Nobody wants to hangout with you any more when you're pregnant

catrionanic

Has anyone else noticed that?

I'm the first of my group of friends to get pregnant. Before pregnancy, I had a really good social life and felt that I had a good circle of friends. Since getting pregnant, weeks and weeks will pass without seeing some of my previously closest friends, who I used to see every few days.

Not drinking and not really being able to get out for walks due to SPD has left me feeling really isolated now as a result. It's ok for my husband as he can still go out on nights out, but not me.

spottybananas

That's a friends issue, not a pregnancy issue. When the first of my friend's got pregnant nothing changed, are you particularly young (early/mid twenties) and they're all still in party mode?

You could look up local mum and baby groups and breastfeeding ones if you plan on that, pregnant women are always welcome at them. A lot of people have made great friends on facebook "Due in..." whatever month groups, I was never on any but know lots who were.

If it helps I have made more friends in the town I live in in the year since my son was born than in five years there before that, parenting groups are great! And pregnancy yoga/pilates classes too.

fits

Well i was living abroad before i got pregnant and so was a bit disconnnected from the social life here anyway. But i find my friends have been great as it is very difficult for me to even leave the house now. I had two callers this week, (one single, one just had a baby). Maybe you could think of different ways to see your friends eg invite them over for some food?

missjuly

Is it maybe that there are social events within your group of friends and due to being pregnant your not going to them so therefore not seeing them as much? I just mention this because I was and still am the first of my friend group to have a baby and that is my situation. It is kind of like we have different priorities.Though I do make the effort when I can don't get me wrong. I found it hard sometimes with friends who don't have kids cause they don't get it and are in a total different phase ( which I get sure I was the same myself before).But I really enjoy meeting up and having the laughs with them and some of them that I'd be close are good at visiting. But you should make sure you are keeping in touch too. Alot of people say that when you have children you can loose friends it seems to be a theme. Sorry for the waffly post I suppose I just want to say I get where your coming from its common but that try make the effort with them meet up fill them in on how your feeling about pregnancy try have a laugh. You could invite them round to yours for tea and cake or lunch. People get wrapped up their own lives its not personal alot of the time. When the baby comes you will be very wrapped up ha! Also there are loads of baby and toddler groups for when baby comes. Best of luck with your pregnancy

wuffly

Are you not able to attend things they are orgnaising or are you not being invited? Could you organise something that suits you? They probably don't even realise what they are doing. I live abroad and I have been really lucky that my friendships have changed for the better since i got pregnant had my son, i was the last of my group so I felt what you are feeling in reverse often got left out of things because ' you don't have kids you wouldn't be interested' which was fine but would have been nice to be asked. 4 of us got pregnant close together and 3 of us wouldn't be particularly close but its helped soooo much! I would do as another poster suggested and try to get to a bumps and babies group and find people on the same page as you. At least some of your friends will have kids in the future and things will shift in the other direction. With my friends at home not a lot of them have kids, so I moderate how much I talk about pregnancy baby etc... and let them ask before i mention it. Some ignore him and we still just chat about politics and work etc.. others are interested and looking for photos. I don't mind either to be honest, might be different if I was at home. We are all at different stages.
I had spd from about 20wks so I feel your pain, are you doing physio? do you have the support belt? i hated not being able to walk, have you tried swimming?
Best of luck with your pregnancy x

catrionanic

I think most of the problem is that almost all socialising done in our group of friends is in town in bars on Saturday nights! Or else going for walks in the Phoenix park or hitting the gym in attempts to feel better about ourselves. 8
I can't do either of those things now, so they go out without me. Almost all of my friends are single so they like going out in town and meeting men. Sitting in on a Saturday night watching films and eating takeaways wouldn't appeal to them in the slightest.

I could make more effort myself too, though. I'm exhausted all the time in the third trimester now, and between getting the house ready for baby, hospital appointments/antenatal classes/shopping for essentials/trying to spend time with my husband and family, I don't have a lot of time left after work or on days off ! I'm gonna text a few of them now suggesting a cinema trip or going out for dinner mid-week... as I know that asking them to sacrifice their Saturday night out to hang out with a pregnant person is a high price!

stickybean

Catriona I could have written your post! I am the same. Most of my friends are at a different stage of their lives, out on the man hunt and at the gym. The majority of our socializing was done in a bar or a gym... but the one great thing that has come out of it, was the people who really care have stuck by me and come to visit or do lunch or more pregnancy friendly options

Hopeful2016

stickybean wrote: »

Catriona I could have written your post! I am the same. Most of my friends are at a different stage of their lives, out on the man hunt and at the gym. The majority of our socializing was done in a bar or a gym... but the one great thing that has come out of it, was the people who really care have stuck by me and come to visit or do lunch or more pregnancy friendly options

I have to say it's a bit much to say the ones who care have 'stuck' by you. You're pregnant not terminally ill. People have busy lives and if they want to spend whatever free time they have in the gym or at the pub the next that's their business and they shouldn't be made to feel guilty about it and it probably doesn't mean they don't care. Personally I find that pregnant people and parents can be very self indulgent, yes your pregnancy or your child is the centre of your universe but other people have more pressing concerns and as you're not the first pregnant person they've met, they probably think you're ok unless you express otherwise.

As the op has said above, if you're feeling left out you probably need to take the initiative and organise something yourself that isn't competing with their fitness regimen or their nights out.

missjuly

catrionanic wrote: »

I think most of the problem is that almost all socialising done in our group of friends is in town in bars on Saturday nights! Or else going for walks in the Phoenix park or hitting the gym in attempts to feel better about ourselves. 8
I can't do either of those things now, so they go out without me. Almost all of my friends are single so they like going out in town and meeting men. Sitting in on a Saturday night watching films and eating takeaways wouldn't appeal to them in the slightest.

I could make more effort myself too, though. I'm exhausted all the time in the third trimester now, and between getting the house ready for baby, hospital appointments/antenatal classes/shopping for essentials/trying to spend time with my husband and family, I don't have a lot of time left after work or on days off ! I'm gonna text a few of them now suggesting a cinema trip or going out for dinner mid-week... as I know that asking them to sacrifice their Saturday night out to hang out with a pregnant person is a high price!

I am in pretty much the same position except it is two years on as such. I think what your saying is a good idea!! I feel odd about not seeing them much either and sometimes feel left out when they do group activities if I can't go.But I have just accepted the dynamic is slightly changed and my priorities are different than theres. But that doesn't mean you can't still meet up with them and have a laugh and have a few heart to hearts too. Also I bet they don't even realise they are probably thinking your the lucky and busy one preparing the exciting arrival ðŸ˜႒. You will be so wrapped up When baby comes you will be the one with no time for them ha. Then when you do meet up you will really enjoy it.When my DD was a baby I was just delighted to get to go out to the cinema with my husband was a real treat ha!

Beanybabog

You can still go out if you're not drinking. I've been to plenty of parties and pubs, fair enough I leave earlier than usual but you're not Missing out if you go! I think it means a lot to friends too when you're not skipping their birthday or whatever just because you're pregnant

chillin117

You wont be chatted up in clubs and bars when pregnant, But you really should rest up and take care of yourself and less of the hanging out. I wish you well.

s4uv3

chillin117 wrote: »

You wont be chatted up in clubs and bars when pregnant, But you really should rest up and take care of yourself and less of the hanging out. I wish you well.

Why less hanging out?

wuffly

If the OP has SPD standing around in a pub even for a small while could be very painful and I know myself I hated being that pain in the ass that needed a seat. Not usually an option in places where you friends are hoping to pull. Like you said OP a mid week dinner or cinema date sounds like the best for you and your friends and I'm sure for a special occasion you could pop out for a bit. For Saturday nights you could do an early bird dinner with your friends before they head out? Or Saturday/Sunday Lunch/brunch? I kind of enjoyed hearing the craic minus the hangover!
Re the not getting chatted up, its surprising what people can miss when they are out for the night especially in a crowded bar! :eek:

catrionanic

Yeah the SPD does make standing difficult. I also have low blood pressure so feel faint if I'm standing for more than just a few minutes (luas journeys at rush hour are horrific!)

I know I could still go to a pub and sit down, but I actually feel a bit scared in pubs as they are always so busy and you've to push past people etc - I'm always worried about someone banging into my bump!

Stealthfins

I don't mean to be negative.
Who needs friends like that?

GreenFolder2

Male here and have a good few female friends some of whom are married (to men in most but not all cases), some are single mums, and so on.

It never crossed my mind to change anything when they were pregnant, other than not going for pints for health reasons!

Nothing changed really although after they had kids they obviously have a slightly more complicated personal lives but, that's just being a parent and hitting your 30s and 40s generally. It's just a life stage.

I certainly wasn't suddenly put off by any of it. Big group or us still hang out.

Maybe you need to focus on different friends ?! Sounds like you might be hanging out with people who just want wild partying and drinking... Life changes and we grow up and become a bit more sophisticated...