Feeling used

LegacyUser

So I am out of a long term relationship since June. Recently I went on a date with a guy I know from a few years ago. We knew each other through friends and socialised together for a while but fell out of touch. I had a brilliant time and a few days ago we were both out on a night out and we met up. I was very drunk and I ended up going home with him. I was hesitant about sleeping together but he talked me round zgondnd said basically it wouldn't affect anything and that we would meet up again anyway. Anyway he hasn't really been onto me much since and now I feel manipulated and used and and just like total crap.

We would know each other well enough and I didn't think he'd be the type to do this to me and I just feel like I was just handy sex to him now.

professore

Now you know his true character. I think everyone has at least one error of judgement when it comes to the opposite sex. It's no reflection on you, he's just an asshole. Saw you were vulnerable after the breakup and moved in for the kill.

njs030

People are very busy at this time of year and its unfair to judge someone solely based on their behavior based on the few days before Christmas.

Have you contacted him? If not why not? It's not always a man's job.

Calypso Realm

BardotBaby wrote: »

. Anyway he hasn't really been onto me much since and now I feel manipulated and used and and just like total crap. .

So what contact has there been then? How did you two leave it last time?

I have to say though I'm somewhat uneasy at the fact he pushed for sex when you were drunk.

sReq | uTeK

Calypso Realm wrote: »

So what contact has there been then? How did you two leave it last time?

I have to say though I'm somewhat uneasy at the fact he pushed for sex when you were drunk.

Honestly..........quit the crusade

MaroonAndGreen

Calypso Realm wrote:

I have to say though I'm somewhat uneasy at the fact he pushed for sex when you were drunk.

Christ

Dancewithme

"He talked me around" and he hasn't been in touch since. Lady delete him out of your life. Phone. Snapchat. Facebook. Whatsapp. Viber. The cheek of him. You are worth a lot more than you think. He has no manners. Do you really need him in your life?

Big Bag of Chips

Dancewithme wrote: »

"He talked me around" and he hasn't been in touch since.

BardotBaby wrote: »

... a few days ago we were both out on a night out and we met up. ...

Anyway he hasn't really been onto me much since

The OP didn't say he hasn't been in touch since, she said he hasn't been on to her much since. She also says this happened only a few days ago. And it's Christmas, people are busy. I missed a call from my brother. I rang him back immediately and got not answer. I sent him a text and only got a reply 4 hours later. People are busy.

OP, it's unclear how much contact you'd have with this fella on a daily basis anyway. You say you knew each other through mutual friends, fell out of touch and went on a date, and you were out a few days ago and met up. And now he hasn't been in touch much. You feel used, and you have people telling you you were used!! It's been a few days. It's Christmas. It sounds like you wouldn't be in huge contact anyway but now that you've slept with him you think he should be your bf and in regular contact?

Give the lad a chance before you go jumping to the "only wanted sex" conclusions. Maybe he did? Maybe he's interested in a relationship with you? Maybe he's interested in a casual relationship with you? It's only been a few days, and he hasn't been in touch much. Calm yourself a bit. At least give him a reasonable amount of time to disappear, before giving out that he's disappeared!

suicide_circus

You seem to have had casual interactions before, he said sex wouldn't affect anything and you continue to have casual relations now. Nothing changed except your expectations.

amdublin

Op I'm sorry this happened. He sounds like a sh1te. My advice would be take your dignity, delete him from everything, move on with your head held high. Do not punish yourself further so not think of him /this incident again.

leggo

This whole area is a weird one with no black-and-white answers. I mean, I've gone on dates with girls before (some would've ended in sex, others not), liked them and wanted more in the moment, then slept on it for a night or two and just not felt the rush or urgency to follow up. You can't really help it, there's a lot going on in your head with these things that you can't explain. I certainly wouldn't have used them though, if I was on a date with them to begin with it implied at least a measure of hope something more would develop. Sex these days isn't such a difficult commodity to get that you need to go to these lengths to get it.

If he was THAT arsed with you, yeah he probably would've been in touch more, though again you're kinda vague and people can be bad with texting etc especially over the Christmas so that's tough to gauge.

Maybe you're just feeling a bit of buyer's remorse about the sex and need reassurance because you put yourself out there. That's totally natural but also not his problem nor any indication he 'used you' and, in the moment (which is the only time you can really judge his decision since he's allowed not be in love with you), didn't plan on following up.

There's nothing wrong with having sex, though. It's fun! You've done nothing wrong here so don't beat yourself up. If you feel anything like you "put out too early and lost your chance at a relationship", put those dated thoughts out of your head, sex isn't a weapon to use to manipulate people into giving you what you want. Unless you two end up in a relationship, you'll likely never know whether or not he used you (and the evidence to me, as a guy, says he didn't) so there's no point stressing over it. All that's happened here is that you had a nice date, you had sex, it didn't pan out so now you go back to the drawing board and live your life. That's the most normal thing in the world, you're grand here.

tara73

whatever it is on his side OP, you need to reconsider your own actions also. My advice is: if you feel used that easily, do not sleep with men for the first instance, especially if you are interested in them romantically/for a relationship.
He talked you into it , it should have been a red flag for you. Somebody who takes your feelings into account, cares for you and looking for a relationship would have the decency to not pressure you into having sex with him on the first date.
I don't think this man is the right one for you, so better leave him be, hard lesson learned for you but that's life.

Big Bag of Chips

I think they went on a date a while ago, and met up on a night out a few days ago. Not that it makes much difference. But I agree with tara, don't sleep with a fella if you are looking for more until you are sure that you are both in the same place regarding what happens next. He assured you you'd meet up again? That could mean casually, or with a view to starting a relationship. Either way, take it as a lesson learned and don't sleep with someone if it's not really what you want at that point.