I miss dating

LegacyUser

This may seem like a trivial enough issue compared to most here but decided to share just to hear a few opinions from members. I've been with my current gf for about 6 months now, she's probably the love of my life, beautiful, genuinely hilarious, which from my experience is a rare trait in women, and is great with my friends and family. We work very different hours, both shift work, always make big effort to see each other but usually amounts to twice a week, maybe once if our hours clash badly. This means I've a lot of spare time on my hands. The nature of my shift work means it's hard to be a member of a sports club as I'd only be able to attend sporadically. I go to the gym regularly, usually early in day but evenings can be boring now. Find with age (I'm 29) it's harder to get my friends out outside of weddings/christenings/insert occasion.

Which leads me to my main issue, I was single maybe for 2 years before I met my girlfriend, and I dated a lot. If I knew I was going to free of an evening, I'd go online and have a choice of women I could ask out for a date. I genuinely loved it, the thrill of the chase, meeting lots of new people from different cultures, sharing stories and laughs. I didn't realise it at the time but it was my main "hobby" for some time and now there's a certain void in my social life.

I've never been happier in a relationship, and just to say I'd never cheat, despite the opportunities to have your cake and eat it have never been better for a guy which is a discipline challenge in its own. I'm now not sure if my overall level of contentment is higher being single or attached. Perhaps I just need to find new ways to occupy my spare time. Are these dilemmas many of you have in relationships these days or is it sign I should remain single?

Tigger99

If it takes great discipline not to cheat on your wonderful girlfriend then something is most certainly wrong. It also sounds like you miss the buzz of online dating. I did it for a while and could have had a few dates a week at times but I never took validation from it and am always much happier with a partner. Well the right partner anyways.

Honestly? I think the way you are describing your girlfriend is quite exaggerated like you are trying to convince yourself. There's no way that you can know after 6 months that she's the love of your life. And if you were deeply in love with her I don't think you'd have this dilemma. I've met guys like you that got more of a kick from the initial stages of dating than a longer term thing. And it always felt like they were seeking some sort of validation that they could never get from someone else anyway.

Leave your girlfriend aside for a second. Do you feel happy and fulfilled in your life? If not maybe you think online dating will fix that. The thing is that it can't.

LegacyUser

I'm very happy with my life, just trying to figure out what makes me the happiest. I've always had a low boredom threshold and like to be active or interacting with others in my spare time. As I mentioned I find myself with more time on my hands now than I did while I was single.

I guess if I could see my gf more often these thoughts may not even rear their head, as it is I probably had more sex when I was single than I do now, wouldn't get the same warm fuzzies as I do with her but first time excitement has massive appeal too.

Airyfairy12

I think you should remain single. Youre only with your girlfriend 6 months and youre already itching to get back into dating and meeting other people. This should be your honeymoon phase in the relationship but instead youre already questioning if the grass is greener on the other side. Its only a matter of time before you give into it. Something thats too hard to resist will present itself somewhere down the line and its your girlfriend who'll be the one to get hurt and have the trust issues to deal with. If you care about her then walk away before the damage is done. Youre not ready for a relationship.

via4

I think your simply just bored in the evenings. You used to fill the boredom meeting women there is nothing wrong with this at all. You just want some human interaction on the free evenings. If you maybe get a list together and write down all the activities you like and see what evenings they are on and then have something to do for each night. Then whichever day your free go to that one when it is on.
For example I have something to go to every night if I wish that I don't need to commit to they are mostly exercise classes but they are still good craic and meeting up with people.
Also do you have any mates who are not working at the moment who would enjoy some company the days your off? Maybe use the time to visit some family members if you have any close by even offer to babysit nieces nephews etc.

Big Bag of Chips

I get what you're saying, OP. Only being able to see your gf once or twice a week is not a lot. In fact it sounds like the type of relationship that could be classed as casual. What are the long term prospects of it? Is the situation likely to change and you are going to be able to see each other more often? It's very difficult to progress a relationship if you're only seeing each other once a week. And it's understandable that you'd get bored in the evenings.

I'm sure if you could see your gf more often then it wouldn't even cross your mind to date others, because you'd be dating your gf!! It can get lonely in the evenings. Especially in your situation where you have a gf, but you don't really have a relationship where you can be together regularly. I do believe that you are mad about her, but I also believe you need to be in a relationship where you can see your gf fairly regularly.

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I get what you're saying, OP. Only being able to see your gf once or twice a week is not a lot. In fact it sounds like the type of relationship that could be classed as casual. What are the long term prospects of it? Is the situation likely to change and you are going to be able to see each other more often? It's very difficult to progress a relationship if you're only seeing each other once a week. And it's understandable that you'd get bored in the evenings.

I'm sure if you could see your gf more often then it wouldn't even cross your mind to date others, because you'd be dating your gf!! It can get lonely in the evenings. Especially in your situation where you have a gf, but you don't really have a relationship where you can be together regularly. I do believe that you are mad about her, but I also believe you need to be in a relationship where you can see your gf fairly regularly.

She's a doctor so often works long nights in hospital, I'm an odds compiler/trader for a sports betting firm, my work hours are usualy when sport is at its busiest so plenty of weekend work. We genuinely do see each other when we can, and have had a few mini breaks away which have been amazing.

I'd like to think there's long term prospects there, like we haven't discussed it directly, but she's always planning things in future for us which would signal her commitment. I guess I could ask her to move in with me, we'd see each other more then, but not sure if that would freak her out a little at this stage...

Bambi985

There's nothing "wrong" with using your spare time to meet women, but in my opinion it's just another symptom of online dating culture that's of benefit to noone really - people fill their time chasing multiple women/men and casually hooking up to the point where they're leaving a trail of hurt people in their wake and forming their own commitment issues. It's that instant gratification thing - see, like, click, hook up, move on.

OP, you won't get instant gratification in an adult relationship. It's not all about you anymore. It's about your partner's wants and needs and dreams and desires too. It's about building a life together, working together as a team and looking out for one another. How does she feel about meeting up once a week? Maybe it doesn't work for her either? Maybe you need to be flexible in your own schedule so you can meet her more - after work some days, or before work, or on her day off and when you've put in a long day's work yourself?

In a relationship you won't get casual sex whenever you want with a variety of different girls, you won't get the thrill of the chase and the adrenaline of flirting with someone new every night of the week. But if you're lucky you'll get a best friend, someone to vent to when you've had a bad day, someone who's always on your team, someone to laugh uncontrollably with, someone to build a life with and make plans with. Someone to fall in love with and all that happiness and fulfillment that that brings.

And you're not the only one with other options. Most people have other options. I'm an attractive woman and get checked out most days, if I went online I could probably line up a date with some hot guy for tonight if I was in the market for it. But I'm not, because what I have at home is better, from an emotional and happiness point of view. And my ego doesn't need it. My boyfriend thinks I'm hot and his is the only opinion that matters to my mind.

Time to grow up for you I think, if you want to keep this woman in your life.

professore

I actually disagree with most of the comments here. I think the OP just needs some non sexual socialising. Maybe a meetup group or something like that. He just sounds starved of social contact. I felt like him myself and I'm married 20 years, a good laugh and a bit of craic with friends is what I really want. Your work and your partner is not your whole world.

Mr. Incognito

I hear you buddy

I am the exact same as you.

Its not just the dating,

It's the variety of conversations and chats.

You could be talking with people with vastly different interests and meeting lots of new and interesting people. It's hard to replace

Make an effort to reconnect with your friends, especially friends you have not seen in a while.

LuckyLloyd

You're saying something interesting and probably very true. Abstracted from the sex / relationships side of dating, it can genuinely be quite interesting and addictive. I dated a girl who would have shared your opinion on the whole thing, and used it as a crutch for a nomadic lifestyle that had disconnected her from friends and an ability to engage her hobbies.

However, it's not a viable long term way to live. As much as it may sound wrong to you at this point, connections with friends and hobbies that are decoupled from dating are ultimately richer and more fulfilling. People are interesting and boring in their own way, and while scratching many surfaces may seem more rewarding than fewer in depth relationships with all their associated routine and difficulties - I think we need them as humans. The challenge is to find hobbies / work that keeps us interested / challenged and engages us if people interaction is something we want a lot of.

Think about how you might transition out of shift work and generally anti social hours and re - engage with your circle of friends.

Passtheremote

Id say you've hit on a very real aspect to online dating. It's fun meeting and riding different people. There's always someone new just a click away.

Having said that as you appear to quite like your gf it may be that a basic relationship need you have (ie amount of time you spend together) is not being met, so your looking around and thinking of the good old days of online dating when you can be out filling your evenings boozing and banging away.

I'd talk to her and see can you up the time together or the relationship could die.

daithi7

professore wrote: »

I actually disagree with most of the comments here. I think the OP just needs some non sexual socialising. Maybe a meetup group or something like that. He just sounds starved of social contact. I felt like him myself and I'm married 20 years, a good laugh and a bit of craic with friends is what I really want. Your work and your partner is not your whole world.

Yup, I think this is the real issue too. I think the OP should join a club/hobby/meet up group for a more diverse social life, he should try to reconnect with his mates more, and he should try to arrange to see his gf more than twice a week ideally. If he's still not feeling fulfilled with this type of life, then yes maybe it's then time to go single again.

tara73

Joshtp wrote: »

I'd like to think there's long term prospects there, like we haven't discussed it directly, but she's always planning things in future for us which would signal her commitment. I guess I could ask her to move in with me, we'd see each other more then, but not sure if that would freak her out a little at this stage...

See OP, I don't think you are in a mindset for a committed relationship if you miss dating other girls. And that's the title thread you choose, not that you miss friends. Therefore I don't think, as others see it, you are just missing social interaction. You specifically said you miss dating. That's no coincidence.

You now thinking about asking your girlfriend to move in with you but fear she might freak out. Are you not twisting things here and you are afraid, you would freak out?
I would leave all the 'moving in together thoughts' aside for the moment, clear first for yourself what you really want. Do you really want a committed relationship with this girl? If you move in with her just to keep her happy and you are not really up for it, it will never work out. So spare yourself the stress of finding and setting up an apartment only to probably move out again and find something new.

professore

I think this part is key:

Which leads me to my main issue, I was single maybe for 2 years before I met my girlfriend, and I dated a lot. If I knew I was going to free of an evening, I'd go online and have a choice of women I could ask out for a date. I genuinely loved it, the thrill of the chase, meeting lots of new people from different cultures, sharing stories and laughs. I didn't realise it at the time but it was my main "hobby" for some time and now there's a certain void in my social life.

The bit in bold is only true for a certain percentage of guys, and often the kind of guy who has a choice of women as he puts it doesn't make a lot of good guy friends as he's too busy off dating women. A lot of guys like this are not very well liked by other guys mainly because they constantly inadvertently bang on about how easy it is to get women to guys who don't find it easy at all. And the OP clearly states he enjoyed the social aspect of dating immensely, hardly a player type.

Lux23

I understand what the OP is saying. I am with my boyfriend over four years but when I met him dating was a huge part of my social life. As was messaging different people on dating websites, Twitter and Facebook. So there was a bit of an adjustment especially as I worked a normal 9 to 5 and he was a barman in a nightclub at the time. OP, I think you have to get used to having a bit more downtime if this relationship is going to work. I am few years older than you and I can only say that meeting friends in their 30s becomes almost impossible once there are kids and marriages involved. You could try Meetup.com though as they tend to have meets every day of the week and you won't have to commit to any particular schedule.

gsi300024v

2nd meetup, my older school mates etc all kids married, we never meet up, if I was only socialising with them, I'd do nothing.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies guys.

We had a long chat about this over the weekend and confirmed out strong feelings for each other and future hopes for the relationship.

We also toyed with the idea of a open relationship and while she's said it was firmly not for her she wouldn't mind if I was polyamorous and understands her hours are very unsociable and this was a cause of a previous break up.

So I might get back out there on the odd night I'm feeling bored or need an itch scratched. That's all it'd be, I love my gf very much so would always be my main priority.

Anyway we're off to Berlin for a few days tomorrow, looking forward to some quality time together☺.

LegacyUser

Wow...by your last post op this sounds like a severely messed up situation.
She has said that being in a relationship isn't for her but she doesn't mind if you do it? This has drama written all over it.

Dial Hard

Joshtp wrote:

We also toyed with the idea of a open relationship and while she's said it was firmly not for her she wouldn't mind if I was polyamorous and understands her hours are very unsociable and this was a cause of a previous break up.

This is not going to work. She's only saying it to keep you and I can guarantee you that as soon as you actually try it, she'll realise that she's not comfortable with it.

I think it would be incredibly unfair of you to pursue an open relationship with someone who has told you out straight that she's firmly against it. You say "we toyed with the idea" but I'd bet the farm that you were the one who suggested it.

It kind of just sounds like you want to keep your options open, OP, sorry.

Exclamation Marc

Do the girl a favour and end it.

She's only agreed to it because she doesn't want to lose you. Which means you're going to seriously hurt her when you start dating or "scratching an itch". Her previous relationship fell apart due to her hours so she's clearly desperate to hang on to this one at all costs. She's firmly against it yet you're doing it anyway despite you loving her.

It's going to end very badly, and a lot worse for her.

SarahMollie

Seriously, just end it.

She's saying what she thinks she needs to say to keep you, no matter the cost to her. This kind of thing does not lay the foundation for a healthy future relationship. I'd put money on her absolutely dying inside whilst outwardly agreeing to this, just to keep you sweet.

If you care about this woman as much as you claim to (which I now very much doubt) then you wouldn't want her compromising herself like this. You'd either manage your own boredom and get a real hobby, or set her free to meet someone who will give her all of themselves, and not just 70% or whatever you're offering.

BetsyEllen

Poor girl.
You're incredibly selfish to even think of doing this.

So I might get back out there on the odd night I'm feeling bored or need an itch scratched. That's all it'd be, I love my gf very much so would always be my main priority.

Jesus.

Bambi985

Joshtp wrote: »

.

So I might get back out there on the odd night I'm feeling bored or need an itch scratched. That's all it'd be, I love my gf very much so would always be my main priority.

god lord. What? That's not keeping your girlfriend as a priority. It's the opposite actually. It's prioritising your own needs to the detriment of your girlfriend's feelings.

Nothing wrong with polyamory if both parties are onboard and have been very clear and very specific about what the boundaries are. In this case you just want to have your cake and eat it, throw it out there to your gf to test the waters and even when she reacts with skepticism, still go ahead and do it.

Most people are not polyamorous. Most people are not open to "open relationships." So if that's what you want to do, end it with your girlfriend and make sure to be clear and very blunt about not being into monogamy when you're back online dating. But of course you won't do that because it will half your dating options.

Idle Passerby

You have zero respect for your girlfriend if you seriously think this is an ok way to proceed when she's made it clear it's not for her. She's hesitantly saying "maybe" to it now but it doesn't sound like she's on board at all.

Just be single and you can shag around to your heart's content with people who are happy with no strings hook ups.

Tigger99

Oh dude. I was really hoping you were just bored and needed a hobby. Getting your itch scratched whenever you want as you so delicately put it is putting your girlfriend at the end of your list of priorities.

Let her go and she can find someone that doesn't want to cheat on her.

Ursus Horribilis

He's bouncing all over the place. One minute he was going on "I suppose I could ask her to move in with me", then the next he's talking open relationships. I get the impression from the thread that he doesn't quite know what he wants and that there's an emptiness in his life. I've a feeling that when his girlfriend starts to think about this, she will start having second thoughts. Despite what some people who post here seem to think, open relationships are not the norm.

daithi7

Do the decent thing and break up with this girl, and let her regain her self respect.

Unequal relationships are not healthy. They are especially not healthy for the person who's doing all the giving (I.e. being a doormat).
When this goes to sharing your partner for other intimate encounters, when you don't want the same for yourself, you're getting into seriously sad areas and massive negative impacts on self esteem, etc, etc. Leave this girl off gently, and 'get your itch scratched' wherever you bloody well like after that.

But don't do that to her,(I.e. keep her in a one sided'open ' relationship), even if she says she'll let you. Why!? Cos it won't lead to happiness or fulfillment for anyone, the opposite actually. And it's simply not a nice thing to do, or I suspect to be involved in.

Big Bag of Chips

Are you going to be open about the open relationship or are you not going to tell her if you've been out on other dates? Because, now, it's hypothetical, in the future, maybe. My guess is the first other date you go on and tell her about, will be followed shortly afterwards with the 'I don't think this is working' talk.

She doesn't want to be in an open relationship. That's what she told you, but you heard something else completely.

Ursus Horribilis

I feel sorry for your girlfriend. She is in a career with working hours that are making things difficult for her. It has already put paid to one relationship and that must have been incredibly frustrating for her. Now here she was, facing into the same scenario again. But with a solution of sorts. I think she was a rabbit caught in the headlights and that this "solution" isn't going to be as neat and tied up in a bundle as you think.

I think you should break up with her before you hurt her. Despite what your self-centered mind is telling you, this is not going to end well. Youwill hurt her if she finds out you have been scratching that itch of yours and getting intimate with other women. Who wouldn't? You're planning to screw around. She told you she's not interested in this for herself. In other words, she's not an open relationship type of woman. She is going to try and turn a blind eye to your shagging around it that's easier said that done. If she was my sister, I'd ask her is she mad?

I don't think you're in the right headspace for a proper grown up relationship. You want to have your cake and eat it. You've not grown out of the casual dating phase and that's OK. Just don't pretend you're in love and in a committed relationship while you're hankering after the thrill of the chase. You're also temperamentally unsuited to dating someone who works long hours and can't see you enough to distract you. And first, if you continue this relationship have you got any deadline in your mind for when you want to stop the "open relationship" part of this?

Exclamation Marc

Basically you want permission to cheat on someone you 'love' because you'll get bored otherwise.

That's what it boils down to. Just read that sentence and realise that this is apparently a girl you love 'very much'.

End it and spare her the heartbreak down the line.

benny79

Come on man all you have to do is take up a hobby!

I took up golf always taught it was seen as a posh sport! took a while to get the hang of it but Im now a golf addict and when Im not with my other half Im usually on the course playing, meeting new people etc..

And by the way 6 years on Im still sh*t at golf but still love it!!

seenitall

Wanting to date/get frisky with women other than one's girlfriend is something that won't be changing with a few rounds of golf, for goodness' sake!

Anyway, it looks like the OP has solved his problem? I doubt that he will be back.

His girlfriend's problems, however, are just beginning. OP, if you are still reading, will you remember to direct your gf to get some good advice regarding her problems, here, in a few weeks' time? She will most probably need it.

dellas1979

You do realise then that she is also allowed to see other people then too?

How does that feel when the shoe is on the other foot.

As has been said already, I dont think there is anything wrong with anything, as long as 2 people are on the same page. But from what you are saying, she is not. But youre not listening. And its incredibly unfair of you, OP.

As for this wanting to be with other women, have you considered the other women you'd be seeing too? Will you be open with them> Or will they have to figure out that youve a gf, who isnt really into this at all.

dellas1979

I think you'll find lots of posters, including myself, are agreeing that there is nothing wrong with having an open relationship, if thats what both people choose, like you and your gf, but from what the OP says, she is not on the same page.

gsi300024v

IS this all OPs responsibility though, if you ask a partner if they are going to let you do something you want to do and they say yes, how do you go from there? There is a book called the ethical slut, I'd recommend OP and his gf reading it together. IT raises some interesting questions.

LegacyUser

The judgment here is unbelievable. The OP confirmed his partner is ok with him being polyamorous and the response here is to assume she is lying to keep him?

The OP's partner is an adult who is capable of speaking for herself. I think the OP handled this situation excellently and had an open and honest discussion with his partner about his needs within the context of their relationship. It isn't up to anyone else to second guess why the OP's partner agreed to him being polyamorous, if it works for them what gives anyone else the right to comment?

From what I know this situation isn't as unusual as it first appears. Plenty of successful relationships acknowledge the differing needs of both partners. It's sad that the OP and his partner are being vilified for wanting a lifestyle that is just slightly (and very slightly) outside the norm. This kind of judgmental reaction keeps many polyamorous people in the closet unfortunately.

Big Bag of Chips

Time will tell, but my opinion and that of many others (which the OP came looking for here) is that 'an open relationship is not for me' means just that. I imagine once the reality of an open relationship hits his gf, she will in fact realise 'it's not for her'.

But, maybe she'll be happy to be the part time gf (once or twice a week) and have others fill in when she's not available.

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Time will tell, but my opinion and that of many others (which the OP came looking for here) is that 'an open relationship is not for me' means just that. I imagine once the reality of an open relationship hits his gf, she will in fact realise 'it's not for her'.

But, maybe she'll be happy to be the part time gf (once or twice a week) and have others fill in when she's not available.

While that might be the case, it's her call. The OP talked to her about it and they agreed he could be polyamorous within the relationship.

It would be an interesting study to see how many threads on this particular board relate, either directly or obliquely, in some degree to this issue (sexless marriages/affairs/unrequited longing for someone in a relationship etc). The OP has developed a solution with his partner to this issue. It might not work out, but on the otherhand, it might and it might be an effective solution to some other issues that come up here over and over again.

But leaving all that aside, he did what people are always asked to do on here, he talked to his partner and they reached an agreement. That's admirable, imo.

gsi300024v

Having a go at open relationship once in the past, it's amazing the amount of misconceptions there are, it's not about being part time, it's not about cheating behind peoples backs. It wasn't for me, don't regret trying it. The one thing I noticed, I felt my communication got better, we talked everything thru before moving to a new level of openness. It was weird but an enlightening experience too.

LegacyUser

Feel I've been judged pretty harshly by people who are too afraid to be fully honest with themselves about their needs. My gf said it wasn't for her as her drive is a bit lower than mine and is fulfilled by what we have. That's not to say I don't find our sex fulfilling, she's amazing and the best looking woman in 95% of rooms she walks in but I'm a horn dog and need regular sex. She knows this and is perfectly content with the arrangement. She's very self assured and knows how I feel about her.

Anyway we had a great few days away together, she's back in work tonight so I've set up my first date for later.

LegacyUser

I don't understand the attraction.
Having to have STI/STD tests after each encounter.
Having the same old boring introductory conversations& small talk each time you meet someone new (like, their bio will be different obv as they're different people, but your bio remains the same)
Worrying about the risk of pregnancy if contraception fails, & having to pay that stranger child support for 18 years.
In a roundabout way is this all just some sort of an ego thing to put your girlfriend "back in her box"? She thinks she has it all- looks, personality, job, money- well she won't have you. You're showing her who's boss, or at least what part of you is boss (& it's not your heart!!!)

Big Bag of Chips

Joshtp wrote: »

Anyway we had a great few days away together, she's back in work tonight so I've set up my first date for later.

So you've had a few days away, and the first night she's back in work you're already lining up someone else?!! So realistically you can't even go a few hours without sex before you feel the need to go looking elsewhere?

I can't say I understand it, but if it works for you both, then good luck to you.

Edit: Can I just ask, because I'm genuinely interested, if you only see her once or twice a week at most, what makes her your gf and not a friends with benefits set up, if you are likely to be seeing other girls more often than you see her?

Exclamation Marc

Jeez, you're just back and you've set up a date already. Really letting your gf know that you've some sort of sex addiction there and she really isn't enough for you.

If it works for both of you, good for you. But I don't buy into it one bit that you love this girl, you just love the convenience of an easy ride with a good girl when you want it and she's free.

Anyways, good luck if it works out but there's clearly no long term future with this.

LegacyUser

Joshtp wrote: »

Feel I've been judged pretty harshly by people who are too afraid to be fully honest with themselves about their needs. My gf said it wasn't for her as her drive is a bit lower than mine and is fulfilled by what we have. That's not to say I don't find our sex fulfilling, she's amazing and the best looking woman in 95% of rooms she walks in but I'm a horn dog and need regular sex. She knows this and is perfectly content with the arrangement. She's very self assured and knows how I feel about her.

Anyway we had a great few days away together, she's back in work tonight so I've set up my first date for later.

I'm not sure if people are judging you because "they are too afraid to be honest with themselves". I imagine the judgement is coming from the fact that Ireland is still very much a straight down the lines kind of place and what you and your partner aren't fitting into the perceived norms but as long as it works for you and your partner I wouldn't worry about the general opinion. Some people will always find it hard to comprehend alternative living arrangements.

Good luck with OP, I would say quite a few people would love to be able to be as honest with themselves and their partner as you are.

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

So you've had a few days away, and the first night she's back in work you're already lining up someone else?!! So realistically you can't even go a few hours without sex before you feel the need to go looking elsewhere?

I can't say I understand it, but if it works for you both, then good luck to you.

Edit: Can I just ask, because I'm genuinely interested, if you only see her once or twice a week at most, what makes her your gf and not a friends with benefits set up, if you are likely to be seeing other girls more often than you see her?

What makes her my gf is we love each other and have lots of similar interests that we do together when we meet, mutual love of history, cycling, tennis, and traveling, and there's no one on earth I'd prefer doing those things with either. She's hugely passionate about her work which is great, but unfortunately that limits the time we can spend together.

I'm not a sex addict. Too often these days people like to over think and over analyse things, and put wanky titles on things when uneccesary. I've a strong healthy sex drive and perform better in life and happier when this urge is fulfilled regularly, and I make no apologies for that. My gf likes the earnest side of me and finds it refreshing, that I'm able be completely honest and share exactly what I'm thinking. I don't lack empathy towards her feelings, if I felt she was struggling with this arrangement I'd either stop it or end the relationship, probably the former.

Tigger99

Having different schedules and mismatched sex drives are pretty big incompatibilities. Even though she's stunning and better looking than most women in the room, maybe you just aren't right for each other?

I hope you are being honest with the girls you meet.

Bambi985

if sexual compatibility is going to be such a stickler in your relationship to the point where you need to sleep around to feel satisfied, im not sure where you think the relationship can go or how it can progress beyond something casual and non-committal between the two of you.

most people aren't happy to share, especially the deeper in love they fall.

Tsipras

OP there are other ways of getting sexual 'relief'  
The Internet could help you with this

Emme

OP I hope you're being honest with the girls you meet and use protection. I hope your profile is upfront so girls looking for a serious relationship don't waste their time on you.

Tell them you're in a relationship with a fantastic girl who is better looking than 95% of other women but works so hard she isn't around enough to give you the sex you need. Tell them she's happy for you to be in an open relationship while she slogs her guts out in a stressful, highly pressurised job.

What will you do in a few years time if you marry her and start a family? Will you continue to have an open relationship at times when she is pregnant, caring for children or caring for other family members?

Finally, I work in a hospital and doctors tend to marry each other or somebody working in the medical field such as a physiotherapist, nurse or hospital pharmacist. Somebody who understands the job and the pressures that go with it.

Taking everything into account I honestly don't think your relationship has a future long term.

LuckyLloyd

Think there's a lot of judgement in the thread. Think it's misplaced as there are lots of configurations of relationships out there, and so long as both parties are upfront with what's going on and it's working for them who are we to judge?

That being said, I do feel like this 'arrangement' misses some of the core issues raised in the OP:

This means I've a lot of spare time on my hands. The nature of my shift work means it's hard to be a member of a sports club as I'd only be able to attend sporadically. I go to the gym regularly, usually early in day but evenings can be boring now. Find with age (I'm 29) it's harder to get my friends out outside of weddings/christenings/insert occasion.