Telling housemate how to clean up without sounding condescending

LegacyUser

I share a house with a couple of lads, and for the most part they're great to live with. No hassle at all, they clean up after themselves and they're easy to chat with.

There's one guy though that, while he does clean up after himself, he doesn't do it too well. It sounds stupid, I know, but there's a couple of simple things that he could do that's no extra work for him but would make things a lot easier on everyone else.

I'll give a couple of examples. When loading the dishwasher, he doesn't seem to understand how the machine works. He always stacks bowls on top of each other, or has cups standing up, so a lot of things just don't get washed.

Another thing, again small, is that he throws recyclable stuff into the black bin when the recycling bin is right beside it!

It's petty stuff, I know, but just a quick lesson in how to clean up would just make things a little bit easier around the house.

How do I get this across to him without sounding like a condescending d*ck? Any way I think of phrasing it in my head just sounds like I want to run the house or something.

Canard

I don't know if there's any one phrase that would fix it all, but I'd say to do it in a tone that sounds like you're just being helpful rather than telling him what to do. So something like "oh, was it you who stacked the bowls / put the cups in that way? It'd actually be better if you did it like this, because...", and "were you the one putting XYZ in the black bin? I think it actually can be recycled so make sure to put it in the other one ", something that sounds like a passing thought if that makes sense.

freshpopcorn

Regarding the dishwasher is just say sometimes things can get damaged if their not stacked correctly!
With the bin I'd bring it up in conversation in the house that you heard bin companies are getting strict about people mixing rubbish with recycling and they might cut of service or issue a fine!

Pawwed Rig

I would recommend doing nothing. If that is the only issue you are having then you have a very good situation in your house share.

Thelomen Toblackai

Say it to everyone and not just him. Next time everyone is in the kitchen say "guys some of the stuff isn't getting washed right in the dishwasher, I think it's because we're stacking stuff on top of each other" and "there's a lot of recycling going into the waste bin".

Just don't single the guy out and it won't come across as condescending.

sullivlo

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

I would recommend doing nothing. If that is the only issue you are having then you have a very good situation in your house share.

This.

If he happens to be there when you see the bowls wrongly stacked maybe mention it in an offhand way. Like "these bowls are still dirty because they were stacked wrong".

But if they are the most pressing issues you're in a good place. A previous housemate of mine would frequently leave cow carcass on the kitchen table.

skallywag

It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with this lad, so why not just say it straight out to him next time you pass him in the kitchen? Something along the lines of 'I'm not trying to be a dick or anything, but did you know that ..." etc.

homerjay2005

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

I would recommend doing nothing. If that is the only issue you are having then you have a very good situation in your house share.

exactly, both of these seem very trivial issues.

leggo

The way I handle stuff with my housemates like that is to say it as part of a group. "Hey guys, heads up, when you're stacking the bowls could you do it this way? I've just seen them stacked that way a couple times and they don't clean properly." If you've got a group Whatsapp too that's a good way to say it because then nothing even needs to be said. Don't make it seem like you're accusing this guy personally or lecturing him, otherwise defences go up and things get messy.

If it carries on then you've laid down a marker that you know has been ignored and can say it directly then, because then he's being a bit of a dick.

Koptain Liverpool

leggo wrote: »

The way I handle stuff with my housemates like that is to say it as part of a group. "Hey guys, heads up, when you're stacking the bowls could you do it this way? I've just seen them stacked that way a couple times and they don't clean properly." If you've got a group Whatsapp too that's a good way to say it because then nothing even needs to be said. Don't make it seem like you're accusing this guy personally or lecturing him, otherwise defences go up and things get messy.

If it carries on then you've laid down a marker that you know has been ignored and can say it directly then, because then he's being a bit of a dick.

Don't use the term 'heads up' - it sounds like you're lecturing somebody. Better to just say 'hey man, would you mind stacking the things like this etc...'

And don't send a Whatsapp message - just speak to him
Sending a message is almost as bad as leaving a note in my opinion.

Dr Jakub

thatonehousemate wrote: »

I share a house with a couple of lads, and for the most part they're great to live with. No hassle at all, they clean up after themselves and they're easy to chat with.

There's one guy though that, while he does clean up after himself, he doesn't do it too well. It sounds stupid, I know, but there's a couple of simple things that he could do that's no extra work for him but would make things a lot easier on everyone else.

I'll give a couple of examples. When loading the dishwasher, he doesn't seem to understand how the machine works. He always stacks bowls on top of each other, or has cups standing up, so a lot of things just don't get washed.

Another thing, again small, is that he throws recyclable stuff into the black bin when the recycling bin is right beside it!

It's petty stuff, I know, but just a quick lesson in how to clean up would just make things a little bit easier around the house.

How do I get this across to him without sounding like a condescending d*ck? Any way I think of phrasing it in my head just sounds like I want to run the house or something.

Don't be the control freak housemate who starts lecturing others about the bins. That's a good way to make the rest of the house hate you.

Thelomen Toblackai

homerjay2005 wrote: »

exactly, both of these seem very trivial issues.

Saying nothing and living with dirty dishes and the recycling going into the waste sounds like more effort than is required when a simple word with the guy would resolve it.

leggo

Koptain Liverpool wrote: »

Don't use the term 'heads up' - it sounds like you're lecturing somebody. Better to just say 'hey man, would you mind stacking the things like this etc...'

And don't send a Whatsapp message - just speak to him
Sending a message is almost as bad as leaving a note in my opinion.

Yeah from experience it's better to have these things in writing somehow so you can refer back if necessary, otherwise if/when people get lazy and don't bother listening they'll just say "you never said that to me!" And then you're back at square one and are starting to come off as the naggy one. With Whatsapp you can also see if they've seen it or not so they can't say they haven't. When you learn someone is a bit lazy, they tend to revert back to type after a while so you need to do this precautionary measures, because you wouldn't be having these conversations in the first place if they just did things the right way to begin with.