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Post-date Confusion??
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21-12-2016 8:08pm#1
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Sorry to hear Newsmequick! Thats boys for you though! I often hear almost all my girl friends say "im done with men" and i think this is why. They are often so flaky and leave you hanging and completely ignore you ....and it drives you nuts
It sounds like ye had a lovely date if you can talk quite deeply and have fun. And i think you can pick up if the other guy likes you too which you felt you have. Im a bit like yourself, 2 days for me is a long time. Fair enough if he is busy at xmas but i always feel if they like you they will at least say something small? We all have a few minutes a day by ourself or waiting for a bus or during lunch or whatever whatever to try and send a short reply. But i give them a day or 2 anyway and then on the 3rd or 4th day im like you could at least say something even short
Im learning to adapt a bit now. I went through that situation only this month with a guy and i really wasnt sure if he was breadcrumbing me or genuinely busy. As in i get that thought is he just dropping me the odd text to keep me at bay until someone better comes along/seeing how his other dates go so that im there if he wants me to be?? But thats what we do to ourselves. The dating game is infuriating and its so hard to tell if someone is genuinely interested or not. I for one never know. And then you ask yourself are you being psycho or is he just leading you on.
We are all in it together buddy!
Keep us updated!0 -
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Thanks everyone, for all the responses.
A few decent points.
Well, no reply yet. I sincerely doubt he will. I'll add this as well: he said before meeting that he was really looking for a relationship. Ha!
Anyway, that one will go down a mystery.
A shame. Like I say, only once in a long time, such a strong attraction (way bigger than just phyiscal). I knew with each day I'd let go more.
Merry Christmas! 0 -
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NewsMeQuick wrote: »Thanks everyone, for all the responses.
A few decent points.
Well, no reply yet. I sincerely doubt he will. I'll add this as well: he said before meeting that he was really looking for a relationship. Ha!
Anyway, that one will go down a mystery.
A shame. Like I say, only once in a long time, such a strong attraction (way bigger than just phyiscal). I knew with each day I'd let go more.
Merry Christmas!
Well maybe the fact he ignored you says more about him than you think, leaving aside the fact you liked him a lot. That can haze all our judgements sometimes. And sounds he laid on the charm too which i would conclude as slightly insincere but anyhow. I wouldn't dwell on it, move onto the next potential! Something like Tinder is extremely fickle, you're basically deciding dates based on looks and a chat.0 -
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newacc2015 wrote: »By 'calling them out', what were you hoping to achieve? If someone is not into you, I dont know what you would hope to achieve by calling them selfish and a coward. For a relationship to work, both people actually have to want it. I don't see how attacking the guy who wasn't interested in you, makes you the bigger person.
Giving someone the 'silent treatment' is universal for I don't want to date you any further. Pretty much everyone knows that. I dont see how texting "Sorry I am not into you and don't want to date you any further" makes you more of a man. It is incredibly awkward for both parties.
If a guy isn't into someone. Passive aggressive post-date texts/calls after you didn't get the hint of no response equals not interested won't make him turn around and say actually I want to date you.
OP if someone doesn't message you after a date, it means they arent into you. I have been on a fair amount of dates where the date didn't work where neither of us sent a message afterwards as we weren't into each other. If this guy really wants to date you, he will message you. I would just move on
For the first quote, I think you didn't really get my point If someone is not interested in me, that's perfectly fine. We can't all click with each other and I don't expect people to get back to me if they're not into me from the beginning (or the other way around). What I can't tolerate is people who keep saying and pretending they liked you and all the sudden they vanish. That's when I used to called them out, but you're right on that, there's nothing to achieve by doing it, so I've stopped doing it myself. However, I would show some courtesy by politely telling the person to whom I insisted I wanted to see them again that I changed my mind or I'm no longer interested. It just shows some decency and there are loads of people who would be expecting or doing the same thing.
As with the silent treatment, you're saying it's awkward to say to the guy you've dated a few times and to whom you're promised you're into that you're no longer interested? Really? Then no offense but I can only hope me or any of my gay friends will never end up dating you or someone with the same mindset as yours! When one doesn't let the other person know what's the status after a number of dates and simply goes away, that clearly shows he's a time waster. That's what I meant by having a pair of balls! 0 -
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NewsMeQuick wrote: »Hmm plenty to ponder here. It's become an interesting discussion of dating etiquette and interpreting post-date reactions.
As for that guy I went out with, it was over a week ago now so I don't think about it much now. The crux of the point I guess that it seemed like a good date; a few strong topics of interest, similar ideas on things, different backgrounds and plenty of questions, and I never saw him wandering eyes around the room or checking his phone, actually, he wouldn't stop licking his lips at me and his eye contact was near constant and engaged. So match that with nothing afterward! :eek: :pac:
He said he was out of a 2-year relationship for about 3 years. He also said he was only using Tinder, though he wanted a relationship. I think actions and speech didn't match - not enough effort for a relationship, I think he wasn't bothered.
I've been seriously considering moving abroad again in the new year, and I've decided to focus on that. I admit though, that date confused me. Only rarely does my heart leap before my head and it did with him. Meh.
I've no idea why I had in mind you guys had more than just a date, guess I've too many tabs open and misread it
Some dates can have quite a strong impact, whether there's a good or not-so-good outcome and I reckon it makes the difference when you learn something about yourself afterwards.
If you're moving abroad, hope you're going somewhere where you'll find the dating scene a bit easier.0 -
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Moderators, Category Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 24,380 CMod ✭✭✭✭
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If I was texting someone giving out to them for not getting touch after a date I'd have a sit down and wonder why it is I might still be single
Are you confusing op with Almond87?
But I agree with what you're saying, life is too short for that.
NewsMeQuick, it's unfortunate that your connection with this guy has not been reciprocated but better luck next time, seems like your looking at this with the correct mindset even if it is disappointing.
Almond87, there's a fine line between calling someone out and being just plain unnerving. Guys don't text back, it's a fact of life and it can be unpleasant too but angrily messaging them with what you think of them will do nothing for you or them.Moderator: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender, Vegan & Vegetarian
Category Moderator: Social & Fun
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Well thanks guys for the comments.
The vast majority of the comments were interesting ideas and showed me other perspectives. :rolleyes: I don't want to reduce it to gossip/poking at a glass window though.
With just one date and a little texting, I think that's the extent of the analysis needed on my side! I don't think it makes sense for me to spend another 3 hours analysing it!
/signingoff0 -
What I can't tolerate is people who keep saying and pretending they liked you and all the sudden they vanish. That's when I used to called them out, but you're right on that, there's nothing to achieve by doing it, so I've stopped doing it myself. However, I would show some courtesy by politely telling the person to whom I insisted I wanted to see them again that I changed my mind or I'm no longer interested. It just shows some decency and there are loads of people who would be expecting or doing the same thing.
They went on one date with OP and spoke on tinder. IMO it doesn't call for an explanation or text of where it went wrong. I think you might be reading too much into this. We say things out of reflex like when you on the phone to the ESB and say "talk to you again" to a customer agent, who you will never speak to again. IMO the guy on the date probably said see you again out of habit/reflex.As with the silent treatment, you're saying it's awkward to say to the guy you've dated a few times and to whom you're promised you're into that you're no longer interested? Really?
Uh? I said that I was on a fair amount of dates, where the date (note singular) did not work out. If I went on a single date that didnt work out, I dont need to give a guy an explanation on why it didn't work out.0 -
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