bf selfish in bed?

LegacyUser

Relatively new bf.Things are ok but I think he might be selfish in bed? Does a little bit of foreplay. Then closes his eyes and makes himself cum very quickly and then that's it. He does not seem concerned about me or pleasing me? Is he thinking of someone else?.Why is he not looking at me?
Is this normal?.I'd have very little experience of good relationships. Thanks.

Hmm_Messiah

Avatars wrote: »

Relatively new bf.Things are ok but I think he might be selfish in bed? Does a little bit of foreplay. Then closes his eyes and makes himself cum very quickly and then that's it. He does not seem concerned about me or pleasing me? Is he thinking of someone else?.Why is he not looking at me?
Is this normal?.I'd have very little experience of good relationships. Thanks.

Have you asked him?

I don't understand people who have intimate physical activity, and in a relationship, but not able to ask any kind of personal/ intimate question.

Ask him. express your needs. But really anew boyfriend is not meant to be summed up as"things are ok but.."

dar100

I'd speak to him, as a man myself seems a little odd, however there could be a number of reasons for this

On a positive note it could be that he is so aroused that he's trying to hold back:)

jimmycrackcorm

What age is he? It sounds like he is very inexperienced.

He's probably not aware of the issue, and like anything in a relationship you need to communicate what it is.

Louthmouth1

You will need to take him by the hand and show him what's required. Just tell him he is not up to it, he then might Buck up his ideas

Airyfairy12

He's inexperienced

LegacyUser

He is 38.He is not inexperienced.Actually far more experienced than me.

I might just ask him to do something next time.

I did one night and he really did not want to.He basically just wanted to get down to it.This caused a big arguement.....
He did not seem to care.

I think I might just guide him next time and tell him of course I will give smth back.

LegacyUser

He is def not holding back.He wants to get there asap which is hurtful.

Airyfairy12

Sex is really important in a relationship, if he's bad in bed and not willing to try to improve or seems completely disinterested in anything other than finishing himself can the relationship last? Your self esteem must be suffering because of it. How is he in other parts of your relationship?

tara73

bf selfish in bed? wrote: »

He is 38.He is not inexperienced.Actually far more experienced than me.

I might just ask him to do something next time.

I did one night and he really did not want to.He basically just wanted to get down to it.This caused a big arguement.....
He did not seem to care.

I think I might just guide him next time and tell him of course I will give smth back.

sorry OP, but this sounds horrible. I would show him the door.

you said you had only bad experiences in relationships. That's not how it should be and there seems to be a pattern from yourslef in choosing this men. I would recommend to do some councelling, otherwise you will end up most likely again and again in bad situations and it this will do you more and more emotional harm.

tcif

bf selfish in bed? wrote: »

I did one night and he really did not want to.He basically just wanted to get down to it.This caused a big arguement.....
He did not seem to care.

People in relationships are supposed to care about each others needs, whether that's sexually, emotionally, materially, whatever. That (in my opinion) is one of the big differences between a relationship and an FB situation where caring is not really an expected part of the package.

He should care and he should want both of you to get your pleasure from your times together.

baby and crumble

TBH OP a lot of people would put their partners pleasure over their own in bed- I know I do. Now, obviously "it" is not going to happen every single time, but for him to get pissed off and moody because you're asking him to actually make sure you get pleasure from sex is a massive red flag.

suicide_circus

"closes his eyes and makes himself cum very quickly"

That's odd behaviour tbh

Sounds like he likes cumming but not sex ie making luuurrve.
At 38 it may be difficult to change his ways but if you don't say it to him nothing will change.

Big Bag of Chips

suicide_circus wrote: »

but if you don't say it to him nothing will change.

She did say it to him, he wasn't keen and it ended up in a row.

A relatively new relationship? I'd be wondering is he that selfish and inconsiderate in other areas of his life too.

Hmm_Messiah

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

She did say it to him, he wasn't keen and it ended up in a row.

A relatively new relationship? I'd be wondering is he that selfish and inconsiderate in other areas of his life too.

IT might not be selfish .. in the horny meet his own needs way. It may possibly be selfish in the " he is not heterosexual " way. I do realise that's a leap - but some one who does little, closes their eyes, tries to get it finished quickly, and seems totally unwilling to do some thing for their female partner ( which I assume involves some activity with female " bits" ) to me rings bells of some one either not at all comfortable with sex, or just not with heterosexual sex.

But at the end of day it doe snot sound at all like a physical relationship that could be sustained

LegacyUser

He was v stingy at v beg but has changed that thankfully.
Got me cheap gift for Xmas but we was only still v new then.

I don't think I should have to ask him to do stuff but gonna say it to him next time.
He is a nice guy apart from that.
Tbh if it continues I don't think it can last but maybe a proper chat would be good?

He did say he liked to please in a text..
I have not seen this unfortunately.

LegacyUser

I'm sure it's not the case but maybe he's used to a different nasal experience?
Maybe it's worth considering??

LegacyUser

I did tell him about his stinginess and changed.
I wonder should I text him something about other?
I did before but he never initiates something for me.I have to ask him.
So I guess if I ask him he prob will do it.
We were out Sun night till 3am and not a thing happened after it.Nada.I sometimes think he is **** off beside me but he says he is just scratching himself. ... I don't really believe this

LegacyUser

I ended it.For the best

gsi300024v

I'd say ended it, he already someone you not happy with in a few areas, how someone is in bed is probably reflexed in other parts of relationship too. You might want to work on yourself so you stop ending up with people who are not great for you. Better self esteem and you might attract and go for better people.

Emme

Avatars wrote: »

I ended it.For the best

Well done. If you stayed with him your self esteem would have sunk.

gsi300024v

Well done!!!