I don't know what to do anymore

Beingbrave

I am really nervous about doing this. I have no one to talk to. Is this normal?
OK so here goes...

So, yesterday he was making no sense to me saying things about his shop, saying he was moving all the vehicles over there from our driveway. So I questioned it and asked what he was talking about, because 1. he don't have one and 2. he hasn't even talked to anyone about renting one out. He got so pissed, making out like why don't I get it. Said I was crazy, and made me go off the deep end like I was crazy. He said I don't make sense. Then when I tried to walk away or told him to leave me alone, he just kept on and on. He kept just hounding me over and over. Picking apart the whole convo. He had to keep talking, even tried to act like we could have a normal conversation at one point. Asked me for a f*#ng bobby pin, in the most calm tone, like trying to be normal when he was just freaking out himself. Would not even give me a moment to breathe. I went to the bedroom and closed the door and he just followed me, pushing and pushing the situation with his words. I had a total breakdown. I was uncontrollably crying and my body hurt so bad. He just wouldn't walk away,or leave the room, and that is all I kept saying over and over. I couldn't even breathe. It was bad. Then I was able to calm down, and things went back to semi normal and he was being sweet even.
So, this morning even when I ask a question I don't get a response. He don't have to conversate, but acknowledging that I asked or said something, a simple ok would be fine. Wow, no respect for me. If I even say anything it would create another blow up! I just know it. That's why I stay quiet all the time. He can't even let me talk. It's like I hurt his ears or something. You should see his faces he makes. Or how he walks away when I am just having a basic conversation. But he has no one to talk to he says, when all he talks about is his business, his shop, his customers, peopIe he had to deal with. (He works at home) I listen, until about the third time he repeats it. Then I had enough. Who wouldn't. So today I am getting completely ignored. Completely, and it hurts. Because he is with me in this house, near me. It hurts because yesterday we talked like normal after it all and I was a mess. I kept having bouts of crying spells, I couldn't even control it. It feels like it's me, but what am I doing? He is so argumentative all the time, combative with everything I say. I really am trying. But I feel like I need to stand up for myself, or he will walk all over me. It doesn't make sense to me. He dropped me off at work, we were talking, kissed goodbye. Picks me up and he's pissed, driving erratic. So obvious. I asked what's wrong. He replies, you don't want to know. So I drop it. We were quiet the whole way home.


So this morning, apparently he is ignoring me so we don't argue. What?
Me- Good morning
Him - nothing
An hour later
Me- I made something to eat. It's on the stove.
Him- nothing
Me- ok?
Him- nods head

40 min. Later
He goes to work on his golf cart in the bath tub
I ask if he's gonna be there long? I always take my shower at this time. Doesn't speak .erratically takes it out, puts it in the hall, goes to the kitchen. I get out of the shower and tell him I am done, he can have the bathroom.
Him- My hose is broke.
Me -ok well I didn't 't know.
Him- I can't tell you anything.
Again what? Well I am not a ****in mindreader.
So yeah, Me- Why are you ignoring me?
Him- I am not going to argue.
But his attitude and body language says it all. Really. I walk away to my bedroom and cry.
I hurt so bad. I just want it to stop. It really hurts.

But when I am strong and stay tough and only take care of me, it creates more fighting.

Update as he was taking me to work this morning, I got the courage to ask why he was ignoring me. In the nicest tone I could, told him I am not trying to argue just saying how I feel. He was like, "what I say now?". He said I am not ignoring you, I have a lot in my mind, a lot of things to do. He also said he answered me. Really? He said again, he cant talk to me about anything. Also said he is making plans he can't tell me about. Not the first time he said that. (I don t get it because I am always trying to talk about our plans for the future and us, and fully support him in his business,) He never has a clear answer or tells me what he wants. All I can assume is its about his business.
Soooo, his ignoring me has nothing to do with me apparently.

But I thought this was a relationship. Why are we together? We been together 19 years, one kid in college one a junior in HS. It was not always like this. It just keeps getting worse. I really want it to be better.
Please tell me I am not going crazy.

Estrellita

I'm sorry, I don't mean to insult you, but I found that incredibly hard to follow. At the start you kind of dived in on some problem you had that morning. I'd like to give you a proper opinion, so perhaps you might be able to give more detail about where this is all coming from.

From what I could gather, it sounds like you have terrible communication issues. After nearly twenty years together, if issues don't get resolved along the way they can cause bigger problems further down the line.

Firstly, you don't speak of love. You refer to your OH as 'him' or 'he'. Please dont take this the wrong way, but it seems you are showing him as little respect as he is showing you.

Long term relationships sometimes need a little injection of happiness, just to see past the daily grind. You only start to see someone you co-habit with unless you make time for each other, and show affection. This situation seems very bitey and hostile.

It almost sounds like his 'plans' are a threat to leave you, without fully saying it. I think you could really do with relationship or marriage counseling. It seems like you both have lost your way, the reasons you are together. If you want to stay together, you need to invest in it. Sometimes counselling can be like hitting the reset button.

If you aren't having date nights together, leaving the house for a evening meal.. or getting away for a little break or holiday together - then you should look into it. He seems to be very angry or unwilling to talk to you about work. Are you listening to him calmly and in a sympathetic way? Or would you be likely to get upset, fly off the handle or even tune out?

From what I understand, it seems your relationship needs urgent attention, if you want to save it and to bring happiness back to it - for you both.

Merkin

I'm afraid steam of consciousness posts aren't really tolerated in PI. I suggest you start a blog or alternatively create a new thread with a clear and consise post that clearly sets out what your issue is.