Unhealthy obsession with appearance....

blinkwink

Hello. First off I wish to say I have OCD and am awaiting therapy at the moment so I just wish to see how common my problem is/if anyone has advice etc.

I'm a manin my early 20s and naturally am insecure about my appearance. I am skinny, dislike my hair, don't like the colour of my teeth and regularly check mirrors, the reflection of phones etc. to see if anything is wrong.

As of yesterday I considered getting whitening for me teeth or even veneers but im unsure if ey are worth it. When I go into a bathroom at college my face looks different. My hair is more liner and my face is more red and teeth yellow and it sinks my mood.

Now, I realise I have the power to change my weight and hair etc. but am just still unhappy with everything and am overwhelmed.

To top it off I sometimes post pictures of myself on the amiugly thread on Reddit where strangers can look at your pics and see if you are ugly (yes I know). People have said I'm not ugly but in not convinced.

I'm aware of my behaviours and will address them but untill then I could just use a bit of advice or just whatever from you guys. Thanks.

silverharp

I have no particular angle on it but is it a fear of not being able to have a girlfriend? have you had girlfriends? I guess my general advise would be to relax, you are barely out of nappies and in the years ahead you will be judged on other things apart from your looks. Get stuck into a career, expand your interests and don't focus on your obsession as a way to stop trying or getting things done. Chances are you are being harder on yourself than others would judge you and as you say you have the option of spending a bit of money on yourself or take up going to the Gym etc

GingerLily

All the things you dislike about your appearance are easy to improve.

Book yourself into a dental hygienist for a scale and polish, it will brighten your smile.

Change up your skincare routine, in the last year I've almost gotten rid of my facial redness issue.

Get a haircut!

Join a gym or start a new physical activity, you can start coach2 5k today!

None of these are drastic things, you can take back some control!!

Good luck

Rubberchikken

if the things you mention are making you unhappy, change them. hairstyle can be changed, teeth can be done, physical body can be altered. i'd be more concerned about putting your pictiure out there for strangers to comment on. yes the comments were positive but what if they hadn't been? you're very young and you say, very unhappy and overwhelmed with this. building up your self esteem adn confidence will go a long way to helping you to be happy inside and happy with the person the world sees.
plus years of experience of different mirrors and lighting has taught me that i, for one, look different in them all.
good luck

blinkwink

GingerLily wrote: »

All the things you dislike about your appearance are easy to improve.

Book yourself into a dental hygienist for a scale and polish, it will brighten your smile.

Change up your skincare routine, in the last year I've almost gotten rid of my facial redness issue.

Get a haircut!

Join a gym or start a new physical activity, you can start coach2 5k today!

None of these are drastic things, you can take back some control!!

Good luck

Im unsure about whitening tbh as ive heard it can damage enamel. My skin seems okay. I have no routine, its just that my skin looks different in different lighting etc.

As for the gym, im looking to gain muscle and if the articles ive been reading are true, I need to eat like over 3000 calories. At the moment im not in a situation to buy or cook so im a little demotivated i guess. But yes Im getting involved with a group at college and getting my form right at the moment.

Your right, there is some control, but some of it takes time and others come with consequences...

blinkwink

silverharp wrote: »

I have no particular angle on it but is it a fear of not being able to have a girlfriend? have you had girlfriends? I guess my general advise would be to relax, you are barely out of nappies and in the years ahead you will be judged on other things apart from your looks. Get stuck into a career, expand your interests and don't focus on your obsession as a way to stop trying or getting things done. Chances are you are being harder on yourself than others would judge you and as you say you have the option of spending a bit of money on yourself or take up going to the Gym etc

Was in a relationship a couple of years ago but not since and yes, it is to an extent about getting girls. I probably am being hard on myself and o get what you are saying about focusing on career etc. However, Iam in college and have spent years in school trying hard and sometimes id just rather a high sense of self-esteem than anything else...

Parchment

GingerLily wrote: »

All the things you dislike about your appearance are easy to improve.

Book yourself into a dental hygienist for a scale and polish, it will brighten your smile.

Change up your skincare routine, in the last year I've almost gotten rid of my facial redness issue.

Get a haircut!

Join a gym or start a new physical activity, you can start coach2 5k today!

None of these are drastic things, you can take back some control!!

Good luck

Thats not really the point with this poster. The OP says that they have an unhealthy obsession with their appearance - thats the issue.

"Fixing" all those things wont matter a jot, the OP will find something else to obsess over.

OP maybe try to speed up your access to therapy and make sure to broach this issue along with the ocd with your therapist.

Also take a look at this website - it might be some help : http://www.bodywhys.ie/aboutED/related-disorders/

I had huge issues about my looks for many years, i thought i was a hideous things that nobody would want to look at or talk to. I now know thats not true, im totally normal looking! but it took me a long time to get to that place. Everyone you know could tell you that you are normal looking and none of that will matter - you still have it in your head that you are not. Im sure you are normal looking and probably very nice to look at!

Please seek help and speak to a person you can confide in about things in the meantime.

blinkwink

Rubberchikken wrote: »

if the things you mention are making you unhappy, change them. hairstyle can be changed, teeth can be done, physical body can be altered. i'd be more concerned about putting your pictiure out there for strangers to comment on. yes the comments were positive but what if they hadn't been? you're very young and you say, very unhappy and overwhelmed with this. building up your self esteem adn confidence will go a long way to helping you to be happy inside and happy with the person the world sees.
plus years of experience of different mirrors and lighting has taught me that i, for one, look different in them all.
good luck

Question about the hair: for a man, can you go into a barbers and just ask them about styling etc? Because i havent really got much sense when it comes to grooming etc?

As for the teeth, there are forms of whitening that can damage enamel.

You are correct about building self-esteem.

As for the lighting,thanks, i needed to hear that.

GingerLily

A scale and polish from a hygienist won't damage the enamel, it's like getting your hair trimmed for your teeth, it's not teeth bleaching.

blinkwink

GingerLily wrote: »

A scale and polish from a hygienist won't damage the enamel, it's like getting your hair trimmed for your teeth, it's not teeth bleaching.

So its like a a normal cleaning then? Even so,that doesnt do much for me if that what i got already. Thanks though.

GingerLily

Parchment wrote: »

GingerLily wrote: »

All the things you dislike about your appearance are easy to improve.

Book yourself into a dental hygienist for a scale and polish, it will brighten your smile.

Change up your skincare routine, in the last year I've almost gotten rid of my facial redness issue.

Get a haircut!

Join a gym or start a new physical activity, you can start coach2 5k today!

None of these are drastic things, you can take back some control!!

Good luck

Thats not really the point with this poster. The OP says that they have an unhealthy obsession with their appearance - thats the issue.

"Fixing" all those things wont matter a jot, the OP will find something else to obsess over.

OP maybe try to speed up your access to therapy and make sure to broach this issue along with the ocd with your therapist.

Also take a look at this website - it might be some help : http://www.bodywhys.ie/aboutED/related-disorders/

I had huge issues about my looks for many years, i thought i was a hideous things that nobody would want to look at or talk to. I now know thats not true, im totally normal looking! but it took me a long time to get to that place. Everyone you know could tell you that you are normal looking and none of that will matter - you still have it in your head that you are not. Im sure you are normal looking and probably very nice to look at!

Please seek help and speak to a person you can confide in about things in the meantime.

The OP is booked to address their OCD so I was hoping to just give them a comfort that when they're ready to action on their problems that it can be a lot simpler then they currently imagine.

I have had major hangups on my teeth and it caused me a lot of self esteem issues, but now that I'm tackling it (adult braces) I see that it wasn't really about my teeth, more about facing an insecurity and fighting back!

GingerLily

blinkwink wrote: »

GingerLily wrote: »

A scale and polish from a hygienist won't damage the enamel, it's like getting your hair trimmed for your teeth, it's not teeth bleaching.

So its like a a normal cleaning then? Even so,that doesnt do much for me if that what i got already. Thanks though.

Talk to your dentist about it, they'll advise you on what's right for you, I have no idea what level of whitening is appropriate for your teeth.

Do you drink much tea coffee or coke? Could you avoid food and drinks that cause staining?

blinkwink

GingerLily wrote: »

Talk to your dentist about it, they'll advise you on what's right for you, I have no idea what level of whitening is appropriate for your teeth.

Do you drink much tea coffee or coke? Could you avoid food and drinks that cause staining?

I dont drink tea or coffee and trying to avoid coke. Like ive had braces so the shape are fine, ive had people tell me ive a nice smile, so I dont know. I ll give it some thought anyway.

blinkwink

Parchment wrote: »

Thats not really the point with this poster. The OP says that they have an unhealthy obsession with their appearance - thats the issue.

"Fixing" all those things wont matter a jot, the OP will find something else to obsess over.

OP maybe try to speed up your access to therapy and make sure to broach this issue along with the ocd with your therapist.

Also take a look at this website - it might be some help : http://www.bodywhys.ie/aboutED/related-disorders/

I had huge issues about my looks for many years, i thought i was a hideous things that nobody would want to look at or talk to. I now know thats not true, im totally normal looking! but it took me a long time to get to that place. Everyone you know could tell you that you are normal looking and none of that will matter - you still have it in your head that you are not. Im sure you are normal looking and probably very nice to look at!

Please seek help and speak to a person you can confide in about things in the meantime.

Thanks for the response. Im unsure about whether it is BDD or not but Ill bring it on with my therapist. I dont really feel comfortable talking to anyone besides a therapist about this tbh.

Parchment

blinkwink wrote: »

Thanks for the response. Im unsure about whether it is BDD or not but Ill bring it on with my therapist. I dont really feel comfortable talking to anyone besides a therapist about this tbh.

Im not saying you have BDD but its just something to consider.

Its ok that you dont want to talk to anyone except a therapist about it but maybe think about sharing it with someone you trust in the future as it really helps lighten the burden.

I wish you all the best! things will get better.

Ursus Horribilis

I'm not sure anybody on this thread can help you in the way you need. If you've not said any of this to your therapist, I think you should consider printing out this thread and bringing it to them. I think it's fair to say most of us aren't entirely happy with how we look but it's not something that particularly consumes us. I'm shocked that there is an Am I Ugly? thread on Reddit and dread to think about what damage could be done to people's self-esteem there.