Pretending to be dead to avoid meeting someone

Akrasia

Right, so my brother in law is 22 years old (I'll call him Tom, to preserve his identity) and he was unemployed and living at home and getting stuck in a real rut. He's a lovely guy but doesn't have much confidence and his social skills are limited to being really popular with his friends on xbox live.

His family have been worried about him and encouraging him to go travelling and get some life experience, so we were all delighted when he told us he had applied for an Australian working visa. He told us that one of his friends from xbox lived in Australia and he knew her for a year, talked to her every day and she offered to let him stay at her house for a while and to show him around and help him get a job.

It took him months to get the visa sorted, in August, he booked his flights, everything seemed to be going grand. We arranged a going away party for the Saturday before he was due to fly out (flying on the Monday)

On the morning of the party, his mother called me and told me to go to the house, that the girl he was supposed to be staying with was dead and Tom was very upset.

Basically, very early on Saturday morning, there was a message sent on xbox live saying that the woman was dead, and later he got a whatsapp message pretending to be from this woman's mother saying that she had been in a car that was hit by a truck and died at the scene.

Needless to say, Tom was in shock, he completely believed that his friend was dead and now all his plans were totally ruined and he didn't know what he was going to do.

He got another message from the australian 'mother' who said that actually, the girl isn't dead, she was revived in the ambulance, but she's in critical condition and it doesn't look good.

When I heard this, the first thing I thought to do, was to google for news reports from the area to find out if the accident really happened and if there is an update on her condition.

There were no car accidents anywhere near the town she said she lived in. My wife called the local police station to double check, the cop said there were no accidents or serious injuries in the last few days.

Ok, so it's now completely obvious what has happened. This woman has pretended to be dead to stop Tom from coming to see her.Tom is a little bit over trusting, and he is really upset thinking that his friend is terminally sick, or might be permanently injured, so we tell him that we called the police and they say the accident never happened. His reaction is total relief. He is relieved that his friend isn't dead or hurt. The penny hasn't dropped yet that she lied to him to stop him from visiting, but after a while it does, and we ask him to send another message to the girls 'mother' asking for an update and to know which 'hospital' she is in so Tom can keep up to date with her condition.

The 'mother' gets a bit evasive and now the story gets really nasty, she starts to ask Tom if she knew that the girl was drinking before the crash and tried to blame Tom for not stopping her from driving while drunk and causing the crash. (Tom had been talking to her just before the alleged accident happened)

We try to convince Tom that this person is just trying to cover up for her lies and that she can't be trusted, but he keeps talking to her. Long story slightly shorter, she ends up making up a ridiculous story about how an ex boyfriend was released from prison, and got to her house because she found out about Tom and held her prisoner and forced her to tell him that she was dead etc.....

Now to me, it sounds like this woman is probably a 14 year old girl who was playing pretend grown up with Tom, and now that his visit is so close, she's panicking and trying to get herself out of the hole she dug for herself.

Tom has been played for so long, that he actually believes her ridiculous story because he trusts her and doesn't think she would lie to him, and even after all of this, he still wants to fly to meet her. We asked him for the address she gave him, and surprise, surprise, it's an address that doesn't exist. It's dawning on him that she will probably not be at the airport when he lands, but he's going to go anyway and stay at a hostel if she doesn't show up.

He's arriving there today. Hopefully he'll still be able to make the most of his trip, but of all the scummiest things to do to someone, pretending to be dead to avoid meeting someone is up there near the top. The poor guy must have only gotten 2 hours sleep all weekend.

MilesMorales1

Never ever take what people say on the internet like that at face value. Ever. Cat fishing is a real term.

happyoutscan

Sorry, too early for this.

suicide_circus

Tom needs to stand on his own two feet and not rely on charity from anonymous weirdos in xbox live.

EndaHonesty

Tom sounds like he shouldn't be going anywhere on his own.

Especially not fecking Australia to meet an xbox buddy!

CINCLANTFLT

EndaHonesty wrote: »

Tom sounds like he shouldn't be going anywhere on his own.

Especially not fecking Australia to meet an xbox buddy!

Tell him to keep an eye out for the Wallet Inspector...

timmy880

Had they ever skyped or face timed? I assume not....

That would have been the first question I would have asked when all this "my friend told me I can stay in Australia" business started... You said yourself Tom was too trusting.. And if her story is somehow miraculously true, you've let him go over to some girl who was being held prisoner by her ex-boyfriend??? I mean... How can the family still let him go there?? Its ok hoping someone finds independence but this is not the way to encourage it.

This whole trip should have been cancelled. I hope he will be safe when he arrives but for a 22 year old meeting either a catfish or somebody with a psychotic ex in a new country I'd be very worried. He seems very vulnerable. I hope everything works out ok for him and that he finds the independence (safely) that he wants.

El_Duderino 09

Tom sounds a bit... Simple.

Going to Australia is a big step. A spell in the real world might knock some sense into him. It might take a few knocks to begin to work though.

jayobray

Hopefully she doesn't show up, and he has a great time. Happened to a friend of mine years ago, lived a very sheltered simple life but moved abroad for a year and came back a more rounded and happy guy with more confidence. The independence was what he needed to mature. Good luck Tom!

Poor Uncle Tom

...and so the adventure begins....

idnkph

I don't think Tom should be let out to the local shop on his own.
But there in lies the problem. I'd safely say he was mollycoddled his whole life. Mammy probably did everything for him and gave him all the screen time he wanted so now he is socially inept because of not having to live in the real world and meet real people etc.
Salt this is happening all over the world where youngsters are developing relationships on the web and not actually having to develop the skills on how to be around people and develop their cop-on skills.
This story is living proof of it.

Akrasia

timmy880 wrote: »

Had they ever skyped or face timed? I assume not....

Nope, just voice chats on xbox live. She also 'doesn't do facebook' so he hasn't got any facebook page for her.

That would have been the first question I would have asked when all this "my friend told me I can stay in Australia" business started... You said yourself Tom was too trusting.. And if her story is somehow miraculously true, you've let him go over to some girl who was being held prisoner by her ex-boyfriend??? I mean... How can the family still let him go there?? Its ok hoping someone finds independence but this is not the way to encourage it.

Its blatantly obvious that this girl isn't going to meet him at the airport so we gave him the address of a nice hostel. He has enough money to travel around for a while and get a return flight even if he never gets a job. His choice was to either sit at home and dwell on how he was betrayed by his friend, or try and make the most of his trip

This whole trip should have been cancelled. I hope he will be safe when he arrives but for a 22 year old meeting either a catfish or somebody with a psychotic ex in a new country I'd be very worried. He seems very vulnerable. I hope everything works out ok for him and that he finds the independence (safely) that he wants.

I expect him to be home in a month, but you never know, it might be the best thing he's ever done.

Merkin

Best thing that could have happened to him tbh. He's 22 so really shouldn't be as gullible to base a trip like this on some discourse with some random interweb mentalist.

suicide_circus

He'll end up in a pit putting the lotion on his skin in no time if carries on like that

The flying mouse

Bit extreme to say your dead or nearly dead just to advoid someone,Tom doesn't sound the best sort of lad to be going thousands of miles on his own to Australia,and to be fair the people he was going to don't seem the brithest either.

Send him on his own to Galway for a week n see how he gets on there...

Utah

Tim Tom nice but dim

BrokenArrows

Akrasia wrote: »

Nope, just voice chats on xbox live. She also 'doesn't do facebook' so he hasn't got any facebook page for her.


Its blatantly obvious that this girl isn't going to meet him at the airport so we gave him the address of a nice hostel. He has enough money to travel around for a while and get a return flight even if he never gets a job. His choice was to either sit at home and dwell on how he was betrayed by his friend, or try and make the most of his trip


I expect him to be home in a month, but you never know, it might be the best thing he's ever done.

A bit mental that he even considered flying to the other side of the world to meet someone who he has never seen (even on video). This is when the rule Pics or GTFO truly applies. haha.

Still hopefully he manages to fall into a good group in the hostel, but hostels require a bit of social skills to make friends.

Edit: I hope he has gone there expecting NOT to meet her and isnt still hoping.

StanleyOllie

This is one for the Catfish show. Sounds very like one of their stories. Seems a lot of people fall for it. Hopefully the trip and life experience of this incident will help him mature and take responsibility for his own life.

cml387

Like an episode of Dark Mirror, a program which is rapidly turning into a documentary series.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Catfish tho. Get Nev on it.
Also, tom sounds too naieve to be let out anywhere by himself, much less going to Australia.

El_Duderino 09

idnkph wrote:

I don't think Tom should be let out to the local shop on his own. But there in lies the problem. I'd safely say he was mollycoddled his whole life. Mammy probably did everything for him and gave him all the screen time he wanted so now he is socially inept because of not having to live in the real world and meet real people etc.

If he's like this because he's been mollycoddled, then not letting him go to the shop will only add to the problem.

A few weeks of thinking for himself, where to sleep, what to eat, how to wash his clothes, make friends and earn enough money to do those things. That will either sort him out or else it would be worth finding out if he's got a learning disability.

CPSW

Hopefully as he is too trusting as you say, he won't be taken advantage of even more on his travels.
This trip will hopefully be the making of the man and he will come back a different person.

BrokenArrows

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

If he's like this because he's been mollycoddled, then not letting him go to the shop will only add to the problem.

A few weeks of thinking for himself, where to sleep, what to eat, how to wash his clothes, make friends and earn enough money to do those things. That will either sort him out or else it would be worth finding out if he's got a learning disability.

I agree, sometimes people just need to be thrown into the deep end. Exposure to the real world where mummy isn't taking care of their every need.

I have one or two mates who still live at home in their 30's and there is a significant difference between them and others of the same age. Just lacking independence and maturity.

Akrasia

Ok, so he's arrived in Australia.The last contact we had with him was in Sydney Airport and unbelievably, he said that he has spoken to the Australian girl, (Mel) and that she was already waiting at the airport for him. (he has one more regional flight to take to get to her town).

He should have arrived at that airport about 5 hours ago

We haven't heard from him since and his phone isn't ringing.

We sent him some credit so he should be able to receive calls

On a scale of 1 -10, how worried should we be?

The Backwards Man

I think Tom is stringing ye all along because ye are such a shower of nosy bastards interfering in every aspect of his life.

Go on Tom, ya boy ya!

HensVassal

When he meets a few drunk Aussie sheilas who sexually molest him, that'll make a man out of him.

FrancieBrady

It could all work out yet! Embrace your inner romantic.

https://www.facebook.com/Storyful/videos/10154226752728541/

PARlance

My biggest worry would be that Mel might not be a Shiela.

Rhyme

PARlance wrote: »

My biggest worry would be that Mel might not be a Shiela.

Gibson.

...it's the right part of the world.

Akrasia

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I think Tom is stringing ye all along because ye are such a shower of nosy bastards interfering in every aspect of his life.

Go on Tom, ya boy ya!

I think we did the opposite of interfering, he planned all this himself, nobody tried to stop him. He's a grown adult, he makes his own choices. We presumed that she was a real friend, he talked to her every day for a year and all she was going to do was let him stay with her for a few weeks until he found somewhere for himself, it's not totally unusual for a friend to crash at someone else's place for a while when they're travelling

We only got involved at all when she told him she was dead and he was in shock and didn't know what to do.

Akrasia

PARlance wrote: »

My biggest worry would be that Mel might not be a Shiela.

They spoke hundreds of times by voice chat, she's definitely a female. How old she is, or if anything else that she said is true, we don't know.
(edit)
Actually, given gender politics these days.. the closest we can say is that she definitely sounded female.

sbsquarepants

"Tom" shouldn't be allowed go to the shops by himself, let alone the far side of the world!

Seriously, who thought it would end well sending this guy to stand on his own two feet on another continent?:eek:

Rikand

sbsquarepants wrote: »

"Tom" shouldn't be allowed go to the shops by himself, let alone the far side of the world!

Seriously, who thought it would end well sending this guy to stand on his own two feet on another continent?:eek:

It might still end well !

His "flight" landed 5 hours ago. Which would have been 4am here. Maybe he didn't want to contact anyone that hour of the morning

Mr. CooL ICE

sbsquarepants wrote: »

"Tom" shouldn't be allowed go to the shops by himself, let alone the far side of the world!

Seriously, who thought it would end well sending this guy to stand on his own two feet on another continent?:eek:

Not only another continent, but a continent that is constantly trying to kill him.

Winterlong

Tom probably needs to get away from home and develop skills away from the xbox for a bit. It may well be the making of the lad.

But he should be aware that there are snakes and large spiders in Australia. And Home and Away.

Boom_Bap

Tom is going to wake up in an ice bath with some lovely new go faster stripes scars minus a couple of organs.

sjb25

As long as tom remembers this he will be fine

diomed

I used MicroSoft Word to autosummarise the opening post

This woman has pretended to be dead to stop Tom from coming to see her.
Tom is a little bit over trusting, and he is really upset thinking that his friend is terminally sick, or might be permanently injured,
so we tell him that we called the police and they say the accident never happened.
Tom had been talking to her just before the alleged accident happened.

Wanderer78

Has Tom some form of autism?

Akrasia

Wanderer78 wrote: »

Has Tom some form of autism?

I don't think so. He's a shy person without that much confidence who is terrified to get outside of his comfort zone. The only reason he planned to go to Australia is because Mel offered to help him get settled in, he never would have gone otherwise.

He's good natured but naive. He's never going to learn anything about the world by staying in his room at his mothers house. Hopefully yer one isn't an actual axe murderer, and is just an immature person who panicked and said some stupid stuff...

Wanderer78

Akrasia wrote:

I don't think so. He's a shy person without that much confidence who is terrified to get outside of his comfort zone. The only reason he planned to go to Australia is because Mel offered to help him get settled in, he never would have gone otherwise.

I could be completely off the mark here and Ive very limited knowledge of these things, but I suspect Tom could have Aspergers and/or could be dealing with some sort of mental health issues. If this is true, I wouldn't worry too much about it as its reasonably common but must be dealt with accordingly. Best of luck with it

Star_Nupa

It's kind of like that movie 'The Wizard'. Except with an Xbox instead of Nintendo and a trip to Australia instead of Los Angeles.

evolving_doors

He'll be grand, best thing he could do is meet up with others and not get stuck in with yer wan until all his money is gone. His priority now should be to pick up a job (any job... legal job of course!).

Fair play to him though. He's a success already, it's easy to get stuck in a rut at home (particularly if he's good at xbox games!).

Really encourage him to stay moving and meet people. Otherwise he'd be like folk I know who went to Australia, met the mates who owned an Irish bar, stayed there until their visa ran out. So really apart from doing the odd day trip they spent most of their time inside an Irish pub, met the odd few Aussies but that was it.

Has he a plan when he comes back? He'll take a while to un-chill out.. tell him to keep an eye out for business ideas while away.

cian68

CINCLANTFLT wrote: »

Tell him to keep an eye out for the Wallet Inspector...

https://pics.onsizzle.com/dollarydoo-inspector-farkkk-cant-believe-that-worked-nave-%F0%9F%98%8E-5113421.png

The Domonator

PC master race.

harry Bailey esq

EndaHonesty wrote: »

Tom sounds like he shouldn't be going anywhere on his own.

Especially not fecking Australia to meet an xbox buddy!

Poor oul tom.That said, he should go anyways,broaden his horizons etc etc. Alf Stewart posts here fairly regularly, and he reliably informed me that they are crying out for ticketed scaffolders in yabbi creek.Failing that, im sure Alf would get poor oul Toms foot in the door somewhere in summer bay and its environs.Alf holds plenty of sway around there,its not what you know its who you know.

scdublin

I really hope it works out for him! Getting away from his family and trying something completely new could be good for him. She does sound like a catfish so I'm surprised she was at the airport, will be interesting to see how that goes.
People are so quick to judge him and you for "allowing" him to go but like you said he's a 22 year old man. He's an adult and can make his own decisions.
Also, I've made so many friends across the world online and have met a lot of them in person. Granted they haven't faked their own death etc but online friendships happen all the time these days.

CPSW

Any word on Tom? This is better than any Ozzie soap opera!

Ragnar Lothbrok

She obviously got cold feet when she realised he was truly coming to Australia. She'd probably have expected him to call it off at the last minute and then they could have continued their on-line friendship in a nice, safe, comfortable way.

It was totally wrong of her to pretend she was dead/seriously injured but that was probably her knee-jerk, thoughtless reaction to try and escape from a situation she wasn't sure of.

Fair play to her for turning up at the airport. I didn't see that coming at all. Although Tom does seem a little innocent to go flying off to the opposite end of the planet on his own, it really could be the makings of him. If it all turns pear-shaped at least he has the funds to return home. Hopefully it will be a positive experience and adventure for him, whether he stays near the girl or moves on to other parts.

Not sure how the OP could have prevented Tom from going, as suggested by some other posters here

Nabber

Tom sounded like he was happy with his situation. So to shake a shy child like lad up you the brother in law, shipped him to AUS with a top up of phone credit, to be with a girl from AUS who plays Xbox, who then got hit by a truck, died was brought back to life, but her mother liaised with you guys and put blame on Timmid Tom for her drinking issues. In this time ail Shy guyTom meets a girl (Mel) in the airport, with a shy 'how you Doin' and potential finger banging on her box, Xbox.

Seems plausible, what's next for Soft Tom?

munster87

Nabber wrote: »

Tom sounded like he was happy with his situation. So to shake a shy child like lad up you the brother in law, shipped him to AUS with a top up of phone credit, to be with a girl from AUS who plays Xbox, who then got hit by a truck, died was brought back to life, but her mother liaised with you guys and put blame on Timmid Tom for her drinking issues. In this time ail Shy guyTom meets a girl (Mel) in the airport, with a shy 'how you Doin' and potential finger banging on her box, Xbox.

Seems plausible, what's next for Soft Tom?

No the whole death and resurrection thing never happened...her ex boyfriend was holding her hostage and forcing her to say those things. Keep up, there could be a long way to go yet