Corporate Bullsh*t

FTA69 · 18-10-2016 4:43pm #1

Why in the name of God has work culture increasingly become infected with bizarre American corporate-style bullsh*t? I work for a large union in the UK and the amount of stupid hoops and "training days" we get subjected to would make me want to weep. Today I was informed that myself and my team all have to attend a mandatory "stress awareness" course. Grand says I, until I was told it's seven hours long. Someone who was on it before told me it featured colouring books, bubble blowing toys and a two hour session on "mindfulness", which from what I can gather online is a load of repackaged meditation claptrap everyone is at these days. I flat refused to attend and ended up arguing with my superior over it. We're getting paid by union members to do a job, and as far as I'm concerned a 30 year old man sitting on his arse with a load of colouring books and bubble kits like an autistic spectrum case isn't in my job description.

Last year we had to do a day of team building rubbish which involved building a tower out of polo mints and Coke cans and flipchart paper. One exercise featured us designing a Haka which I refused to do on the grounds it was stupid. Apparently I "failed to lead my team" and "should think of the consequences of that in the field." To my recollection I've never had to do a Haka in front of a load of bus drivers or factory workers.

From what I hear from my buddies this carry on is common in other sectors too. Any stories of similar corporate nonsense?

TL,DR - Team building, mindfulness and colouring books at work; what's the dealio???

jackwigan · 18-10-2016 4:56pm

Maybe you should touch base with them about removing these activities going forward

18-10-2016 4:57pm

Sounds like you could use a stress management day

zSparc · 18-10-2016 5:02pm

The stakeholders swiftly analyse the motivational innovativeness. As a result, the human resources proactively articulate a projection by leveraging a measurable philosophy. The reporting unit should focus on a versatile innovative edge, relative to our peers. The business leaders structure cross-industry cross-sell messages, while the emerging philosophies incentivise the Managing Senior Chief of Human Resources. The team players incentivize our result-driven, solutions-based, core and movable correlations. Pursuing this route will enable us to carefully leverage compliant plans. An initiative targets the board-level executives. The clients significantly achieve efficiencies. Going forward, the game changer maximizes productive enhanced data captures ensuring a market-altering mission. 360-degree thinking and landscape promote the Acting Supervisor of Branding resulting in a double-digit improvement. Firm-wide internal clients synergize the resources taking advantage of a client focus. Our specific pyramids prioritize the key representatives. As a result, the policy makers learn sales targets. Challenging metrics seamlessly energize the business leaders. Game-changing action items challenge us to facilitate the in-depth empowerments.

Tombi! · 18-10-2016 5:05pm

Sad fact is that a lot of people do suffer a great deal of stress just to "get work done" and it's stupid. I witnessed it today. One man left about an hour late like I did but the difference was he was moody and clearly regretting it. I had no problem staying. Both of us did it by choice.

As stupid as the exercises seem, the idea behind recognizing someone's mental health is suffering is a good thing.

FTA69 · 18-10-2016 5:08pm

bluewolf wrote: »

Sounds like you could use a stress management day

This carry on doesn't suit the Irish mindset like. If they gave me the day off to go feeding parakeets in the park I would be infinitely less stressed. Seven hours of cringeworthy rubbish is raising my stress levels.

Tauriel · 18-10-2016 5:09pm

Sure, if you're getting paid to attend what's the harm?

You may also get to know the people that report into you better and it may make you appear more approachable, if they should have any issues with stress, mental health, etc. Thus increase productivity, in theory anyway.

Tombi! · 18-10-2016 5:11pm

FTA69 wrote: »

This carry on doesn't suit the Irish mindset like. If they gave me the day off to go feeding parakeets in the park I would be infinitely less stressed. Seven hours of cringeworthy rubbish is raising my stress levels.

Think about why is it raising your levels of stress?
What exactly is the problem with you doing it

Iwasfrozen · 18-10-2016 5:14pm

FTA69 wrote: »

This carry on doesn't suit the Irish mindset like. If they gave me the day off to go feeding parakeets in the park I would be infinitely less stressed. Seven hours of cringeworthy rubbish is raising my stress levels.

To be fair I don't like some of the corporate nonsense either but there's no such thing as an "Irish mindset" some like this **** some don't. Nationality has little to do with it.

bodhrandude · 18-10-2016 5:14pm

zSparc wrote: »

The stakeholders swiftly analyse the motivational innovativeness. As a result, the human resources proactively articulate a projection by leveraging a measurable philosophy. The reporting unit should focus on a versatile innovative edge, relative to our peers. The business leaders structure cross-industry cross-sell messages, while the emerging philosophies incentivise the Managing Senior Chief of Human Resources. The team players incentivize our result-driven, solutions-based, core and movable correlations. Pursuing this route will enable us to carefully leverage compliant plans. An initiative targets the board-level executives. The clients significantly achieve efficiencies. Going forward, the game changer maximizes productive enhanced data captures ensuring a market-altering mission. 360-degree thinking and landscape promote the Acting Supervisor of Branding resulting in a double-digit improvement. Firm-wide internal clients synergize the resources taking advantage of a client focus. Our specific pyramids prioritize the key representatives. As a result, the policy makers learn sales targets. Challenging metrics seamlessly energize the business leaders. Game-changing action items challenge us to facilitate the in-depth empowerments.

KILL person.

mzungu · 18-10-2016 5:18pm

You need to be thinking outside the box OP and grab the low hanging fruit while you're at it.

FTA69 · 18-10-2016 5:18pm

Tombi! wrote: »

Think about why is it raising your levels of stress?
What exactly is the problem with you doing it

1) I actually have stuff I need to do that day. It's a Friday and that's an important day for us at one of the hospitals we're organising. I don't want to f*ck off a load of workers (who are paying us at the end of the day) to go colouring,

2) I think the whole methodology is a load of crap. Colouring books and bubble blowing toys. I'm a grown man and I wouldn't be caught dead at that craic. Whatever happened to just telling your manager you've too much on?

3) It's part of a wider creep of American corporate culture and language into our workplaces which involves people being made feel uncomfortable doing childish pointless games or talking in a contrived manner so a load of managers can feel important and cutting-edge.

Tombi! · 18-10-2016 5:20pm

Let's see:
Point one was addressed earlier: if you're being paid then clearly your manager(s) think it's a good idea. You get paid. It's not like it's harming you or outside of your work hours (I hope) - you'll benefit from this. You're caring more about work. Work isn't the be all and end all of life.

Point two: spot on. I agree here. But bring that up to your manager.

Point three: welcome to the modern world. I'd say talk to your manager again but unfortunately America is paving the way for us in this case

Winterlong · 18-10-2016 5:21pm

bluewolf wrote: »

Sounds like you could use a stress management day

Lets run that up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes?

Wibbs · 18-10-2016 5:22pm

Tombi! wrote: »

Think about why is it raising your levels of stress?
What exactly is the problem with you doing it

Because as he said he finds it "cringeworthy rubbish"? I would myself TBH. A bunch of "christ I'm lucky I landed this job at all so I'm going to milk this guff for all it's worth" life coach hippies parroting on about mindfulness or whatever is the basic truth with some new age claptrap tacked on de jour? That's before talk of colouring books and blowing bubbles… Da fuq? It would do my head in. Well, not really, I'd just nod off early on and hopefully sleep walk through the rest of the day.

relax carry on · 18-10-2016 5:29pm

Quite simply you need to paradigm shift your blue-sky thinking in order to maximise your utility function.

zl1whqvjs75cdy · 18-10-2016 5:30pm

Why can't distressing be an extra day off. That would de stress me greatly. Or a free round of golf somewhere. Or a good old fashioned day session on the company dime. All much better for destressing in my opinion.

Wibbs · 18-10-2016 5:30pm

Tombi! wrote: »

Let's see:
Point one was addressed earlier: if you're being paid then clearly your manager(s) think it's a good idea.

Of the corporate middle managers I've met, I've found vanishingly few would have much in the way of original thought. It's why they're usually in the middle. They were told from on high it was a "good idea". Part of the creep of infantialisation of the western world.

You get paid.

A positive alright.

It's not like it's harming you or outside of your work hours (I hope)

Maybe he's on top of an important thing that needs finishing and a day off will throw his rhythm?

- you'll benefit from this.

That remains to be seen and the jury is still out. Try finding independent research that shows a positive with such endeavours. And no, research by psychologists is likely biased by its very nature. Turkeys won't vote for christmas.

You're caring more about work. Work isn't the be all and end all of life.

You don't saaaaay. I don't recall the OP saying it was. Maybe they like to I dunno work at work and then play after?

unfortunately America is paving the way for us in this case

Sadly true. Along with a lot of the other daftness that is infecting the western world.

Radiosonde · 18-10-2016 5:30pm

Tombi! wrote: »

As stupid as the exercises seem, the idea behind recognizing someone's mental health is suffering is a good thing.

Not really. It's impossible not to recognise we have an epidemic of mental illness in the West. Depression and anxiety are common problems, and workplace stress is often a contributory factor.

Now, helping address this by substantial widespread reform of working practices is not a popular solution among the business community. So instead we see this kind of thing.

Mindfulness is popular because it's cheap and apparently somewhat effective. However, some people report that it actually exacerbated their anxiety and depression rather than helping it, so it's questionable whether non-mental health professionals ought to be signing their staff up for it.

Water John · 18-10-2016 5:31pm

The best part of the exercise might actually be the mindfulness.

Radiosonde · 18-10-2016 5:32pm

Mr.S wrote: »

I remember once in an old job we had a team building day, one of the "tasks" was to describe each other as a colour and why.

Ran out the door.

I can't see that backfiring badly in a multicultural environment.

FTA69 · 18-10-2016 5:33pm

Tombi! wrote: »

Let's see:
Point one was addressed earlier: if you're being paid then clearly your manager(s) think it's a good idea. You get paid. It's not like it's harming you or outside of your work hours (I hope) - you'll benefit from this. You're caring more about work. Work isn't the be all and end all of life.

Point two: spot on. I agree here. But bring that up to your manager.

Point three: welcome to the modern world. I'd say talk to your manager again but unfortunately America is paving the way for us in this case

In fairness to my manager he knows it's a load of toss as well. Don't get me wrong, if I worked for a private company I'd be delighted with a day doing bugger all but I don't. A union is a workers' organisation funded by ordinary people who don't get the luxury of taking a day off to go colouring - least of all the low paid people I'm working with at the moment.

This carry on is a dictat from HR who seemingly have little else to do but mimic American corporate strategies from the comfort of their desks. They say it's in response to the spate of stress leave going on; the majority of which are people taking the p*ss out of our generous sickness policy and usually from positions which aren't exactly "stressed".

When I was in construction I'd be happy out with a day on my arse, but the situation is a bit different here I think.

ballsymchugh · 18-10-2016 5:33pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Because as he said he finds it "cringeworthy rubbish"? I would myself TBH. A bunch of "christ I'm lucky I landed this job at all so I'm going to milk this guff for all it's worth" life coach hippies parroting on about mindfulness or whatever is the basic truth with some new age claptrap tacked on de jour? That's before talk of colouring books and blowing bubbles… Da fuq? It would do my head in. Well, not really, I'd just nod off early on and hopefully sleep walk through the rest of the day.

was in facebook over the weekend at open house. this all sounds like the fluff they come out with, like the lego wall, or more to the point, the room where you can go and colour stuff in or paint.

MEGA BRO WOLF 5000 · 18-10-2016 5:34pm

FTA69 wrote: »

Why in the name of God has work culture increasingly become infected with bizarre American corporate-style bullsh*t? I work for a large union in the UK and the amount of stupid hoops and "training days" we get subjected to would make me want to weep. Today I was informed that myself and my team all have to attend a mandatory "stress awareness" course. Grand says I, until I was told it's seven hours long. Someone who was on it before told me it featured colouring books, bubble blowing toys and a two hour session on "mindfulness", which from what I can gather online is a load of repackaged meditation claptrap everyone is at these days. I flat refused to attend and ended up arguing with my superior over it. We're getting paid by union members to do a job, and as far as I'm concerned a 30 year old man sitting on his arse with a load of colouring books and bubble kits like an autistic spectrum case isn't in my job description.

Last year we had to do a day of team building rubbish which involved building a tower out of polo mints and Coke cans and flipchart paper. One exercise featured us designing a Haka which I refused to do on the grounds it was stupid. Apparently I "failed to lead my team" and "should think of the consequences of that in the field." To my recollection I've never had to do a Haka in front of a load of bus drivers or factory workers.

From what I hear from my buddies this carry on is common in other sectors too. Any stories of similar corporate nonsense?

TL,DR - Team building, mindfulness and colouring books at work; what's the dealio???

Awh, sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays...

The_Valeyard · 18-10-2016 5:34pm

And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...

Outlaw Pete · 18-10-2016 5:35pm

Enough already over here with this complaining about Americanisms infecting everything. Jeez.

So things are a little different than before, what are you gonna do.

Wibbs · 18-10-2016 5:35pm

Radiosonde wrote: »

Now, helping address this by substantial widespread reform of working practices is not a popular solution among the business community. So instead we see this kind of thing

Exactly. Nail on head. The cubicle drones are getting burnt out. I know, we can install beanbags and mindfulness managers to milk them for longer for feck all extra cost. Bring in non qualified "life coaches" for buttons and be seen to be doing the right thing. Result! Again US companies are a charm for this. Hotbeds of top down designed burn out, but we do have a barrista comes twice a day to stoke up our cardiac arrests. And brightly coloured walls. Yay! We're so lucky. Not.

FTA69 · 18-10-2016 5:37pm

Hugh Mungus wrote: »

Awh, sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays...

It's Tuesday. You must be off your face on Mindfulness.

whoopsadoodles · 18-10-2016 5:40pm

Fcukin love blowing bubbles.

Imagine getting paid to blow bubbles.

Aw man.

Fratton Fred · 18-10-2016 5:42pm

FTA69 wrote: »

Why in the name of God has work culture increasingly become infected with bizarre American corporate-style bullsh*t? I work for a large union in the UK and the amount of stupid hoops and "training days" we get subjected to would make me want to weep. Today I was informed that myself and my team all have to attend a mandatory "stress awareness" course. Grand says I, until I was told it's seven hours long. Someone who was on it before told me it featured colouring books, bubble blowing toys and a two hour session on "mindfulness", which from what I can gather online is a load of repackaged meditation claptrap everyone is at these days. I flat refused to attend and ended up arguing with my superior over it. We're getting paid by union members to do a job, and as far as I'm concerned a 30 year old man sitting on his arse with a load of colouring books and bubble kits like an autistic spectrum case isn't in my job description.

Last year we had to do a day of team building rubbish which involved building a tower out of polo mints and Coke cans and flipchart paper. One exercise featured us designing a Haka which I refused to do on the grounds it was stupid. Apparently I "failed to lead my team" and "should think of the consequences of that in the field." To my recollection I've never had to do a Haka in front of a load of bus drivers or factory workers.

From what I hear from my buddies this carry on is common in other sectors too. Any stories of similar corporate nonsense?

TL,DR - Team building, mindfulness and colouring books at work; what's the dealio???

Have you spoken to your union about this?

The trick with American companies is to embrace all this **** and pretend you enjoy it. Attending these sort of things and being enthusiastic about them is more likely to get you a promotion than actually being good at your job.

You have to tick all the right boxes, of which knowing what you are doing is only one.

Ted111 · 18-10-2016 5:43pm

Lot of clinical studies of eastern style meditation show physical and mental benefits to practitioners. It has consistently scored 0 to .5 on the claptrap scale.

By the way there was no need for the autism bit in your post.

Fleawuss · 18-10-2016 5:44pm

Well said OP. This is box ticking at its worst. Why don't they give a short presentation on stress and mental illness and coping with that. By short I mean 30 mins. Ask the employees what they find relaxing and then give the time to do that. Behind the insulting bull**** you had to endure is the philosophy of one size fits all and groupthink. As long as the herd sticks as a herd all is well. Fair play to you for telling them the emperor has no clothes. More people need to challenge the lowest common denominator approach to everything in life.

price690 · 18-10-2016 5:45pm

FTA69 wrote: »

1) I actually have stuff I need to do that day. It's a Friday and that's an important day for us at one of the hospitals we're organising. I don't want to f*ck off a load of workers (who are paying us at the end of the day) to go colouring,

2) I think the whole methodology is a load of crap. Colouring books and bubble blowing toys. I'm a grown man and I wouldn't be caught dead at that craic. Whatever happened to just telling your manager you've too much on?

3) It's part of a wider creep of American corporate culture and language into our workplaces which involves people being made feel uncomfortable doing childish pointless games or talking in a contrived manner so a load of managers can feel important and cutting-edge.

I think you are absolutely bang on the money here. Especially with point number 3.

I work in an office where there are alot of introverted people, management have attempted to American-ize the whole office set up, take down partitions, hold scrums every morning, team meeting every 5 minutes just to justify the existence of management who would delegate wiping their arse if they could.

They had simply nothing else to do.

It's not the same with everyone I know but sometimes forced collaboration can stifle thought and creativity in the workplace. There's an effort to instill a culture that the company and job becomes your life, even though you only receive a salary for your efforts

titan18 · 18-10-2016 5:47pm

I'd like to kill every corporate shill I work with or have encountered. Infuriating people who talk sh1t and do fcuk all work.

Rumpy Pumpy · 18-10-2016 5:49pm

Thought a full-time trade unionist would do anything to avoid having to work to be honest.

18-10-2016 6:05pm

FTA69 wrote: »

Why in the name of God has work culture increasingly become infected with bizarre American corporate-style bullsh*t? I work for a large union in the UK and the amount of stupid hoops and "training days" we get subjected to would make me want to weep. Today I was informed that myself and my team all have to attend a mandatory "stress awareness" course. Grand says I, until I was told it's seven hours long. Someone who was on it before told me it featured colouring books, bubble blowing toys and a two hour session on "mindfulness", which from what I can gather online is a load of repackaged meditation claptrap everyone is at these days. I flat refused to attend and ended up arguing with my superior over it. We're getting paid by union members to do a job, and as far as I'm concerned a 30 year old man sitting on his arse with a load of colouring books and bubble kits like an autistic spectrum case isn't in my job description.

Last year we had to do a day of team building rubbish which involved building a tower out of polo mints and Coke cans and flipchart paper. One exercise featured us designing a Haka which I refused to do on the grounds it was stupid. Apparently I "failed to lead my team" and "should think of the consequences of that in the field." To my recollection I've never had to do a Haka in front of a load of bus drivers or factory workers.

From what I hear from my buddies this carry on is common in other sectors too. Any stories of similar corporate nonsense?

TL,DR - Team building, mindfulness and colouring books at work; what's the dealio???

Im going to hand this over to you Jan now and she will go through it with you for the next five minutes. Take it away Jan

Permabear · 18-10-2016 6:06pm

This post has been deleted.

FTA69 · 18-10-2016 6:11pm

Fratton Fred wrote: »

Have you spoken to your union about this?

The trick with American companies is to embrace all this **** and pretend you enjoy it. Attending these sort of things and being enthusiastic about them is more likely to get you a promotion than actually being good at your job.

You have to tick all the right boxes, of which knowing what you are doing is only one.

Stop the lights. One lad I work with is mad for a promotion and during the Haka exercise he got super competitive and was up there bateing his thighs and pulling his faces while seniors sat around nodding approvingly.

Very hard to respect anyone like that at the end of the day.

18-10-2016 6:15pm

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

Even irish companies are at this shíte though.

The Rape of Lucretia · 18-10-2016 6:25pm

FTA69 wrote: »

as far as I'm concerned a 30 year old man sitting on his arse with a load of colouring books and bubble kits like an autistic spectrum case isn't in my job description.

Maybe you are just on the wrong course, and that is why you find it frustrating having to go. Have a word with your boss about letting you do a Language and Discrimination in the Workplace course, or a Prejudice and Discrimination seminar instead.

FTA69 · 18-10-2016 6:28pm

The Rape of Lucretia wrote: »

Maybe you are just on the wrong course, and that is why you find it frustrating having to go. Have a word with your boss about letting you do a Language and Discrimination in the Workplace course, or a Prejudice and Discrimination seminar instead.

I remember After Hours used be After Hours.

Ferrari3600 · 18-10-2016 6:30pm

Nothing new about this stuff, The Day Today satirised it over 20 years ago. I can't post Youtube links but search for 'The Day Today The Office' (inspiration for the later series).

Unfortunately it does seem to be spreading though!

darkpagandeath · 18-10-2016 6:33pm

http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/0a/0affdd30c73c5c03e4c80570664d1f788dd794804a7dd4efeb2d23bc0f315b52.jpg

Wanderer78 · 18-10-2016 6:36pm

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

....and you d be wondering why mental health problems are on the rise!

ive worked for an american company, never again. dreadful way to treat people, ive seen it turn people into extremely unhappy, unwell people. they treated most people on all levels terribly. people are not robots, they do actually require time with their loved ones from time to time.