Men

iDave

We're a bit **** aren't we. Start most wars and leave the toilet seat up.

artanevilla

I leave the seat down.

I just piss all over it.

midnight city

iDave wrote: »

We're a bit **** aren't we. Start most wars and leave the toilet seat up.

Why would leaving the toilet seat up be a bad thing.

BrokenArrows

iDave wrote: »

We're a bit **** aren't we. Start most wars and leave the toilet seat up.

We start most wars because we are mostly in control.
And we leave the toilet seat up because thats where it rightly belongs.

oik

Who clogs up the shower with their hair?

darkpagandeath

Its easier to put the toilet seat down gravity does the work.

o1s1n

If the toilet seat were left up by default, it wouldn't end up covered in piss.

oik

I leave the seat down, I just perfected my aim.

iDave

oik wrote: »

I leave the seat down, I just perfected my aim.

You sir are a liar!!!

Your Face

I like my penis.

Winterlong

Men are great, we are just as nice to look at, talk to, touch and play with as women (IMO).

GBX

oik wrote: »

Who clogs up the shower with their hair?

The missus when she shaves her legs and box

Ted111

darkpagandeath wrote: »

Its easier to put the toilet seat down gravity does the work.

It's not the physical effort that's in question but who wants to touch a toilet seat.

It seems like an unresolvable question. Maybe we could have a game of snooker to decide it. Or tennis.

jimgoose

No, we're not. I usually leave the toilet seat down, because there are women in the house. I am meticulously clean and do not leave body-hair of various types gunging up every nook and cranny, to say nothing of various "Products" that can't be shifted off bathroom surfaces with a combination of Chloras milking-machine cleaner and a blowlamp. Furthermore, if you don't want me to fix something don't tell me about it. These episodes never end well - my species has spent most of the last 10,000 years, evolutionarily-speaking, trying to figure out how correctly to respond to bear attacks. Listening to some largely self-inflicted trauma without being supposed to suggest any fixes is, to my brain, like trying to service a car by doing a Scottish Sword-Dance around it.

Furthermore, when Rachel, Amy, Constance and Teri-with-one-"r"-and-an-"i" meet for coffee and/or drinkipoos, they will spend three hours telling each other lies and dreaming up ever-more-subtle ways of calling each other bitches. However, when Goose, Godzilla, Useless and Colin The Barbarian meet for pint-lofting we will spend three hours arguing over wheel-rim sizes and seeing who can make the best artificall fart sound. Which sounds more entertaining? And we're cuddly!

iDave

jimgoose wrote: »

No, we're not. I usually leave the toilet seat down, because there are women in the house. I am meticulously clean and do not leave body-hair of various types gunging up every nook and cranny, to say nothing of various "Products" that can't be shifted off bathroom surfaces with a combination of Chloras milking-machine cleaner and a blowlamp. Furthermore, if you don't want me to fix something don't tell me about it. These episodes never end well - my species has spent most of the last 10,000 years, evolutionarily-speaking, trying to figure out how correctly to respond to bear attacks. Listening to some largely self-inflicted trauma without being supposed to suggest any fixes is, to my brain, like trying to service a car by doing a Scottish Sword-Dance around it.

Furthermore, when Rachel, Amy, Constance and Teri-with-one-"r"-and-an-"i" meet for coffee and/or drinkipoos, they will spend three hours telling each other lies and dreaming up ever-more-subtle ways of calling each other bitches. However, when Goose, Godzilla, Useless and Colin The Barbarian meet for pint-lofting we will spend three hours arguing over wheel-rim sizes and seeing who can make the best artificall fart sound. Which sounds more entertaining? And we're cuddly!

I take it all back. Men are legends. Back to the Women thread!

midnight city

Ted111 wrote: »

It's not the physical effort that's in question but who wants to touch a toilet seat.

It seems like an unresolvable question. Maybe we could have a game of snooker to decide it. Or tennis.

I think its perfectly resolvable. Women always sit so its clear they will want the seat down all the time. Men will sit about once a day and stand anywhere from 6 to 10 times a day. So over all men would favour the seat up.

So men leaving the seat up and women leaving it down after use will mean that each sex only has to touch the seat once when they come in to use it. If on the other hand the seat is always left down then men have to touch it once to lift it and once again to leave it back down. With women never having to touch it at all. That is not fair where men and women are sharing a toilet.

valoren

Anyone else read the thread title with that Two and a Half Men refrain of "M-eeeeeeee-nnnnnn......"

?

darkpagandeath

Ted111 wrote: »

It's not the physical effort that's in question but who wants to touch a toilet seat.

It seems like an unresolvable question. Maybe we could have a game of snooker to decide it. Or tennis.

What's it matter then if the toilet seat is up or down if one is levitating ? I'm expected to touch the seat..

aaronjumper

Did you just assume my gender!? :mad:

Outlaw Pete

What sort of an abomination is this? Incredulous. I give you:

Jesus Christ, Beethoven, Nelson Mandela, George Washington, Martin Luther, Karl Marx, Charles Darwin, Sir Isaac Newton, Tesla, Lennon, Alexander the Great, Christopher Columbus, Galileo Galilei, Plato, Aristotle, Voltaire, Mozart, Leonardo da Vinci, Louis Pasteur, Tolstoy, Einstein, Bach, Pablo Picasso, Mohammed Ali, Thomas Edison, Springsteen and so on and so forth.

Okay, three's been Joan of Arc, Rosa Parks and Belladonna but come on, it's paltry in comparison tbf.

And no, I hadn't forgot about Hitler but all evidence points to him having been mollycoddled by his mother and so hardly our fault.

Long story short: Men are, and have always been, awesome. The human race would have died out long ago had we not been.

You're welcome ladies.

Arghus

No point denying it - Having a willy is great. You can put it in things and rub it when you feel sad and alone.

aaronjumper

Arghus wrote: »

You can put it in things and rub it when you feel sad and alone.

:pac:
Great way of putting it I suppose.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Men are great though. If I were a man I'd pee on spiders.

D0NNELLY

I think we're deadly.
Just look at the turn outs for the men's football final v the womens football final.

That's proof enough that the majority (inc women by sample) of the population think we're deadly aswell.

darkpagandeath

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Men are great though. If I were a man I'd pee on spiders.

You can get a Shewee.

Boom_Bap

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Men are great though. If I were a man I'd pee on spiders.

My favorite passtime.

darlett

It struck me that other day that with all the bathroom and kitchen furnishings that have crept into our ever more expensive larger houses under the guise of bare essentials despite been surplus in the recent past, we could have solved a thousand petty arguments by installing wall urinals in bathrooms.

Or is that what the second sink is actually for?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Boom_Bap wrote: »

My favorite passtime.

Living the dream. See how quickly they'd run across my floor with pee in its eyes. :mad:

Boom_Bap

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Living the dream. See how quickly they'd run across my floor with pee in its eyes. :mad:

You're not thinking big enough. You need to start eating and drinking different things to make a good wee cocktail, then start peeing from different heights and in strange places.

I made the rookie move of doing it in a carpetted room once.

My cousin wee'd in my laundry basket once, after being at a stag party. Eejit.

Ted111

Boom_Bap wrote: »

I made the rookie move of doing it in a carpetted room once.

It's ok when you're in hotels. But stairwells and corridors score higher than rooms. Restaurants and Bars are the holy grail.

jimgoose

Boom_Bap wrote: »

You're not thinking big enough. You need to start eating and drinking different things to make a good wee cocktail, then start peeing from different heights and in strange places.

I made the rookie move of doing it in a carpetted room once.

If you wait until you're hopping from one leg to the other and build up enough pressure, you can get the little arachnid bastards from the other side of the room, like a sniper. That's pretty ninja whatever mo-fo'in' way you care to slice it, old cucumber. :cool:

Boom_Bap

jimgoose wrote: »

If you wait until you're hopping from one leg to the other and build up enough pressure, you can get the little arachnid bastards from the other side of the room, like a sniper. That's pretty ninja whatever mo-fo'in' way you care to slice it, old cucumber. :cool:

Only men can waterboard a spider with their wee from 6 feet.

jimgoose

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Only men can waterboard a spider with their wee from 6 feet.

"But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career... "

Fr_Dougal

If the same thread was made about women it would have been already closed. Double standards in AH? Hmmmmm...

Timberrrrrrrr

Men....great bunch of lads

jimgoose

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

If the same thread was made about women it would have been already closed. Double standards in AH? Hmmmmm...

You're missing the point. The thread is about men, and in under two pages it turned into a discussion of the finer technical points of pissing on spiders. That's the difference, right there. :pac:

Boom_Bap

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

If the same thread was made about women it would have been already closed. Double standards in AH? Hmmmmm...

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057660454

Although less talk of arachnid water sports.

Alf Veedersane

Destroying urinal cakes with your pee is also great craic.

jimgoose

Boom_Bap wrote: »

...Although less talk of arachnid water sports.

There you are. They do tend to get bogged down in irrelevancies. :cool:

jimgoose

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

Destroying urinal cakes with your pee is also great craic.

This works particularly well when you have a cold or 'flu, as your urine is slightly more acidic than normal and you can give them cakes some serious fuckin' Alien Xenomorph blood.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

I seem to remember Margaret Thatcher and Golda Meir being involved in wars. Indira Gandhi authorised and encouraged the development of nuclear weapons in India. For the number of them who became head of state, they have been quite belligerent.

Hammer89

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Men are great though. If I were a man I'd pee on spiders.

And mice

GLaDOS

*burps*

*farts*

Yep, men are great.

*scratches crotch*

Alf Veedersane

Rodrigo Bitter Puck wrote: »

I seem to remember Margaret Thatcher and Golda Meir being involved in wars. Indira Gandhi authorised and encouraged the development of nuclear weapons in India. For the number of them who became head of state, they have been quite belligerent.

It makes you wonder if they could have aggressively peed on things such as spiders and urinal cakes if that would have tempered their belligerence.

Hammer89

GBX wrote: »

The missus when she shaves her legs and box

Would she be interested in donating some of that lady wool to Gee Hair Extensions? They're always on the look-out for high-quality fuzz.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Hammer89 wrote: »

And mice

I'd pee on myself if I saw a mouse lol

Wibbs

Rodrigo Bitter Puck wrote: »

I seem to remember Margaret Thatcher and Golda Meir being involved in wars. Indira Gandhi authorised and encouraged the development of nuclear weapons in India. For the number of them who became head of state, they have been quite belligerent.

Penis envy.

harry Bailey esq

artanevilla wrote: »

I leave the seat down.

I just piss all over it.

Thats both lazy and dirty.Ive a system i use that keeps everyone happy.Ill flick the seat up with my shoe,take a slash,and then use my foot again to get the seat down.Its not much of an effort really.

harry Bailey esq

Wibbs wrote: »

Penis envy.

Your right about thatcher anyways,Falklands is the perfect example

Fleawuss

jimgoose wrote: »

my species has spent most of the last 10,000 years, evolutionarily-speaking, trying to figure out how correctly to respond to bear attacks. Listening to some largely self-inflicted trauma without being supposed to suggest any fixes is, to my brain, like trying to service a car by doing a Scottish Sword-Dance around it

This should be printed out and given to every female at least once a year.