Paying maintenance

So have been paying maintenance for my child for 4/5 years all into the mothers hand.
However it's a pain in the back side handing her money every week and sometimes embarrassing/awkward if I have to pass it on to her through family members or her friends.

I'd much prefer it to come out of my account on payday and I wouldn't have to worry about it.
Obviously I have told her this befor. She didn't want it in her account for some reason, what she said made no sense to me.
She declares to social welfare that she get the money so I don't see why she wouldn't accept it.

What's the best way to approach her again over this? I know it's my right to pay it to her bank for receipt purposes but I don't wanna say it that way as could lead to arguments.
Any ideas?

Sleeper12

Deleted User wrote:

I'd much prefer it to come out of my account on payday and I wouldn't have to worry about it. Obviously I have told her this befor. She didn't want it in her account for some reason, what she said made no sense to me. She declares to social welfare that she get the money so I don't see why she wouldn't accept it.

I'd hazard a guess that she does not actually declare the money or the full amount to sw. I can't see any other reason to hide the payments.

Deleted User wrote:

What's the best way to approach her again over this? I know it's my right to pay it to her bank for receipt purposes but I don't wanna say it that way as could lead to arguments. Any ideas?

This is the million dollar question. It's a fine balancing act. If she is not declaring the payments then it won't matter how you approach it.
Id ask her again for her reasons for not wanting to go through the bank. If it still doesn't make sense to you repeat it to a friend. See if they can make sense of it

beertons

She could go to a solicitor in the morning and say you've paid her nothing. As you've no record of paying her, they'd more than likely side with her, and you'd owe her 5 years. Get a letter off to her, stating that no more will be paid cash in hand. It's an account or you'll hold it back till she supplies you with it.

judeboy101

Deleted User wrote: »

So have been paying maintenance for my child for 4/5 years all into the mothers hand.
However it's a pain in the back side handing her money every week and sometimes embarrassing/awkward if I have to pass it on to her through family members or her friends.

I'd much prefer it to come out of my account on payday and I wouldn't have to worry about it.
Obviously I have told her this befor. She didn't want it in her account for some reason, what she said made no sense to me.
She declares to social welfare that she get the money so I don't see why she wouldn't accept it.

What's the best way to approach her again over this? I know it's my right to pay it to her bank for receipt purposes but I don't wanna say it that way as could lead to arguments.
Any ideas?

As far as the law is concerned you haven't paid her a penny over last five years. No more money til you get a paper trail.

January

Speak to a solicitor about writing a letter saying you want to pay through the bank from now on if she's not agreeable.

Well at the start we wrote a letter and both signed it that I was giving her x amount money per week.
One of the reasons I remember was about all her direct debits come out as soon as cash comes in, so it was a pain for her.
But it's a pain for me as I'm terrible keeping track of my own money, and not to mention no record of handing money

gerard2210

She can set up a new account for the money you give her, it wont be taken out to cover direct debits and you'll have a paper trail.

Big Bag of Chips

Direct debits come out on a specific date, or within a date range. The company's bank taking the direct debit has no access to the particulars of her account. They don't wait until money has gone into it, to take money out of it. The direct debit will try on a particular day. If there's money in the account, the transaction will go through. If there's not, then the transaction will fail and the bill will be overdue.

Her direct debits, and how she manages them are nothing to do with you. Although if she's behind in bills and her account is in overdraft, then the money you put into her account will just go to plugging the hole.

One way around that is of you tell her to open another bank account that doesn't have direct debits coming out of it. You will pay your maintenance into that and she can access it whenever she needs it for child related expenses.

judeboy101

Deleted User wrote: »

Well at the start we wrote a letter and both signed it that I was giving her x amount money per week.
One of the reasons I remember was about all her direct debits come out as soon as cash comes in, so it was a pain for her.
But it's a pain for me as I'm terrible keeping track of my own money, and not to mention no record of handing money

Unless you have proof you kept up your end of agreement that letter is just paper. Relationships change and if she has an ulterior motive for not wanting your maintenance on the books I would imho put your childs welfare first, not her feelings. If she trys to get snarky about it or tries to use the kid remind her of sw hotline number for those who want to report sw cheats.

I did mention to her that her direct debits were nothing to do with me nor our child's maintenance.
So to avoid an argument at that time I let it go for a while and it turned into years.

Funnily enough she asked me to pay it into her account as she needed to prove to the bank she has other income, but when I asked for the details on payday she had worked around it and it suddenly didn't suit her at all.

I will have a chat over the weekend with her, should I explain myself as to why I want it done by direct debit? As in I am a mess with money and trying to budget properly or will I just say that's how I'm paying in future.

Big Bag of Chips

Well, I suppose you can't claim her direct debits aren't your problem and then ask her to take it a certain way to accommodate your budgeting!!

I think the safest way around this is suggesting a new account. With a weekly/monthly standing order into it. It will keep your money separate from her main account, and it will give you a routine.

Big Bag of Chips

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Well, I suppose you can't claim her direct debits aren't your problem and then ask her to take it a certain way to accommodate your budgeting!!

I think the safest way around this is suggesting a new account. With a weekly/monthly standing order into it. It will keep your money separate from her main account, and it will give you a routine.

Yes but it's my right to pay it to her bank (fine by me if it's a different bank account to her main). It's her choice to not have it that way. And she is alot better off now so hoping she won't say it's the same situation with direct debits.
I'll suggest a new account if she says that.

gerard2210

Tell her you were into your solicitor about something, and the maintenance payments came up and he suggested you lodge it to an account so you have a paper trail.

.red.

Tell her you want a paper trail and you want to log what your giving her. If shes insisting that it cant go to into the bank account just buy a diary or notebook in the newsagents. Everytime you pay her write it in. Almost like a homemade rent book.
Date/time/amount and both sign it.
If she's not declaring it to SW then that's her issue if she's caught, at least with the notebook your covered on your side if things turn nasty.

Evd-Burner

beertons wrote:

She could go to a solicitor in the morning and say you've paid her nothing. As you've no record of paying her, they'd more than likely side with her, and you'd owe her 5 years. Get a letter off to her, stating that no more will be paid cash in hand. It's an account or you'll hold it back till she supplies you with it.

Only if there was a maintenace order in place. Otherwise the OP would only be made by from the court date onwards. With the exception of her seeking birthing fees. Usually less than 1000 per child.

boardsuser1

I pay my ex so much in maintenance per week.

She never declared it to the SW/Council and it caught up with her.

Her welfare went down her rent went up.

These are probably the very reasons she doesn't want a paper trail.

For the record it is court ordered.

alane20

I had the same problem from the start, I was doing cash for the first two weeks, I knew I was leaving myself wide open, so I went to my credit union and had them issue a crossed check in her name, I handed her the envelope she was what's this? I said a cheque and you will keep getting them every week and by the way it's crossed so has to be lodged, it will take 5 days to clear, that evening I got her bank details by text, basically it's a horrible situation and you don't want conflict, but you have to stand your ground here, and do the right thing by you,

All sorted now, had a chat and basically said I'll be paying it into her account from now on. Turns out she now prefers it that way so all good now.

Asides from being easier and having a paper trail, I never liked handing money over in front of our child I don't feel it's right and getting asked questions.