Feel like I am drowning

themom

My dad passed away last week.He was elderly and had a great life and I know that I should be grateful for that but I'm not.I am so so sad and don't know how to get through this.I did the first normal thing since he passed away tonight and that was to bring the dog for a walk.I cried the whole way because I felt like I was moving on and leaving my beloved Dad behind.
I can't see anyone or talk to anyone.My husband went back to work today and I spent the day crying and wanting him home.I am a grown woman with teenagers but need him with me all the time.
Please tell me feeling like this will pass because I feel that I am falling apart.

Big Bag of Chips

You poor thing. It's only been a week. Of course everything you are feeling is normal. And in time these particular feelings will pass and you will be able to cope better. You've suffered a huge loss, and I think it's largely irrelevant how old the person is. Their age doesn't matter to you.

Give yourself time. Allow yourself to grieve. Walking the dog could become your new routine where you just go to cry! And one day you will go and you won't cry. You'll still be sad. You'll always miss your dad, but you won't always cry.

Take care of yourself. A family bereavement is the one time in your life you are allowed be completely selfish. You suit yourself. People who care about you will understand.

Taltos

Grief doesn't care what age you are, how many kids you have. It just is.
Hold your hubby tonight when he's home and tell him you love him.

It will get easier OP. Just take it one day at a time, don't plan next week or next month, just try and do the little things and try to find some pleasure or hope in them - walking your dog each day for example.

Don't feel bad for wanting to cry, let it out and try to remember some of the good times with your dad when you can and when you are able to.

Nonoperational

It's horrible and difficult, but try and focus on the fact that he had a good innings and now he is at peace. He would want you to be happy and you will be.

CINCLANTFLT

My dad and sister are both dead... it's tough, but it passes... think of all the good memories and accept that they are at peace now... I do find it tough at Christmas as my sister was 30 when she died and would have had kids by now... but I know she lived a good but short life and is at peace now

D0NNELLY

My mam was 60+ when her mam died. Only now, after some time can she talk about it.

Please talk to your husband/siblings/friends about how you're feeling.. those conversations will lead onto chats about the life your father led, great memories you have, little anecdotes....

No one can say how long it will take, but some day you'll laugh/smile at the memories instead of cry.

Talk.

chooey

I lost my mam in March just gone and things do get a little better, though I still do cry most days and still can't talk about her with others without breaking down. I found it so hard when she passed that life went on, how others were going to work and living their normal lives and my mam was gone. I felt like everyone should have been mourning and it was so difficult that things just kept going.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I found walking my dog was the best distraction after mam died. Mind yourself and cry when you need to. It never goes away but it does get a little easier and there becomes a day when you can have a laugh again.

taylor3

So sorry for your loss. Let me tell you it will get easier to cope with in time. My Mother died very suddenly 12 years ago. She was in her mid sixty's and to say i was shocked is an understatement. In the week's that followed I would leave work at 5.30pm and cry my eyes out all the way home, like you I'd be walking just sobbing. Go with your feelings, take each day at a time and remind yourself that in order to let them go you have to go through the grief process. It took me a while to realise that you will always love and miss them but you won't always cry. Look at her yourself and like what someone else already said be selfish with yourself but also kind to yourself. My dear Mum is gone 12 years I still think of her every day but my heart isn't as heavy. You too will get to this point in your own good time.

Ben Gadot

It will get better. My experience is that you'll always feel that pinge of guilt (which we all know is crazy but as others have said that's grief), and it can be random. It can pop up at an obvious time like a family event or as when it happened to you going back to what's normality for you.

In my experience though while it always stays with you (which is good in a way because while it will hurt sometimes, at the same time the memory of your father will always give you strength) you become numb to it.

Baybay

My mother passed away quite suddenly in March. She was elderly but generally healthy enough.
Although I obviously knew she'd died, I really didn't believe I'd never see or speak to her again. Some days, I still don't.
It's got a bit better with time but also because there were others for whom I needed to have a little strength. I try to remind myself my children's grandmother, with whom they were very close, has also gone & they need me. That has helped. Possibly because I know I'm not alone in missing her. I have no siblings.
I don't cry every day but most days.
Some things, even if we used to do them together, don't bother me but although we rarely spent New Years Eve together, I found that profoundly difficult.
Surprising things will completely floor you. That's ok.
Right now, you are your priority. That's ok too.
Whatever you feel is right.
Be kind to yourself.

themom

Thank you all so much for your replies.Today was a good day.I didn't cry until evening time.
I know I have to stay someway together because my kids are missing their Grandad too.
I need to go back to work and wonder how I will manage that.I am self employed so needs must but I have that guilt that says it is too soon..I would much rather curl up and never go outside again.Is it too soon?