of Paddys Day.
    Either you want to go to Kerry or you don't.
    Your girlfriend is not a travel agent who is going to be paid to book trains and accommodation.
    Thank her for going to the trouble and go down and enjoy yourself.

    Yes, again I get the point about people dragging their feet. However we could have agreed to a date/time that we would expect replies by and then make a call on it, which would seem reasonable to me?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 scruff22


    woodchuck wrote: »
    Total speculation here, but did she just want the weekend to be her friends and not your friends?

    No don't think that's anything to do with it!


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,505 infogiver
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    scruff22 wrote: »
    Yes, again I get the point about people dragging their feet. However we could have agreed to a date/time that we would expect replies by and then make a call on it, which would seem reasonable to me?

    It would appear to me that either
    1. She's an impulsive person, that this is one of the things that attracted you to her, possibly because you are the direct opposite?
    Or
    2. She has previous experience of missing out on bargains because either you or one of your friends procrastinates too long
    Either way, I've been married 25 years and you learn to let things like this go. Next time, you insist that you are organising the weekend ( actually why don't you suggest right now this evening that you will organise the May public holiday) and you can then set the RSVP conditions yourself.


  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 14,910 Big Bag of Chips
    Admin ✭✭✭✭✭


    Did she know you had asked other friends? Did you tell her you were giving them until the weekend to get back to you? It sounds like a communication mix up. But maybe it's not all down to her not communicating with you?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,695 December2012
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    It seems odd to me to book anything before getting confirmations or refusals.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,572 Colser
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    Has it ever happened previously that she missed out on making a booking due to you or your friends being slow to decide? Had you agreed a venue and she booked it or did she choose everything herself?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 scruff22


    Did she know you had asked other friends? Did you tell her you were giving them until the weekend to get back to you? It sounds like a communication mix up. But maybe it's not all down to her not communicating with you?

    Yes she knew I'd asked other friends. No, there wasn't any mention of deadlines


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 scruff22


    Colser wrote: »
    Has it ever happened previously that she missed out on making a booking due to you or your friends being slow to decide? Had you agreed a venue and she booked it or did she choose everything herself?

    No nothing like that previous


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,572 Colser
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    scruff22 wrote: »
    No nothing like that previous

    It's a bit strange alright especially if you're living together that she didn't say that she was going to go ahead and book.Would she have just wanted a couples weekend or are you sure that she doesn't find one of your friends a pain when on holiday? From what you're saying I understand why you were annoyed but as a woman I'm guessing she had a reason for doing it that fast ( not saying she was right ).....just get your friends to confirm if they're going and book another house if needed and see if she reacts to that news.




  • She did the right thing, in my opinion. Let's be honest - she was right, accommodation is going to get more and more expensive as you get closer to the date. There's no point in waiting for people to hum and haw about whether they're going to go, so if she knows for certain X amount of people are going, then it makes logical sense to book accommodation for these, rather than booking it for 8, for a higher rate (because they took too long to give an answer) and then , with X amount of people dropping out (the ones humming and hawwing the next), and then everyone else being stuck with the bill.

    Organizing group events is stressful as 'eck.

    Thank her for organizing it. Don't make a big deal out of anything, perhaps ruining the good time, and instead just go and enjoy it and be delighted that her decision is saving you money.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,405 Airyfairy12
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    Does it matter? cant youse just share rooms or something or book a hostel!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 scruff22


    She did the right thing, in my opinion. Let's be honest - she was right, accommodation is going to get more and more expensive as you get closer to the date. There's no point in waiting for people to hum and haw about whether they're going to go, so if she knows for certain X amount of people are going, then it makes logical sense to book accommodation for these, rather than booking it for 8, for a higher rate (because they took too long to give an answer) and then , with X amount of people dropping out (the ones humming and hawwing the next), and then everyone else being stuck with the bill.

    Organizing group events is stressful as 'eck.

    Thank her for organizing it. Don't make a big deal out of anything, perhaps ruining the good time, and instead just go and enjoy it and be delighted that her decision is saving you money.

    So you don't think she could have said to me that unless we get confirmations by Thursday night, then we book based on who we know are 100% in? That would have alllowed me to ring my friends and at least give them the heads up that we would be booking that night? Accommodarion costs don't generally go up hugely in the space of 24 hours.
    The issue is that she can't understand why I was annoyed, I can't see anything wrong with what I've oultlined above. Surely the logical thing is to just run it by me first?




  • scruff22 wrote: »
    So you don't think she could have said to me that unless we get confirmations by Thursday night, then we book based on who we know are 100% in? That would have alllowed me to ring my friends and at least give them the heads up that we would be booking that night? Accommodarion costs don't generally go up hugely in the space of 24 hours.
    The issue is that she can't understand why I was annoyed, I can't see anything wrong with what I've oultlined above. Surely the logical thing is to just run it by me first?

    The logical thing is for one person to be the decision maker - you would have waited until X amount of people, making it more expensive than it needed to be. She took charge as the decision maker and booked.

    Someone had to. Someone always has to with group trips.

    You're overthinking. You're potentially spoiling a wonderful time.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 scruff22


    The logical thing is for one person to be the decision maker - you would have waited until X amount of people, making it more expensive than it needed to be. She took charge as the decision maker and booked.

    Someone had to. Someone always has to with group trips.

    You're overthinking. You're potentially spoiling a wonderful time.

    Yes, but you make decisions based on the best information you have. I wasn't asked if my friends had come back to me. I would have been fine had we agreed that a decision would be made by x time, but that wasn't said. I would have been fine with saying to my mates that we were going to book that day unless they confirmed.
    What I'm trying to understand is that if my perspective is completely non-understandable? The issue is that she's still annoyed with me because she can't understand where I'm coming from


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,812 evolving_doors
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    infogiver wrote: »
    It would appear to me that either
    1. She's an impulsive person, that this is one of the things that attracted you to her, possibly because you are the direct opposite?
    Or
    2. She has previous experience of missing out on bargains because either you or one of your friends procrastinates too long
    Either way, I've been married 25 years and you learn to let things like this go. Next time, you insist that you are organising the weekend ( actually why don't you suggest right now this evening that you will organise the May public holiday) and you can then set the RSVP conditions yourself.

    Insisting so soon implies that she didn't 'do it properly' and you're going to show her how it's done!

    Make the best of it... and yes epecially as the poster above said . ..let it go. In 25years of relationship you'll have learned to say this so many times you'll start to think yer in a sequel to Frozen.
    Just go down and make all the invitees feel comfortable and ye have a good time. Be thankful ye can do this considering this planet is going up in smoke.

    Leave it be for about a month before organising another.... but ask your friends on the qt first before giving her an RSVP date :pac:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41 scruff22


    Gebgbegb wrote: »
    Insisting so soon implies that she didn't 'do it properly' and you're going to show her how it's done!

    Make the best of it... and yes epecially as the poster above said . ..let it go. In 25years of relationship you'll have learned to say this so many times you'll start to think yer in a sequel to Frozen.
    Just go down and make all the invitees feel comfortable and ye have a good time. Be thankful ye can do this considering this planet is going up in smoke.

    Leave it be for about a month before organising another.... but ask your friends on the qt first before giving her an RSVP date :pac:

    I have let it go, she is still annoyed with me! I'm trying to understand if my perspective is unreasonable?

    In relation to point 1 and 2 above, neither is the case!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,514 bee06
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    scruff22 wrote: »
    I have let it go, she is still annoyed with me! I'm trying to understand if my perspective is unreasonable?

    In relation to point 1 and 2 above, neither is the case!

    I don't think your position is unreasonable. I don't understand why she didn't just say it to you either before she booked it. I would always double check with my husband before I booked somewhere even if it was just the two of us.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,378 jimmycrackcorm
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    scruff22 wrote:
    I have let it go, she is still annoyed with me! I'm trying to understand if my perspective is unreasonable?

    I think it is unreasonable on the basis that you used WhatsApp on Wednesday which is instantaneous and didn't let her know by Thursday that your friends would go.

    Whereas she was able to get a quick response via Facebook.

    In any case why not organise another accommodation close by for your other friends and simply meet-up.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,348 Loveinapril
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    scruff22 wrote: »
    I have let it go, she is still annoyed with me!

    This is the bigger issue here. The fact that this is dragging on is ridiculous. Unless you are booking another house, the situation cannot be changed. You think you are right and she thinks she is right. Sometimes in relationships you just have to agree to disagree.
    "Hey X, I am really p!ssed off that you booked the accommodation without consulting me"
    "I had to book it quick or else there would be none left".
    "In future we should consult each other before booking stuff. What do you want for dinner?"

    You both need to get over it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,355 tara73
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    I think you have every right to be annoyed. Paddys day is still a bit away, and it also wasn't like you asked your friends a week ago and they didn't reply. It was a day. I think it's bad behaviour from her side and disrespectful to you and your friends to just book it without talking to you first.

    Is she always like this or is this a one off? If it's out of her normal behaviour, she might be annoyed with you also about something/ there are some underlying issues as somebody else already mentioned.


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  • Posts: 26,052 [Deleted User]
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    scruff22 wrote: »
    She set the FB group up on Tuesday, I wattsapped my friends Wednesday. Her friends came back to her Thursday, she booked Thursday night

    I'm going to go against the grain here and say that it would have cost her a few seconds to ask you if you'd had any comeback from your friends, and that she shouldn't have booked anything without that question. It's not asking much.

    I know it's stressful to be in charge of organising group activities, but all she had to do was ask a simple question, knowing you'd only just reached out for answers, and it was an inconsiderate oversight not to. I'm not saying it was malicious, just that it was an oversight and it wouldn't have inconvenienced her to just ask a simple question.

    But...it's done now and you have to make the best of it. Tell her to confirm with you in future before she books anything, but also acknowledge she was stressed by being the organizer. Maybe you take charge of the arrangements yourself next time.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,813 Wesser
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    Was she aware that you had set up m a WhatsApp group?

    I can't actually see this clarified anywhere.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 Ursus Horribilis
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    It looks like there was a failure to communicate here on both sides. The best thing the pair of you can do is put this behind you and agree to do things differently next time.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,843 SarahMollie
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    Also - I'm still unclear if any of your friends on the whatsapp group actually expressed an interest. Are you annoyed only in principle or is anyone specifically unable to go because they werent included in her numbers before booking?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,337 Bandana boy
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    Sounds like she did not want your friends to go , proposing a weekend away on Wed to your friends and by Thursday closing off the numbers is very very quick .I think you being annoyed is natural , and her annoyance at your annoyance is either unreasonable or tactically quite astute .


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