Friendzone

LegacyUser

So I had a major break up last year. I took time out to get over it. In the meantime I was friendly with a local guy who was helping me out with various stuff. We have got very close. We have a lot in common & get on great. He confides in me a lot & always finds excuses to call over to me, loads of eye contact, seems delighted when he seen me etc. Several people told me that they reckoned he really liked me. He is not with anyone & has not been in a long time.

I think about this guy a lot & really really like him & assumed it would turn into a relationship so imagine my shock & hurt when a mutual friend asked him what the story was & he said he was very fond of me but thought we would be better as friends. Sure very fond could mean anything. I have not told this guy how I feel & now I will keep it to myself but he must have some idea surely?

We can't really avoid each other & I don't want to hurt him but I am not sure that we can be friends now! He really is a great person & I am upset that I seem to have got the signs so wrong. I really did think he was into me. Sure even if I did date again surely he must know he could not be around so much as a new boyfriend would not be happy! I am going to try to put some distance between us but feel like I am punishing him because he does not feel the same way. I feel awful. Help!

Rekop dog

What age are you? The mutual friend asking him sounds very childish. He could have given you a very different answer if you asked him yourself, for all you know he could have just been protecting his own feelings and may not have been honest with the friend, you say he's not been with someone for a long time, so perhaps a little bashful with this sort of stuff. Either way a more direct approach is usually the best way to deal with these matters of the heart.

Also you're over dramatizing the potential future problems you may have with him being just friends. In fact I find it far healthier if someone I meet has friends of both sexes so no need to worry, providing you're able to get over the crush if he genuinely isn't into you that is.

Ghost Train

You could always just ask him out, even just to do something as friends. Maybe he's not looking to jump into relationship but you might get better idea where he's at. If you really like him then maybe take a bit of time with him. No point chucking the friendship away when basically you've not even been in a relationship with this person.

Big Bag of Chips

Talk about over reaction to third hand information!! Honestly, OP, unless you are 14 if he likes you he's hardly likely to tell the neighbours before he tells you. In saying that, there's every chance he is just bring friendly because he wants to be friends with you. But unless you actually speak to him you're never going to know.

You're catastrophising this whole "relationship" when there is none and never has been one. I assume you're both adults. Talk to him about it if you want. Or don't and just see where it goes naturally. But really, you need to relax a bit. Worrying about hypothetical future situations with hypothetical future boyfriends based on the word of someone who said something to someone else, is just a little bit crazy!

LegacyUser

I guess hearing the word friend just made me feel crap. It is really hard to hear that if you have strong feelings for someone. Yes it could progress naturally but maybe he just does want friendship as he has not asked me out. If I ever do mention men in front of him, he seems annoyed. He does appear to like being arround me.

It would be soul destroying to be around someone you really like who does not feel the same way. I don't know how to ask him without making things akward if he says no.

Our friendship did cause problems with my last relationship so I am not overeacting there.

Bandana boy

3rd hand info means less than nothing , Lock the lips on him next time you see him and you will get your answer

Walter H Price

I'd take the opposite approach with that info OP , Grab the bull by the horns , tell him you have feelings ask him out and put the ball firmly in his court. 3rd hand info has absolutely no value for all you know he could be a bit self conscious or whatever and didn't want to tell your friend he liked you or whatever , why take hear say as gospel. Maybe he thinks just friends is best at the minute because nothing else has been put on the table , just about all you can take from that is he's unlikely to make the first move , so i say you go for it whats the worst that can happen.

Big Bag of Chips

Op back wrote: »

Yes it could progress naturally but maybe he just does want friendship as he has not asked me out.

But he could think the same about you.

If I ever do mention men in front of him, he seems annoyed. He does appear to like being arround me.

If you like him why are you mentioning other men around him? Surely that would be a sign to him that you are not interested in him, but others?

Piss or get off the pot, as they say.

bucketybuck

I'm a guy, and if a mate asked me about a girl who I had been getting very friendly with and who I was attracted to, my answer would probably be...

...something vague like "we're just friends", because it would be a private matter and none of his business.

If he has been single a long time he is probably just hesitant to say anything publically, but the actions you describe are of a guy who does actually like you, so stop over thinking things, enjoy the friendship and think about actually talking to him.

LegacyUser

Thank you for all the feedback. I really did feel that he liked me.

Since this happened I have not seen or heard from him all week which is not like him. Normally there is some excuse to call up to me or 'accidently' bump into me. I am not sure what to make of it all. I am hoping he is not avoiding me but I guess he could be thinking the same about me.

Sooner or later we wil bump into each other. I don't mention men around him as such but I recall a guy saying hello to me & he glared at him. No I can't see him making the first move but i don't want to scare him off either.

Big Bag of Chips

Sadlady17 wrote: »

I don't mention men around him as such but I recall a guy saying hello to me & he glared at him.

Did he? Really? Or did you think you saw it because you wanted to see him bothered that another man showed interest in you said hello to you.

If he did in fact glare at another man for saying hello to you, then I'd be avoiding him like the plague. Sounds far too immature and childish to be able to be in an adult relationship. If you ever do start going out with him, will you be expected to stay indoors or avoid eye contact with all men?

He does like you OP, but probably as a friend. It's also worth pointing out that you boyfriendzoned him, he didn't friendzone you since that was already the basis of your current relationship.

Don't make a move on him unless you're okay with losing him as a friend, but don't also continue being friends if his getting a girlfriend is going to break your heart.

Communicate directly, intermediaries will never make any situation any clearer.

professore

Candie wrote: »

Don't make a move on him unless you're okay with losing him as a friend, but don't also continue being friends if his getting a girlfriend is going to break your heart.

If he dumps you as a friend because of this then he wasn't a friend in the first place. I say go for it! Everyone gets friendzoned from time to time. I'm still good friends with someone I made a move on years ago, and with someone who I friendzoned. It's no big deal.

ibarelycare

OP you seem too passive. You were the one waiting on him to ask you out. You said he was always finding reasons to come see you or he was always the one accidentally bumping into you. Now you're wondering why he hasn't been in touch.

Take the bull by the horns and get in touch with him yourself. Ask him out. Show him you're interested. At least then you'll have your answer either way.