Starting to feel attracted to others....

LegacyUser

Hi long time boards.ie poster here , for the first time in 2 years I have friends again work friends , started in a office and well I enjoy it , I am in a relationship for the last 4 years and have a toddler with my boyfriend . we have had a few rocky times , with him being physically abusive and verbally, I am the main earner now and he is the stay at home dad before it was the opposite way , were he would come home from work after a long day and run straight out the door giving me no help or hand everyday while whinging that the house would be a mess....

things have changed , when I come home from work i mind our toddler and leave him go out to friend s or training , I am starting to realise i feel like his mother more than a girlfriend , he will never go on dates , or do anything with me , I do get on with him but when he says I love you to me lately I just don't feel it ....

I go to work and have a good laugh everyday , and even though I am in a relationship , I start fantasising about other men . I feel terrible about it and don't know what to do ,

few weeks ago I went on a night out with friends from work and my boyfriend met up with me a hour later into the night , he drank too much but obviously didn't like me talking to my friends and proceded to scream abuse and start hitting my legs and pushing me he rarely does drink , but I think that was my breaking point and I don't like him since

Foresty

Don't fecking cheat on him anyway. You got abit of attention in your new job and you're already off out the door. God I've seen so much of that the last few years. Disgusting carry on.

Thats a real rut you've let develop.

You shouldn't have had to, but then you knew what you were getting into --> Did you sit him down and tell him this stuff years ago, cleaning/do you look to go on dates and go places? Or is he meant to be physic?

He obviously doesn't trust you and with good reason after what you just wrote.

Time to move on anyway for you.

daisybelle2008

Hitting your legs and screaming abuse at you? Jesus OP, that's disgusting no wonder you don't like him. Not to mention it really doesn't sound like any sort of a decent relationship. Decide what you want from the relationship and give him an ultimatum that is conditional on things improving drastically or show him the door.

FortySeven

Let's seperate these issues.

Not wanting to go on dates after spending a day looking after kids. Completely understandable.

Finding new people attractive in a new situation. Completely understandable.

Using physical violence? Never acceptable.

You need to look at your relationship, not the guys in your office.

Work out what YOU want to do and what is best for your child before you even contemplate looking elsewhere or you are adding a level of complexity you really don't need right now.

eviltwin

I think when your home life is so miserable its only natural you're going to find yourself fantasizing about other men. It sounds like a horrible relationship. I'm sure being at home with a toddler is not easy for him either but physical and verbal abuse is crossing an unacceptable line. He has a history of being violent, for your sanity and the safety of yourself and your child you need to get out.

leggo

Foresty wrote: »

Don't fecking cheat on him anyway. You got abit of attention in your new job and you're already off out the door. God I've seen so much of that the last few years. Disgusting carry on.

Thats a real rut you've let develop.

You shouldn't have had to, but then you knew what you were getting into --> Did you sit him down and tell him this stuff years ago, cleaning/do you look to go on dates and go places? Or is he meant to be physic?

He obviously doesn't trust you and with good reason after what you just wrote.

Time to move on anyway for you.

Horrible piece of victim blaming here. She's after telling you she's in a physically abusive relationship, you reacted to that by:

- Saying it's disgusting that she was flattered by attention. People get flattered by attention the whole time and regularly wonder "what if?" if they're in an unhappy relationship as is. It's totally natural.

- Said she's 'let' a rut develop, as if her boyfriend played no part in this.

- Asked is her bf meant to be psychic. Do you find it that hard to believe a partner would know that hitting their girlfriend is wrong? Is that a challenge?

- Then you blamed the OP for being untrustworthy when she's done nothing wrong.

Awful form. Maybe examine your own attitude towards relationships before trying to advise others. Genuinely shocked at your lax attitude towards domestic violence.

Clampdown

Foresty wrote: »

Don't fecking cheat on him anyway. You got abit of attention in your new job and you're already off out the door. God I've seen so much of that the last few years. Disgusting carry on.

Thats a real rut you've let develop.

You shouldn't have had to, but then you knew what you were getting into --> Did you sit him down and tell him this stuff years ago, cleaning/do you look to go on dates and go places? Or is he meant to be physic?

He obviously doesn't trust you and with good reason after what you just wrote.

Time to move on anyway for you.

Actually, your post is disgusting. It sounds like something that would come out of Donald Trump's mouth. 'A real rut you've let develop'? Seriously??
I'm not psychic either but I know that if I'm not working and my partner is, that I need to help out with the housework, and that she would enjoy going on dates.

OP, forget about the being attracted to other guys part, you're in a relationship with someone whose behaviour is neglectful on a good day and abusive on a bad day. How can you live like that? You have a child to raise who doesn't want to grow up seeing his Mom verbally and physically abused. You need to get away from him first of all. But it should be because you want a safer, better environment for you and your child, not just because you fancy other guys (which is natural for someone neglected but not the priority right now)

Could you go to your parents or another family member or friends house to stay? Because his behaviour is very worrying. Physical abuse rarely stops once it starts, to the contrary it usually increases in frequency and severity.

I know there's a child involved but my father was abusive to my mother and getting away from him was the best thing she could have done for our family despite the financial hardship that came with being a single mom. We didn't have to be afraid any more.

silverbolt

Foresty wrote: »

Don't fecking cheat on him anyway. You got abit of attention in your new job and you're already off out the door. God I've seen so much of that the last few years. Disgusting carry on.

Thats a real rut you've let develop.

You shouldn't have had to, but then you knew what you were getting into --> Did you sit him down and tell him this stuff years ago, cleaning/do you look to go on dates and go places? Or is he meant to be physic?

He obviously doesn't trust you and with good reason after what you just wrote.

Time to move on anyway for you.

Ahh victim blaming with a side dish of bitterness.

I'm guessing youve been cheated on.

Now if the OP had just said she was looking at other men and looking to cheat I would fully appreciate your sentiment.

But this is a woman who is an abusive relationship that is now so bad her abuser attacks her in public.

OP - I'd advise against cheating always. But i would advise you get out of this relationship. I know you have a child but either way this is not healthy for you or your child

Estrellita

Forget fancying other men here for a minute. Why have you stayed with a physically and verbally abusive man? Just because he's the father of your child, what makes you think staying with him was the right thing? Do you think it's the right environment for your child to grow up around?

How do you think this will play out if he finds out you've cheated on him? He has zero respect for you. He might claim he loves you, but real love doesn't include physical and mental abuse.

Forget other men for now, and start a new life of your own with just you and your child. Don't waste over a decade of your life on a tosser like I did. I have children for him that made me stay, my younger self accepted him as my lot. My children ended up being the catalyst that made me end it. They shouldn't have to witness their father treating their mother like s.hit. Your child is counting on you to have the balls to do the right thing for you both. End it now.

I'm now with an amazing, loving, respectful man and we are expecting a baby. Start your new life immediately.

Foresty

Foresty wrote: »

Don't fecking cheat on him anyway. You got abit of attention in your new job and you're already off out the door. God I've seen so much of that the last few years. Disgusting carry on.

Thats a real rut you've let develop.

You shouldn't have had to, but then you knew what you were getting into --> Did you sit him down and tell him this stuff years ago, cleaning/do you look to go on dates and go places? Or is he meant to be physic?

He obviously doesn't trust you and with good reason after what you just wrote.

Time to move on anyway for you.

What is wrong with you?

OP, please completely disregard the above post. You are not in a rut, you are in an abusive relationship and, from the tone of your post, you don't even realise it.

This is the first time in two years that you have had friends so I think that you are starting to see what a different life could be like and I sincerely hope you see more of this other life and decide to have it for yourself.

You're concerned that you don't love/like him, but it is perfectly normal to feel that way about someone who treats you so badly. In fact, this is great news for you since the main reason people stay with abusive partners is that they can't separate the abuse from the love they feel for them.

You are financially independent now, so you are in a better position than ever to separate from this selfish bully. Please have a long hard think about your options and talk to someone you can trust who can help you decide your next step.

SusieBlue

leggo wrote: »

Horrible piece of victim blaming here. She's after telling you she's in a physically abusive relationship, you reacted to that by:

- Saying it's disgusting that she was flattered by attention. People get flattered by attention the whole time and regularly wonder "what if?" if they're in an unhappy relationship as is. It's totally natural.

- Said she's 'let' a rut develop, as if her boyfriend played no part in this.

- Asked is her bf meant to be psychic. Do you find it that hard to believe a partner would know that hitting their girlfriend is wrong? Is that a challenge?

- Then you blamed the OP for being untrustworthy when she's done nothing wrong.

Awful form. Maybe examine your own attitude towards relationships before trying to advise others. Genuinely shocked at your lax attitude towards domestic violence.

I second all of this. Disgusting, unhelpful reply from that poster. Talk about missing the point entirely.

Emme

Foresty wrote: »

Don't fecking cheat on him anyway. You got abit of attention in your new job and you're already off out the door. God I've seen so much of that the last few years. Disgusting carry on.

Thats a real rut you've let develop.

You shouldn't have had to, but then you knew what you were getting into --> Did you sit him down and tell him this stuff years ago, cleaning/do you look to go on dates and go places? Or is he meant to be physic?

He obviously doesn't trust you and with good reason after what you just wrote.

Time to move on anyway for you.

Did you read the OP's post fully. He is PHYSICALLY AND VERBALLY ABUSIVE and this job is the first bit of independence she has had in years. She should build on this and leave him because he hit her after a recent night out with friends.

Jerome77

Run.

It will only get worse

BetsyEllen

Foresty wrote: »

Don't fecking cheat on him anyway. You got abit of attention in your new job and you're already off out the door. God I've seen so much of that the last few years. Disgusting carry on.

Thats a real rut you've let develop.

You shouldn't have had to, but then you knew what you were getting into --> Did you sit him down and tell him this stuff years ago, cleaning/do you look to go on dates and go places? Or is he meant to be physic?

He obviously doesn't trust you and with good reason after what you just wrote.

Time to move on anyway for you.

I had to read your post a couple of times to make I was seeing correctly.

The only DISGUSTING part of this is the physical violence.
And your comments.
I'm so annoyed by what you've written, what an absolute tosser you are.

OP - get out of this relationship. If there was no violence I wouldn't suggest this straight out, especially with a child involved.
But as soon as a hand is raised it's time to run for the hills no matter the circumstances.
Feeling attracted to new people is very common by the way, even whilst in the happiest of relationships - it's human nature so please ignore silly comments like those from Foresty.

Merkin

Foresty wrote: »

Don't fecking cheat on him anyway. You got abit of attention in your new job and you're already off out the door. God I've seen so much of that the last few years. Disgusting carry on.

Thats a real rut you've let develop.

You shouldn't have had to, but then you knew what you were getting into --> Did you sit him down and tell him this stuff years ago, cleaning/do you look to go on dates and go places? Or is he meant to be physic?

He obviously doesn't trust you and with good reason after what you just wrote.

Time to move on anyway for you.

Rude, unhelpful, ignorant, dismissive and judgmental posts like this simply won't be tolerated here. I've had a look at some of your other posts and they leave a lot to be desired. Go and read the charter and kindly take note of what our basic expectations are here. If you are unable or unwilling to comply simply don't post within the forum again.