Friends Sticking their Nose In

LegacyUser

Soooooooo college female, final year. Have a few friends in college.

Anyways, I tend to pull a lot of late nights/all nighters in terms of college work, even for a student. I am particulry bad for this at exam time, however this week was bad in that I was given a large assignment some weeks ago whoch took up a large portion of my time, thus causing me to fall bahind in another aspect of my course, therefore in order to catch up on said work I stayed in college till 2.30 am every night except Thursday when I pulled an allnghter.

Anyways I returned home on Friday, I slept on the bus and went to a family event when I arrived and went to bed when I got home and everything has been fine and dandy. However, a bunch of my frineds met up that Friday in our college town, and quite clearly had a conversation about me. Whenever I am on a group chat or send them a snap (i.e a photo message, eg when I won a prize t the family event), they tell me to go to bed or go to sleep, whether it be at 10 am, 3pm, during the family event etc. I joked that they were very concerned about my sleep (I think telling me to go back to bed at 3pm is quite excessive, especially given I got a completley normal nights sleep last night). One of said friends then told me they dont want me end up in hospital from exhaustion and creating medical problems for myself.....

I dont even know how to repsond to this....tbh theyre completley barking up the wrong tree here. Unknown to most of them I had a diagnosed mental health problem last year and I have an unhealthy relationship with food and have gone to some extreme measures over it; the lack of sleep is the least of my worries. Theyre over reacting imo, they seem almost cross at me, and Im not sure how to respond....I just work best at night. I always sleep loads afterwards. I'm not quite sure what to say to them. It all seems like a **** storm in a teacup.

Im not quite sure how to handle this situation. Apologies for the long pointless post.

bee06

Listen to your friends. Pulling all nighters and leaving assignments until the last minute is not healthy especially is you have other health issues going on.

Also, this "you work better at night" stuff is rubbish. What happens when you start working? You'all need to work during the day. The sooner you get used to it the better.

milli milli

Your friends are concerned about you.
My college course (architecture) required crazy hours, all-nighters - not due to bad time management but just excessive workload.
By the time I was finished the course, I was a wreck emotionally and mentally.
I went to the college counsellor due to other problems and she mentioned that lack of sleep tends to make you blow things out of proportion and you lose your reasoning abilities.
Even if you're getting your sleep afterwards, you can't really function properly.
Your friends are making jokes and you seem to be blowing it out of proportion.
As the other poster mentioned if you have other problems, then the lack of sleep isn't going to help.
Maybe see if you can manage your time better? I can understand if you have a workload-heavy course, then it's really hard to get things done in a reasonable time but if it's a case where you're not keeping on top of things, and bad time management, then just look into it.
Bad sleeping habits will only exacerbate any other mental health problems and that's speaking from experience.

Ursus Horribilis

I'm sorry but I agree 100% with your friends. Pulling an all-nighter should be a last resort, not a habit. I pulled one once during my college days and I still get the shudders when I think about the effect it had on me.

You appear to have issues with time management. There are plenty of hours during the day for you to do your study and assignments. What exactly are you doing during these hours?

My guess is that your friends are getting frustrated at your attitude. I wonder is some of your rattiness down to your tiredness? They're not blind. They'll have seen you gain weight and might have an idea that you're having other problems. One of the things that helps people operate at their best is a regular sleep pattern. Yours is all over the place and it's not doing you any good.

As an aside, if you're not capable of having normal nights sleep, how do you expect to manage once you move into the workplace? It's a bad habit and it needs to be knocked on the head.

LegacyUser

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I'm sorry but I agree 100% with your friends. Pulling an all-nighter should be a last resort, not a habit. I pulled one once during my college days and I still get the shudders when I think about the effect it had on me.

You appear to have issues with time management. There are plenty of hours during the day for you to do your study and assignments. What exactly are you doing during these hours?

My guess is that your friends are getting frustrated at your attitude. I wonder is some of your rattiness down to your tiredness? They're not blind. They'll have seen you gain weight and might have an idea that you're having other problems. One of the things that helps people operate at their best is a regular sleep pattern. Yours is all over the place and it's not doing you any good.

As an aside, if you're not capable of having normal nights sleep, how do you expect to manage once you move into the workplace? It's a bad habit and it needs to be knocked on the head.

As an unregistered user I cant quote all replies, it seems some have gotten the wrong end of the stick here.....

But Ill start with a response to yours Ursus,
I am working, constantly, infact when I do go for coffee breaks with my friends it annoys me that theyll go on for hours. Ive had to stop agreeing to going on coffee breaks with some of them as I plan for a half hour break, whilst the other person seems to have a few hours in mind. After I finish my lab work I may hang around for a hour or hour and a half, eat during this time and then head to the library and start doing various assignments, it sounds silly but I just believe Im stupid, however I do like getting good grades so I spend a lot of time on certain things and thats why it takes me so long.

What rattiness? I dont think Im ratty....Im actually a very friendly happy glass half full sort of person.

I havent gained weight. Ive lost weight....but I dont see what that has to do wth anything

My job outside of college requires I work till the early hours of the morining, I do quite fine with minimal sleep imo. " if you're not capable of having normal nights sleep, how do you expect to manage once you move into the workplace?" I am perfectly capable of having a normal nights sleep, and I am quite capable of working on reduced sleep hours too. I actually dont quite understand what youre inferring by ths question....

@bee06, I actually start assignments before other people, or as they atre starting theirs. I am not a last minute sort of person.

@milli milli....they didnt make any joke at all. I tried to make it a joke. For eg on a group chat it was 6 pm and their was a conversation about some of the biscuits a friend baked and I asked whould they mind saving one of them for me to try on monday, "Sleep now", literally every time I have entered the group chat with any comment on anything this has been the reply. Anytime I have snapped anything to any of them, they have snapped go sleep as the reply. Its actually quite infuriating as we havent conversed at all or made a comment on perhaps the thing i was bringing or contribuiting to a conversation. I replied to that 6pm message saying "Youre obsessed with my sleep :P " I was trying to make light of the conversation, and had told them I had got plenty of sleep the night before, and then one of them started on a rant about ending up in hospital.

daithi7

I also agree with your friends. The last poster nailed it imho.

Learn to sleep 7 to 9 hours per night, improve your sleep hygiene (I.e.keep regular, healthy sleeping and wakeful periods), try to exercise and nourish yourself in ways that encourage these good habits (e.g. swimming is great for sleeping, and running & cycling are also good, no caffeine after 1 pm any day , reduce sugar before bedtime, see some sunshine/daylight during the day, ,etc, etc) and learn to manage your time better and do your work in daylight hours. Sorry if that seems a lot of preaching, but chronically bad sleep habits are extremely bad for your physical and mental health, are woefully unsocial and are a recipe for poor performance in work, rest and play. Learn to live well and you should be happier, healthier and more productive too.Good luck.

Fakediamond

Also agree with friends and other posters. Your friends are using jokey comments to express real concerns about your health. You think they don't know about your health issues, they do and are trying to give you support in their own way. Don't be cross with them, they sound like good people, taking the time to care.

Get some healthy routines in your life. What you are describing as your "normal" is actually a chaotic way of living and will undoubtedly be contributing to your health problems.

Big Bag of Chips

abcdefghijklmnOP123 wrote: »

Unknown to most of them I had a diagnosed mental health problem last year and I have an unhealthy relationship with food and have gone to some extreme measures over it; the lack of sleep is the least of my worries.

I'd say the know, or at least suspect more than you think they do. You say "unknown to most of them". Does that mean some of them know? How do you know that the people you told didn't tell someone else out of concern for you?

If you are the only one, always pulling all nighters then of course your other classmates are going to be concerned. If they are in the same position as you course work wise and able to manage it that they get to bed most nights then of course they are going to be concerned that you are working yourself too hard and unnecessarily. You have gotten into a bad habit, and your friends see it. You don't see it though and just see them as interfering. I imagine you will think similarly of the majority of the replies here.

You need to regulate your sleep. For your health, for your concentration and for your own sake! It's October. College is only back a few weeks. How are you going to cope coming up to your final exams? You will burn yourself out and whatever mental health issue you have will be exacerbated. I assume you see a doctor? I assume your doctor advises eat healthy, exercise and proper sleep? Going to bed at 3am isn't proper sleep. Sleeping all day at a weekend after pulling an all nighter isn't proper sleep. There was a study reported on the news during the week about shift workers and how they are more prone to stress and depression due to the hours they keep. Mainly brought about by the lack of control they have over their situation.

It might be worth reading up on it.

intheclouds

In life, if everyone around is telling you the same thing, and you disagree, it usually means they are right and you are wrong.

There should no need to pull all nighters. It's last resort territory.

Do you enjoy the feeling that lack of sleep gives you? It can feel euphoric.

I would strongly suggest you go and describe to your GP what you have described here. Just like any addiction, the addiction to lack of sleep can cause you to lose perspective. See what a medical professional says about it.

If your workload is such that you need to be staying up til 2.30am most nights and all nighters too in October, when college is barely back, then you genuinely need to reconsider your course. Perhaps you're not suited to academia?

unknowngirl!!

I'd rather have friends like this than friends who didn't care at all! There is goodness and kindness in their intentions even if it does feel like they are all against you.

witchgirl26

OP I was one of those type of friends in college and I think they do know about your health issues, even if you haven't specifically told them. They may not know exactly what they are or the extent but if they're friends, they know.

My friend in college was similar to you - pulling all nighters all the time, working loads, not really taking breaks to recharge etc. Same continued when we started working (training contract) and were in college during the week too. She would do long hours work and then stay up all night studying. She always said it was grand and she could catch up on sleep at the weekend/when it wasn't so busy. Fast forward 10 years and she's dealing with some pretty serious health issues as a result of what she was putting her body through during that time. Apparently you can't "catch up" on sleep. If you miss it, that's it. And varying sleeping patterns from 3 hours 5 nights a week to 11 hours for the weekend can be as bad as only getting a few hours every night.

Rest and breaks are as important as studying and grades. And your health trumps all of that.

Please don't be annoyed at your friends. They are trying to look out for you.

Lux23

If you don't leave things to the last minute, why are you pulling all nighters? Are you getting good grades?

Dark Phoenix

I am going to go against the grain here. I think in life part of growing up is realising how you work best. I have an artist friend who cannot work until she is close to a deadline and then she produces her best work under pressure. I am the same, I will procrastinate if I have time but work very well under pressure at last minute even though it might take a lot out of me. years ago I would get berated for it but now I embrace it - you have to work to your strengths and in the way that you perform best. I work for a global company and our CEO is known for gettying up at 5am to go to the gym, he only sleeps 4-5 hours a night, always has. We don't all have to fit the norm. Your friends and family are probably panicking because to them your behaviour is odd. half of my friends think I am insane. I work five days a week at my full time job, I work one day and one evening at a part time job and will often spend the day off freelancing. My dad worked his ass off to help our family survive years ago and I picked up his work ethic, I hate to turn down work. I also hate not to be busy and have to multi task, I cannot simply sit and watch tv, ill be doing something else at the same time. Again, years ago I was chastised about it and thought there was something wrong with me. I met with a brilliant life coach years ago at a conference and his advice was simply your mind works fast thats how it is, thats okay. I hate failure so if I need to pull out all the stops to succeed at something I will. I am often told im a workaholic or that people dont understand how i fit so much into a week but to be honest i dont understand how they can go home after work and sit watching tv for hours or stay in bed half the day at the weekends, each to their own! That said OP, mind your health. Its fine to be a busy person and to work under pressure but the risk is you forget how to relax altogether. Find something that relaxes you - it doesnt have to be a sedentary activity, something that keeps you busy whole calm is also good. If you hit the wall at any point, give yourself time to catch up on rest for a day

LegacyUser

Dark Phoenix wrote: »

I am going to go against the grain here. I think in life part of growing up is realising how you work best. I have an artist friend who cannot work until she is close to a deadline and then she produces her best work under pressure.

I'm also an artist and keep what many think are crazy hours. I work freelance so have never had normal 9 to 5 hours and honestly never go to sleep before 3am and am up at 730am, even if I don't have work I can't sleep before 3am so would have to read if not drawing...I'm going into my 40s and have been that way since my early teens. Not everyone needs 9 hours of sleep, you yourself know what is right for you. As most of my friends work the same hours we don't see it as odd.

Having said that the comment the OP made about the eating disorder is a red flag for me as eating disorders are a lot about control not food and controlling ones work habits and sleeping habits would fall under that. If your friends who are on the same course as you and therefore doing the same work are commenting about your lack of sleep it might be wise to take a step back and look at things OP rather then knee jerk reaction because they've said something you don't want to hear.

dudara

Look OP, I think your friends are not "sticking their nose in" but instead, they are trying to look out for you. Perhaps they're not doing it in the very best way, making you feel somewhat shut out, but they must be concerned for you in some way.

Even if you didn't share your mental health issues before, people are perceptive and will have put some pieces of the puzzle together. This latest all-nighter has probably stoked their fears again.

Even if you're not going to change your ways fully, please do acknowledge your friends' concern. It's more than likely coming from a good place with the best of intentions.

I would also urge you to take a look at your time management skills. If you start assignments early, you really shouldn't be pulling all-nighters, late nights to get work done. Something inefficient is going on here, so please take some time to analyse how you work and see if you can improve it. Best of luck

Miaireland

It is not for me to comment on your sleep habits but if your friends comments are upsetting you then tell them.

Say something that you appreciate their concern and that you can see where it is coming from and that it is well intended but you would be very grateful that you were not told to go to bed everytime you spoke/snapchat/what's app etc.

PressRun

Sometimes the spectator sees more of the game and perhaps your friends are in quite a good position to see how unhealthy your work and sleep patterns are, even more so than yourself. Sometimes when you're in the middle of it, you don't realise how mental it can look to people from the outside. You think "this is just the way I work", but everyone can see that you're running yourself into the ground. Furthermore, if you have other health problems, then you really need to start being a bit more sensible about this and give your mind and body a healthy routine in which to work.

It's probably worth saying too that you are probably not being as productive as you think by studying these crazy hours. Getting proper, healthy sleep is important for memory function, and unhealthy sleep patterns affect your concentration and your brain's ability to retain information. Pulling all-nighters in the run up to exam time is not likely to make you more knowledgable going into an exam. In fact, it could negatively impact your learning.

Whispered

Whether the ops friends are right or not in thinking she needs more sleep, they're choosing a horrible way to express it. Imagine the frustration of not being able to converse with a group of friends without one or more of them ignoring what you're saying to get a dig in. replying to a request with "go to sleep" is rude. And if it's genuinely coming from a place of concern it's very passive aggressive.

Op if you haven't already I'd suggest straight out asking your friends to drop it. Let them know if they have any genuine concerns that you'll listen but that you're sick of the comments.

Flippyfloppy

Whispered wrote: »

Whether the ops friends are right or not in thinking she needs more sleep, they're choosing a horrible way to express it. Imagine the frustration of not being able to converse with a group of friends without one or more of them ignoring what you're saying to get a dig in. replying to a request with "go to sleep" is rude. And if it's genuinely coming from a place of concern it's very passive aggressive.

Op if you haven't already I'd suggest straight out asking your friends to drop it. Let them know if they have any genuine concerns that you'll listen but that you're sick of the comments.

I agree, I began writing a similar post to the above sentiment earlier but didn't get to finish it. Yes they may be coming from a goodish place, but replying go to sleep, any time of day, to anything op says is strange to say the least.

gossamer

There seems to be a spate of threads about a 21/22 year old in their last year of college whose friends are giving them a hard time about about their weight/ food intake/ college/ whatever. If you are the same person - seriously, get yourself some new friends. And if you can't, no friends are better than people who constantly nit-pick away at your life choices and effect your self-esteem. If you're not the same person - my apologies.

Teyla Emmagan

dudara wrote:

I would also urge you to take a look at your time management skills. If you start assignments early, you really shouldn't be pulling all-nighters, late nights to get work done. Something inefficient is going on here, so please take some time to analyse how you work and see if you can improve it. Best of luck

Yeah, I would agree with this. It shouldn't take 90 hours to do a 9 hour assignment OP (say). If it's taking you multiples of time to do the same work as other people then you're not stupid, you're doing it wrong. If no one else is pulling all nighters then you shouldn't be either. This is indicative of a larger problem that you need to get advice on. No employer wants to take someone on who can't prioritise and use their time effectively.

seamus

I would suggest you speak to a mental health professional about this. You've already got a diagnosis, and all of the behaviours you describe in yourself are symptoms of the same control issues that cause your eating disorder. Your assignments probably take way longer for you because you're obsessive about getting them just right, not because you're stupid or less capable, but because you spend hours trimming the loose ends that no-one will see anyway.

Even getting annoyed with your friends for daring to be concerned about you is all part of the same mix; for daring to think that you don't have things under control.

If you're not already engaging with a mental health professional and seeing them for regular sessions then you should do that now. This won't go away after college. It will only get worse.