Friend asked for money, how do I protect myself?

LegacyUser

Hello

A friend in need asked me for some money, few hundreds. he needs them urgently as cash

I know the person for a few decades but still there is always the risk of not getting it back

is there anything I can do to protect myself somehow? is a written agreement a must?

thanks

I've always found that if you give someone any amount of money, then it is generally accepted that you'll either not get the money back, you won't get the same amount of money back, or else you won't get it back for a while.

Generally the former is the case, in personal experience.

If you are not OK with the possibility of not getting the money back or any of the other 2 situations, then you should probably just not give them money.

pookie82

Needing the money urgently and as cash sounds like debt to me, as opposed to needing it to purchase something. Debt that's possibly not above board in itself (for illegal goods?).

Don't part with a penny before you have spoken to a solicitor, I don't know if there are any grounds to draw up a formal loan agreement between friends; ring a local solicitor/citizen's advice and they should be able to advise in brief, at least, over the phone. If your mate isn't willing to consider entering into something like that I wouldn't agree to anything further.

5rtytry56

OP, I second the advice to visit a Citzen's Advice Bureau at least .


Or cut your friend loose I'm afraid.

Big Bag of Chips

You can always just tell him you don't have it. You don't have to explain any more. Even if he knows you do have it, he's unlikely to push it. My brother-in-law owes us a few hundred at this stage (I'm not exactly sure how much). My husband knew giving it to him that we were unlikely to ever get it back. He has given him a "loan" now probably 3 times that is always promised "I'll pay it back to you weekly". We've never seen a penny, and don't expect to. After that whenever he asked for more my husband always just told him we didn't have it. He'd get the poor mouth for a week or two after about how he knows he owes us x but this is all he needs now and he'll pay us back weekly, with interest! The amounts asked for got bigger each time too!

His were drug debts. Hard for him to clear his debts when he was still using though! And we're not the only ones he owes.

General rule, if you can't afford to lose it, don't give it. If you do give it expect to not see it again.

punisher5112

I got burned by a so called friend 4.5k never got it back. Your not a blank or credit Union its different if its 20 or something small.

Your Face

I lent money to people in the past.
Its not worth the hassle imo.
One friend I lent the money was kind of pulling the pish as regards paying it back.
That situation got ridiculous.

What I do now is reject all requests for money excepting family of course.
You'll find the rejecting the initial request awkward at the start but then thats the drama over.

GingerLily

If my friend asked for money, and I knew they needed it, and I could afford to lose it, then I would lend it.

mylittlepony

Do you know what the debt is for.
If he wont say stay away.
Why not he go to his own bank or credit union for loan or family or partner.
Definitely dont hand over cash as there is no paper trail.
Bank transfer so that you have a paper trail. Get a legal loan agreement form.
But at the end of the day do you really want the hassle of going to court if he didnt pay you back.
You only have to watch any one programme of Judge Judy or Rinder to know that it best not to get involved.
Never a lender or borrower be.
Especially among friends.
Can you make up that you have debt yourself hell its five weeks to xmas you need your money for xmas shopping.
I have been asked for a loan once for few hundreds too i said No as it was coming up to xmas too. Did they ask again after xmas no as it seem to be xmas money deficiency.
Hell no way was i gonna fund their xmas shopping this was beyond redicilous. They were not broke just need extra to top up their shopping list.
If it happened to me then it must be common with people who are not good with money budgeting and xmas coming up that they do this fast buck with their friends.
Oh and the moral of the story : am i still friends with this person now - nope. Good riddance

LegacyUser

If you are thinking of protecting yourself, then I'd say - forget about it.

I both borrowed and lent large amounts of money from/to two friends. We never put anything in writing, and the repayment dates were always approximate (about 2-4 months). The thing is, I always absolutely knew there would be no problems with repaying/getting the money back - I just instinctively knew it - and indeed we never had any issues. Had I had any doubts, there's no way I would have gone ahead with it.

They say that you should never lend money to friends unless you are prepared to never see the money (and possibly your friends) again - my experience with lending/borrowing from/to friends has been positive, but I would still advise you to follow this rule, particularly if you are in any way unsure.

LegacyUser

OP here

initially i said i'd give them and then i said i'd give it to them but he had to sign some sort of agreement and he lost the plot, saying why would I ask him that, not a real friend etc

He cut my off after this. I'm sorry for him, I really am, cos he s going through a difficult time.

I've text him saying ok I ll just give them to you ( I am prepared not to see them again, both him and the money) but he hasn't got back to me so he's on his own on this one now, there is only so much you can help people out.

If you can't afford to lose it, don't lend it.

chuckles30

Same as everyone else has said - if you have any doubts about it, don't do it!!

eeguy

Fair enough if he has a solid plan to pay you back in the next few days or weeks, but generally I'd be against it.
If he can't get money from the CU or an overdraft then I'd be worried.

LegacyUser

OP none of us know your friend or what your friendship is like but the fact that you've got reservations means you know you shouldn't loan them the money. If one of my very close friends was in trouble and needed money I would prob help them out if I could BUT the few friends I would offer money to like that would only ask if they really needed and while I would write it off as money I'm not getting back I know if they can they will get it back to me. I've lots of friends I wouldn't lean money to (not even a tenner) as I know they'll be back the following week asking for more. Many I would count as good friends for many years but they aren't good with money and I wouldn't want that to come between the friendship.

amtc

I've borrowed from and lent thousands to two good friends, repaid and got repaid from both, but these are my 'shovel' friends. I've also lent a few hundred to my first cousin, never got it back. Best advice I can give is lend what you can afford to lose.

anewme

Old adage:

Neither a borrower or a lender be:

zoe 3619

amtc wrote: »

I've borrowed from and lent thousands to two good friends, repaid and got repaid from both, but these are my 'shovel' friends. I've also lent a few hundred to my first cousin, never got it back. Best advice I can give is lend what you can afford to lose.

Exactly this.
Don't lend more than you can lose.Help them out as much as you can,and tell them it's all you have.Fair chance you'll get it back,but if you need to ask here ,don't be giving them the rent money or borrowing on their behalf.

Airyfairy12

Friend asking money wrote: »

Hello

A friend in need asked me for some money, few hundreds. he needs them urgently as cash

I know the person for a few decades but still there is always the risk of not getting it back

is there anything I can do to protect myself somehow? is a written agreement a must?

thanks

Id give about half what theyre asking for and say its all you can afford. If they dont pay it all back then id be putting a fair amount of space between myself and the friendship.

Friend asking money

Friend asking money wrote: »

OP here

initially i said i'd give them and then i said i'd give it to them but he had to sign some sort of agreement and he lost the plot, saying why would I ask him that, not a real friend etc

He cut my off after this. I'm sorry for him, I really am, cos he s going through a difficult time.

I've text him saying ok I ll just give them to you ( I am prepared not to see them again, both him and the money) but he hasn't got back to me so he's on his own on this one now, there is only so much you can help people out.

Case closed so. Judging by his reaction and his lack of communication, he has no way of paying you back I think so even if he does get in touch, tell him you've spent it.

I suspect by what you've said about being "prepared to not see them again, both him and the money" that he's not a great friend or a friend who has pushed you past the point of no return.

faceman

Anytime I've moaned money to people it's been a pain in the rear getting it back even if the person is working etc! I don't do it anymore.

In this case though it sounds like the friend might be in a spot of bother. I'd want to know the circumstances and the friend's capacity to repay.

To those suggesting drawing a legal agreement up, that's just barmy. Do you really expect someone to sue a friend and if successful put their name is Stubbs Gazette?

It's the very reason why I never get friends to do any work for me in my house. I'm hardly going to sue them if they do a shoddy job!

Hope your friend is not in any trouble OP

clairewithani

It's difficult to refuse I know but probably for the best. I was asked for a loan by a family member once. Several thousands. I didn't have it but foolishly borrowed it. He paid me back 300 and not one penny since. I was paying the loan back for 5 years and did without stuff myself. I would never loan anyone another penny.

Atlantic Dawn

What do they need the money for? Is it for something like a set of tools to enable them to get employment or instead do they wish to upgrade their 40 inch HD tv to a 55 inch 4k tv to watch the darts in December as they are currently on the dole? Have they asked people for loans in the past? The agression of their response when you questioned the loan would be enough for me not to loan them anything.

surrender monkey

I've been lending money to friends , sometimes in the thousands for many many years. It would be a very rare occasion that you get it back on the terms that were agreed. The way I see it is this.... gratitude is the shortest lived human emotion there is! When your handing over your hard earned cash to help a friend in need they are so greatful and thankful to you for your help, as soon as it comes time to pay that money back then you are the w*nker they owe money to and are to be avoided as much as possible, screening your calls and ghosting you. This is why your friend is throwing his soother out of the Pram for requesting putting the agreement on a legal footing, you weren't going to get that money back on your terms, if at all. Once in my life I wasn't going to be able to meet my monthly outgoings of mortgage and bills, I felt secure in my knowledge that after all the interest free loans into the thousands I had given my friends that one of them would help me through. As humiliating as it was I humbled myself to ask them for help - not one of them would help me out with even 100 Euro for food. This is because they were perpetual borrowers. They had their nights out and their own things to pay for and I had a choice between paying the mortgage or feeding myself. so I paid my mortgage and ate beans and rice for that month and resolved to learn to say no when they came to me with their tales of woe. No good deed goes unpunished op!

Big Bag of Chips

To be honest, if I was stuck, and asked a friend for a fairly substantial amount and had every intention of paying back every penny as soon as possible I'd have no problem signing something. I'd be doing whatever I could to make my friends life easier for loaning me a fairly hefty chunk of money. And I'd be apologising for asking them.

Yes, it's an awkward situation (I'd find it very difficult to bring it up if I was the lender!) But I would absolutely respect their right to ask me if they were taking me out of a hole by doing such a huge favour.

His reaction tells you all you need to know. You weren't going to see that money for a very long time... If ever!

dubstarr

The way he reacted would ring alarm bells for me.Plus he cut you off,you would be mad to lend him money.Hes a chancer who doesnt see you as a friend but a cash cow.

No way would i lend it now.

Parchment

I might be in the minority but I loaned a decent sum to a long term friend a few years ago. He was totally stuck and I had the money to give - he gave me a written promise to pay me back...and he did, right away!

We are still very close friends. I do have friends I would not loan money to - but I knew I could trust him. The fact that you are questioning it maybe means you have reasons to think its not a good idea.

It felt great to be able to help my friend out in that moment of need.

Augme

Personally I'd be fairly insulted if a friend asked me to sign a written agreement, especially for a couple of hundred euro. It basically means "I don't trust you to pay me back." If a friend told me they didn't trust me, I wouldn't want to be their friend.

As for protecting yourself, there's nothing you can do. A written agreement is a waste of time. Are you really going to bother taking him to court for a few hundred euro?

HanaleiJ5N

Augme wrote: »

Personally I'd be fairly insulted if a friend asked me to sign a written agreement, especially for a couple of hundred euro. It basically means "I don't trust you to pay me back." If a friend told me they didn't trust me, I wouldn't want to be their friend.

As for protecting yourself, there's nothing you can do. A written agreement is a waste of time. Are you really going to bother taking him to court for a few hundred euro?

No, if someone found that insulting, it basically exposes that the request of a loan was never a request in the first place, it was a demand, (give me money on my terms or we're no longer friends.....) a person going cap in hand to anyone, be it a bank, a relative or a friend, is not entitled to set out the terms of the agreement. If a person wants the money, they accept the terms of the lender, can't have the cake and eat it too....

MartyMcFly84

For most people it is not easy to ask for loan of money. If a friend of mine asked me I would know because he/she is in a difficult position and needed it.

In my younger days was not in a great position and a friend sorted me out with a place to stay, food and took me out for beers for close to a month. He was a bar man, he not rich at all, just a nice fella. I will never forget his kindness to this day. I did manage to pay him back years later, When I heard things were not going well for him recently, I was in a position to stick a few hundred in his account. I like to pass on the same if I am in a position to.

My final thought would be to loan what you can, and as someone said what you can "afford to loose" in case you might not get it back for a while if ever.

Augme

HanaleiJ5N wrote: »

No, if someone found that insulting, it basically exposes that the request of a loan was never a request in the first place, it was a demand, (give me money on my terms or we're no longer friends.....) a person going cap in hand to anyone, be it a bank, a relative or a friend, is not entitled to set out the terms of the agreement. If a person wants the money, they accept the terms of the lender, can't have the cake and eat it too....

It was a request. It's one you can either accept or refuse. I'd much prefer someone to flatly refuse rather than put some written agreement on it. At least then I'd admire the honesty that you don't think I'd pay it. As the OP friend showed, you don't actually have to accept the terms of the lender if you think they are ridiculous.

Also OP, it's worth pointing out that I'm fairly certain none of the people I would call friends would ask me to sign an agreement or even have any doubts about me paying it back and I'd be the same with them. Maybe a good time to re-evaluate your definition of friends.