Just Feel Like Giving Up

LegacyUser

Ok this is pretty hard to write down, I can't even begin to express the misery and extent of it all and how tired and upset it makes me.

I want to quit college, I just cant cope with it anymore, Im supposed to be getting help from a college support worker, but everytime something looks likes it might be improving, that theres a reason to have hope, that everyting looks like it might actually work out, I cant help but feel a bit better, only to have it all come back crashing down. I cant do it anymore, Im sat here crying thinking about it all, I cant do this, Im in my final semester of a 4 year course but its killing my soul, I cant breathe, its crushing me. People keep getting my hopes up, only to have it amount to nothing, I just dont want to, I cant cope with this anymore. I dont even have a question, I just needed to get it all out. Im suffocating in it all. Anytime I think I find a way out, the door closes, for eg. I talked about dropping out and returning next year to restart the year but in a different discipline having known people in my year who have done this, but I was informed that I woud not be allowed to do this, as my last semester required me to submit a piece of project work, whereas the discipline they swapped from did not require them to submit project work before Christmas. IDK what to do I cant see a way out, I just want the world to swallow me whole, I cant do this anymore.

Minera

You sound like you are under alot of pressure op. I advise you show this post to your college councillor or doctor you need help. Good luck op

infogiver

I'm so sorry for you. Do you have anyone at all that you can reach out to? College is so hard it's like wading through treacle especially the last bit.
Just lift your phone and pick someone who loves you and tell them how you are feeling
All these feelings are only temporary I can absolutely promise you that
But they are very painful nonetheless
If you cannot bear to talk to someone you know you can ring the Samaritans
They are always listening

lyza

If you want to quit college why don't you,it sounds as if you are on the edge. Better to quit now then to crack up over it .Loads of people have lived very happy lives without ever seeing the inside of a college. Life is too short to be worrying about things you can easily change, its when thing's are bad and you can't change them you need to worry .If you or someone you love was dying then you would worry. Stay in college ,dont stay in college easy enough to remedy in my book . In this world today millions of people would love to have your problem.

LegacyUser

Hey op,

I'm sorry you're going through this. I had a similar experience when I was in my final year 5 years ago. The pressure got to me and it all felt like too much. I remember having nightmares about my classmates passing and me failing . I remember thinking like you that I would rather give up.

Luckily I didn't give up and it all worked out ok. Looking back , I was so quiet up in it all that I made Mount Everest out of a mole hill. Yes, it was the most important thing to me at that time but in the grand scheme of life, it didn't really matter . I can see now that everything would have been just fine , even if I had failed .

It's impossible to see this when you're feeling trapped like you are . But I can assure you that if you preserve or even if you choose to quit at the course, your life will just fine,you will be ok no matter what. Try keep your head up , you've got this.
X

Hollister11

Stay for the last semester and get your degree at least.

Ayuntamiento

I'm sorry to hear you feel so bad. You need to ask yourself what your ultimate goal is. Do you just want to get this degree over and done with or do you want to try and switch into something else?
If it's the former, link in with your GP as soon as possible. You might be able to get some leeway on submission dates for project work, etc if you explain that you are in a bad place.
If you really can't pull yourself together this term, you might be able to sit supplementals in the autumn.
Whatever you decide, It's important to get linked in with a good doctor so they can document this for you. A college GP would be ideal.

fizzypish

Something different and yet similar happened to me. You should be able to get a deferral. I went to an IT and it was possible to get a deferral.
Here's what I did.

1. Had a pretty serious incident and the course head said I could defer for 2 years
2. Went working for 2 years all the while everyone telling me "You'll never go back"
3. Went back and nailed that bull **** to the wall!!!

I didn't like my course either but I'd invested time so I wanted to finish. If you can, take a break, get your head right, return and re do the final year, NAIL THAT ****ER TO THE WALL, get the degree and never work in that field as it causes you stress. Good luck OP.

LegacyUser

Hey guys. So this is the OP. Bit of an update I suppose. Something I didn't mention in my previous post. My previous semester was 100% project based. And I completely and utterly fúcked it up, pretty much thanks to a mental health problem (of sorts), so I really was feeling quite trapped and smothered even then I suppose. It was not depression btw cause I feel thats what most people assume. When I submitted my project then I fell into a VERY deep depression imo. I went to a college GP the first day back of semester 2 and got refered to many different services/health workers.....however my results came back from last semester and tbh there's no salvaging my degree. I cant get lower than a high B (not even by 1%) in any of my modules to have my degree be of any use to me (and the chance of just messing up just one of my exams is far too great and also incredibly likely). So I'm dropping out. I know Im not explaining this properly but essentially I'm better off just leaving than continuing on. However I dont know what to do now. I dont think I can defer on medical grounds nor repeat the project aspect of my course (even on medical grounds) given that I actually passed with a C. But for what I need my degree for, I cant continue on in it. It feels really shít tbh. Knowing I was so close to graduating and IDK what I can do now. I don't think theres any salvaging my degree. I had gotten an A in another module but that was only worth a measly few percent, and I sat another exam that I felt had went well but it too was only worth virtually nothing and if I had been to graduate this year I coincidentally would have been sat beside my friends, so this really does feel like I've been punched in the stomach. But anyways I thought I'd update you all. Thanks for the advice guys.

Ayuntamiento

I really really think you should look into deferring the second half of the year on medical grounds. You may have passed the first half of the year but if you can't go back for the second half because you're in such a negative mental space, then the college will have to do something for you.
You might want to just drop out, but they'll want you to finish up with something. Work with them and the college GP.

I wouldn't start psychoanalyzing yourself and assuming that you don't have depression. It's very hard to see the wood from the trees when you're in the midst of everything. Maybe you do, maybe you don't.
Also, is it worth walking away with nothing when you could at the very least get a pass degree?

MaroonAndGreen

Please finish your degree. You don't want to have to try and explain to future potential employers that you quit when the going got tough, because it's the first question you will be asked if it's seen that you quit with only 4 months left! It is really worth finishing it out. That's just one reason of many. You will regret it if you don't I'm afraid. I think it's really irresponsible advice to tell you to drop out completely.

MaroonAndGreen

lyza wrote: »

If you want to quit college why don't you,it sounds as if you are on the edge. Better to quit now then to crack up over it .Loads of people have lived very happy lives without ever seeing the inside of a college. Life is too short to be worrying about things you can easily change, its when thing's are bad and you can't change them you need to worry .If you or someone you love was dying then you would worry. Stay in college ,dont stay in college easy enough to remedy in my book . In this world today millions of people would love to have your problem.

How can you tell someone with 4 months left in a 4 year degree that they should quit? OP I think you should be looking for support from family, trustworthy friends and your college to get through these 4 months. Quitting will only create further problems down the line. Best of luck.

JustAThought

This is the final part & the last hurdle - do not give up. Get thst work done even to C standard, get a medical cert sent in with it if you must but do not defer. You only have a little while left & all the pressure that you are putting yourself under will be finished - forever. No more year ahead, no more exams, no more stress. What field is your degree in? You will be fine & your work/project will get you through. Hold in there - go out for s walj when you feel yourself putting the pressure on - you are nearly there. Everyone despairs at exams /final projects - don't throw away four years of work because you are stressing & in an exam panic now. Long deep breaths & work off some energy - this will pass, your are nearly there, don't give up.

fizzypish

I'll chime back in here again. OP, one of your concerns appears to be getting a 1.1 or dam close to it. Don't sweat that ****. A degree is a door stop. You use it to get your toe in the door. Once you get your first 2 years of experience no one gives a flying **** about your degree score. First of all, you got some stuff to battle through. Get on top of that or you'll end up fighting through your degree (that you hate) into a job (that you hate).

Ayuntamiento

fizzypish wrote: »

I'll chime back in here again. OP, one of your concerns appears to be getting a 1.1 or dam close to it. Don't sweat that ****. A degree is a door stop. You use it to get your toe in the door. Once you get your first 2 years of experience no one gives a flying **** about your degree score. First of all, you got some stuff to battle through. Get on top of that or you'll end up fighting through your degree (that you hate) into a job (that you hate).

I really agree regarding the 1.1 part. OP the problem with being a perfectionist is that it's an all or nothing game as you have demonstrated here. You'd rather throw away 3.5yrs of hard work rather than get a pass degree.
I unfortunately also have perfectionist tendencies and it caused me nothing but trouble until I learned to quit it.

My husband by contrast is an extremely laid back person, so laid back that he got a pass degree from university actually!
And despite the fact that he didn't get a 2:1 or 1:1, he's still a very successful person earning close to 100k per year (which makes him a lot more 'successful' than me the perfectionist).
Your degree result isn't predictive of the amount of success you'll have in the real world. Resilience is the greatest skill you'll ever learn.

I really think you can do this if you give it one final push.

Xaracatz

Yep. Power through this - you can do it.

Come the end of a long period of study - with life in between - you can be exhausted. Finish up your degree and then you'll have it out of your head. I know the feeling!

It will be worth it, and you're not far away, after putting in so much work already. Make this your focus for this short time and look forward to what comes next. Put everything else out of your head and make this last push.

LegacyUser

Dear all

Thank you for your kind replies. An update/thoughts:
I have ended up staying in college but I fluctuate daily between whether to stay or go. I have been advised by 3 profressionals to leave and repeat on medical grounds. I know that this is perhaps the better option to choose but it just has taken so long to and so much to get to this point. And another year of this horribleness kills my soul.
Truth is IDK what I want to do with my life either. TBH I also have a strong dislike for my class as well. It is very cut throat and cliquey and some what bitchy and I don't fit in. I feel exactly like the outcast I was in secondary school, like a child, and I take on that role of loser too. The discipline attracts theese kind of people regardless, so another year with people of the same attitude is also adding to the reluctance of repeating, something I would have done anything to do a few months ago.

Ayuntamiento

Glad to hear that you're managing to keep going.
One day you'll look back at the person you are today and you'll marvel at the courage and strength you showed in getting through this.

Right now you are not amoungst people who suit your personality type. Eventually you will be. Nasty bitchy people are toxic and the best strategy is to rise above them and make their presence inconsequential to you. Trust me, if they were as happy and successful as they like to project, they wouldn't be nasty or bitchy.

Your first undergrad always seems like the biggest deal ever. It's really not. Most people end up in jobs that in no way relate to their degree. I went to college with people in their 40s who decided to go back to square one and redefine their career.
Be kind to yourself. You're doing great.

Ursus Horribilis

I hope you do the right thing and repeat the year. I know it's a horrible prospect but I feel you'd be jumping from the frying pan into the fire if you quit the course completely. Especially seeing as you made it to almost the final hurdle. At the end of the day, what is a degree only a way to get you a better job? If you walk away now, you will have nothing to show for all your effort. Being unemployed or trapped in badly paid, dead-end jobs brings a whole other series of stresses. Repeating a year isn't the end of the world, even though it feels like it now.

It doesn't feel like it now but in a few years time you'll scarcely think about your college days and you'll be struggling to remember the names of the people in your class. I loved my time at college but I wouldn't go back now if you paid me (well, maybe I would reconsider if a life-changing sum of money was on offer - everyone has their price ). Those few years at college felt like forever at the time but really they're nothing.

Ayuntamiento made two very good points. Once you leave college and go working, you're going to find yourself mixing with all sorts of people. I've worked in loads of places and I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of people I actively disliked. Work is a completely different experience to college and it will probably suit you far better.

Secondly, the point about people not working in what they did a degree in is very valid. I could rattle off a long list of people I know who are now working in jobs that bear no resemblance to what they did in college. A degree is a great thing to have in your back pocket when you're looking for jobs (which is why you really should try to get through this if you can at all) but it can also help take you in different directions. Despite what you might think, a lot of adults are still trying to figure out what career would suit them best.

Going by what you've written here, it seems like you've got more deep-seated problems. If you decide to defer, perhaps you would consider using this time out as a way to be kind to yourself. To work with a therapist, to go do different things and maybe to take up a new hobby or two. You're in such a bad place at the moment, taking that step back from the treadmill could be the best thing you've ever done.

How well do you know the people in the year coming up behind you? Maybe they're not as odious as the ones in your current year. Also, if you've not done so, I strongly advise you to try and make new friends outside of your course. Stick your name down for a few clubs/societies and go along to some of those. They're a great way to meet people and they'd be a break from the coursework.