What is an essential item for a party?

Bone Cancer · 23-01-2017 12:13am #1

The wife turns 50 next weekend and wants to have a party in the house for the family, neighbours and work friends and big old eejit here has been left to organising it and 'to get everything we need'.

Apart from booze, food and some sort of class A drug, what's something that would improve a party for you?

The_Valeyard · 23-01-2017 12:15am

Low level background music

Witcher · 23-01-2017 12:16am

Some cnut with a guitar

Bone Cancer · 23-01-2017 12:17am

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Low level background music

I will most likely stick a Luther Vandross album on repeat all night.

Cortina_MK_IV · 23-01-2017 12:20am

Bone Cancer wrote: »

I will most likely stick a Luther Vandross album on repeat all night.

So you haven't been getting on with her lately then?

darkpagandeath · 23-01-2017 12:20am

Coke and hookers. Hookers made from coke perfect.

Todd Gack · 23-01-2017 12:20am

A crying woman

Streppy · 23-01-2017 12:21am

A glass bowl to leave one's car keys.

Tigger · 23-01-2017 12:21am

baggy of coke

anewme · 23-01-2017 12:22am

Get a cake made with her name on it.

Stravos Murphy · 23-01-2017 12:23am

Viagra if your doing the keys in the bowl.

Muppet Man · 23-01-2017 12:23am

Wifi code

Stravos Murphy · 23-01-2017 12:23am

anewme wrote: »

Get a cake made with her name on it.

She is not turning 5

Bone Cancer · 23-01-2017 12:24am

anewme wrote: »

Get a cake made with her name on it.

I was thinking more along the lines of a wreath

bazz26 · 23-01-2017 12:24am

Invite Sam Jones aka Flash Gordon:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_qI6LOc54w

wakka12 · 23-01-2017 12:25am

Stravos Murphy wrote: »

She is not turning 5

errone loves cake

endacl · 23-01-2017 12:25am

Strider wrote: »

Some cnut with a guitar

Wonderwall?

faceman · 23-01-2017 12:25am

Definitely pants OP.

Ronin247 · 23-01-2017 12:26am

Alcohol...... as much as possible but no wine or fancy alco-pops, stick with cans of guinness and Lager and bottles of Whiskey, a cake.... cheap one from Tesco is always a favourite with the wimmins, Stripper.... young blonde female stripper because it helps for wimmins to see what the ould body should look like. Music should be death metal and or trance to set a nice ambience. Large box of flavoured condoms is always a great party staple as well.

On the more personal level you should get the full back,sack and crack wax as a treat for the missus..... and show it to her friends/work colleagues to make them jealous.

Capt'n Midnight · 23-01-2017 12:27am

Ain't no party like a Pyongyang party,
'cause a Pyongyang party is ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY

jimbis · 23-01-2017 12:37am

A chap called Dave, there's always a Dave at a party.

And loads of jacks roll.

Tilikum · 23-01-2017 12:38am

darkpagandeath wrote: »

Coke and hookers. Hookers made from coke perfect.

Christ. That sounds amazing

harry Bailey esq · 23-01-2017 2:13am

Some guests would be fairly essential.

My name is URL · 23-01-2017 2:14am

An exit plan

Surreptitious · 23-01-2017 2:18am

Cheese on sticks.
One loose woman who is anyone's.
Bucks Fizz.
The loud guy with the voice and laugh.
The quiet guy staring at his shoelaces.
The couple who are joined at the hip.
Vinyl of classic hits.
Streamers and balloons.
One very glittery party banner.
Ashtrays.
Unbreakable glasses and plates.
A space for people to dance.
Cake and candles.
Coat hooks.

corner of hells · 23-01-2017 3:08am

A selection of AH contributors and divorce papers .

mansize · 23-01-2017 3:09am

Friends.

I don't have parties.

Stigura · 23-01-2017 3:10am

A Dog.

JupiterKid · 23-01-2017 4:06am

A hot male stripper who's hung like a stallion and will do the full monty...:D

The risk is that your wife might leave you for him.:(

Vol au vents
Orange/ cheese hedgehog (if it's a retro 70s theme)
Baloons - phallic shaped of course
An Ann Summers saleswoman
Prosecco
Cake with sparklers
Your wife is 50? Then lots of 80s music on a loop - Wham, Duran Duran, Madonna, U2, Eurythmics, early Kylie, and The Smiths if you want mass seppukku.
Cocktail sausages
Illicit drugs

For a party guide, see link below:
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/tips/a20373/surviving-sex-parties/

Surreptitious · 23-01-2017 4:23am

You're just copying me Jupiter Kid. I'm disappointed in you.

darkpagandeath · 23-01-2017 4:26am

Surreptitious wrote: »

You're just copying me Jupiter Kid. I'm disappointed in you.

Dunno you could chuck in a load of power ballads for the guys like Europe, Meatloaf and alike. You know to be able to dance around with air guitar and have a tie as a headband.

anewme · 23-01-2017 4:37am

Stravos Murphy wrote: »

She is not turning 5

What a miserable attitude to life.

she's turning 50- a landmark birthday.

My Mum is turning 70 next week and at a family get together we are getting a cake with happy 70th birthday Mum.

I've seen similar at 21st's, 30th's, 40th's, 50th's. and other landmark birthdays.

I've even seen them for 100th birthdays for those lucky enough to live that long.

I'm not sure why you would think people stop getting birthday cakes past 5.

posturingpat · 23-01-2017 7:32am

Chicken wings.

AndyBoBandy · 23-01-2017 7:36am

Joe Dolan's greatest hits
2 oz Cocaine

/party

Lovely Bloke · 23-01-2017 8:18am

A woman who can't hold her drink drinking large glasses of wine for the first hour, then randomly abusing people for the next three hours, collapsed outside just after midnight. Her hair is a mess and her mascara is all down her face.
Her husband trying, and failing, to chat up anything in a skirt.
A couple of people with competing music tastes constantly pressing skip on the playlist. Then some bore of a Pink Floyd fan saying "no, no but just listen to this thirteen minute progressive song, it's totally amazing, it always blows my mind".
Someone robbing other people's cans from the fridge.
A couple who've just met getting hot and heavy on the couch, in full view of everyone.
A spilled beer early on, on the kitchen tiles, inadequately cleaned up and getting stickier as the night progresses.
Beer-can ashtray in the back garden.